Let's Play Homestuck
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Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.
Part 10: Dream Bubbles
Link back to comic: Page 2928
Characters Jack Has Killed
Black Queen, Black King, Everyone on Prospit, Jade, Everyone on Prospit again, all the trolls, Bro
CG: YOU MADE AN UNBEATABLE BOSS IS WHAT YOU DID.
CG: THE IDIOT YOU CALL THE JADE HUMAN WENT AHEAD AND PROTOTYPED HER FREAK OF A LUSUS, WHILE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE A NAP FOR SOME REASON RATHER THAN DOING WHAT A LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO DO AND STOP HER FROM BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED.
CG: YOUR VERSION OF JACK, WHO YOU WERE SOMEHOW DUMB ENOUGH TO ENTRUST WITH THE QUEEN'S RING, BECAME ESSENTIALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.
CG: HE THEN WENT ON A RAMPAGE THROUGH YOUR POINTLESS SESSION, WHICH HILARIOUSLY, WAS ALREADY A LOST CAUSE EVEN BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!
CG: AND IF THIS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH
CG: YOUR "SOLUTION" LATER WOULD BE TO OPEN A RIFT IN SOME GLORIOUS GESTURE OF MEANINGLESS SUICIDE.
CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW
CG: BUT THE RIFT YOU OPENED ENABLED HIM TO ENTER OUR SESSION, JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO CLAIM OUR PRIZE.
CG: AND NOW WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM!
CG: SO THANKS A LOT, SHIT HEAD.
EB: jade prototyped a lusus?
EB: what's that?
CG: OK, MY BAD, I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO A MEMBER OF A GENERICALLY BIZARRE ALIEN SPECIES.
CG: I GUESS SOME HUMANS HAVE A LUSUS, WHILE OTHERS DON'T? WHATEVER.
CG: HER LUSUS IS THE CREATURE WHICH SERVES AS HER CUSTODIAN.
EB: oh, you mean her dog!
EB: why is that so bad?
CG: IS THIS HOW HUMAN FRIENDSHIP WORKS? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER?
CG: HER LUSUS EXHIBITS THE PROPERTIES OF A LEGENDARY ENTITY CALLED A FIRST GUARDIAN.
EB: what properties?
CG: OK, FOR STARTERS, NOTICE HOW THE FURIOUS WALL OF FIRE CURRENTLY RUSHING TOWARD YOU IS TURNING GREEN?
CG: THOSE FUCKING PROPERTIES.
CG: BUT IT'S A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
CG: AS THE DEFENDERS OF THEIR PLANETS, THEY'RE VIRTUALLY OMNIPOTENT.
CG: THE RESULT IS A BOSS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE THAN WHAT WE HAD TO FIGHT, AND WE PROTOTYPED TWELVE TIMES RATHER THAN A MEASLY FOUR.
CG: AND ONE OF OUR PROTOTYPINGS INCLUDED AN OUTER FUCKING GOD THE SIZE OF A CITY!
CG: I HOPE THIS PUTS IN PERSPECTIVE HOW TERRIBLE YOU ARE.
EB: yeah, it kind of does.
EB: i'm sorry karkat, i didn't realize we screwed up so bad.
CG: ALRIGHT WELL
CG: I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR IT, SO OK I'LL GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR THAT.
EB: i just feel kind of bad i fell asleep, i don't know what came over me.
CG: HEY, INOPPORTUNE NAPS HAPPEN IN THIS GAME.
CG: I MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T WANT TO LET MY GUARD DOWN FOR A SECOND.
CG: BUT THEN
CG: I FOOLISHLY DID.
CG: AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM.
EB: who?
CG: JACK.
CG: HE KILLED ME
CG: AND I GUESS
CG: EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PROBABLY JUST HIS WAY OF SAYING HI
CG: I STILL FELT KIND OF BETRAYED.
CG: WHEN I WOKE UP, EVERYONE HERE WAS BUZZING ABOUT THESE ALIENS CALLED HUMANS.
CG: I PRETTY QUICKLY DETERMINED THAT HE WAS FROM YOUR SESSION, NOT OURS.
CG: ANYWAY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, AND THAT'S WHY YOU ARE SUCH A DISGRACE.
CG: ANYWAY, GUESS I'LL GET GOING AND LET YOU DIE IN YOUR FIRE, WHICH YOU REALLY SHOULD, BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO FOR SOME REASON.
CG: I'VE GOT TO REWIND THE TAPE ON THIS CLUSTERFUCK AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG.
