some 2009/2010 thoughts
Just some scattered thoughts...
In 2009 I:
-ran a marathon
-was in a relationship that was mostly good but turned out to not be right for me, so I ended it
-struggled with being in the dissertation stage
-made academic progress in other areas (presenting papers, teaching, moving towards publications)
-got hardcore about rock climbing (which spanned 2 excellent climbing partners)
-starting learning African dance
-evolved as a belly dancer
-said goodbye to some dear friends as they moved on to other things/places
-connected with close friends here and elsewhere
-made some wonderful new friends
-went to Greece
-visited L.A., Boise, Orlando, New Orleans
-cooked and baked a lot; ate more locally and seasonally
-cut off 12+ inches of hair
-sang karaoke for the first time (a big deal since the thought terrified me and I don't like singing)
-played with various creative outlets: costuming, knitting, jewelry-making, hairpiece-making, modeling
I know 2009 was rough for a lot of people; parts of it were rough for me too. I struggled with self-doubt, and I felt worthless at many times because I wasn't managing to work on my diss while juggling anywhere from 3-5 jobs at once. I recognize now that a lot of my problems were systemic--I'm not the only one having trouble at this stage of grad school, and I need to be more proactive about fixing this stuff. I think in 2009 I had to learn a lot of lessons about becoming confident about asserting my needs, especially when they've changed.
I can't recall if I set any resolutions last year. This year I'd say I have some goals, but I'm not entirely certain whether I ought to call them resolutions. Really, the main thing I resolve to do is to be more present, more awesome, more "me", more connected with others and the world around me.
Goals for 2010:
-run 4x week, at least 20 miles per week
-climb and/or do other strength-training at least 2x week
-continue to grow as a belly dancer, solo and with others
-learn more about African dance, hooping, poi, and fire dancing
-eat healthier (if such a thing is possible for me!)
-challenge myself to try more new things, especially if they push me outside my comfort zone
-continue to be involved with my various communities and peeps
...and, most importantly:
MAKE SUBSTANTIAL PROGRESS ON MY DISSERTATION!!!
I don't expect to finish the thing in 2010, but I need to at least write up a solid proposal, do most if not all of my research, come up with an outline, and write the first few chapters if not the first half of it. I would like to do so while not being entirely impoverished and/or stressed from working multiple jobs in order to stay afloat... I may need a lot of help from friends and family and community in this stage of my life. It galls me to have to ask for help since I view myself as such an independent person, but I've also been thinking lately about independence vs. interdependence, and I've been edging towards becoming more comfortable with relying upon people and being relied upon as part of a functioning, growing community. It's still a little scary and strange but I'm making progress.
I suppose that goes along with one of my other goals, which is to be more compassionate. Compassion does not come easily to me. I wouldn't say I'm terribly callous... well, okay, sometimes I am... but I feel like I don't have the emotional resources to be a very caring person all the time, because I'm so driven to succeed in other areas of my life, so there's where all my energy goes.
Which all comes down to balance, in the end. My life's always been a balancing act, and I suppose I'm getting better at it over time since I just keep piling more on. But this goes along with my worldview, since I believe that every experience is meaningful, we can learn from everything, and unless I choose otherwise, I become more "me" and more connected and wiser with every moment that passes. Why on earth have it any other way?
In 2009 I:
-ran a marathon
-was in a relationship that was mostly good but turned out to not be right for me, so I ended it
-struggled with being in the dissertation stage
-made academic progress in other areas (presenting papers, teaching, moving towards publications)
-got hardcore about rock climbing (which spanned 2 excellent climbing partners)
-starting learning African dance
-evolved as a belly dancer
-said goodbye to some dear friends as they moved on to other things/places
-connected with close friends here and elsewhere
-made some wonderful new friends
-went to Greece
-visited L.A., Boise, Orlando, New Orleans
-cooked and baked a lot; ate more locally and seasonally
-cut off 12+ inches of hair
-sang karaoke for the first time (a big deal since the thought terrified me and I don't like singing)
-played with various creative outlets: costuming, knitting, jewelry-making, hairpiece-making, modeling
I know 2009 was rough for a lot of people; parts of it were rough for me too. I struggled with self-doubt, and I felt worthless at many times because I wasn't managing to work on my diss while juggling anywhere from 3-5 jobs at once. I recognize now that a lot of my problems were systemic--I'm not the only one having trouble at this stage of grad school, and I need to be more proactive about fixing this stuff. I think in 2009 I had to learn a lot of lessons about becoming confident about asserting my needs, especially when they've changed.
I can't recall if I set any resolutions last year. This year I'd say I have some goals, but I'm not entirely certain whether I ought to call them resolutions. Really, the main thing I resolve to do is to be more present, more awesome, more "me", more connected with others and the world around me.
Goals for 2010:
-run 4x week, at least 20 miles per week
-climb and/or do other strength-training at least 2x week
-continue to grow as a belly dancer, solo and with others
-learn more about African dance, hooping, poi, and fire dancing
-eat healthier (if such a thing is possible for me!)
-challenge myself to try more new things, especially if they push me outside my comfort zone
-continue to be involved with my various communities and peeps
...and, most importantly:
MAKE SUBSTANTIAL PROGRESS ON MY DISSERTATION!!!
I don't expect to finish the thing in 2010, but I need to at least write up a solid proposal, do most if not all of my research, come up with an outline, and write the first few chapters if not the first half of it. I would like to do so while not being entirely impoverished and/or stressed from working multiple jobs in order to stay afloat... I may need a lot of help from friends and family and community in this stage of my life. It galls me to have to ask for help since I view myself as such an independent person, but I've also been thinking lately about independence vs. interdependence, and I've been edging towards becoming more comfortable with relying upon people and being relied upon as part of a functioning, growing community. It's still a little scary and strange but I'm making progress.
I suppose that goes along with one of my other goals, which is to be more compassionate. Compassion does not come easily to me. I wouldn't say I'm terribly callous... well, okay, sometimes I am... but I feel like I don't have the emotional resources to be a very caring person all the time, because I'm so driven to succeed in other areas of my life, so there's where all my energy goes.
Which all comes down to balance, in the end. My life's always been a balancing act, and I suppose I'm getting better at it over time since I just keep piling more on. But this goes along with my worldview, since I believe that every experience is meaningful, we can learn from everything, and unless I choose otherwise, I become more "me" and more connected and wiser with every moment that passes. Why on earth have it any other way?