Can't Be Normal (3 of 4)
It took two hours and several bowls of Froot Loops before Puck worked up the nerve to get in his truck and drive over to Finn's new house - the one he was sharing with Kurt now that their parents had gotten married. When he was outside, Puck hit another bout of nerves, so he texted Finn, "You gotta come get me from my truck. I can't do this without you."
Yeah, so it was hella lame and so not cool, but Puck needed Finn to tell him to stop being such a pussy and go tell his boyfriend about the one between his legs.
It took a few minutes, but eventually Finn trotted out of the house and up to Puck's truck, opening the driver's door and giving Puck his hand. "C'mon, dude. I'll help you. Just hold my hand and everything will be fine."
"Kurt's not a scary movie," Puck replied, taking Finn's hand anyway. "And you were always the scaredy-cat, holding onto me for dear life."
"Well then I'm returning the favor, Noah," Finn insisted. "Get out."
Puck sighed and let Finn lead him by the hand into the house and up to Kurt's room. He almost bolted when Finn raised his hand to knock on Kurt's door, but Finn held on tight and yanked Puck back toward him, whispering, "Chill, dude," as he rapped his knuckles against the wood.
When Kurt called, "Come in!" Finn pushed Puck into the room first. Kurt smiled when he looked up from his desk, but then the smile faded when he saw Finn holding Puck's hand. "What's going on?"
"Puck has something to tell you," Finn replied, squeezing Puck's hand like he was being all encouraging and shit, obviously not noticing the way Kurt's eyes turned dark with anger.
"Don't bother," Kurt huffed, standing and crossing his arms over his chest. "I thought we were brothers, Finn!"
"We are..." Finn insisted, suddenly very confused and looking over when Puck pulled his hand away violently. "What?"
"And you!" Kurt turned on Puck, sending him one hell of a bitch glare. "Is this why you wanted to go slow? You were getting it somewhere else? I should have known you lied to-"
"Kurt, shut up," Puck replied, trying to keep calm despite how angry he felt at the fact that Kurt had so little faith in him. "You don't know what you're talking about. Finn's not even a little bit gay."
"Who said anything about me?" Finn asked, his genuine confusion seeming to get to Kurt. "We're here because Puck has something to tell you."
Taking a deep breath, Puck took a step forward and said, "Listen, babe. There is a reason I've been keeping things slow and it's not because I was cheating on you. I'd never do that."
"So why is Finn here?"
"Moral support," Finn insisted.
Kurt still looked confused so Puck sat down on the bed and asked, "You know how I moved here right before middle school?"
Kurt nodded and sat back down in his desk chair, watching Puck with a wary expression.
"Finn knew me before then," Puck continued, heart beating so fast he was sure Kurt couldn't possibly hear what he was saying over the noise. It made it easier to whisper, "When I was a girl."
It took a very long time before Kurt asked, "What? I couldn't have heard that right."
Puck knew this was going to be a disaster and he tried getting up to just forget everything, but Finn pushed him back down, saying, "Noah's transcendered. He was born in the wrong body and used to be called Norah."
"Transgender, you idiot," Puck hissed, keeping his eyes on the floor, which seemed to be the best place for them, since Kurt's silence meant he was trying to find the words to break up with Puck.
Instead, the guy moved and kneeled on the floor at Puck's feet, grabbing one of his hands and asking, "Really?"
Puck looked away as he nodded, reminding himself he was a badass and badasses didn't cry.
"But you look so male," Kurt observed, sounding more confused than anything else.
Encouraged at Kurt's curiosity rather than anger, Puck mumbled, "Started taking hormones when I was twelve. That was early enough, I guess. Plus, I work really hard to stay looking this way, Kurt. More than any other guy I know."
"But ..." Kurt asked, his eyes flicking toward Puck's crotch and then over at his brother. "I think you can leave us, Finn. Thank you."
"You sure, Puck?" Finn asked and Puck nodded. Whatever else happened, the damage was already done. Kurt knew his deepest secret and was still kneeling in front of him, trying to understand.
