Love Guru [Original]
ORIGINAL COPY
Love Guru: Planning Sheet
A Story Draft By pseudoschizoid
( 2: Sometimes, all you need is a miracle to salvage a relationship. With no one else to ask, in desperation, you texted the ‘Love Guru’, the number you found etched on the Men’s Restroom’s third cubicle's door… )
Comments 5
Names: The complicated and saturated-with-meaning names give off a sue-ish vibe for both characters, plus the fact that they have quite similar names. Do all Spanish people have 'y' in their names? I think you should reconsider whether and how their being Spanish would contribute to the story :)
and looking very nerdy
What is 'looking very nerdy'? Show, instead of tell. Also, Kathleen's characterization bothers me a bit because she actually sounds cool instead of an introverted nerd. Not that introverted nerds all stutter, but she sounds like she's getting along with Dan quite well o_o
Also, as for Dan, he looks like he's flirting with her instead of wanting her help. I suggest you show more of that in your notes (since I'm sure this isn't even 5% of the whole thing XD) so I can comment on that better!
All in all, though, I think you're taking a big risk with this kind of plot, but good writing will definitely help you win over this one o/
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So that's the nagging feeling I get when I was making up their names. Sue-ish. Thanks Kris!
About the drabbles, oh yeah, I'm not very creative when I made them... so yeah. --And good catch on my inconsistencies... I really got uncomfortable writing it, and their personalities are quite ugh. @.@
Thank you for the effort of reading, and reviewing!
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Hopefully, in my capacity, I could do it. If not, then I'll learn a thing or two...
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