history × we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

[pristineismyhat]

The middle of a war is a far from ideal time to try for a baby. It may well be the very worst time to try for a baby, though Narcissa has no other experience to compare it to and less and less desire for any. A baby - no, an heir - is a necessity, an unspoken condition of marriage. She promised to love, honour, obey and for the love of Merlin, get

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[byrightsinhell]

Lucius hears her trying not to be heard and is instantly worried. Narcissa was never the kind of woman for dramatic scenes, thank Merlin, so he can presume she actually means him not to hear her. She might have been successful, had his mind not been wandering at the time. Still, if she wants her privacy, he can allow her that. He'll ask her about it at supper.

Or at least, this was the plan until he hears muffled sobs coming from her room.

Lucius is up and heading for her side before his brain has fully processed what he's doing. At first he's afraid she's hurt, or that something went wrong at her appointment. Injury, illness.

Lucius has steeled himself, as much as a young man can, to the possibility of his own early death. But he would be utterly unprepared to loose Narcissa.

"Love - " He comes in. There's nothing immediately wrong, so he isn't quite sure what to do. "What is it?" He comes to crouch in front of her.

[byrightsinhell]

He closes his eyes, and the presses a firm, possessive kiss to her forehead. Then he pulls back enough to meet her eyes. "If I could have the child for you, I would. But I can't. And I have no doubt you're going to be brilliant at it, like you're brilliant at everything. But. If you're upset, I don't want you to shut me out of it. Tell me how I can help."

[pristineismyhat]

"Tell me that you love me and bring me something nice for my bath," she says, eventually, curling forward against his chest. "I don't know what else. I thought I'd be so much happier than I am- I want to be happy, darling, I do."

[byrightsinhell]

"I want you to be happy too." He kisses her hair. "And I do. I love you. There is no one else I would rather be the mother of my child, do you know that?" He realizes, a little late, that he's never said as much before, but it's been true for awhile now. They moved so gradually from a practicality with good chemistry to friends and from that to something more that he'd almost missed noticing it.

[pristineismyhat]

Falling in love with one's husband is not supposed to be a pleasant surprise several years after the wedding- but it was, and though Narcissa has always been free with her promises and endearments to him, the new sincerity that they fell into catches her off-guard now and then.

Especially now. Sitting down and intimately, frankly discussing their feelings has not exactly been a part of their marriage. She pauses and looks up, pressing her fingertips against the side of his face and studying him, paying less attention than she otherwise might to the fact that sobbing fits have never been very flattering to her and that the angle of her own observation leaves her easily studied in turn. (Her vanity is no small thing.) "Really?"

[byrightsinhell]

It's true that she is not terribly becoming when she cries, but Lucius has always found this sort of reassuring. He had had a girlfriend or two who cried like statues with water running down them, and it was unnerving if picturesque.

He smudges her wet cheek a little with his thumb, as he smiles. "Certainly not. After all. It's not the quantity of children but the quality, hm? And, honestly, can you imagine me entrusting my child, before or after the birth, to Katerina Flint?"

Poor Katerina has now become something of an inside joke for them, it must be said.

[pristineismyhat]

Despite herself, Narcissa laughs and closes her eyes with their wet lashes. "Oh, no, darling, never."

[byrightsinhell]

He chuckles, pulling her a little closer and stroking her hair. "Honestly. You have to have some faith in my tastes."

[pristineismyhat]

"Considering I had to help that along-"

Her definition of 'help along' doesn't coincide with anyone else's, by the by.

[byrightsinhell]

"Oh, Merlin. I would have left her eventually." It's a grumble, but with a little smile none the less.

[pristineismyhat]

"I daresay you would've." She tucks her feet up on the chaise and drapes herself across his lap, folding her arms over the other side of his thigh and resting her head. "You didn't like me nearly so much then."

[byrightsinhell]

"Maybe not as much as now," he agrees. "But maybe more than you thought. You just had a habit of being incredibly aggravating, that was all."

[pristineismyhat]

"You were much worse than I was," she informs him, matter of fact. "Do you know, though, I thought of that when you were courting me? I thought, well, I suppose he wouldn't be terrible to go to bed with-"

On the upside, he has successfully made her stop crying.

[byrightsinhell]

He laughs. "Oh, not terrible? That's a very ringing endorsement. Did you have the entirety of your unattached male acquaintance at the time ranked?"

[pristineismyhat]

"I'm sure I don't know what kind of woman you think I am, Lucius," she says primly, twisting enough to look up at him and pretend she's not laughing at all. "Not the entirety. Oh, you and a few others."

The details of Narcissa's past conquests are presumably going to remain between her, them and God; telling one's Death Eater husband about one's sexual exploits in detail just seems like a bad idea.

[byrightsinhell]

"Well, I should hope a chunk of the acquaintance in question would be firmly out of the realm of possibility." Lucius might press normally, but he's just happy to see her happier when she was. "I do have some faith in your taste as well, after all."