Of Doctors and Detectives 2/?
Title: Of Doctors and Detectives 2/?
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Kurt Quinn/Rachel, hint of Mercedes/Finn, some Schue and Jacob Ben-Israel
Type: Multichapter
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Warnings: AU (yes, yes, the obligatory AU)
Notes: This was beta-ed by the wonderful, awesome, gorgeous lezi . This entire story is dedicated to her. Thank you so much, Lys. I love you!
Summary: Who knew that the best thing that could have happened to Detective Noah 'Puck' Puckerman was getting shot?
When Puck woke up, it was morning. Birds chirped and the noise of New York City traffic wafted in from all those floors below. Sunlight streamed into the comfortable, if small, hospital room, giving it a warm, peaceful atmosphere.
Which was shattered with the shrieking of a blonde woman who came barreling through the door.
“What the FUCK were you thinking?”
Puck groaned and shut his eyes, willing the woman away with the sheer power of his mind.
“I’m Puck, I walk around thinking I’m Superman! Bullets can’t hurt me! So it’s okay if I walk into a meth lab known for stashing a small cache of guns!”
No such luck.
“The NYPD has SWAT teams for a reason, Noah Puckerman!”
“You know, my heart rate shouldn’t go any higher and your voice is grating. Mind taking the harpy act and leaving?”
Quinn Fabray leaned over and smacked him on his uninjured arm, “Don’t be stupid, Puck. As if you could stay in a hospital alone without wrecking havoc. Finn asked me to stay with you while he went home to shower.”
“Of all the psychopathic bitches he could have asked to ‘stay with me’, he had to choose the queen of the psychopathic bitches?”
“Psychopaths do what they do because of who they are. It’s not psychopathic when it’s provoked, jackass.”
“So setting my desktop on fire was provoked?”
“You arrested me and my girlfriend for indecent exposure!”
“Having sex in a public place is against the law.”
“My OFFICE is not PUBLIC!”
“The law leaves room for interpretation.”
“Fucker.”
“Dyke.”
“Neanderthal.”
“Dumb blonde.”
“Man-whore.”
“Vagina-breath.”
“Right back at ya.”
“Am I interrupting something?”
The two whipped around to see an effeminate man standing in the doorway. Puck’s face flushed, nice thing for Dr. Hummel to witness: verbal bashing with his favorite lesbian.
“Sorry about that, Doctor. I’m Quinn Fabray and I’m not that proud to say that I’m this jackass’s friend.”
“Geez, Fabs, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”
“Oh, go suck on a needle.”
Dr. Hummel looked alarmed before his face relaxed and he laughed, “You two sound like great friends.”
Quinn rolled her eyes, but looked at Puck affectionately, “Yeah, which is why I nearly died when I heard about this one getting shot. Are you the person we have to thank for his life?”
The doctor blushed, “It was nothing, really. All part of the job.”
That might have been true, but it didn’t stop Quinn from wrapping her arms around him in a hug. Puck saw the doctor’s (gorgeous, stunning, impossibly green) eyes widen before returning the hug. “Thank you so much.”
“I knew it! I knew you had a thing for doctors. I should’ve come with you to reinforce your memory of our long and loving relationship.”
Puck laughed, only one person in the entire world spoke like that. Which is why he was shocked at the next moment.
“Rachel?!”
“Kurt?!”
Puck and Quinn stared in surprise as the young doctor and small woman hugged.
“Where have you been, Kurt? I keep e-mailing you! It’s been a year since we last saw each other!”
“I’m doing residency, Rachel. It’s not exactly a happy-go-lucky time. But I did see your show two weeks ago!”
“You did! Why didn’t you come talk to me?”
“I would’ve, except for the hoards of screaming fans at the backdoor. I love you, but not that much.”
“Hey, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be a doctor!”
“Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that, Princess.”
“I will!” The two burst into laughter and hugged again. Puck took in the scene hungrily, it was nice seeing the doctor so relaxed and out of a professional context.
“Are you wearing scrubs?”
“Don’t worry, they’re designer.”
“Really?!”
“No! Jeez, you got dumb.”
“Oh, shut up! You’re just jealous that I’m on Broadway and your stuck here, saving lives.”
Kurt laughed again, “The infamous Rachel Berry diva strikes again!”
Puck laughed this time, knowing all too well what Kurt was talking about.
“You don’t get to talk. What were you thinking getting shot?”
Puck was starting to get angry, “Why does everyone think I chose this? It’s not like I woke up that morning thinking, ‘Oh, it’s be fun to get a new piercing! I think I’ll get shot today!’ I didn’t make the conscious effort to put myself in the path of a bullet!”
