50 favorite TV Quotes
Boone: Someone else was stranded here?
Charlie: Guys... where are we? (Pilot, Part 2)
Jack: It's been six days, and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim. He tried to save her and now you're about to crucify him. We can't do this. Every man for himself is not going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here. Now I found water. Freshwater, up in the valley. I'll take a party up there at first daylight. If you don't want to come then find another way to contribute! Last week most of us were strangers. But we're all here now. And God knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together-we're gonna die alone. (White Rabbit)
Hurley: We got a problem. The manifest. Jack, the census. The names of everyone who survived, all 46 of us. I interviewed everyone, here, at the beach. Got their names. One of them, one of them isn't - Jack! One of them isn't in the manifest. He wasn't on the plane! (Raised By Another)
Juliet: What do you do, Jack? What's your profession?
Jack: I'm a repo man. You know, when people don't pay their bills I go into the bank and collect their possessions. I'm a people person so I really love it.
Juliet: Are you married?
Jack: No. I never saw the point. What about you? What's your job, besides making sandwiches?
Juliet: Oh, I didn't make it. I just put the toothpicks in. (A Tale of Two Cities)
Jack: We have to go back, Kate. We have to go back! (Through the Looking Glass)
Desmond: I love you, Penny. I've always loved you. I'm so sorry. I love you.
Penelope: I love you too.
Desmond: I don't know where I am but,
Penelope: I'll find you, Des,
Desmond: I promise,
Penelope: no matter what-
Desmond: I'll come back to you.
Penelope: I won't give up.
Desmond: I promise.
Penelope: I promise.
Desmond, Penelope: I love you. (The Constant)
Hurley: Okay. See, we did crash, but it was on this crazy island. And we waited for rescue, and there wasn't any rescue. And there was a smoke monster, and then there were other people on the island. We called them the Others, and they started attacking us. And we found some hatches, and there was a button you had to push every 108 minutes or... well, I was never really clear on that. But... the Others didn't have anything to do with the hatches. That was the DHARMA Initiative. The Others killed them, and now they're trying to kill us. And then we teamed up with the Others because some worse people were coming on a freighter. Desmond's girlfriend's father sent them to kill us. So we stole their helicopter and we flew it to their freighter, but it blew up. And we couldn't go back to the island because it disappeared, so then we crashed into the ocean, and we floated there for a while until a boat came and picked us up. And by then, there were six of us. That part was true. But the rest of the people...who were on the plane? They're still on that island. (The Lie)
James: I had a thing for a girl once. And I had a shot at her, but I didn't take it. For a little while, I'd lay in bed every night, wondering if it was a mistake. Wondering if... I'd ever stop thinking about her. And now I can barely remember what she looks like. I mean, her face... it's.. She's just gone, and she ain't never coming back. So... Is three years long enough to get over someone? Absolutely. (LaFleur)
Juliet: We should get coffee sometime.
James: I'd love to, but that machine ate my dollar. I only got one left.
Juliet: We could go dutch. (The End)
Christian: This is the place that you all made together so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you. (The End)
Scully: You set us up. You’re in on this with Lucas Henry. This was a trap for Mulder because he helped put you away. Well, I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you’ve done, four days from now, no one will be able to stop me from being the one that will throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch! (Beyond the Sea)
Scully: Mulder, it's me. I just had something incredibly strange happen. This piece of metal that they took out of Duane Barry, it has some kind of code on it. I ran it through a scanner, and some kind of serial number came up. What the hell is this thing, Mulder? It's almost as if... it's almost as if somebody was using it to catalogue him...Mulder! I need your help! Mulder! Mulder! (Duane Barry)
Mulder: Looks like the fuselage of a plane.
Scully: It's a North American P-51 Mustang.
Mulder: I just got very turned on. (Piper Maru)
The Cigarette-Smoking Man: Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers. (Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man)
Mulder: The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us. (Memento Mori)
Mulder (as he climbs a tree): Hey, Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all? (Schizogeny)
Mulder: You have to be willing to see.
Scully: I wish it were that simple.
Mulder: Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion. (Folie a Deux)
Mulder: I love you.
Scully: Oh, brother...(Triangle)
Mulder: Wow. Admit it: you just want to play house. Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich! Did I not make myself clear? (Arcadia)
Mulder: I want to believe that... the dead are not lost to us. That they speak to us... as part of something greater than us -greater than any alien force. And if you and I are powerless now, I want to believe that if we listen, to what's speaking, it can give us the power to save ourselves.
Scully: Then we believe the same thing.
