*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Hello! How are you. Here is a fic.
Title: All Together Now
Fandom: Arashi
Rating: PG, for curse words
Genre: Gen, I guess Angst
Word count: ~12,900
Summary: It's almost ten years later and they're drifting away. But they're too late in realizing what they need and something goes horribly wrong.
Notes: OMG THIS ONE. I -- I started on this one after 24HR TV, if you can believe that. I got all emotional with Nino's letter and then again with them singing live and singing well together. So here it is, finished. If you can, I would love some feedback about the structure, like the A then B then A then B format -- you will see what I mean when you read it (I hope). First time I tried something like this so it'd be cool to see if it worked out.
Have to split it up because it's super long, sorry about that.
All Together Now
Oct 12 2017
I watched something interesting on the news today. It was the update of the Oricon charts. As expected, Hey Havoc High is at the top again. They were saying that HHH might outdo Arashi as having the most number of highest selling singles in the opening week.
It made me feel a little... not sad, definitely, but... how do I say this? It sounded like they were referring to us as if we were over and done with already! But we're still making songs! We're still really popular!
It’s not that though - I’m worried about… I don’t know what I’m worried about!!
Is it because I'm getting old?
Is it because I'm getting more mature? A new perspective on life or something? Or is it that life has the new perspective and I'm stuck in my old one? MIDDLE AGE CRISIS??!?!
Feel muddled. I miss everyone. It’s been a while since we’ve met up, not since the anniversary interviews. Well, everyone is busy with other things… I hope Sho brings back presents from Mongolia. But not hats. He can keep those.
Anyway, I'll ask Nino about what he thinks at dinner tomorrow. REMEMBER TO TAKE OUT SOME CASH. REMEMBER TO BOOK TIME OFF for Captain’s art show! Oct 21st at noon.
(one)
"I don't really get why they're so popular," Nino says. "They can't even sing."
"Neither can we!" Aiba laughs.
Nino glares at him. "We can keep a decent tune. These guys are completely tone deaf."
"All the newer bands sing like that. It's just the style of music now."
"Then the whole world has gone tone deaf." Nino picks at his food. He's thirty-four years old, and he still picks at his food. Aiba thinks it's hilarious.
"I hope you're at least planning to eat it all," he says, rapping his chopsticks on the table. "I paid for it, and I don't want to see good money wasted."
"Yes mother."
"How is your mother, by the way?"
Nino sighs. "She went out and bought the new Hey Havoc High single. Forced me to listen to it."
Aiba chokes on the piece of yakiniku he is eating. "Is that why you're so pissy about them?"
Nino doesn't answer. He rests his chin on his palm and looks out the window with a detached expression. Aiba can't tell if he's watching the street or his own reflection.
Aiba doesn’t like it when Nino is silent. Quiet, yes, but silent, no.
"Ne, Nino," Aiba starts, wondering how can word this delicately enough so that Nino won’t make a joke out of it. "On the news the other day, I was watching the Oricon chart listings. They said that HHH will surpass Arashi's All Together Now as the highest ranking single the debut week. They said HHH will be the most famous band from Johnny's ever."
Nino snorts, but doesn't look at Aiba. "You say that like we're a past thing."
"That's how the hosts said it too." Aiba leans forward in his chair. "Nino, are we? Are we a past thing?"
And Nino finally turns to him, incredulity written all over his face. "Of course not, why would you say that? Why would you think that?"
Aiba's eyes dip to his hands, wrapped around his cup of tea. "I just. I know that, but... but we're all doing different things now, and really separate things. We're never all together in one place unless there's a big event, and even then there's usually someone missing due to scheduling conflicts and it - it just doesn't feel right. It feels unbalanced, you know?”
"We still sell well," Nino argues.
"That's not the point!” Aiba says, frustrated. “We're not singing together! We don't have concerts anymore, and we're rarely seen as a group on TV, and at any one time three of us are in different countries and I'm just sick of it!!"
Thirty-four years old, and Nino still isn't the best when dealing with criticism. "What are you saying, that we should drop everything we're doing and make some sort of comeback? How is that even possible if we've never left the business? We're still all here, Aiba."
"No, no, no! I just want --" he pauses. Aiba doesn't know what he wants.
"Then what's the problem?" Nino asks, raising his voice a bit. "I know we're busy, but we always make time for each other! I'm sitting here, eating dinner with you, aren't I? Maybe the reason you haven't been seeing anyone very often is because you're holed up in your restaurant half the time, while the rest of us are out working our asses off! I saw Jun just last week at a movie premiere, and Sho a few days before that when I was interviewed by News Zero. I got a call from Captain this morning about his exhibit. If you're feeling lonely, then get off your butt and do something about it!"
Aiba bites his lip. He felt it trembling. "I - okay. Okay, Nino."
Nino sits back, shoulders slumping. "Good. Now let's eat."
They don't speak for the rest of the meal, but after they step out of the bar, greeted by a gust of cool night air, Aiba asks Nino something.
"Ne. Do you remember the promise we made, when we first debuted?"
Nino lets out a sharp laugh. "A storm throughout the world? Who could forget?"
Aiba smiles softly, reminiscing. "Do you think we've done it?"
“Sure,” Nino says easily. “As much as could be expected, I think.”
“So we’re not like, dying out or anything?”
Nino raises his eyebrows. “It’s just some dumb metaphor, Aiba. Don’t take it so literally.” He waves as he walks away. "Thanks for the meal," he calls. Aiba watches his back diminish in size until he's swallowed up by the night, and then it's just Aiba alone in an empty parking lot.
