and now...."Rock of Love," bitches!
Last week, there was mayhem on a CD cover photoshoot. Brandi dressed up as a guy. Mia tried to step up her game. Lacey got hated on some more. Lacey finally won a challenge! And Mia got eliminated.
Now there are five girls left. It's getting down to the nitty-gritty, and they're all aware of it.
At this point on "Flavor of Love," Flav would bring in his large family/all his kids to grill whoever was left in the competition...because Flavor Flav is an upstanding family man, boyyeeee. Ha, no really. Flav is somewhat involved in all of his kids' lives and really wanted their input. And you had to dig that about Flavor Flav. You'd think Bret Michaels would see how his remaining five would fare around his two little girls or how they'd put up with Kristi (their mom).
NO! This is where Bret loses points with me. No interaction with Rain or Georgia. Or Kristi. See, if I were to get involved with a guy who has kids from a previous relationship, and if they're so much a part of his life and special to him (like Bret claims), I'd at least want to meet them and be on an even keel with the baby-mama. And I guess that's where my priorities shine through, and I will grudgingly admit that family is important to me. Now I wish Bret would bring good ol' Rodeo back...or at least kept her around a little longer. Maybe Bret doesn't want his girls around this environment. Maybe Kristi doesn't. I'm sure there's a reason along these lines. But like I said...no.
Bret cares more about what his "SuperFans" think as opposed to his family. So today, he's called in three Poison groupies superfans to grill the remaining five. The girls don't know what to expect. Jes makes a remark about the superfans potentially being "big-haired 80s girls that look like Heather." This made me laugh. Jes' commentary this episode made me love her a little bit more. Over at TelevisionWithoutPity.com's "Rock of Love" thread, we snark about Heather's age/sense of style being stuck in 1988, or how Heather styles herself like this on purpose to appeal to Bret in his prime. (Kind of like how Holly Madison purposely tries to style herself to look like Jean Harlow or Marilyn Monroe just to appeal to Hugh Hefner's preference for "old Hollywood glam.") Either way, it's pathetic.
Enter the SuperFans: Amy, Ky and Allison. They're hot! Why didn't they audition?! Probably because they're recognized GROUPIES! Word is that casting for "Rock of Love" was very difficult because Bret had to go through all the auditions and choose women that he hadn't hooked up with on the tour bus/backstage, and there are so many women who have done just that. (It's a wonder Bret hasn't contracted an STD or his dick hasn't fallen off.) Automatically, the girls don't like Amy, Ky or Allison. (They're jealous! I mean, they've obviously screwed Bret.) Brandi's first impression?: "Bitch, bitch, bitch!" Lacey? "I'm the Queen of Intimidation! Bring it!"
Big John has them all wait outside to be interrogated. First up is Brandi. They shine a bright, hot light on her, putting her on the spot. They ask her where she's from, what her occupation is, etc. Brandi responds that she's a dancer. Specifically, an exotic dancer, which equals STRIPPER. (duh.) Amy, Ky and Allison ask if she sees Bret as her ticket out of the stripper life. Brandi responds, "So far, no." (I don't know what to make out of that.) She goes to college to study architecture and interior design; she's studying to "get out." The groupiessuperfans ask her, "Designing what? Strip clubs?"
That was harsh, yo. Brandi doesn't deserve this shit. The superfans are coming off like Regina George and the Plastics in Mean Girls. She's under pressure and she's smoking. Literally. The light's so bright and hot, it's overheating her bobby pins and singeing her hair! It's like she's Richard Pryor!
Next up is Sam. Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam. It doesn't look good for Sam this week. The SuperFans grill her on what makes Bret so special to her. Sam says that when she's with Bret, he makes her feel special. Problem is, the SuperFans say that Bret's friendly with everyone. Plus...Sam just has a problem with other girls in general. She knows Amy, Ky and Allison have slept with Bret at one point. They're GROUPIES! DUH!
