[fic] The Things We Can't Control - Chapter 57 ~The Idiots We Can't Control~
Title: The Things We Can't Control
Author:
prettyorianna
Pairing: Akame. Others to be added later.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre: crime drama au
Beta by: my cat Gemma. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my
plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary: Two criminals with vastly different styles meet by chance one day. They immediately clash but is that all they'll ever be? How much is fate and how much choice? And how will their meeting change the world around them?
Author's Note: Here you go, present! Kame and Jin, the morning after.
BANNER BY DESHISORABA!! THE MOST AWESOME BANNER EVER AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES!
Warning: This gets graphic often occasionally, containing at the very least foul language, character death, nefarious crimes, rape, etc etc.
The Master Posts:
On my journal - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_ Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the je_kamenashi Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the kattun_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the jin_fics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
Chapter 57 ~The Idiots We Can't Control~
Kame woke to find himself in Jin’s arms. They felt so good around him, warm and… and safe… But memories of the previous night flooded in and then he was just embarrassed.
He was embarrassed because he’d let those overwhelming feelings have free reign. Damn it, he was supposed to have more control over himself than that. He wasn’t some school boy; he was a grown man!
Though he had to admit, Jin had shown remarkable restraint. Kame remembered practically begging him for something though not really being sure what, exactly he was asking for. Jin could have done anything he wanted and Kame probably would have let him because everything was just so intense and he had felt rather like he was drowning.
But Jin hadn’t. He’d… he asked Kame to trust him and then he brought him relief. Quieted the storm.
And as that thought hit, Kame was suddenly struck by another. What about Jin?
Oh, how could he do that? He had known Jin wanted him just as much. Jin had his own storm to deal with and even though the man most definitely had more experience handling those feelings, Kame doubted it meant they were any less powerful.
But he’d just left him like that. He just went to sleep.
That was ill-done on his part and he really owed Jin an apology. Not to mention a thank you for watching out for him better than he’d watched out for himself. As soon as Jin woke up, he’d apologize for just leaving him in that state.
How had it even gotten to that point though? They were arguing and then… it was just…
Nothing to be done for it. Kame was beginning to understand that fighting this was a losing battle. He… he cared for Jin in some way that was different than he’d ever cared for anyone and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it except to run from it or embrace it. He’d tried denial and when that didn’t work, he tried running and that didn’t work. Maybe… he really should give this a chance.
Because, despite any other thoughts he’d ever had - good or bad - about Jin, after last night, he was absolutely sure Jin was not playing him. That Jin cared just as much as he apparently cared for Jin.
It was scary.
Scary… but really, really nice.
He turned a bit in Jin’s arms, far too warm and comfortable to even contemplate crawling out of bed yet…
… only to have Jin mumble, “Oh, yes, I’ll have the coffee cake,” and roll on top of Kame, pinning him down without even waking up.
Oh, god, he was heavy in his sleep! “Gerrof me, Jin! I can’t breathe, you great big lout!” and he shoved Jin as hard as he could but it didn’t have much effect. “Jin! You’re heavy! JIN! JIN, GET THE HELL OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW! JIN!” and his voice just kept getting steadily louder.
“Wuh-huh?” Jin murmured sleepily, clutching him tighter and falling straight back to sleep.
“JIN!”
“Wha-ah?” one of Jin’s eyes opened sort of halfway. “What?”
“GET OFF!” and Kame gave him one more push.
“Ow! What the hell was that for, Kame?” he shrieked as he rolled off the sleeping mat.
“You nearly flattened me is what that was for! You’re heavy!”
+++
“Huh?” Jin was confused. “This isn’t my side of the desk…” He glanced around, trying to figure out what was going on. He’d had the most wonderful dream where Kame had…
Wait.
It wasn’t a dream, was it?
He… he remembered! Kame kissed him! And then… and then… more kisses, so wonderful! The rest of it came flooding back leaving him a bit dazed. “Oh, right…”
“Baka…” Kame sulked. But after a few minutes he reached out and put a hand on Jin’s cheek. “Ne, Jin? I… I’m sorry. About last night.”
Oh, no. This wasn’t happening. He thought… why had he let himself believe this time would be different? Why had he bought into the delusion that Kame would really want to be with him? No, Kame had been confused and not thinking straight and now that he was, he was apologizing and it just hurt too much.