Oct 13 2017
I don't think I got through to Nino. I probably wasn't conveying the message well enough - either that, or Nino was deliberately being stupid. It probably was both. Try wording it differently? Possibly use visuals? Tie him up to force him to listen?
He thinks I'm lonely because I haven't been seeing anyone, but that's wrong. I got an email from Sho about the exotic animals in Mongolia, Captain sent me that picture of his newest catch, Jun invited me to that premiere - but I couldn't go because of the show. I’m not lonely, I’m just
Anyway, I don’t even know. Like all the pieces are here but just aren’t fitting together well enough?? Troublesome!!!
Sometimes I think: what if Nino actually moved to America, what if Sho's plane hadn't landed safely, what if Jun’s scandal had been worse, what if Captain's mom hadn't recovered ... why were they all sad situations? Everything worked out okay, right? In the end.
BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL: unhappy. I miss all of us together, just hanging out.
The last time I was really, really, super happy was our anniversary party, last month. Everyone was there, we all got drunk, we fell asleep in one huge pile. Nino threw up in the morning. Jun laughed at him. We did karaoke to wake ourselves up. We sang together! The way we wanted to sing (of course Captain was best). It was fun! It was really fun.
Tomorrow we're having animal guests on the show! Me = excited!
Possibly consider: tomato/watermelon summer drink? With/without alcohol?
REMEMBER TO EMAIL NINO BEFORE HE LEAVES (3 days). Don't mention HHH.
Captain’s art show is in one week. Already? Amazing.
(two)
Nino's taking a break from filming. The Korean sun is scorching, and there is only one large fan to cover the entire tent. The costume director and the producer are having an extremely stilted conversation in front of it, so Nino doesn't dare to move any closer. It's going to erupt into a full out brawl soon, and the costume director's nails are as sharp as a knife.
He's not in a good mood. Why did that stupid Aiba have to email him before he left? It'd taken him three days to finally stomp out the thoughts of HHH swirling in his mind, and then Aiba sent him an email and they all came roaring back. The email was totally innocuous, too: good luck, sleep properly, eat well, bring me back a present; still, it was enough to remind him of their conversation in the yakiniku restaurant, and Nino really, really had not wanted to be reminded of it.
It's not that he cares about HHH. He could give a rat's ass about them. Arashi broke records and towered over Japan at one point, and people don't just forget that. If anything, the five kids in Hey Havoc High will have to live with being compared to Arashi for the rest of their career, until they do something to distinguish them from the rest of Johnny's - which, quite frankly, is not going to happen anytime soon. Nino's met them and aside from their good looks, they're worryingly dull.
Nino knows why he's upset: he shouldn't have yelled at Aiba. Not just because of the expression Aiba made after Nino's outburst, but because Aiba was right.
When was the last time the five of them were together? Without their concerts and photoshoots and regular TV programs that required extensive amounts of time just lazing around with each other, they really hadn't done anything as a group for months and months. Recordings were finished alone, music video filming was few and far between and always too rushed - their careers were pulling them apart and no one had done a thing about it.
Dammit, now he'd have to apologize to Aiba. Or worse, treat him to a meal. Or worse, agree to be a test subject for some new meal concoction.
Nino sighs, glancing at his cell to check the time. Days were so long here. He wanted to go back to his hotel room and play guitar... it's been so long he's worried he's forgotten how. It had been on a whim, bringing his guitar with him, he'd had to pay extra to take it on the plane, and it's five days into filming and all it's doing is gathering dust in by his bedside table.
The costume director and producer start yelling.
Nino's phone beeps: a new text message. It's from Sho.
COME HOME NOW. AIBA ACCIDENT HOSPITAL.
Oct 14 2017
Meerkats! They live underground in huge families, like groundhogs. They brought in three, and they huddled together by fruit! REALLY CUTE. Then two of them started grooming each other!! Ami-san (the zoologist) said they have really tight social bonds. That made me happy to hear.
Watching them, I got an idea: how about a new show? Hosted by Arashi?? It’s been a while since we’ve hosted our own show, but I think we could do it! It could be like a re-vamped Shukudai-kun! We’d get to interact weekly, wouldn’t that be the best? It would. It definitely would.
It wasn’t just seeing the meerkats. I saw Nakai-san today in the building, seems he was a guest on another show. We talked for a bit. The SMAP members still don’t know each other’s cell phone numbers. Well, I guess they haven’t been SMAP for a long time. Doesn’t that seem lonely? I want Arashi to stay together until we’re too old to see each other properly. So I’ll work hard for this show!
IDEA!! What if I wrote a song?
GREAT THINKING, AIBA-KUN!! Maybe it’ll be a number one hit!!!!
(three)
In the waiting room, Jun looks up as Nino barges in the doors, jacket flapping.
"What the fuck happened?" Nino demands. "Why isn't Sho answering my calls?"
His voice is high and urgent, and he grabs Jun's arm tight enough to hurt. Nino's skin is an ashen white, and the rings around his eyes are thick and noticeable. Jun doesn't know how much sleep Nino's gotten lately - he knows Nino's sleeping habits, unhealthy to begin with, get shot completely to hell when he travels.
They’re not going to get better anytime soon.
"Sho's with the doctors,” Jun explains. “Since Aiba's family moved out of the province, he listed Sho as his emergency contact. His parents will be here tomorrow morning; they couldn't get an earlier flight."
