Anniversary Fic 1/7
Title: Negotiations
Prompt: One Phone Call
Verse: G1
Rating: T
Warnings: Ridiculousness to the extreme.
Characters: Prowl, Megatron, Jazz, cameo by Bluestreak
Pairings: Prowl/Jazz lightly implied (it's a kind of a tilt your head and squint moment)
Summary: Prowl finds out that Jazz is pretty cheap to get back when he's been caught.
Notes: Written for the 2014 Prowl/Jazz Community Anniversary Challenge.
Of course, it really shouldn't have come as of much of a surprise as it did, this was Jazz he was mentally bitching about after all.
So when Megatron called up Teletraan's Public Video Communications and was patched through to Prowl instead of Prime, he merely blinked twice, pulled a surprised face and switched the insane Warlord onto mute as the gun-former on the other end took in a deep vent and started to roar like Grimlock over losing his favourite squeaky chew toy.
By his chronometer, it had been about an hour and the mech was still going at it, a grinning Jazz clearly drugged off his rocker, wrapped in a cloak of chains and sturdy energon locks, being shaken like a bobble head doll in front of the camera within Megatron's grasp.
The tactician merely sighed, twirling a stylus between his fingers as he waited for the Kaonite to run through his tantrum.
"It appears you have captured Jazz, Megatron." Prowl said, rolling his optics as he turned up the volume to hear the Warlord give a very good 'Starscream hates a sudden plot twist' screech and shake the buzzed saboteur more forcefully at the camera as the Tactician interrupted him, Prowl was mildly concerned that Jazz might get whiplash, but discarded the idea when the saboteur started laughing at the sudden motion and commenting on the pretty lights he was apparently seeing.
"Shut up, I'm ranting!" Megatron roared, the screen going fuzzy with static. "This little worm was..."
Prowl sighed, turning Megatron back on mute as he reached for his work. Hey, he was a busy mech after all, he didn't have time for the gun-formers illy composed rants about Jazz's habits when the saboteur was feeling rebellious and decided breaking into the Nemisis to pull pranks would be a fantastic idea.
Jazz was actually looking a bit dejected, the drugs having worn off after the fourth hour of mute ranting Megatron was doing when Prowl finished his work for the day, the Praxian stretching lazily before switching on the volume.
"...and silly string with bottles." Megatron finished, shaking the pouting black and white in his grasp once more before tossing him out of sight of the camera with a crash.
"Are you done?" the Autobot asked with a bored air, shifting himself so that he was leaning on his elbow and supporting his helm on his palm. "If so, I'd like to start negotiations for him. He still needs to finish last weeks paperwork."
"You moronic Autobots do paperwork?" Megatron asked with a snarl, red optics flashing in irritation.
"Alas, a necessary evil." Prowl replied dryly, "I'd much rather be out kicking your skid plate from here back to Cybertron but here I am stuck behind a desk all hours of the human day, negotiating with humans to use a fragging inch of the planet without them declaring war on us too." The black and white Praxian sniffed gaining steam with his own rant,
"Great you set him off on a 'Why I hate this planet' rant again. I'd sit down while you can Megs we are gonna be here for a while." Jazz chimed in happily from off screen, yelping when he was hit by a thrown data-pad that Megatron grabbed from his desk.
"Shut up, Jazz!" Megatron and Prowl chorused together.
"Great, what do they call it? Stereo?" Jazz was heard grumbling to himself as the Second in Command of the Autobots glared at the Decepticon Leader. "Anyway, you said I could get one phone call Megs because I beat you in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Shouldn't I be the one talking?"
"You should have thought about that before you decided to try and put fire crackers on my throne even after we caught you, you insufferable auto-dolt!" The silver gun-former snapped, lifting a servo to massage his optics in aggravation. "Why the frag did I even add that amendment to the rules? I must have been overcharged."
"Because you are a softie at spark and like to give poor cute, defenceless Autobots a fighting chance?" Jazz suggested as Prowl shook his helm unsympathetically when he heard another yelp as something else was chucked at the bound saboteur.
"I want a months worth of energon for him." Megatron growled, red optics bright with malice as he leapt into the negotiations keen to be rid of the visored mech.
"A week." Prowl instantly replied looking up as Bluestreak wandered in with a new stack of data-pads. "Hi, Blue, now is not a good time."
"That's okay Prowl." The chatterbox chirped dumping the load in the just empty inbox and gathering up the large pile in the outbox. "I'm just here to drop off Smokescreen and Wheeljack's latest attempt at Energon Goodies, this batch came out really good and we only burnt down half a room this time! I brought a tray with me for you and Jazz when he gets back from putting fire crackers on Megatron's throne. Sunstreaker has a bet riding on it that he will get caught."
As the gunner subspaced a tray of still warm Goodies and put them by the terminal, Prowl let out a soft chuckle at the apocalyptic look on Megatron's faceplate before ushering the sniper from the room with a soft thanks.
"You Autobots are gambling on whether you can prank me or not?!" The tyrant almost screeched loud enough to be heard from the ARK causing Prowl to flick his doorwings down in brief pain at the vibrations coming from the terminal speakers.
"Yes, it is a very common pastime." The Datsun nodded obligingly reaching for a goodie and biting into it with a pleased hum. "Back to business" he said after swallowing the sweet gummy treat. "A week and a half's worth of energon."
Megatron growled, ruby optics flickering to and from the tray of goodies he could see on his screen, indecision clear. "A month's worth of Goodies and you have a deal."
"You... Don't want energon?" Prowl asked in befuddlement, battle computer almost stalling in his helm from shock and surprise at the unexpected variable.
"Goodies, or I kill the saboteur." The Warlord snarled, powering up his fusion cannon and shaking a fist at the confused tactician.
Jazz however was not at all happy with the sudden compromise, "what do you mean only Goodies?! Don't you know how cheap they are to make?! I'm worth a years supply of energon at least!! Prowl, don't make the deal!"
"Very well Megatron, i shall notify Prime of our trade arrangements." The SIC said slowly as if he couldn't believe it was that easy, nor that cheap, while Jazz wailed and bemoaned his crushed self esteem in the background.
"Good." The feared leader of the Decepticons snorted before turning away from his screen to shout at one of his subordinates as the call was disconnected. "Get that Autobot off my ship and go get my candy!"