“I can’t keep doing this…” Jin whispered, trying to blink away the tears before they could fall. He couldn’t keep getting his hopes up only to have them dashed again and again. He just couldn’t.
“What?” and Kame’s eyes went wide. “I thought… you… but you said… You said trust you and… and I trusted…”
Now Kame was crying.
And in next to no time, he’d sprung up from the sleeping mat, unlocked the office door, and fled crying into the rest of the church and to who only knows where.
That… was unexpected.
Jin scrambled to his feet and ran to the door but he couldn’t tell which way Kame had gone. “Kame! Kame, where did you go? KAME!”
He’d just fucked up majorly, hadn’t he? Jumped to conclusions. Again. But… if Kame wasn’t trying to tell him he didn’t want him even after last night, then what the hell was he apologizing for?
But Kame’s reaction…
Jin realized he’d hurt him deeply just now. He had to find him! He had to make this right!
Picking a direction at random, he sped through the hall, calling for Kame. When he didn’t find him that way, he turned back around and went the other way. He’d search every room if he had to! “Kame, please! Where are you? KAME?!”
+++
“I feel so stupid!” Kame sniffled, trying to wipe away tears that hadn’t stopped falling. “I thought… I thought I was special. That he wanted to be with me. I can’t believe I trusted him! I… I’ve never been this wrong before about someone. He seemed… well, arrogant and he speaks without thinking a lot, but I thought I saw this good in him. This pure thing that he didn’t even seem to realize he had. How could I have been so wrong?”
When Koki went to put a hand on his shoulder, Kame flinched and shrieked, “Don’t touch me!” He didn’t want anyone touching him. No more hands on him. No more. No more! Never again!
Koki stumbled back a few step at the forcefulness of Kame’s reaction. “Kame?”
“Don’t touch me…” Kame whispered and he was sobbing again.
Jin’s voice, a shout coming from the hall, “Kame!” and then he appeared in the doorway. “Oh, Kame, thank god I…”
But Koki snarled, “YOU!” and leapt at Jin, tackling him to the ground. “You did this! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HIM!” He started to hit whatever parts of Jin he could get at while Jin did his best to block it.
“It’s… damn it, stop!” Jin was trying to talk but was apparently having difficulty considering Koki’s best attempt to seriously hurt him. “YOU CAN’T… KEEP… ME… TALKING… DAMN IT… GET OFF…”
And Jin finally managed to shove the enraged Koki off of him.
Kame had been watching the whole thing with a sort of detachment. It wasn’t registering, not really.
But…
Was Jin crying, too?
“You can’t keep me from him…” Jin whispered.
Why was Jin crying? Koki couldn’t have gotten him that badly even though he’d been trying. Even if he had, Jin didn’t seem the sort to cry over a few bruises.
“You can’t keep me from him!” Jin said a bit louder.
Koki wouldn’t hear it. “The hell you say!” and he lunged at Jin again with a growl. But Jin used Koki’s own inertia against him, sending him tumbling head over heels past him and through the open door. Scrambling up, he shoved the door closed before Koki could recover enough to get back in the room and put his back to it.
But Koki wasn’t standing idle. He was trying to break the door down or at least that’s what it sounded like. But Jin kept his back to the door and started to talk, “Please, Kame! It was…” and the whole door shook, “I think I misunderstood… Please, talk to me!” The door shook again.
“I trusted you…” Kame whispered. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jin.
A loud thud and the sound of the knob rattling. “But not anymore?” Jin asked softly, but then shouted, “DAMN IT, KOKI! STOP!” as the door shook again. “Why not anymore?”
“You… but you said…” and Kame sniffled, “You said ‘I can’t do this’. You… you took advantage of me last night only to leave in the morning. I thought you were different! I never should have trusted you!”
“I’m not leaving!” Another loud thud. “I’m not! I thought… well, you apologized again. I thought… weren’t you rejecting me? Pushing me away? I… I let myself… but I couldn’t bear it if you pushed me away again, Kame! I can’t go back and forth like that! I can’t! It hurts too much! I want to be with you so badly and you push me away and you push me away and I thought that it was happening again and it hurt so much and…”
What?
He’d… he’d thought that? Kame looked up suddenly, finally actually looking Jin face to face as the door shook again. “Jin? That wasn’t what the apology was!” but Jin’s response suddenly made so much more sense. “I… felt bad that I’d… you know, left you in… that state… it was selfish. I felt bad for having just fallen asleep and leaving you suffering like that!”