"And Aiba?" Nino asks, grip tightening.
Jun’s practiced this ten times, waiting for Nino to show up, but still he can’t quite control the tremor in his voice. "Car accident. He was speeding. It was a side impact. The other driver was barely scratched, but Aiba, he -- Sho's getting the news now."
"It took me five hours to get here, and we still don't know his condition?!" Nino's heart is speeding up, his palms are sweating. Jun can feel it through his sleeve.
"He was in ER for a long time."
Nino lets go of Jun's arm, drops into an empty seat along the wall. He covers his mouth. "Shit, shit. SHIT."
"Language," Jun whispers tiredly. There are a few other people in the room, looking no better off than they are. Jun wonders if they recognize them. If they do, they don't show it, and Jun is thankful. He can barely hold it together as it is. He’s so tense. It’s been too long since Sho left. He needs to know if Aiba’s alright or - if Aiba’s not, then -
"Sit down," Nino orders. "You're making the other people nervous, just standing there like that."
Jun's eyes dart back to the hospital ward doors once, then to his watch. To the doors, then back to his watch. He straightens his shirt before sitting down beside Nino.
"I --" Jun starts to say, but then the entrance doors are pushed open again and Ohno quickly shuffles in, tie askew and hair windblown. His eyes dart around the room and when they land on the two of them slouched in their seats, the tense set in his eyebrows melts into something soft and aching. He slides in beside Nino and winds an arm around the younger boy's shoulders. Nino immediately responds - his rigid, nervous stance collapses and he molds himself into the crook of Ohno's arm, one hand reaching over to grab Ohno's other wrist. "This sucks," he whispers into Ohno's neck. "This really sucks."
Ohno's eyes meet Jun's over Nino's head. There's a lot in his gaze, and Jun feels a little bit of tension drain from his own shoulders. The gang is all here now, at least.
"What about your exhibit?" Jun thinks to ask.
Ohno shrugs the shoulder Nino isn't occupying.
"It's the National Art Gallery," Jun reminds him. "It's opening day."
"It's just a hobby," Ohno replies, as if that explained everything. Jun supposes it does.
Nino lifts his head. "You just left, Oh-chan?"
Ohno bites the corner of his lip in thought. "I stayed... long enough to thank everyone? For attending. Then I came here."
"Good," Nino says firmly, not sounding the slightest bit sorry that the entire show was probably ruined by Ohno's sudden departure. Jun can't blame him. Truthfully, he's not sorry either. He crosses his arms, but Nino pries one of his hands out and holds it tightly in his lap as if hoarding it.
“We're too old for this,” Jun murmurs to him, but he doesn't pull away.
It feels like hours before Sho comes back, face serious and jaw set. They half-stand up to meet him, but Sho walks up to them first. His whole posture screams bad news and the nauseous feeling Jun’s had in his stomach since he’d first gotten Sho’s call increases tenfold.
Jun’s memory is sharp. There was only one other time Sho's ever worn the expression on his face he's wearing now, and that situation, years ago, had also involved Aiba. At that time, Sho had tried to use gentle words to make the news less painful, but they are older now and know each other too well for euphemisms.
"He's in a coma," Sho says.
Silence.
"He's in a coma," Sho repeats, because he no doubt can see the disbelief on everyone’s face. "He wasn't wearing a seat belt. Since it was a side impact, he got thrown out of his seat and his head slammed right into the passenger door. He had a concussion; he slipped into the coma during surgery. He's got a few broken ribs, and a fractured collarbone. There was some internal bleeding too, but on the whole, his physical condition could be a lot worse off. So he should be able to recover. Providing that he wakes up."
"And when do the doctors expect him to wake up?" Jun asks, throat tight.
Sho's expression hardens. "They don't know."
EXPERIMENTAL LOG ENTRY: Oct 15 2017
BRAINSTORMING FOR ARASHI’S NEW SHOW!!!!
- possible danger involving Sho
- possible lack of participation by Nino
- might turn into a focus-only-on-Jun show
- Nino+Ohno: don’t like animals besides dogs. LAME! They are the worst.
- possible danger just because.
Experimental result: it will depend on the television producers, but an interview-type show would work the best! Let’s go for it!!
Actually. ‘The show format doesn’t matter really. As long as the five of us are together, it’ll be great. This is for sure.
(four)
"Aiba-chan," Sho says softly, as he pushes away the curtains, "everyone is here to see you."
For a long, long moment, the four of them just stand around Aiba's bedside, completely frozen and barely able to draw breath.
"Man," Nino says at last, breaking the silence, "you look like crap."
And no one scolds him about his language, because truthfully, it's a pretty accurate description. Aiba's usual tan skin colour has completely faded to grey, nearly matching the off-white of the bandages swathing his whole body. The collar he's wearing to keep his head immobile looks extremely uncomfortable, but Aiba's face is completely expressionless. When Ohno quietly reaches over to brush Aiba's bangs off his forehead, Aiba doesn't respond. And to Sho, the fact that Aiba isn't moving - can't move - is the most painful, and it, more than anything else, illustrates the severity of the situation.
He'd gotten the phone call from the hospital in the middle of prepping for a news segment about his recent trip to Mongolia, and he'd been on his feet the second he'd heard Aiba's name. The director had rushed after him as he ran out of the building, and Sho had shouted an apology over his shoulder before nearly jumping onto the street to hail a taxi. He knew he was written as Aiba's next of kin; he had been flattered when Aiba had asked it of him. But he'd never thought he'd ever be needed to act as one.
