You Have To Go Down Before You Come Up
Title: You Have To Go Down Before You Come Up
Author: scentedpen
Pairing: Puck/Kurt, brief mention of Puck/Brittany, even briefer mention of Puck/Santana
Rating: R (mostly for language!!)
Spoilers: None... at least I tried not to include any!
Summary: Puck goes through the five stages of grief when he realizes how he feels about Kurt.
Author's Note: So I'm a bit nervous posting, since this is my first fanfic in several years and my first piece of writing in a VERY long time. It's unbeta'd, sorry about that. I wanted to get it posted before I go to bed. I hope you all like it.
Stage One: Denial
Puck will do anything to prove someone wrong, even if it's himself. Although most of the time he allows his hormones to have full control of his emotions, this time won't fly, not when he experiences a malfunction of these proportions. Every bone in his body aches when he sees the other boy, every muscle twitches with the desire to reach out and touch him, the endings of his nerves tingle when they're in close proximity together. Puck will not stand for this kind of behavior, his body's blatant disregard for his previously-established-and-enforced heterosexuality.
To prove that he's not in love, not even in lust, with the other boy, he flags down Brittany after practice. In half and hour they're making out in the backseat of his car. When she unzips his jeans, Puck smirks to himself. He's always right, after all, even in a war with himself. For a while, Kurt isn't at the front of his mind. Puck won't let himself admit that he can still feel him lurking about in the back of his head, though. Because that would ruin the point, and Puck has already won this round.
Stage Two: Anger
Problem solved, Puck thinks to himself.
And then he sees Kurt, strutting across the parking lot with those fucking designer clothes and the perfectly coiffed hair and suddenly the blood rushes to his groin and he feels kind of dizzy just seeing him. Puck knows this feeling, knows it all too well, and soon he can feel the rage swelling up inside him like the rising tide.
Fucking fuck fuck shit fuck bitch tits shit fuck! This kind of thing is not supposed to happen! The most macho guy in school is not supposed to go suddenly wack and decide he has the super-hots for the gayest guy in school. No, that is NOT how things work around here. And Puck will be damned if he has to sit around for another second and deal with these emotions like he has absolutely no say in it. If the cosmic balance thinks he's just going to sit there idly twiddling his thumbs, letting all this fuckery happen, then the fucking cosmic balance has another thing coming.
Stage Three: Bargaining
The next week, Puck thinks he has it all figured out. It's not lust, it's guilt! All those years of torture for poor Kurt... well, now that they're being civil to each other, it's only natural that Puck might feel a little bad for all the mistreatment poor Kurt gets, especially at the hands of Puck. And even if he's wrong, well, he knows how to fix it. He'll make a deal with the cosmos, or whatever stupid force governs humans-if there is one.
Remove this affliction, he says, and I'll stop shoving Kurt, I'll stop throwing him in dumpsters, I'll stop being a total douchebag to people I don't like... just PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop before I go crazy!
Puck doesn't actually say all this, mind you, but he does think it. He figures that the gods can hear thoughts anyway. And even if it's not some kind of higher power (the rational part of his brain agrees with this sentiment; then again, the rational part of his brain is also the one saying that this is all Puck's doing and that he can't change it, so the rational part of his brain can shut the fuck up and let the adults handle this one) then surely telling himself that he will no longer treat Kurt badly to rid himself of these crazy-ass emotions (it's guilt, he reminds himself) will stop the feelings before he does something stupid.
Stage Four: Depression
What if Kurt doesn't feel the same way?
Puck's never been so lovesick in his life, and even though it frustrates him, it also frightens him. Sometimes his entire day hinges on whether or not he has a good interaction with Kurt. If Kurt gets mad at him, or Puck makes him upset, then Puck comes home feeling shitty. If Kurt is happy and smiles radiantly and laughs at something Puck says, then Puck comes home feeling like he's just had the best day ever. He's never been so hung up on anyone, not even Santana.