You can call shit "fecal matter," but it doesn't matter because it still comes out of someone's ass...and it stinks.
They ask Sam to fake an orgasm. (Uh, why?) Sam can't fake an orgasm, and why should she try? Hell, a simple kiss from Bret is enough to "make angels sing" in her head. The SuperGroupies feel that Sam lacks confidence, and to date a rockstar like Bret, you have to be emotionally secure and confident. And really....Sam's ready to throw in the towel. I think she has realized that when it comes to someone like Bret, there will always be other girls. She doesn't want that in a boyfriend, and really, what self-respecting woman does? Outside the interrogation room, she break down and says, "I hate girls." You'd think at this point, Brandi would be sick of all of Sam's waterworks, but no. She consoles her anyway. Brandi had a hard enough time in there, too.
Next up is Jes. Location and occupation: She's from Chicago (yeah!) and is a hairstylist/bartender. The SuperGroupies start grilling her on Poison trivia: "Who's the drummer? Can you name any Poison albums?" Jes can't answer. This irritates me to no end. She supposedly wins the whole shebang, for crying out loud! Jes, THE DRUMMER IS RIKKI ROCKETT!! Albums?! Open Up And Say Ahhhhh!! Look What The Cat Dragged In! Flesh and Blood! Hollyweird! Oh, Jesus Tapdancing Christ! The SuperGroupies are NOT impressed. (And neither am I.) Then they start criticizing Jes' looks/lack of plastic surgery. (She's from CHICAGO, ladies. Not Los Angeles.) I guess Bret's GF must have fake titties. (Read the current issue of Blender to get this reference.) Jes has has the restylane injections in her lips and that's as much as she's done. Is she a good kisser? Jes kisses Ky to prove it. Does she get along with the other girls in the house? For the most part, yeah; Jes says they're all cordial to each other...except where Lacey's concerned, but that's a whole other story. And that's all that's said about Lacey, really.
Next up is Heather. Occupation? "Exotic dancer." Another stripper. The SuperGroupies start again with the "do you see Bret as a ticket out?" crap and "do you think Bret wants to settle down with a stripper?" Heather's not letting them get to her. And frankly...I think Bret just as a weakness for stippers. I mean, hell. A bad relationship with an ex who happened to be a stripper inspired Bret to write "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." However, for the most part, Heather is comfortable with the SuperGroupies. (Because she is one? OH SNAP!) They ask about her lack of tattoos. Remember a few episodes back when Heather wanted to get a tattoo? She tells the SuperGroupies about her plans to get Bret's name tattooed on the back of her neck. The SuperGroupies automatically like her. (Birds of a feather flock together!) C'mon...I bet these fans have their own respective "Bret" tattoos. Hell, over at BretMichaels.com, he has a gallery devoted to his fans' "Bret" tattoos.
Last but not least....Lacey. The "Queen of Intimidation" herself. Occupation? Musician. (Drama queen/psychopath/sociopath/PETA activist/demon woman!) The SuperGroupies ask Lacey to sing one of Bret's songs. She lamely sings the chorus to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I'm rolling my eyes. So are the SuperGroupies. I think they're giggling at her, too. If she wanted to impress the SuperGroupies, she would've busted out a lesser-known Poison hit, like "Ride the Wind" or "Stand" or "(Flesh and Blood) Sacrifice."
Back to the interrogation. The SuperGroupies have word that she's not liked by the other girls. In her confessional, Lacey's all, "Obviously, the other girls in the house have been taking bad about me to the SuperFans." Uh....not really, bitch. Bret probably gave Amy, Ky and Allison the lowdown on them before they proceded. What they know of her? Lacey's aggressive (Vh1 shows a clip of her riling Dallas up and ganging up on her before Rodeo stopped their fight), and not there to make friends. It comes out that Lacey does indeed see a therapist (SURPRISE! SURPRISE!) and is on meds (SHE'S CRAZY!). At least Sam 'fessed up to Bret about being on Prozac earlier. However, Lacey is in denial and feels that she really isn't all that crazy and volatile (cue the clip of her pushing/shoving Jes into the pool in the first episode). Lacey's "here to win a game." EXACTLY!! She's not there for Bret! She's there for Lacey Connor! The SuperGroupies can see riiiiight through her.