“YES YOU DID!” was the reply offered by the two women.
Rachel spoke up, “Finn told us that you wouldn’t wait for backup.”
“They would’ve gotten away and DiAngelo is responsible for the ODs of two high school kids!”
“Was responsible.”
Puck turned to the blonde CSU tech, “Huh?”
“Was responsible. When backup arrived, DiAngelo was so high on meth, he suffered a heart attack from all the excitement. He died yesterday.”
Puck’s stomach bottomed out, “Oh, fuck. DiAngelo was small beans. He would have rolled on his superiors in a heartbeat. We wanted him alive, God damn it!”
“I’m sorry, Detective, but you have to calm down! You just had major surgery and your body isn’t ready for this kind of excitement.” Puck looked down, breathing hard.
“Sorry, Doc. I promise I’ll calm down.” Kurt’s answering smile stopped Puck’s heart. The man was just too pretty.
Voices from the hallway filtered into the room, “Is Kurt ready for his presentation?”
Puck recognized the voice of the next speaker as Dr. Jones, “Yeah, Schue, he’s in with the patient now, checking vitals. I’m sure he’s ready to present.”
“Oh, sweet Versace, I forgot about rounds again! Quick, act as if I’m a professional!” Puck nearly choked on his laughter as he watched the doctor flit around the room like a hummingbird on crack.
The next moment had a small group of lab-coated people enter the room. Puck saw Dr. Jones and on her right, he saw an attractive man who looked older than the rest of the group. That must be his attending, Puck thought.
The man, who Puck guessed to be “Schue”, stepped forward, “Good morning. I’m Doctor Schuester and these lovely people behind me are the residents of the floor. As a teaching hospital, part of our duties is to use real patients as learning experiences. Would you mind being presented on?”
Puck grinned, “Hell no, Doc.”
Quinn and Rachel rolled their eyes as Kurt’s widened. Dr. Schuester was unfazed, however, and continued to smile genially, “Excellent. Dr. Hummel, would you like to proceed?”
Puck watched as the doctor slipped into a confident yet eager to please composition, “We have a 29 year-old male that was brought in with a gunshot wound to the left shoulder. At the time of admittance, blood pressure was elevated at 190 over 40, which can be attributed to the stress of being shot.”
The other doctors tittered and Puck smiled. Dr. Hummel was a physician, no doubt, but he was also a performer. He commanded the room with a wave of his perfectly manicured hands and a lilt in his high-pitched voice.
“Patient lost consciousness right around the time of arrival. He was taken into surgery, where the bullet was removed. The bullet had nicked the auxiliary artery, which caused a lot of blood loss. Three bags of O negative were transfused. Fortunately, the bullet missed the ulnar and medial nerve bundles. However, it did cause some damage to the radial nerve. To avoid the loss of nerve function, the nerve was fused together with 120 millivolts of electric current.”
One mousey looking man in the group raised his hand excitedly, “You shocked the nerve together? There is no literature procedure that calls for that. I would know, I read all-“
Just as Puck was about to call the obnoxious resident out, Dr. Schuester stepped in, “Yes, Doctor Ben-Israel, there are no literature procedures pertaining to this technique. In fact, who can tell me what the literature actually says about fixing a nicked nerve cell?”
Puck had no idea about what they were talking about, but it looked like no else did either, as the only response were confused faces and nervous shuffling.
“Yeah, because there are none. There are no current treatments for a damaged nerve. For all intensive purposes, this man should not be able to move his arm.”
Dr. Jones whooped, “That’s my boy!”
Kurt flushed, a rosy color overtook his pale face, but he smiled bashfully. Dr. Schuester turned to him and smiled before turning back to the group of residents, face serious, “Dr. Hummel not only saved this man’s life, but he saved this man’s quality of life. Just by thinking outside the box. Try it sometime.”
Dr. Schuester then turn to Puck and he was taken aback by the intensity he found in the man’s soft, brown eyes. He saw a level of care that he’d hardly ever saw and have never seen in a stranger. Puck felt warm all over and he internally wigged out, “You’re really lucky that Doctor Hummel was on call that night.”
Puck’s face fell into a smirk, “Doc, tell me something I don’t know.”
Kurt’s face erupted in a blush that stretched from his hairline down his neck and Puck felt a flash of desire as he thought about what could get the blush to spread down further. Dangerous thoughts, Puckerman, dangerous thoughts.
“Alright, let’s leave-“ Dr. Schuester look at the chart at the foot of Puck’s bed, “-Detective Puckerman with his friends and family. Happy recovery, Detective.”
“Thanks, Doc. Hey, Dr. Jones!”