When Finn closed the door behind him, Kurt asked, "This is why you wouldn't let me touch you?"
"Yeah," Puck agreed, taking a chance and lightly running the fingers of one hand through Kurt's hair. "You probably want a boyfriend who... I mean, I haven't had the surgery. I probably won't."
"Is it a money issue?" Kurt asked, leaning into Puck's touch like he wasn't freaked out at all.
"That and..." Puck shrugged. "I guess the surgery doesn't work very well. I'll never have the equipment I want and I'd rather keep what I have in working order, you know?" It felt good, telling Kurt this. Puck hadn't even told his shrink he didn't really want to go through with the surgery. But then it occurred to him, "You probably want to break up, don't you?"
Kurt shook his head slowly even as he said, "I have to admit, I did picture things with you going a certain way. I never expected this..."
"I get it..." Puck nodded, starting to stand up before Kurt stopped him.
"I want to try," Kurt insisted. "I am gay, but I'm so attracted to you, Puck. I love you. I can’t imagine that changing just because you’re a little different."
"You do?" Puck asked, awed. "I mean, I love you, too."
Kurt smiled and stood up, pulling Puck into a close hug. Laughing a little, Kurt said, "All the pamphlets my dad got me when we had the sex talk were about being gay. I have no idea how..."
Puck laughed too, hugging Kurt tighter and kissing his neck. "I've never seen a cock up-close either," he admitted. "Except for in porn."
“Oh, gross,” Kurt cried, pulling back a little more. “How can you watch that stuff?”
“Because it’s hot,” Puck insisted, thinking Kurt was definitely the more feminine of the two of them. “You don’t?”
“I can’t help thinking about how disappointed their mothers must be,” Kurt replied, making Puck laugh and kiss him again. Then Kurt quirked an eyebrow and asked, “Can you get pregnant?”
Screwing up his nose in disgust, Puck told his boyfriend, “I hope not. I mean, because of the hormones I shouldn’t be able to. Christ, this is weird to talk about with you!”
“Why?” Kurt asked gently, sitting down on the bed and pulling Puck to sit next to him.
Shrugging, he said, “When I picture myself, you know, in my head…?”
Kurt nodded.
“I’m a guy, like head to toe. Sometimes I remember I’m not, especially when you sit on my lap or like yesterday when you tried to get into my pants. I’m so used to that, I don’t know, shock of remembering I’m not who either of us is picturing. It’s weird, letting that go. And so not badass talking about it.”
It took a few moments of looking over at him before Kurt suggested, “Maybe if we both saw each other - all of each other - that would make you feel better?”
“Still tryin’ to get into my pants, Hummel?” Puck asked with a little laugh, hoping it covered up how nervous he felt. Telling Kurt was one thing - he could see the rest of Puck and still tell himself Puck was the boy he’d always assumed he was dating. Showing Kurt how fucked up he was - that was a different story altogether.
“You’re my very hot boyfriend and I love you,” Kurt nodded, putting a hand on either side of Puck’s face so he had to look at the guy. “Of course I am.”
Puck was powerless under the pressure of those eyes staring at him like that - like Puck could do no wrong. No one besides Finn had ever looked at him like that and Finn looked at all his friends with that trust. Kurt didn’t trust anyone.
Gulping, Puck nodded and pulled off his shirt - which was the easy part. He’d never really developed tits and always made sure his pecs were super-charged, so Puck’s chest looked very masculine. Kurt seemed to think so too, just sort of staring at Puck with this far-off look in his eyes. Waving his hand in front of Kurt’s face, Puck mumbled, “Your turn, babe.”
Blinking a few times, Kurt nodded and said, “Let me just lock the door. You know, in case.”
“Thanks,” Puck replied, not at all relishing the idea of anyone but Kurt seeing him naked. Sure Finn and Carole already knew about him, but that didn’t mean he wanted them to see him. Puck barely ever looked at himself naked, preferring to preen and prep while wearing boxers so he could happily ignore his lower half.