When they're all done, the girls are hanging out with Amy, Ky and Allison. Well, all of them except for Sam. She's needing some alone-time after her little breakdown. Sam thinks the others are just kissing ass, and she refuses to brown-nose. They aren't brown-nosing, really...well, Lacey is, but that's a given. I think the SuperGroupies did indeed shake Lacey up some, and Lacey knows she's not their favorite. They're chatting with Jes about Lacey some. Bret drops in and hangs out some...and notices Sam is M.I.A. Jes goes to check up on Sam, who's packing. Sam felt she didn't deserve that treatment (None of them did, hon...except for Lacey. *giggle*), she's fed up and she's ready to leave. NO! Jes doesn't want her to leave NOW. ("If she goes, who am I going to talk to? Lacey?") She's doing all she can to persuade Sam to give it just one more day.
This is why you have to love Jes. She's very encouraging and doesn't put up with crap and won't stand to see someone get hurt.
Later on, Bret has a pow-wow with the SuperGroupies:
Brandi? They feel her answers were "too perfect; what you'd want to hear." Feel that she's a phony.
Jes? Golden. She can jump on a tour bus with no hassles.
Heather? Ultimately the coolest. (Like I said, birds of a feather flock together.)
Sam? Emotionally, not compatible with Bret. But they felt she had the most soul of the five.
Lacey? A big fat N-O.
......But Bret digs Lacey.
Uh, Bret? If your SuperFans have a bad feeling about her, that should be a big red flag.
The winner? Heather! She's so amped, she does a cartwheel. Yay! Solo date! She and Bret immediately go out for tattoos.
Jes, Brandi and Lacey mingle some more with Amy, Ky and Allison. After mingling some more, the SuperGroupies still feel that Lacey doesn't have Bret's best interests at heart. They all go to check in on Sam because truth be told, the SuperGroupies did like her. (Lacey tags along, too, but only to make herself look good and "concerned" and "warm" and "compassionate" to the SuperGroupies. And Lacey actually ADMITS to this in her confessional!)
...See, on "Flavor of Love," at least New York never admitted to underhanded, deceptive shit like this. If you didn't like New York (like I didn't), tough! She wasn't going to try to make you like her, either. New York kisses no one's ass. In that respect....I like New York. A little. New York OWNS Lacey Connor. New York is in tha motha-fuckin' house!! BITCHES!
...'Kay, back to "Rock of Love."
The two that ranked the lowest to the SuperGroupies were Brandi and Lacey. They get pulled aside for a one-on-three with the SuperGroupies. They ask Brandi why should she stay. Deep down, Brandi is in it for Bret 100%, and she's never felt that way about anyone before. Lacey's trying to win them over, "I have warmth! I'm compassionate!" She comes up with a lame sob story about "how hard it is for her to let her guard down" and "all the experiences she's been through" and tries hard to whip some tears up. (Watch Jes' imitation of Lacey's pathetic attempt at crying in the confessional.)
.....Where the hell is good ol' Rodeo when you need her or want her around?! She was waaaaay more convincing with her "I had cancer! I had blood transfusions! I have a kid! I collect swords!" because you could believe it from her. Amy, Ky and Allison still don't buy it from Lacey. Neither do Jes or Brandi. (Or me.)
Meanwhile...at the tattoo parlor with Bret and Heather! This is just a stupid idea. I view this as a pathetic last-ditch attempt to impress/win over Bret. She gets his name tattooed on the back of her neck.
Bret: It feels erotic!
Heather: (in confessional) Erotic, my ass! This is gonna hurt!