He'd been kept outside while Aiba was in surgery, but had followed close by the bed when Aiba was finally wheeled out, after what felt like a lifetime behind those white, stainless doors. Sho had reached for Aiba's uninjured hand, lying limp at the edge of the bed, "Aiba-chan, it's Sho. I'm here." And the nurse had told him that Aiba could not answer.
"I'm sorry, Sakurai-san," the doctor had murmured to him, in Aiba's room, under the hum of the equipment monitoring his friend’s health. They’d explained to him Aiba’s score on the Glasgow Coma Scale, and it wasn’t good. "As Aiba-san's next of kin, the responsibility falls to you to make decisions for Aiba-san's treatment from now on."
And Sho had known what that meant: if Aiba ever had any complications and was caught in a life or death situation, it would be up to Sho to choose the path to take. At the time, he'd wanted to punch the doctor, because how could the man even dare to suggest that Sho might willingly take that step? It was ludicrous. There was no way. Sho would rather die himself.
But Sho knows that comas can last for years, decades. How long was long enough? Would his respect for Aiba's life mean holding on until the last, or putting an end to Aiba's suffering? What if, what if --
"Sho," Jun says, snapping his fingers in front of Sho’s nose. "You're thinking too far ahead." He lifts his chin slightly. "One step at a time, together, like we always do. You're not alone in this, just because Aiba only had one blank line to fill on a piece of paper."
"Yeah," Sho sighs, shoulders slumping. "It's just --" he stops, closing his eyes.
"What an idiot," Nino breaks in, voice tight. "Not wearing a seat belt. He was practically asking for it." Sho winces. They all recognize Nino's tone: it means that he is feeling so much within himself that he has to lash out at others. And while Sho agrees that Aiba should have been more careful, Nino's words seem especially caustic because this time Aiba cannot argue back. But this only seems to frustrate Nino more.
"When he wakes up I'm going to slap him right back into this stupid coma. When the hell is he going to learn to be safer and take care of himself? Is he going to be an idiot forever?"
"That's enough," Jun says. "It was an accident."
"I'm just saying," Nino pushes, "he's almost thirty-five, shouldn't he know better? I mean, what was so important that he forgot to wear his seatbelt and had to speed through traffic?"
"He was rushing to a meeting," Sho answers, filling the others in what Aiba's manager had told him. "He'd been very busy lately, scheduling talks with lots of directors and producers. Apparently he'd been interested in signing up for some more shows, and had some big idea for one of his own. He had his manager worried, with all the work he suddenly pushed on himself. He was probably lacking sleep. And he's lost weight, you can tell. I don’t know what he thinking, piling so much to do all of the sudden --"
"FUCK!" Nino barks, turning away sharply. He thunks his back against the wall and slides down into a crouch, putting his head in between his knees.
"Nino?"
"That fucking idiot!" Nino swears, not lifting up his head.
Something in Sho's gut twists, and there's a bad taste in his mouth as he asks, "Nino. What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" Nino defends, but his voice is weak. "I just - we had dinner, last week. He was being stupid, he was worried that Arashi wasn't Arashi anymore, that everyone was too busy with solo projects and stuff; I told him that he was being ridiculous. I said --" he pauses, letting out a long breath.
"Spit it out," Jun says. His eyes have gone dangerously dark and he looks ready to snap.
"I told him that if he wanted to see us so badly, he should get up and do something about it himself," Nino whispers, voice low and pained.
In one step, Jun strides over to Nino but Nino jumps up, holding out his hands. "But I only meant that he should organize a party or a dinner or something, I didn't mean that he should try to get more jobs! I didn't know he'd take it that way! I was just being a dick, I wasn't really angry with him! I thought he knew that!"
"Well obviously he didn't!" Jun roars. "He thought you told him to push himself harder and that's what he did and now he's in a coma, thanks to your carelessness!”
Nino turns pleading eyes to Sho. "Sho, Sho-chan, you know I didn't mean it that way, I would never want to hurt Aiba-chan."
But Sho finds that he has no sympathy for him. "What you know and what you say are two different things, Nino. Whatever you meant, obviously it came out wrong." And Sho knows, the thing with Nino is that he has a sharp tongue and even sharper mind, and can use both devastatingly; he should have known how his words might have impacted Aiba. When he's making jokes, Nino rarely thinks of the consequences because usually there are none. But this time, something terrible happened, and though Sho knows that no one wished for this, if he had to blame the accident on anyone right now, he would blame it on Nino. Because right now, Aiba is hurting, and it feels disgustingly good to know that someone who might be at fault for causing that is hurting more. So even though he knows it's wrong and cruel and he already hates himself for it, he says, "You know Aiba's sensitive, you went too far this time. You'd just better pray that Aiba wakes up."
Nino's eyes widen and he takes a step back from them; Sho feels a pain spike through his chest at the look on the other’s face. Nino's gaze drops to the ground, and just from that, Sho knows he'd done something horrible.
"Nino," Ohno says, reaching for him, but Nino twitches away from Ohno's hand, movements stiff and jerky.
"I --" he starts, words catching, "I'll be back." He doesn't meet any of their eyes as he stumbles out of Aiba's room, nearly knocking over a passing nurse in his haste to leave. The door swings shut behind him without a sound.