EB: yeah, i should get going too.
EB: my friend is pestering me, and i doubt she likes to be kept waiting.
EB: (she is sort of the bossy type!)
CG: WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB HUMAN FRIEND AND HER PETULANT, MEANINGLESS DEMANDS.
CG: WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY HAVE TO DO WITH ME.
CG: HAVE A SECOND AND PENULTIMATE FUCK YOU:
CG: "FUCK"
CG: "YOU"
CG: MAY IT MARK THE SECOND OF MANY TO COME, AND THE MAGNIFICENT DENOUEMENT TO MANY RECEIVED.
CG: HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY YOU UGLY PILE OF TRASH.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
A fourth station has arrived.
Examining your most cherished treasure, a memory stirs.
The boy. The boy from the monitor.
John is the one you saw that day.
John is the windy one.
You attempt to contact him, but he isn't responding. He's busy with his own things right now.
And now he's talking to the gray text not human, of all people. This is most uncouth.
John is too engrossed in his conversation to notice your demands.
You're going to have to step it up to get his attention.
This is what you get for forgetting your etiquette for one second!
Meanwhile, on a planet awash with green flames...
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
AG: John!
AG: Stop ignoring me. My messages should receive top priority.
AG: Who are you talking to? I don't appreciate 8eing snu88ed like this. How ungr8ful can you get!
AG: Come oooooooon........
EB: hey vriska, sorry to keep you waiting!
EB: um, sorry to cut this short, but this isn't really the best time to chat!
EB: i am in the middle of an ocean of oil that is ablaze with a lot of green fire.
EB: unfortunately, i fell asleep for some reason, and my bed landed here.
AG: Don't 8eat yourself up a8out it!
AG: I was the one who put you to sleep.
EB: um...
EB: you can do that?
EB: why would you put me to sleep and put me in this predicament?
AG: John, soon you will understand that you are meant to rise to gr8tness.
AG: This can't possi8ly happen unless you are challenged.
AG: There will 8e times when your limits are tested. This is one of those times!
EB: i kind of get that, but it's also kind of odd...
EB: if you're seeing my future, and you know those things are the outcome, then why are you going back and...
EB: i guess, involving yourself with these events? see what i mean?
AG: You are going to 8ecome a gr8 hero, that much is sure.
AG: 8ut I want to 8e the one responsi8le for it!
EB: ok, that...
EB: SORT OF makes sense, i guess.
AG: You can do it, John. 8e the hero!
AG: Just like in one of your movies a8out sweaty, rugged adult human males.
EB: ah HA!
EB: so you did watch that video I sent.
EB: what did you think?
AG: It was ok.
AG: I admit it was a little 8etter than I expected.
AG: 8ut who cares! Let's not get sidetracked 8y films a8out wounded, muscular renegades.
EB: anyway, putting me to sleep and landing me in hot water is one thing...
EB: but you sort of indirectly caused a MUCH BIGGER problem!
EB: before i fell asleep, i was about to prototype something really ridiculous to make jack weaker.
EB: but instead, it was prototyped by jade's first guardian dog lusus.
EB: and now he is unstoppable!
AG: Of course I realized that would happen.
AG: It was pretty much the whole point, you goof!
EB: what????????
EB: vriska, why would you do that!
AG: Relaaaaaaaax.
AG: Listen, John.
AG: Regardless of what I did, he is already here.
AG: I know this consequence will 8e hard for you to accept, 8ut whenever you feel angry or confused a8out it, just repeat this to yourself.
AG: It should 8ecome your mantra!
AG: He is already here.
AG: Say it, John!
EB: but what does that mean!
AG: It means what it sounds like! He's already here!!!!!!!!
AG: Here in our session, trying to hunt us down! Man, this should 8e elementary to you 8y now.
AG: No matter what you or I or any of us did, Jack's here now. That's the reality!
AG: Trust me, I am really smart. I have this all figured out.
EB: why did you decide to involve yourself that way?
EB: like the way you are involving yourself with me becoming a hero or whatever?
AG: You just answered your own question!
AG: I did it 8ecause I wanted to 8e the one responsi8le for cre8ting him.
AG: It only makes sense that I would be the one to cre8te him.
AG: Since I am also going to 8e the one to kill him.
EB: that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard.
EB: if he is as strong as karkat says, he will probably kill you!
AG: Karkat doesn't know nothing a8out anything.
AG: He never really appreci8ted how powerful I 8ecame. No8ody did! I am easily the strongest troll 8y far.