So, then, it's understandable why he'd feel insecure and hopeless about his stupid crush on Kurt. Because Kurt is kind of perfect, you know? He's really good-looking and hygienic, clean-cut, stylish, confident and extremely talented. And sure he thinks that sometimes he can be a bit abrasive, and sometimes a bit obnoxious about his clothes and pretentious about his singing but in the end Puck finds those flaws endearing, not like Puck's flaws. Puck is brash and rude, crude and smelly and macho and he's not very good at showing his emotions. He's insensitive and a bully.
What would Kurt ever see in him? How could Kurt ever like him?
Not that Puck has a crush on Kurt... but even if he did, there's no chance in hell that Kurt would go for Puck. He can do so much better, and Puck knows it.
It destroys him.
Stage Five: Acceptance
It doesn't have to be bad, and these feelings don't have to be scary. In fact, Puck rather likes the warm feeling that spreads throughout his body when Kurt accidentally touches him. It's like being electrocuted, but in a good way. In a way that makes Puck feel safe and happy.
Puck stands in the doorway of the practice room. He is about to leave glee practice, but something holds him back. Maybe it's the fact that he's so close to Kurt, and they're alone. This could be his chance.
He can hear Kurt zipping up his bag. It's now or never, he thinks, and he turns around.
“Kurt,” he says, and his voice sounds so loud in that quiet room. Kurt jumps a bit, surprised, and looks up at Puck curiously. For once, the bored agitation in his face isn't there. Puck swallows. This is his chance to obtain perfection. It sits in front of him, expectant, waiting. He doesn't know what Kurt will say; he can only pray it's yes.
He clears his throat, and he thinks he can see Kurt smile just a little bit. Go for it, the rational part of his brain says. What do you have to lose? And for once Puck agrees. So he smiles at Kurt, opens his mouth, and says, “Do you want to do something this weekend? See a movie, go out for lunch?”
It is the happiest moment of his life when Kurt says, “I'd love to.” The room spinning circles around him, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest...
Puck thinks he could get used to this.
x-posted, sorry if you see it twice.
Author: scentedpen
Pairing: Puck/Kurt, brief mention of Puck/Brittany, even briefer mention of Puck/Santana
Rating: R (mostly for language!!)
Spoilers: None... at least I tried not to include any!
Summary: Puck goes through the five stages of grief when he realizes how he feels about Kurt.
Author's Note: So I'm a bit nervous posting, since this is my first fanfic in several years and my first piece of writing in a VERY long time. It's unbeta'd, sorry about that. I wanted to get it posted before I go to bed. I hope you all like it.
Stage One: Denial
Puck will do anything to prove someone wrong, even if it's himself. Although most of the time he allows his hormones to have full control of his emotions, this time won't fly, not when he experiences a malfunction of these proportions. Every bone in his body aches when he sees the other boy, every muscle twitches with the desire to reach out and touch him, the endings of his nerves tingle when they're in close proximity together. Puck will not stand for this kind of behavior, his body's blatant disregard for his previously-established-and-enforced heterosexuality.
To prove that he's not in love, not even in lust, with the other boy, he flags down Brittany after practice. In half and hour they're making out in the backseat of his car. When she unzips his jeans, Puck smirks to himself. He's always right, after all, even in a war with himself. For a while, Kurt isn't at the front of his mind. Puck won't let himself admit that he can still feel him lurking about in the back of his head, though. Because that would ruin the point, and Puck has already won this round.
Stage Two: Anger
Problem solved, Puck thinks to himself.
And then he sees Kurt, strutting across the parking lot with those fucking designer clothes and the perfectly coiffed hair and suddenly the blood rushes to his groin and he feels kind of dizzy just seeing him. Puck knows this feeling, knows it all too well, and soon he can feel the rage swelling up inside him like the rising tide.