"Great," Jun says. "Just great."
continue to part two
Title: All Together Now
Fandom: Arashi
Rating: PG, for curse words
Genre: Gen, I guess Angst
Word count: ~12,900
Summary: It's almost ten years later and they're drifting away. But they're too late in realizing what they need and something goes horribly wrong.
Notes: OMG THIS ONE. I -- I started on this one after 24HR TV, if you can believe that. I got all emotional with Nino's letter and then again with them singing live and singing well together. So here it is, finished. If you can, I would love some feedback about the structure, like the A then B then A then B format -- you will see what I mean when you read it (I hope). First time I tried something like this so it'd be cool to see if it worked out.
Have to split it up because it's super long, sorry about that.
All Together Now
Oct 12 2017
I watched something interesting on the news today. It was the update of the Oricon charts. As expected, Hey Havoc High is at the top again. They were saying that HHH might outdo Arashi as having the most number of highest selling singles in the opening week.
It made me feel a little... not sad, definitely, but... how do I say this? It sounded like they were referring to us as if we were over and done with already! But we're still making songs! We're still really popular!
It’s not that though - I’m worried about… I don’t know what I’m worried about!!
Is it because I'm getting old?
Is it because I'm getting more mature? A new perspective on life or something? Or is it that life has the new perspective and I'm stuck in my old one? MIDDLE AGE CRISIS??!?!
Feel muddled. I miss everyone. It’s been a while since we’ve met up, not since the anniversary interviews. Well, everyone is busy with other things… I hope Sho brings back presents from Mongolia. But not hats. He can keep those.
Anyway, I'll ask Nino about what he thinks at dinner tomorrow. REMEMBER TO TAKE OUT SOME CASH. REMEMBER TO BOOK TIME OFF for Captain’s art show! Oct 21st at noon.
(one)
"I don't really get why they're so popular," Nino says. "They can't even sing."
"Neither can we!" Aiba laughs.
Nino glares at him. "We can keep a decent tune. These guys are completely tone deaf."
"All the newer bands sing like that. It's just the style of music now."
"Then the whole world has gone tone deaf." Nino picks at his food. He's thirty-four years old, and he still picks at his food. Aiba thinks it's hilarious.
"I hope you're at least planning to eat it all," he says, rapping his chopsticks on the table. "I paid for it, and I don't want to see good money wasted."
"Yes mother."
"How is your mother, by the way?"
Nino sighs. "She went out and bought the new Hey Havoc High single. Forced me to listen to it."
Aiba chokes on the piece of yakiniku he is eating. "Is that why you're so pissy about them?"
Nino doesn't answer. He rests his chin on his palm and looks out the window with a detached expression. Aiba can't tell if he's watching the street or his own reflection.
Aiba doesn’t like it when Nino is silent. Quiet, yes, but silent, no.
"Ne, Nino," Aiba starts, wondering how can word this delicately enough so that Nino won’t make a joke out of it. "On the news the other day, I was watching the Oricon chart listings. They said that HHH will surpass Arashi's All Together Now as the highest ranking single the debut week. They said HHH will be the most famous band from Johnny's ever."
Nino snorts, but doesn't look at Aiba. "You say that like we're a past thing."
"That's how the hosts said it too." Aiba leans forward in his chair. "Nino, are we? Are we a past thing?"
And Nino finally turns to him, incredulity written all over his face. "Of course not, why would you say that? Why would you think that?"
Aiba's eyes dip to his hands, wrapped around his cup of tea. "I just. I know that, but... but we're all doing different things now, and really separate things. We're never all together in one place unless there's a big event, and even then there's usually someone missing due to scheduling conflicts and it - it just doesn't feel right. It feels unbalanced, you know?”
"We still sell well," Nino argues.
"That's not the point!” Aiba says, frustrated. “We're not singing together! We don't have concerts anymore, and we're rarely seen as a group on TV, and at any one time three of us are in different countries and I'm just sick of it!!"
Thirty-four years old, and Nino still isn't the best when dealing with criticism. "What are you saying, that we should drop everything we're doing and make some sort of comeback? How is that even possible if we've never left the business? We're still all here, Aiba."
"No, no, no! I just want --" he pauses. Aiba doesn't know what he wants.
"Then what's the problem?" Nino asks, raising his voice a bit. "I know we're busy, but we always make time for each other! I'm sitting here, eating dinner with you, aren't I? Maybe the reason you haven't been seeing anyone very often is because you're holed up in your restaurant half the time, while the rest of us are out working our asses off! I saw Jun just last week at a movie premiere, and Sho a few days before that when I was interviewed by News Zero. I got a call from Captain this morning about his exhibit. If you're feeling lonely, then get off your butt and do something about it!"
Aiba bites his lip. He felt it trembling. "I - okay. Okay, Nino."
Nino sits back, shoulders slumping. "Good. Now let's eat."
They don't speak for the rest of the meal, but after they step out of the bar, greeted by a gust of cool night air, Aiba asks Nino something.
"Ne. Do you remember the promise we made, when we first debuted?"
Nino lets out a sharp laugh. "A storm throughout the world? Who could forget?"
Aiba smiles softly, reminiscing. "Do you think we've done it?"
“Sure,” Nino says easily. “As much as could be expected, I think.”
“So we’re not like, dying out or anything?”
Nino raises his eyebrows. “It’s just some dumb metaphor, Aiba. Don’t take it so literally.” He waves as he walks away. "Thanks for the meal," he calls. Aiba watches his back diminish in size until he's swallowed up by the night, and then it's just Aiba alone in an empty parking lot.