EB: you sound pretty cocky! you should be careful about that, that is totally how people have bigtime downfalls.
AG: Nope, I don't have to 8e careful! Too lucky for caution to matter anymore. Them's the 8r8ks!
AG: 8ut don't worry, once all is said and done in your session, and 8y some incredi8ly lucky 8r8k of your own you manage to survive the scratch, we might actually get the chance to meet.
EB: i am not sure who would make me more nervous, you or jack.
AG: John, that's something a loser would say, come on.
AG: 8y the time I am through with you, you should 8e even stronger than me.
EB: you really think we will meet?
EB: are you going to...
EB: uh.
AG: What?
EB: karkat said that...
EB: you might...
AG: You shouldn't listen to anything that loudmouth says.
AG: He had his shot 8eing in charge, and failed misera8ly.
AG: Now quit whining and get yourself out of this mess.
AG: I will talk to you again after you figure it out.
EB: wait!
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
EB: what am i about to doooooooo!
EB: o.
EB: there, that was a 9th o. you don't even deserve 8!!!!!!!!
EB: whoops...
>JOHN, I APOLOGIZE IN A MANNERLY WAY FOR MY BIG LETTERS.
>BUT I MUST URGE YOU TO ADDRESS THIS DANGER.
>WHY DON'T YOU DO THE WINDY THING?
>BOY, YOU'RE BEING VERY STUPID.
>HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THE WINDY THING IS?
>DO THE WINDY THING.
>DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING
John suddenly does the windy thing.
[S] Jade arrives in the Land of Frost and...
At an unknown time...
-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: I'm not )(ere to give you a )(ard time like my buddies )(ave been.
GG: but youre a troll
GG: and thats what trolls do!
CC: Ok t)(en, you can be t)(e judge of t)(at. I won't be long!
CC: I've just come to say a couple t)(ings.
CC: FIRST!
CC: None of t)(is is really your fault!
CC: I mean, your lusus jumped rig)(t in t)(ere to save you!
CC: Just like mine did.
CC: Well ok, mine was dead at t)(e time. 38(
GG: whats a lusus!!!!!
CC: It's a big ol' monster custodian you grow up wit)(!
CC: I wanted to glub somet)(ing -ELS-E to you well before you started playing.
CC: Just to get t)(e idea in your )(ead!
CC: I am Feferi, by t)(e way. Abdicated empress to be!
GG: ok feferi. what is it?
CC: Soon I will go to sleep and speak to t)(e gods.
CC: I will convince t)(em to establis)( a series of stable dream bubbles, w)(ere we can meet in our sleep!
GG: whats a dream bubble?
CC: YOU'LL S-E----------E! 38D
GG: feferi i thought you said you were going to stop using your typing quirk!
CC: Did I?
CC: Jade, t)(is is t)(e first time we )(ave ever talked!
GG: oh
GG: yeah it is
GG: i dont know what i was thinking....
GG: i felt like we already had this conversation
GG: actually
GG: it still sort of feels that way
CC: Well, maybe we did!
CC: W)(at exactly are you doing t)(ere wit)( t)(at toy?
CC: You never did explain it to me!
GG: what do you mean i never explained it to you?
GG: if this really is the first time we talked, why would i have?
CC: Good point.
GG: i do remember this conversation
GG: it was in the past!
GG: but if it was in the past, then where am i now?
GG: i dont think i am asleep....
CC: Yes, you are asleep. But your dream self died, just like mine, remember?
GG: so this is a dream?
CC: It is a dream, and a memory. It is the past, brought back to life by a witch! It's all those things.
CC: Although we are getting off the script here!
CC: This is not how the conversation originally went, obviously.
GG: i am in the game now, right?
CC: Sure!
CC: Hey, why don't you tell me about this cool robot bunny you we're making?
CC: Wish I could make something like this. Never had the gills for technology.
CC: Hard to work with under water!
GG: are you asleep too?
CC: Nope!
GG: then why are you here now?
CC: Because, stupid.
CC: I'M D------EAD!
You have seriously got to stop falling asleep.
You'd better pester John! But your computer is back up in the atrium. Time to climb.
Or is it...
[S] STRIFE!
Good dog.
Best friend.
JADE: thanks bec, good boy!
JADE: soooooo...
JADE: can you talk now?
BECSPRITE:
You think you will keep conversations with Becsprite to a minimum from now on.
NEXT CHAPTER: Shenanigans.
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