Constellations
Fergus sat quietly at Andy’s bedside, staring at the neck brace like it was likely to become a permanent fixture. The other boys had come round and left, according to the nurse. She also informed him that Andy was asleep. That wasn’t a problem. He preferred to watch people when they were unaware that he was watching them. Well, and Andy said he didn’t mind him looking before so he figured he wouldn’t mind him looking now.
He held a book on astronomy, smiling a little. He hoped Andy would like it. They’d talked about stars before, laid out on the sand and just stared at them. Andy was nice, told him that he was an alright sort and didn’t call him ‘Fagus’ like Victor or Jesse when they were upset about things. It had made him squirm with delight. It had been an inside, quiet sort of squirming but he couldn’t help but feel it all the same.
“You know, you shouldn’t stare so much at it. It might weld to my skin.”
Fergus jumped at the sound of Andy’s voice, blushing slightly. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you were…”
“Asleep?” Andy smiled quietly, a hint of laughter to his voice. “I can see that.”
Fergus wrapped an arm around his waist like it was able to hide the parts of him that felt nervous and uncertain; the parts of him that stuck out at awkward angles. “I suppose I was wrong.”
Andy smiled and it made his knees feel weak despite the fact that he was sitting. “You don’t have to hide from me, Fergus,” he said quietly. “And what’s that you’ve got?”
Fergus almost jumped out of surprise but held up the book. “I thought you might want to look at it. It’s got a section on constellations.”
Andy moved over in his bed and put his hand on the space next to him. “Come and show me. I can’t turn my head too much. Neck injury.”
Fergus places himself where Andy’s hand was moments ago, feeling nervous as being so close to him. “Should we start from the beginning or…”
“Start at the constellations,” Andy supplied, eyes shining with excitement. It made Fergus want to kiss him right then and there but he didn’t want to hurt him. “It’ll be like that night on the beach.”
Fergus blushed, earning him a soft laugh from Andy. He opened the book, glancing over at Andy’s face. It was still as lovely as it had been before, although a bit more pinched-probably because of the pain. “Without the jerking off, I figure.”
Andy snorted, looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Can’t feel much but the pain…so I guess not.”
Fergus bit his lip and held up the book so they could both see it. “So, what about you?”
Andy looked at him again, confusion written across his face. “What about me? I don’t understand.”
Fergus felt stupid for a moment. He should have known that Andy wasn’t going to pick up on the conversation. It was what he’d meant to ask then…only he hadn’t asked. “That’s what I meant to ask you back at the beach. You asked me if I liked girls. I meant to ask you if you liked girls.” God, he felt stupid.
Andy smiled and moved around to get comfortable-or that’s what he figured was happening. He couldn’t be certain. The longer the silence-no matter the fact that it was only a few seconds-drew on, the more uncomfortable Fergus found himself. “I wouldn’t say they interested me, no. Is that going to be a problem?”
Fergus let out a laugh, mostly as a release for his nerves. “No. No problem here.” He propped himself up on his elbows, letting the book rest on his stomach for a moment. “It’s a bit of a relief, actually.”
At that, Andy’s eyebrows shot up, curiosity present in his eyes. It was one of the most adorable looks that Fergus had ever seen-when it came to Andy, anyway. “And why’s that?”
As he bit his lip, Fergus contemplated his next move. How would it be received? Would he be rejected? He didn’t think he was all that attractive. He was paler than anything if he took his shirt off and he wasn’t really that built. Andy was tan and gorgeous. He swallowed quickly before leaning over to press his lips against Andy’s.
There were hands on his shoulders and Andy was trying to say something. “Fergus. Fergus, stop.”
Fergus shot up and off the bed, apologizing. “I’m sorry…I-I just…”
Andy smiled, which possibly meant he wasn’t upset…and his pupils were slightly dilated. “I just meant,” he started quietly. “That I want to be able to feel things properly first. Then we can get on with the kissing.”
Fergus felt stupid. He was in the middle of a self-punishing inner monologue when Andy’s words hit him. I want to be able to feel things properly first. Then we can get on with the kissing. “Oh. Oh.”