Fucking fuck fuck shit fuck bitch tits shit fuck! This kind of thing is not supposed to happen! The most macho guy in school is not supposed to go suddenly wack and decide he has the super-hots for the gayest guy in school. No, that is NOT how things work around here. And Puck will be damned if he has to sit around for another second and deal with these emotions like he has absolutely no say in it. If the cosmic balance thinks he's just going to sit there idly twiddling his thumbs, letting all this fuckery happen, then the fucking cosmic balance has another thing coming.
Stage Three: Bargaining
The next week, Puck thinks he has it all figured out. It's not lust, it's guilt! All those years of torture for poor Kurt... well, now that they're being civil to each other, it's only natural that Puck might feel a little bad for all the mistreatment poor Kurt gets, especially at the hands of Puck. And even if he's wrong, well, he knows how to fix it. He'll make a deal with the cosmos, or whatever stupid force governs humans-if there is one.
Remove this affliction, he says, and I'll stop shoving Kurt, I'll stop throwing him in dumpsters, I'll stop being a total douchebag to people I don't like... just PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop before I go crazy!
Puck doesn't actually say all this, mind you, but he does think it. He figures that the gods can hear thoughts anyway. And even if it's not some kind of higher power (the rational part of his brain agrees with this sentiment; then again, the rational part of his brain is also the one saying that this is all Puck's doing and that he can't change it, so the rational part of his brain can shut the fuck up and let the adults handle this one) then surely telling himself that he will no longer treat Kurt badly to rid himself of these crazy-ass emotions (it's guilt, he reminds himself) will stop the feelings before he does something stupid.
Stage Four: Depression
What if Kurt doesn't feel the same way?
Puck's never been so lovesick in his life, and even though it frustrates him, it also frightens him. Sometimes his entire day hinges on whether or not he has a good interaction with Kurt. If Kurt gets mad at him, or Puck makes him upset, then Puck comes home feeling shitty. If Kurt is happy and smiles radiantly and laughs at something Puck says, then Puck comes home feeling like he's just had the best day ever. He's never been so hung up on anyone, not even Santana.
So, then, it's understandable why he'd feel insecure and hopeless about his stupid crush on Kurt. Because Kurt is kind of perfect, you know? He's really good-looking and hygienic, clean-cut, stylish, confident and extremely talented. And sure he thinks that sometimes he can be a bit abrasive, and sometimes a bit obnoxious about his clothes and pretentious about his singing but in the end Puck finds those flaws endearing, not like Puck's flaws. Puck is brash and rude, crude and smelly and macho and he's not very good at showing his emotions. He's insensitive and a bully.
What would Kurt ever see in him? How could Kurt ever like him?
Not that Puck has a crush on Kurt... but even if he did, there's no chance in hell that Kurt would go for Puck. He can do so much better, and Puck knows it.
It destroys him.
Stage Five: Acceptance
It doesn't have to be bad, and these feelings don't have to be scary. In fact, Puck rather likes the warm feeling that spreads throughout his body when Kurt accidentally touches him. It's like being electrocuted, but in a good way. In a way that makes Puck feel safe and happy.
Puck stands in the doorway of the practice room. He is about to leave glee practice, but something holds him back. Maybe it's the fact that he's so close to Kurt, and they're alone. This could be his chance.
He can hear Kurt zipping up his bag. It's now or never, he thinks, and he turns around.
“Kurt,” he says, and his voice sounds so loud in that quiet room. Kurt jumps a bit, surprised, and looks up at Puck curiously. For once, the bored agitation in his face isn't there. Puck swallows. This is his chance to obtain perfection. It sits in front of him, expectant, waiting. He doesn't know what Kurt will say; he can only pray it's yes.
He clears his throat, and he thinks he can see Kurt smile just a little bit. Go for it, the rational part of his brain says. What do you have to lose? And for once Puck agrees. So he smiles at Kurt, opens his mouth, and says, “Do you want to do something this weekend? See a movie, go out for lunch?”
It is the happiest moment of his life when Kurt says, “I'd love to.” The room spinning circles around him, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest...
Puck thinks he could get used to this.
x-posted, sorry if you see it twice.