Oct 13 2017
I don't think I got through to Nino. I probably wasn't conveying the message well enough - either that, or Nino was deliberately being stupid. It probably was both. Try wording it differently? Possibly use visuals? Tie him up to force him to listen?
He thinks I'm lonely because I haven't been seeing anyone, but that's wrong. I got an email from Sho about the exotic animals in Mongolia, Captain sent me that picture of his newest catch, Jun invited me to that premiere - but I couldn't go because of the show. I’m not lonely, I’m just
Anyway, I don’t even know. Like all the pieces are here but just aren’t fitting together well enough?? Troublesome!!!
Sometimes I think: what if Nino actually moved to America, what if Sho's plane hadn't landed safely, what if Jun’s scandal had been worse, what if Captain's mom hadn't recovered ... why were they all sad situations? Everything worked out okay, right? In the end.
BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL: unhappy. I miss all of us together, just hanging out.
The last time I was really, really, super happy was our anniversary party, last month. Everyone was there, we all got drunk, we fell asleep in one huge pile. Nino threw up in the morning. Jun laughed at him. We did karaoke to wake ourselves up. We sang together! The way we wanted to sing (of course Captain was best). It was fun! It was really fun.
Tomorrow we're having animal guests on the show! Me = excited!
Possibly consider: tomato/watermelon summer drink? With/without alcohol?
REMEMBER TO EMAIL NINO BEFORE HE LEAVES (3 days). Don't mention HHH.
Captain’s art show is in one week. Already? Amazing.
(two)
Nino's taking a break from filming. The Korean sun is scorching, and there is only one large fan to cover the entire tent. The costume director and the producer are having an extremely stilted conversation in front of it, so Nino doesn't dare to move any closer. It's going to erupt into a full out brawl soon, and the costume director's nails are as sharp as a knife.
He's not in a good mood. Why did that stupid Aiba have to email him before he left? It'd taken him three days to finally stomp out the thoughts of HHH swirling in his mind, and then Aiba sent him an email and they all came roaring back. The email was totally innocuous, too: good luck, sleep properly, eat well, bring me back a present; still, it was enough to remind him of their conversation in the yakiniku restaurant, and Nino really, really had not wanted to be reminded of it.
It's not that he cares about HHH. He could give a rat's ass about them. Arashi broke records and towered over Japan at one point, and people don't just forget that. If anything, the five kids in Hey Havoc High will have to live with being compared to Arashi for the rest of their career, until they do something to distinguish them from the rest of Johnny's - which, quite frankly, is not going to happen anytime soon. Nino's met them and aside from their good looks, they're worryingly dull.
Nino knows why he's upset: he shouldn't have yelled at Aiba. Not just because of the expression Aiba made after Nino's outburst, but because Aiba was right.
When was the last time the five of them were together? Without their concerts and photoshoots and regular TV programs that required extensive amounts of time just lazing around with each other, they really hadn't done anything as a group for months and months. Recordings were finished alone, music video filming was few and far between and always too rushed - their careers were pulling them apart and no one had done a thing about it.
Dammit, now he'd have to apologize to Aiba. Or worse, treat him to a meal. Or worse, agree to be a test subject for some new meal concoction.
Nino sighs, glancing at his cell to check the time. Days were so long here. He wanted to go back to his hotel room and play guitar... it's been so long he's worried he's forgotten how. It had been on a whim, bringing his guitar with him, he'd had to pay extra to take it on the plane, and it's five days into filming and all it's doing is gathering dust in by his bedside table.
The costume director and producer start yelling.
Nino's phone beeps: a new text message. It's from Sho.
COME HOME NOW. AIBA ACCIDENT HOSPITAL.
Oct 14 2017
Meerkats! They live underground in huge families, like groundhogs. They brought in three, and they huddled together by fruit! REALLY CUTE. Then two of them started grooming each other!! Ami-san (the zoologist) said they have really tight social bonds. That made me happy to hear.
Watching them, I got an idea: how about a new show? Hosted by Arashi?? It’s been a while since we’ve hosted our own show, but I think we could do it! It could be like a re-vamped Shukudai-kun! We’d get to interact weekly, wouldn’t that be the best? It would. It definitely would.
It wasn’t just seeing the meerkats. I saw Nakai-san today in the building, seems he was a guest on another show. We talked for a bit. The SMAP members still don’t know each other’s cell phone numbers. Well, I guess they haven’t been SMAP for a long time. Doesn’t that seem lonely? I want Arashi to stay together until we’re too old to see each other properly. So I’ll work hard for this show!
IDEA!! What if I wrote a song?
GREAT THINKING, AIBA-KUN!! Maybe it’ll be a number one hit!!!!
(three)
In the waiting room, Jun looks up as Nino barges in the doors, jacket flapping.
"What the fuck happened?" Nino demands. "Why isn't Sho answering my calls?"
His voice is high and urgent, and he grabs Jun's arm tight enough to hurt. Nino's skin is an ashen white, and the rings around his eyes are thick and noticeable. Jun doesn't know how much sleep Nino's gotten lately - he knows Nino's sleeping habits, unhealthy to begin with, get shot completely to hell when he travels.
They’re not going to get better anytime soon.
"Sho's with the doctors,” Jun explains. “Since Aiba's family moved out of the province, he listed Sho as his emergency contact. His parents will be here tomorrow morning; they couldn't get an earlier flight."