Bret 'fesses up that he's had some of the best sex ever after getting some tattoo work done. Meh, to each his own, I guess. (Bret got something done, too. What he got...I have no clue.) Later on, they return home and Heather shows off her "Bret" tattoo. OH NO SHE DIDN'T!! Jes thinks it's stooopid, and feels that Heather will regret getting it eventually.
One last pow-wow with Bret and the SuperGroupies:
Sam? Definitely something there with her. They don't want to see her go.
Jes? Still loving her.
Brandi? Still on the fence, but ultimately enjoyed hanging out with her.
Lacey? STILL a big fat nothing.
Elimination time. No goofy getup from Bret tonight. Black jacket, black bandana, blue jeans. Bret must be feeling kind of somber. He ain't lookin' forward to this.
Heather stays because she got the tattoo, which equals committment!
Jes was Miss Grace Under Pressure and stays.
Brandi...keeping her for one more shot. (Why is Brandi dressed in the same grey-and-black-striped top outfit instead of in an elimination dress?!)
.....Down to Lacey and Sam.
Okay. Amy, Ky and Allison flat-out didn't like Lacey. However, Sam's been talking about bolting. Or staying. She doesn't know. She's had her heart put through the wringer. And Bret likes her too much to keep putting her through it.
YES. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. He's pulling the same shit with Sam that he pulled with Rodeo!
He also apologizes to LACEY for how the SuperGroupies treated her! HE APOLOGIZED FOR WHAT LACEY WENT THROUGH?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT ABOUT SAM?! WHAT ABOUT BRANDI?!!
Bret Michaels is an assclown who deserves to have his balls chopped off in his sleep by Lacey at this point. It's his funeral. His loss. He should've kept Sam around.
Lacey pushes out some crocodile tears of relief. Before Sam goes, Bret tells Sam he really doesn't want to end things on bad terms with her, and hopes that they can still be close friends. Of course, Sam obliges. They kiss.
And it's HOT. (Geez, Sam, where'd THAT come from?!) She goes out guns blazing. And I'm still happy for her.
Now there are five girls left. It's getting down to the nitty-gritty, and they're all aware of it.
At this point on "Flavor of Love," Flav would bring in his large family/all his kids to grill whoever was left in the competition...because Flavor Flav is an upstanding family man, boyyeeee. Ha, no really. Flav is somewhat involved in all of his kids' lives and really wanted their input. And you had to dig that about Flavor Flav. You'd think Bret Michaels would see how his remaining five would fare around his two little girls or how they'd put up with Kristi (their mom).
NO! This is where Bret loses points with me. No interaction with Rain or Georgia. Or Kristi. See, if I were to get involved with a guy who has kids from a previous relationship, and if they're so much a part of his life and special to him (like Bret claims), I'd at least want to meet them and be on an even keel with the baby-mama. And I guess that's where my priorities shine through, and I will grudgingly admit that family is important to me. Now I wish Bret would bring good ol' Rodeo back...or at least kept her around a little longer. Maybe Bret doesn't want his girls around this environment. Maybe Kristi doesn't. I'm sure there's a reason along these lines. But like I said...no.
Bret cares more about what his "SuperFans" think as opposed to his family. So today, he's called in three Poison groupies superfans to grill the remaining five. The girls don't know what to expect. Jes makes a remark about the superfans potentially being "big-haired 80s girls that look like Heather." This made me laugh. Jes' commentary this episode made me love her a little bit more. Over at TelevisionWithoutPity.com's "Rock of Love" thread, we snark about Heather's age/sense of style being stuck in 1988, or how Heather styles herself like this on purpose to appeal to Bret in his prime. (Kind of like how Holly Madison purposely tries to style herself to look like Jean Harlow or Marilyn Monroe just to appeal to Hugh Hefner's preference for "old Hollywood glam.") Either way, it's pathetic.