Kurt went to his bedroom door and locked it, shoving a little to make sure it was latched, before he turned around. “I’m not nearly as … muscled as you are, Puck.”
“I know,” he nodded, pulling Kurt closer and asking permission with a look to pull Kurt’s shirt up. “I don’t mind.”
Kurt sucked in a quick breath and nodded, raising up his arms so Puck could pull the long-sleeved sweater up and over his head. Underneath, Kurt was wearing a black tank top, not unlike the ones Puck liked to wear, and it showed off the fact that Kurt wasn’t quite as weak-looking as he seemed to think. It was weird, thinking that people besides Puck tended to see themselves differently than they actually were.
Pulling off Kurt’s undershirt, Puck sighed, “You’re beautiful, babe,” taking in the sight of Kurt’s lightly defined muscles and lean waist.
“You really think so?” Kurt asked as Puck trailed his fingers over Kurt’s collarbones and chest, drinking in the sight of him.
Puck nodded and backed away, not sure now whether he wanted Kurt to see him completely bare or not. Kurt was so perfect, how could Puck - being the freak he was - ever compare to that? “I don’t…”
“We’re doing this,” Kurt said in his bossiest tone, hands at his own fly. “Together, okay? On three…”
Unable to deny Kurt when he used that tone, Puck nodded and unbuttoned his jeans. “One.”
Okay. He was really going to do this.
“Two.”
But could he? What if Kurt laughed? What if he puked or something? What if he decided he couldn’t love Puck because of-
“Three!”
Without even thinking, Puck had pushed his pants and underwear down at the same time Kurt did, stepping out of them awkwardly and keeping his eyes down, even if Kurt was standing, like right there all naked and stuff. Now he just had to wait for Kurt to say something.
He really didn’t expect it to be, “Look at me, honey,” Kurt’s voice completely without judgment.
How could it be, though? Shaking his head, Puck pressed his fingers into his eyes to keep them from leaking. This was just so humiliating, Puck wasn’t sure he could stand it anymore. He reached, down, intent on pulling his pants back up, but Kurt grabbed his hands to keep him from going through with it. “What?” Puck asked angrily. “Can’t you just let me-”
“No,” Kurt replied softly, pulling on Puck’s arms so he was standing straight up again. “Noah, you’re…”
“Ugly.”
“Hot,” Kurt countered, his voice breathy like after they’d been making out for awhile. Puck finally looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes and was stunned to see that Kurt seemed sincere. “You’re so hot, Noah.”
Finally looking down at all of Kurt and seeing him not just naked, but his cock sticking out like he was half-hard, Puck groaned. “Is that…? I mean, are you…? Because of me?”
Kurt’s eyes flashed downward for a brief second and he blushed, biting the side of his lower lip as he nodded.
“Why?”
“Noah,” Kurt breathed, pulling a little closer and setting one hand on the side of Puck’s neck. “I wasn’t sure what to expect or how I would react, but everything about you is just so … masculine - despite the one small difference. You’re perfect.”
“I can’t,” Puck shook his head, gasping a little when Kurt pressed against his hip and nibbled on Puck’s neck. “I can’t fuck you, Kurt. Not without, like, help.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” Kurt replied, hands on Puck’s hips and guiding him back toward the bed. “There’s so much else we can do besides sex-sex, honey. And to be honest, the idea of anal sex never really appealed to me.”
Sitting down on the bed and looking up at his boyfriend, Puck asked, “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”
Shaking his head, Kurt leaned down and captured Puck’s lips in a kiss that quickly turned fierce, making Puck remember that he was naked with his boyfriend - his super hot, desirable boyfriend - and that maybe he should do something about it. Smirking with some of his old confidence that he wasn’t sure he felt, Puck grabbed Kurt and pulled him down onto the mattress, rolling to straddle one of Kurt’s thighs and press his shoulders back as Puck kissed him.
Then, Puck took a chance and reached downward, grabbing Kurt’s cock lightly and smiling into his shoulder when the boy gasped and said something incoherent.
“What?”