"And Aiba?" Nino asks, grip tightening.
Jun’s practiced this ten times, waiting for Nino to show up, but still he can’t quite control the tremor in his voice. "Car accident. He was speeding. It was a side impact. The other driver was barely scratched, but Aiba, he -- Sho's getting the news now."
"It took me five hours to get here, and we still don't know his condition?!" Nino's heart is speeding up, his palms are sweating. Jun can feel it through his sleeve.
"He was in ER for a long time."
Nino lets go of Jun's arm, drops into an empty seat along the wall. He covers his mouth. "Shit, shit. SHIT."
"Language," Jun whispers tiredly. There are a few other people in the room, looking no better off than they are. Jun wonders if they recognize them. If they do, they don't show it, and Jun is thankful. He can barely hold it together as it is. He’s so tense. It’s been too long since Sho left. He needs to know if Aiba’s alright or - if Aiba’s not, then -
"Sit down," Nino orders. "You're making the other people nervous, just standing there like that."
Jun's eyes dart back to the hospital ward doors once, then to his watch. To the doors, then back to his watch. He straightens his shirt before sitting down beside Nino.
"I --" Jun starts to say, but then the entrance doors are pushed open again and Ohno quickly shuffles in, tie askew and hair windblown. His eyes dart around the room and when they land on the two of them slouched in their seats, the tense set in his eyebrows melts into something soft and aching. He slides in beside Nino and winds an arm around the younger boy's shoulders. Nino immediately responds - his rigid, nervous stance collapses and he molds himself into the crook of Ohno's arm, one hand reaching over to grab Ohno's other wrist. "This sucks," he whispers into Ohno's neck. "This really sucks."
Ohno's eyes meet Jun's over Nino's head. There's a lot in his gaze, and Jun feels a little bit of tension drain from his own shoulders. The gang is all here now, at least.
"What about your exhibit?" Jun thinks to ask.
Ohno shrugs the shoulder Nino isn't occupying.
"It's the National Art Gallery," Jun reminds him. "It's opening day."
"It's just a hobby," Ohno replies, as if that explained everything. Jun supposes it does.
Nino lifts his head. "You just left, Oh-chan?"
Ohno bites the corner of his lip in thought. "I stayed... long enough to thank everyone? For attending. Then I came here."
"Good," Nino says firmly, not sounding the slightest bit sorry that the entire show was probably ruined by Ohno's sudden departure. Jun can't blame him. Truthfully, he's not sorry either. He crosses his arms, but Nino pries one of his hands out and holds it tightly in his lap as if hoarding it.
“We're too old for this,” Jun murmurs to him, but he doesn't pull away.
It feels like hours before Sho comes back, face serious and jaw set. They half-stand up to meet him, but Sho walks up to them first. His whole posture screams bad news and the nauseous feeling Jun’s had in his stomach since he’d first gotten Sho’s call increases tenfold.
Jun’s memory is sharp. There was only one other time Sho's ever worn the expression on his face he's wearing now, and that situation, years ago, had also involved Aiba. At that time, Sho had tried to use gentle words to make the news less painful, but they are older now and know each other too well for euphemisms.
"He's in a coma," Sho says.
Silence.
"He's in a coma," Sho repeats, because he no doubt can see the disbelief on everyone’s face. "He wasn't wearing a seat belt. Since it was a side impact, he got thrown out of his seat and his head slammed right into the passenger door. He had a concussion; he slipped into the coma during surgery. He's got a few broken ribs, and a fractured collarbone. There was some internal bleeding too, but on the whole, his physical condition could be a lot worse off. So he should be able to recover. Providing that he wakes up."
"And when do the doctors expect him to wake up?" Jun asks, throat tight.
Sho's expression hardens. "They don't know."
EXPERIMENTAL LOG ENTRY: Oct 15 2017
BRAINSTORMING FOR ARASHI’S NEW SHOW!!!!
- Cooking show?
- possible danger involving Sho
- possible lack of participation by Nino
- might turn into a focus-only-on-Jun show
- Animal show?
- Nino+Ohno: don’t like animals besides dogs. LAME! They are the worst.
- Interview-type show?
- News-type show? BORING
- Games show?
- possible danger just because.
Experimental result: it will depend on the television producers, but an interview-type show would work the best! Let’s go for it!!
Actually. ‘The show format doesn’t matter really. As long as the five of us are together, it’ll be great. This is for sure.
(four)
"Aiba-chan," Sho says softly, as he pushes away the curtains, "everyone is here to see you."
For a long, long moment, the four of them just stand around Aiba's bedside, completely frozen and barely able to draw breath.
"Man," Nino says at last, breaking the silence, "you look like crap."
And no one scolds him about his language, because truthfully, it's a pretty accurate description. Aiba's usual tan skin colour has completely faded to grey, nearly matching the off-white of the bandages swathing his whole body. The collar he's wearing to keep his head immobile looks extremely uncomfortable, but Aiba's face is completely expressionless. When Ohno quietly reaches over to brush Aiba's bangs off his forehead, Aiba doesn't respond. And to Sho, the fact that Aiba isn't moving - can't move - is the most painful, and it, more than anything else, illustrates the severity of the situation.
He'd gotten the phone call from the hospital in the middle of prepping for a news segment about his recent trip to Mongolia, and he'd been on his feet the second he'd heard Aiba's name. The director had rushed after him as he ran out of the building, and Sho had shouted an apology over his shoulder before nearly jumping onto the street to hail a taxi. He knew he was written as Aiba's next of kin; he had been flattered when Aiba had asked it of him. But he'd never thought he'd ever be needed to act as one.