Enter the SuperFans: Amy, Ky and Allison. They're hot! Why didn't they audition?! Probably because they're recognized GROUPIES! Word is that casting for "Rock of Love" was very difficult because Bret had to go through all the auditions and choose women that he hadn't hooked up with on the tour bus/backstage, and there are so many women who have done just that. (It's a wonder Bret hasn't contracted an STD or his dick hasn't fallen off.) Automatically, the girls don't like Amy, Ky or Allison. (They're jealous! I mean, they've obviously screwed Bret.) Brandi's first impression?: "Bitch, bitch, bitch!" Lacey? "I'm the Queen of Intimidation! Bring it!"
Big John has them all wait outside to be interrogated. First up is Brandi. They shine a bright, hot light on her, putting her on the spot. They ask her where she's from, what her occupation is, etc. Brandi responds that she's a dancer. Specifically, an exotic dancer, which equals STRIPPER. (duh.) Amy, Ky and Allison ask if she sees Bret as her ticket out of the stripper life. Brandi responds, "So far, no." (I don't know what to make out of that.) She goes to college to study architecture and interior design; she's studying to "get out." The groupiessuperfans ask her, "Designing what? Strip clubs?"
That was harsh, yo. Brandi doesn't deserve this shit. The superfans are coming off like Regina George and the Plastics in Mean Girls. She's under pressure and she's smoking. Literally. The light's so bright and hot, it's overheating her bobby pins and singeing her hair! It's like she's Richard Pryor!
Next up is Sam. Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam. It doesn't look good for Sam this week. The SuperFans grill her on what makes Bret so special to her. Sam says that when she's with Bret, he makes her feel special. Problem is, the SuperFans say that Bret's friendly with everyone. Plus...Sam just has a problem with other girls in general. She knows Amy, Ky and Allison have slept with Bret at one point. They're GROUPIES! DUH!
You can call shit "fecal matter," but it doesn't matter because it still comes out of someone's ass...and it stinks.
They ask Sam to fake an orgasm. (Uh, why?) Sam can't fake an orgasm, and why should she try? Hell, a simple kiss from Bret is enough to "make angels sing" in her head. The SuperGroupies feel that Sam lacks confidence, and to date a rockstar like Bret, you have to be emotionally secure and confident. And really....Sam's ready to throw in the towel. I think she has realized that when it comes to someone like Bret, there will always be other girls. She doesn't want that in a boyfriend, and really, what self-respecting woman does? Outside the interrogation room, she break down and says, "I hate girls." You'd think at this point, Brandi would be sick of all of Sam's waterworks, but no. She consoles her anyway. Brandi had a hard enough time in there, too.
Next up is Jes. Location and occupation: She's from Chicago (yeah!) and is a hairstylist/bartender. The SuperGroupies start grilling her on Poison trivia: "Who's the drummer? Can you name any Poison albums?" Jes can't answer. This irritates me to no end. She supposedly wins the whole shebang, for crying out loud! Jes, THE DRUMMER IS RIKKI ROCKETT!! Albums?! Open Up And Say Ahhhhh!! Look What The Cat Dragged In! Flesh and Blood! Hollyweird! Oh, Jesus Tapdancing Christ! The SuperGroupies are NOT impressed. (And neither am I.) Then they start criticizing Jes' looks/lack of plastic surgery. (She's from CHICAGO, ladies. Not Los Angeles.) I guess Bret's GF must have fake titties. (Read the current issue of Blender to get this reference.) Jes has has the restylane injections in her lips and that's as much as she's done. Is she a good kisser? Jes kisses Ky to prove it. Does she get along with the other girls in the house? For the most part, yeah; Jes says they're all cordial to each other...except where Lacey's concerned, but that's a whole other story. And that's all that's said about Lacey, really.