“So good,” Kurt repeated, renewing his assault on Puck’s lips for a moment before breaking the kiss for a moment and asking, “Can I touch you?”
Puck hesitated, his hand halfway up Kurt’s dick, and tried to decide. After a few seconds and Kurt’s hips twitching to push his cock further into the circle of Puck’s fist, the want overrode the fear and he nodded, watching as Kurt pushed him back a little and brushed at the trimmed pubic hairs above his junk. Kurt sat up, watching his hand, which Puck had to watch as well, as it dipped lower, gently running over Puck’s clit and making him hiss with pleasure. “Fuck, babe.”
“What is this?” Kurt asked softly, touching Puck again gently. “I mean, you like this right?”
Feeling himself get warmer and wetter, Puck nodded, breathing quickly, “My clit. God yeah, that feels good.”
“But it’s almost as big as my thumb,” Kurt replied with wonder in his voice. He tugged gently and Puck just about screamed, burying his face against Kurt’s arm and shuddering in pleasure. Kurt laughed softly and said, “I’m not an expert by any means, but isn’t this a little…big?”
“Hormones,” Puck panted, getting a little uncomfortable as Kurt’s touches dried him out. “Make it bigger. Ah, fuck, wetter! Wetter, babe, that’s starting to hurt.”
“Sorry!” Kurt cried, pulling his hand away. “Sorry. I have no idea what I’m doing!”
“It’s cool,” Puck replied, rubbing his legs together to try to ease the dry feeling and letting go of Kurt’s dick. “We don’t have to.”
Stubbornly, Kurt insisted, “I want to. I want to figure out exactly how you work, Noah. I want to… I want to make you feel good, baby.”
“Maybe I should make you watch some porn,” Puck suggested softly, meeting Kurt’s eyes with a smirk to make sure Kurt knew he was mostly kidding. “Not even for educational purposes?”
“I’d rather,” Kurt mumbled, looking down, “watch you.”
Puck hesitated for a moment, Kurt’s enthusiasm completely unexpected, before nodding, “Okay.”
“Okay,” Kurt replied, kissing Puck once before moving downward on the bed and gently spreading Puck’s legs.
Puck was breathing harshly as Kurt looked up at him, jumping out of his skin when a loud knock sounded at the door. “Kurt?” the boy’s dad asked, making Puck’s heart jump up into his heart for a completely different reason. “Son, is that boyfriend of yours in there with you? Why is your door locked?”
Scrambling to put his clothes back on, Kurt shoved Puck’s at him as he replied, “He just spilled soda all over himself on the way here this morning, dad. He’s changing. We’ll be right out!”
“Uh-huh,” Burt replied in disbelief, but his footsteps sounded away from the door and down the stairs.
Turning to Puck, Kurt caught his hand and said, “You have to wear my clothes if my dad is ever going to believe that story.”
“Okay,” Puck nodded, “but nothing tight. I … I don’t exactly fill out pants the same way other guys do.”
“No, you wouldn’t, would you?” Kurt hummed, opening his closet and rummaging around before handing Puck a pair of sweatpants that looked brand-new and a tighter than it needed to be McKinley t-shirt. “There!”
Before Kurt could unlock and open his door, Puck caught him in a tight hug and whispered, “Thanks for not freaking out, babe.”
“You were really scared of that, weren’t you?” Kurt asked softly, brushing his cheek against Puck’s.
Smirking and placing a kiss on Kurt’s lips, Puck insisted, “Nah, I’m a badass. I’m not afraid of anything.”
Kurt laughed and opened his door, leading the way out of his room and down into the more neutral parts of the house. Puck was so relieved about Kurt’s reaction that he didn’t even mind getting interrupted the first time he’d managed to get to third base with his boyfriend. Not that he’d ever let Kurt know that. Badasses hated getting cock-blocked.
Originally I just had an epilogue written for after this chapter. How would everyone like to see McKinley finding out about Puck? Go to the poll at the top my ff.net profile page to vote on the ending you'd like to see.
Chapter 4