Mulder: Maybe there's hope. (The Truth Part 2)
Leslie: What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. (Pilot)
Ron: We didn't talk. We made love.
Leslie: Oh my. Mm. Good. Oh well, spare me the details. I'm just happy-
Ron: It was so intense, I didn't know where my flesh stopped and hers began. You know what I mean?
Leslie: Yeah...
Ron: Our marriage was always a complete disaster, but we did have... that. The two of us. It's like doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours.
Leslie: This seems like a private matter, but I'm-
Ron: That woman really knows her way around a penis. (Ron and Tammy)
Tom: On a scale from one to Chris Brown, how pissed off is he? (Hunting Trip)
Ron: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish: for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable. (Go Big Or Go Home)
Ben: That was amazing. That was a flu ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA finals. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersly. That was...that was Leslie Knope. (The Flu)
April: Hey, I love you.
Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesomesauce! (Harvest Festival)
Tom: 'Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a z. I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Fried chicken is fri-fri chicky-chick. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. Chicken cacciatore? Chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes. (Soulmates)
Ron: I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam: birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. (Eagleton)
Ron: It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on the taxpayers teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. ...I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old. (Road Trip)
Andy: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life. (The Bubble)
Phil: I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I'm hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laughing out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face? Um you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical so. (Pilot)
Mitchell: Help! We locked our baby in the car and people are judging us! (Run For Your Wife)
Alex: What's Jägermeister?
Phil: Um, well you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle - you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation. (Moon Landing)
Luke: You had a girlfriend before Mom?
Phil: Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your Mom.
Claire: And thank you. (Truth Be Told)
Phil: Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I, and I'm sorry but I'm not a micro-manager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without smothering him.
Claire: You think I smother our children?
Phil: It's not your fault, honey, mother is part of the word. You ever hear of anyone being sfathered to death? (Starry Night)
Gloria: I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and running and rowing, it’s just like how some of my relatives got into this country! (Hawaii)
Claire: Quick, quick, tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant. (Family Portrait)
Haley: Okay, Mom, you can't have a problem with this one. I'm Mother Teresa.
Claire: Are you kidding me?
Haley: What? I'm her back then when she was hot.
Claire: I will give you $10 to go up and put more clothes on.
Alex: I bet that's the first time you've heard that. (Halloween)
Mitchell: Let's just let Lily have a normal childhood.
Cameron: I think that gay cruise has sailed. (Chirp)
Mitchell: Well, this one says "when my daughter bit her brother, I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. She cried and cried but she never bit again. Smiley face."
Cameron: Oh, well the smiley face makes it okay. 'I water-boarded our toddler. LOL.' (Dance Dance Revelation)
Don Draper: The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes)
Betty Draper: I liked your girl Peggy. She’s fresh.
Don Draper: As the driven snow. (5G)
Pete Campbell: You ever been hunting, Peggy?
Peggy Olson: No, I don't think so.
Pete Campbell: You either have or you haven't. I went a couple of times. With my uncle. New Hampshire.
Peggy Olsen: I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.
Pete Campbell: It's an incredible sensation. You have to be very quiet. Take it down with the first shot or you scare it away. Then sometimes you have to go up and finish it off. Then you tie it to the bumper and go home. But do you know what I've always wanted to do? I would pick it up, throw its back legs over my shoulder, and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin. And there, I'd hang it up between a couple of trees, cut it open, and drain it, dress it. Then I'd take my big hunting knife and I'd cut this loin right out the side. And I'd go into the cabin and there'd be this woman waiting for me. Standing by one of those old stoves with a big black pipe. And I'd hand it to her and she'd put it in a cast iron skillet and then I'd sit at the table. And she'd bring it to me. And I'd wipe my knife on my knee. And then I would eat it. While she watches.
Peggy Olsen: That would be wonderful. (Red in the Face)
Don Draper: I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie, there is no system, the universe is indifferent. (The Hobo Code)
Joan Holloway: Peggy, this is isn't China. There's no money in virginity. (Shoot)
Bobbie: This is America; pick a job and become the person who does it. (The New Girl)
Peggy: Well, one day you’re there and then all of a sudden there’s less of you. And you wonder where that part went, if it’s living somewhere outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize, it’s just gone. (Meditations in an Emergency)
Betty Draper: You don't kiss boys. Boys kiss you. (Souvenir)
Don Draper: It's your job. I give you money, you give me ideas.
Peggy Olson: And you never say thank you.
Don: That's what the money is for! (The Suitcase)
Don Draper: We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what he had. (The Summer Man)
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