Next up is Heather. Occupation? "Exotic dancer." Another stripper. The SuperGroupies start again with the "do you see Bret as a ticket out?" crap and "do you think Bret wants to settle down with a stripper?" Heather's not letting them get to her. And frankly...I think Bret just as a weakness for stippers. I mean, hell. A bad relationship with an ex who happened to be a stripper inspired Bret to write "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." However, for the most part, Heather is comfortable with the SuperGroupies. (Because she is one? OH SNAP!) They ask about her lack of tattoos. Remember a few episodes back when Heather wanted to get a tattoo? She tells the SuperGroupies about her plans to get Bret's name tattooed on the back of her neck. The SuperGroupies automatically like her. (Birds of a feather flock together!) C'mon...I bet these fans have their own respective "Bret" tattoos. Hell, over at BretMichaels.com, he has a gallery devoted to his fans' "Bret" tattoos.
Last but not least....Lacey. The "Queen of Intimidation" herself. Occupation? Musician. (Drama queen/psychopath/sociopath/PETA activist/demon woman!) The SuperGroupies ask Lacey to sing one of Bret's songs. She lamely sings the chorus to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I'm rolling my eyes. So are the SuperGroupies. I think they're giggling at her, too. If she wanted to impress the SuperGroupies, she would've busted out a lesser-known Poison hit, like "Ride the Wind" or "Stand" or "(Flesh and Blood) Sacrifice."
Back to the interrogation. The SuperGroupies have word that she's not liked by the other girls. In her confessional, Lacey's all, "Obviously, the other girls in the house have been taking bad about me to the SuperFans." Uh....not really, bitch. Bret probably gave Amy, Ky and Allison the lowdown on them before they proceded. What they know of her? Lacey's aggressive (Vh1 shows a clip of her riling Dallas up and ganging up on her before Rodeo stopped their fight), and not there to make friends. It comes out that Lacey does indeed see a therapist (SURPRISE! SURPRISE!) and is on meds (SHE'S CRAZY!). At least Sam 'fessed up to Bret about being on Prozac earlier. However, Lacey is in denial and feels that she really isn't all that crazy and volatile (cue the clip of her pushing/shoving Jes into the pool in the first episode). Lacey's "here to win a game." EXACTLY!! She's not there for Bret! She's there for Lacey Connor! The SuperGroupies can see riiiiight through her.
When they're all done, the girls are hanging out with Amy, Ky and Allison. Well, all of them except for Sam. She's needing some alone-time after her little breakdown. Sam thinks the others are just kissing ass, and she refuses to brown-nose. They aren't brown-nosing, really...well, Lacey is, but that's a given. I think the SuperGroupies did indeed shake Lacey up some, and Lacey knows she's not their favorite. They're chatting with Jes about Lacey some. Bret drops in and hangs out some...and notices Sam is M.I.A. Jes goes to check up on Sam, who's packing. Sam felt she didn't deserve that treatment (None of them did, hon...except for Lacey. *giggle*), she's fed up and she's ready to leave. NO! Jes doesn't want her to leave NOW. ("If she goes, who am I going to talk to? Lacey?") She's doing all she can to persuade Sam to give it just one more day.
This is why you have to love Jes. She's very encouraging and doesn't put up with crap and won't stand to see someone get hurt.
Later on, Bret has a pow-wow with the SuperGroupies:
Brandi? They feel her answers were "too perfect; what you'd want to hear." Feel that she's a phony.
Jes? Golden. She can jump on a tour bus with no hassles.
Heather? Ultimately the coolest. (Like I said, birds of a feather flock together.)
Sam? Emotionally, not compatible with Bret. But they felt she had the most soul of the five.
Lacey? A big fat N-O.
......But Bret digs Lacey.
Uh, Bret? If your SuperFans have a bad feeling about her, that should be a big red flag.
The winner? Heather! She's so amped, she does a cartwheel. Yay! Solo date! She and Bret immediately go out for tattoos.