Andy laughed, continuing to watch him. “Now get back over here and look at constellations with me.”
Fergus didn’t argue with Andy as he settled back onto the hospital bed and held the book up for them both to look at.
He held a book on astronomy, smiling a little. He hoped Andy would like it. They’d talked about stars before, laid out on the sand and just stared at them. Andy was nice, told him that he was an alright sort and didn’t call him ‘Fagus’ like Victor or Jesse when they were upset about things. It had made him squirm with delight. It had been an inside, quiet sort of squirming but he couldn’t help but feel it all the same.
“You know, you shouldn’t stare so much at it. It might weld to my skin.”
Fergus jumped at the sound of Andy’s voice, blushing slightly. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you were…”
“Asleep?” Andy smiled quietly, a hint of laughter to his voice. “I can see that.”
Fergus wrapped an arm around his waist like it was able to hide the parts of him that felt nervous and uncertain; the parts of him that stuck out at awkward angles. “I suppose I was wrong.”
Andy smiled and it made his knees feel weak despite the fact that he was sitting. “You don’t have to hide from me, Fergus,” he said quietly. “And what’s that you’ve got?”
Fergus almost jumped out of surprise but held up the book. “I thought you might want to look at it. It’s got a section on constellations.”
Andy moved over in his bed and put his hand on the space next to him. “Come and show me. I can’t turn my head too much. Neck injury.”
Fergus places himself where Andy’s hand was moments ago, feeling nervous as being so close to him. “Should we start from the beginning or…”
“Start at the constellations,” Andy supplied, eyes shining with excitement. It made Fergus want to kiss him right then and there but he didn’t want to hurt him. “It’ll be like that night on the beach.”
Fergus blushed, earning him a soft laugh from Andy. He opened the book, glancing over at Andy’s face. It was still as lovely as it had been before, although a bit more pinched-probably because of the pain. “Without the jerking off, I figure.”
Andy snorted, looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. “Can’t feel much but the pain…so I guess not.”
Fergus bit his lip and held up the book so they could both see it. “So, what about you?”
Andy looked at him again, confusion written across his face. “What about me? I don’t understand.”
Fergus felt stupid for a moment. He should have known that Andy wasn’t going to pick up on the conversation. It was what he’d meant to ask then…only he hadn’t asked. “That’s what I meant to ask you back at the beach. You asked me if I liked girls. I meant to ask you if you liked girls.” God, he felt stupid.
Andy smiled and moved around to get comfortable-or that’s what he figured was happening. He couldn’t be certain. The longer the silence-no matter the fact that it was only a few seconds-drew on, the more uncomfortable Fergus found himself. “I wouldn’t say they interested me, no. Is that going to be a problem?”
Fergus let out a laugh, mostly as a release for his nerves. “No. No problem here.” He propped himself up on his elbows, letting the book rest on his stomach for a moment. “It’s a bit of a relief, actually.”
At that, Andy’s eyebrows shot up, curiosity present in his eyes. It was one of the most adorable looks that Fergus had ever seen-when it came to Andy, anyway. “And why’s that?”
As he bit his lip, Fergus contemplated his next move. How would it be received? Would he be rejected? He didn’t think he was all that attractive. He was paler than anything if he took his shirt off and he wasn’t really that built. Andy was tan and gorgeous. He swallowed quickly before leaning over to press his lips against Andy’s.
There were hands on his shoulders and Andy was trying to say something. “Fergus. Fergus, stop.”
Fergus shot up and off the bed, apologizing. “I’m sorry…I-I just…”
Andy smiled, which possibly meant he wasn’t upset…and his pupils were slightly dilated. “I just meant,” he started quietly. “That I want to be able to feel things properly first. Then we can get on with the kissing.”
Fergus felt stupid. He was in the middle of a self-punishing inner monologue when Andy’s words hit him. I want to be able to feel things properly first. Then we can get on with the kissing. “Oh. Oh.”
Andy laughed, continuing to watch him. “Now get back over here and look at constellations with me.”
Fergus didn’t argue with Andy as he settled back onto the hospital bed and held the book up for them both to look at.