He'd been kept outside while Aiba was in surgery, but had followed close by the bed when Aiba was finally wheeled out, after what felt like a lifetime behind those white, stainless doors. Sho had reached for Aiba's uninjured hand, lying limp at the edge of the bed, "Aiba-chan, it's Sho. I'm here." And the nurse had told him that Aiba could not answer.
"I'm sorry, Sakurai-san," the doctor had murmured to him, in Aiba's room, under the hum of the equipment monitoring his friend’s health. They’d explained to him Aiba’s score on the Glasgow Coma Scale, and it wasn’t good. "As Aiba-san's next of kin, the responsibility falls to you to make decisions for Aiba-san's treatment from now on."
And Sho had known what that meant: if Aiba ever had any complications and was caught in a life or death situation, it would be up to Sho to choose the path to take. At the time, he'd wanted to punch the doctor, because how could the man even dare to suggest that Sho might willingly take that step? It was ludicrous. There was no way. Sho would rather die himself.
But Sho knows that comas can last for years, decades. How long was long enough? Would his respect for Aiba's life mean holding on until the last, or putting an end to Aiba's suffering? What if, what if --
"Sho," Jun says, snapping his fingers in front of Sho’s nose. "You're thinking too far ahead." He lifts his chin slightly. "One step at a time, together, like we always do. You're not alone in this, just because Aiba only had one blank line to fill on a piece of paper."
"Yeah," Sho sighs, shoulders slumping. "It's just --" he stops, closing his eyes.
"What an idiot," Nino breaks in, voice tight. "Not wearing a seat belt. He was practically asking for it." Sho winces. They all recognize Nino's tone: it means that he is feeling so much within himself that he has to lash out at others. And while Sho agrees that Aiba should have been more careful, Nino's words seem especially caustic because this time Aiba cannot argue back. But this only seems to frustrate Nino more.
"When he wakes up I'm going to slap him right back into this stupid coma. When the hell is he going to learn to be safer and take care of himself? Is he going to be an idiot forever?"
"That's enough," Jun says. "It was an accident."
"I'm just saying," Nino pushes, "he's almost thirty-five, shouldn't he know better? I mean, what was so important that he forgot to wear his seatbelt and had to speed through traffic?"
"He was rushing to a meeting," Sho answers, filling the others in what Aiba's manager had told him. "He'd been very busy lately, scheduling talks with lots of directors and producers. Apparently he'd been interested in signing up for some more shows, and had some big idea for one of his own. He had his manager worried, with all the work he suddenly pushed on himself. He was probably lacking sleep. And he's lost weight, you can tell. I don’t know what he thinking, piling so much to do all of the sudden --"
"FUCK!" Nino barks, turning away sharply. He thunks his back against the wall and slides down into a crouch, putting his head in between his knees.
"Nino?"
"That fucking idiot!" Nino swears, not lifting up his head.
Something in Sho's gut twists, and there's a bad taste in his mouth as he asks, "Nino. What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything!" Nino defends, but his voice is weak. "I just - we had dinner, last week. He was being stupid, he was worried that Arashi wasn't Arashi anymore, that everyone was too busy with solo projects and stuff; I told him that he was being ridiculous. I said --" he pauses, letting out a long breath.
"Spit it out," Jun says. His eyes have gone dangerously dark and he looks ready to snap.
"I told him that if he wanted to see us so badly, he should get up and do something about it himself," Nino whispers, voice low and pained.
In one step, Jun strides over to Nino but Nino jumps up, holding out his hands. "But I only meant that he should organize a party or a dinner or something, I didn't mean that he should try to get more jobs! I didn't know he'd take it that way! I was just being a dick, I wasn't really angry with him! I thought he knew that!"
"Well obviously he didn't!" Jun roars. "He thought you told him to push himself harder and that's what he did and now he's in a coma, thanks to your carelessness!”
Nino turns pleading eyes to Sho. "Sho, Sho-chan, you know I didn't mean it that way, I would never want to hurt Aiba-chan."
But Sho finds that he has no sympathy for him. "What you know and what you say are two different things, Nino. Whatever you meant, obviously it came out wrong." And Sho knows, the thing with Nino is that he has a sharp tongue and even sharper mind, and can use both devastatingly; he should have known how his words might have impacted Aiba. When he's making jokes, Nino rarely thinks of the consequences because usually there are none. But this time, something terrible happened, and though Sho knows that no one wished for this, if he had to blame the accident on anyone right now, he would blame it on Nino. Because right now, Aiba is hurting, and it feels disgustingly good to know that someone who might be at fault for causing that is hurting more. So even though he knows it's wrong and cruel and he already hates himself for it, he says, "You know Aiba's sensitive, you went too far this time. You'd just better pray that Aiba wakes up."
Nino's eyes widen and he takes a step back from them; Sho feels a pain spike through his chest at the look on the other’s face. Nino's gaze drops to the ground, and just from that, Sho knows he'd done something horrible.
"Nino," Ohno says, reaching for him, but Nino twitches away from Ohno's hand, movements stiff and jerky.
"I --" he starts, words catching, "I'll be back." He doesn't meet any of their eyes as he stumbles out of Aiba's room, nearly knocking over a passing nurse in his haste to leave. The door swings shut behind him without a sound.
"Great," Jun says. "Just great."
continue to part two