Jes, Brandi and Lacey mingle some more with Amy, Ky and Allison. After mingling some more, the SuperGroupies still feel that Lacey doesn't have Bret's best interests at heart. They all go to check in on Sam because truth be told, the SuperGroupies did like her. (Lacey tags along, too, but only to make herself look good and "concerned" and "warm" and "compassionate" to the SuperGroupies. And Lacey actually ADMITS to this in her confessional!)
...See, on "Flavor of Love," at least New York never admitted to underhanded, deceptive shit like this. If you didn't like New York (like I didn't), tough! She wasn't going to try to make you like her, either. New York kisses no one's ass. In that respect....I like New York. A little. New York OWNS Lacey Connor. New York is in tha motha-fuckin' house!! BITCHES!
...'Kay, back to "Rock of Love."
The two that ranked the lowest to the SuperGroupies were Brandi and Lacey. They get pulled aside for a one-on-three with the SuperGroupies. They ask Brandi why should she stay. Deep down, Brandi is in it for Bret 100%, and she's never felt that way about anyone before. Lacey's trying to win them over, "I have warmth! I'm compassionate!" She comes up with a lame sob story about "how hard it is for her to let her guard down" and "all the experiences she's been through" and tries hard to whip some tears up. (Watch Jes' imitation of Lacey's pathetic attempt at crying in the confessional.)
.....Where the hell is good ol' Rodeo when you need her or want her around?! She was waaaaay more convincing with her "I had cancer! I had blood transfusions! I have a kid! I collect swords!" because you could believe it from her. Amy, Ky and Allison still don't buy it from Lacey. Neither do Jes or Brandi. (Or me.)
Meanwhile...at the tattoo parlor with Bret and Heather! This is just a stupid idea. I view this as a pathetic last-ditch attempt to impress/win over Bret. She gets his name tattooed on the back of her neck.
Bret: It feels erotic!
Heather: (in confessional) Erotic, my ass! This is gonna hurt!
Bret 'fesses up that he's had some of the best sex ever after getting some tattoo work done. Meh, to each his own, I guess. (Bret got something done, too. What he got...I have no clue.) Later on, they return home and Heather shows off her "Bret" tattoo. OH NO SHE DIDN'T!! Jes thinks it's stooopid, and feels that Heather will regret getting it eventually.
One last pow-wow with Bret and the SuperGroupies:
Sam? Definitely something there with her. They don't want to see her go.
Jes? Still loving her.
Brandi? Still on the fence, but ultimately enjoyed hanging out with her.
Lacey? STILL a big fat nothing.
Elimination time. No goofy getup from Bret tonight. Black jacket, black bandana, blue jeans. Bret must be feeling kind of somber. He ain't lookin' forward to this.
Heather stays because she got the tattoo, which equals committment!
Jes was Miss Grace Under Pressure and stays.
Brandi...keeping her for one more shot. (Why is Brandi dressed in the same grey-and-black-striped top outfit instead of in an elimination dress?!)
.....Down to Lacey and Sam.
Okay. Amy, Ky and Allison flat-out didn't like Lacey. However, Sam's been talking about bolting. Or staying. She doesn't know. She's had her heart put through the wringer. And Bret likes her too much to keep putting her through it.
YES. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. He's pulling the same shit with Sam that he pulled with Rodeo!
He also apologizes to LACEY for how the SuperGroupies treated her! HE APOLOGIZED FOR WHAT LACEY WENT THROUGH?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT ABOUT SAM?! WHAT ABOUT BRANDI?!!
Bret Michaels is an assclown who deserves to have his balls chopped off in his sleep by Lacey at this point. It's his funeral. His loss. He should've kept Sam around.
Lacey pushes out some crocodile tears of relief. Before Sam goes, Bret tells Sam he really doesn't want to end things on bad terms with her, and hopes that they can still be close friends. Of course, Sam obliges. They kiss.
And it's HOT. (Geez, Sam, where'd THAT come from?!) She goes out guns blazing. And I'm still happy for her.