As the group was filing out, the black doctor turned back at him, “What’s up, Detective?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you single?”
Dr. Hummel (who had stayed behind) and Dr. Jones both gasped and Puck charged on, “Because my partner is very interested. You know, the tall one? The sequoia?”
The voluptuous woman squealed, “Oh, hell yeah! Yes! That boy is fine.” Puck, Quinn, and Rachel watched as Kurt and Mercedes jumped up and down in excitement.
Kurt grabbed a pen and jotted down something on a piece of paper that he handed to Puck, “Here’s her number and address. She doesn’t put out on the first date, but is known to on the second, given the attractiveness and personality of the man.”
Quinn and Rachel laughed as Mercedes smacked her friend’s arm, “Finn is going to be ecstatic, thanks, Doc!”
“No, thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I have lives to save and outfits to plan.”
Kurt waited for her to leave before turning back to Puck, “Is your partner a good person? Because he seemed like it, but she is my best friend. And to quote her, ‘I will cut a bitch’ if he tries anything.”
Puck liked seeing loyalty in friends. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for his friends and appreciated that quality in others, “Finn is the best person ever created by God. And I believe that whole-heartedly. I’d swear my balls on it.”
Quinn and Rachel sighed, “Beautiful, beautiful sentiment and then that mouth.”
Puck was too preoccupied with the man before him to deal with his annoying, but appreciated friends. He looked into the green eyes as he tried to convince the fierce doctor of his sincerity. He must have been pretty convincing because Kurt’s face went from hard and serious to a breathtaking smile and sparkling eyes.
“Excellent.” Kurt straightened up, “I’m happy for her and for your friend, because my ‘Cedes is the hottest, smartest, fiercest diva and your friend better recognize.” The last bit was said with enough flair that it sent Rachel and Quinn into laughing fits.
“Okay, I have to go catch up with the rest of them. I’ll check on you later. Need anything, Detective?”
“Doc, wait.” Puck used all the energy he had to pull him self up and over, out of bed. Kurt ran to him, “Stop, stop, stop! You’ll hurt yourself!”
Puck waved him off, “I got this.” He stood up an after an initial wobble, he planted his feet and turned to the pale man, who was now beside him. Looking down into his face, as there was a third of a foot between them, Puck couldn’t help but think that they were the perfect height for each other.
The doctor looks up into Puck’s face expectantly, “Yes, Detective?”
Puck swallowed, “Thanks for saving my arm. Being a cop on the street is my life. I would have gone crazy riding a desk.” Puck flashed him a smile and he could have sworn he saw the other man’s breath catch, “And Finn wouldn’t survive without me watching his stupid-ass back. So you saved two lives.”
The doctor returned the smile, if more shyly. Looking down at his hands, he replied, “Part of the job. And I’d do anything for New York’s finest.” Looking up into Puck’s eyes, he flashed him one more smile before turning and leaving the room. Puck was left blown away by the short, intense, close conversation with the smaller man.
The moment the doctor left the room, Rachel crossed the room with quick, long strides and closed the door. And then the vultures descended.
“What was that?”
“What are you talking about, Barbara?”
“Once again, Noah, being compared to Barbara Streisand is not an insult. And secondly, we’re wondering when you decided you were attracted to men.”
Puck blanched, “What the fuck are you on? I don’t like dudes!”
Quinn nodded, “Yeah, just one dude. And he’s barely a dude.”
Puck groaned, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Rachel turned to Quinn, “You be Kurt.”
Quinn took on a higher register, “Oh, Detective, saving your life is all part of the job!”
Rachel’s face crumbled into an exaggerated doe-eyed look of adoration, “I’m going to look intensely into your eyes for a really long time because I think your eyes are pretty and I want to kiss you!”
Puck tossed a pillow at the two giggling women, “Oh shut up! It’s not like that!”
Quinn smiled, “Oh, it’s like that. Face it, Puckerman, you’re smitten.”
Puck groaned again, “I know. I know! But he’s so pretty! And sarcastic. And smart. And he has a Yanks tattoo!”
Quinn sucked in a loud breath, “Jesus, it’s like he was made for you.”
Rachel looked thoughtful, “If it’s any consolation to you, Noah, it seems like the feeling is totally mutual.”
Puck’s head shot up off his pillow, “Seriously?”
The young diva nodded rapidly, “I’ve lived through many crushes of Kurt’s. He is definitely interested!”
Quinn squealed, “And the two of you would make such a cute couple!”
Rachel turned to her girlfriend, “I know, right?”
Puck laid his head down on the pillow, closing his eyes, contemplating his new favorite doctor, as he was lulled to sleep by the squeals and excitement of his two friends.