“Oh.” Jin gave an embarrassed laugh but then shouted at Koki again, “ENOUGH! DAMN IT, IT’S REALLY HARD TO TALK WITH YOU TRYING TO TEAR DOWN THE BUILDING!” But then he turned back to Kame. “That makes so much more sense.”
“So you… weren’t playing with me?” Kame was almost afraid to hope but…
“God, no!” Jin sighed. “Look, Kame. I don’t know a damn thing about love, if that’s what this even is but what I do know is I can’t get you out of my mind. You make me stupid. I swear to you, I never used to have this much trouble communicating with anyone before. I keep putting my foot in my mouth and it’s really fucking embarrassing but I risk it because I’m just grateful to get to be near you. But after last night, just being near isn’t enough. I can’t go back. I need you. I need your smile. I need your voice. I just… I need you.”
Kame opened his mouth to talk, but Jin kept going, “I know that choice means I’ll just keep making an idiot of myself over and over and - DAMN IT, STOP WITH THE DOOR, KOKI! - but if that’s what it takes then so be it. Except, when I make an idiot of myself like that, it seems like you’re the one that ends up hurt and I can’t have that either. So, really, I have no idea what to do. I want to be selfish, push all of that aside and just selfishly hold you tight. But if it means hurting you over and over again… You deserve better than that! I guess I’m really not the good guy here after all though because I can’t… I can’t just go. Not unless… you push me away. Because I know it’ll eat away at me to be so close and not get to hold you again.”
“I… Please, say something! Tell me what to do! Tell me what you want to do, what you want from me! TELL ME!” Jin begged. “Please, Kame… I’m begging you… what do you really want?!”
“I want you to hold me! Baka...”
And Kame flung himself across the room towards Jin and Jin did the same towards him, abandoning the door entirely. And by the time Koki managed to get it open, the two of them were kneeling together in the middle of the room holding each other and doing something that wasn’t quite laughing and wasn’t quite crying and all Kame could think was that hopefully one day the two of them could look back on this with amusement.
He wasn’t wrong about Jin after all.
They were just both idiots.
And Koki wasted no time in telling them both that very thing before he left in a huff to help fix breakfast.
Well, he’d lay good money on news of him and Jin reaching the very last members of Kizuna within the hour. But he found he really didn’t care. He was just happy the misunderstanding had been resolved.
But…
It was strange.
Though it had been a very stressful experience, Kame couldn’t help but feel that they’d ended it in an even better place than they’d started it. They’d been forced to face some things that might otherwise have taken them a while to reach. Not that he wanted every relationship lesson to be such a painful one. But… they knew. No matter the arguments to follow (and Kame didn’t doubt there’d be more!), they at least knew how they felt about each other. The rest… it could be worked out as long as they at least knew that.
After a while, Jin finally said, “You know, I wasn’t mad last night. I mean, about that. I understood. I really did.”
“It was pretty inconsiderate. I was just… so overwhelmed…” and Kame smiled at Jin. “You probably could have done anything to me, you know, last night and I wouldn’t have stopped you… So embarrassing.”
“No. I need you to look at me, Kame.” Jin had a very serious face now. “You trusted me, Kame. You had never felt anything like what you were feeling last night before and you were confused and you weren’t sure about what you wanted. You felt sure, but that was just the hormones because, well, you know, I’m really a sexy guy.” And he nodded very matter-of-factly. “But you need to understand something. Yes, I want you. I want you badly. But not as badly as I want to protect you, be it from someone else or from yourself or even from me. I can’t promise I’ll be very good at that last part, obviously after everything that happened this morning, but I can promise to do my very best. You know, I probably shouldn’t even have taken it as far as I did but I couldn’t just leave you like that and I didn’t know how else to handle it. But…” and now Jin was smiling again and it was definitely a bit of a lecherous one at that, “I think at least you enjoyed it. Was it really your first one?”
“Jin! Not here! Someone will hear!” Kame blushed. God, he’d never live it down if Kizuna heard Jin talk about how it was his very first orgasm. “But… yeah. Are they always that good?”
“Well, they’re never bad,” Jin laughed. “But you did seem to particularly enjoy it. I’ve never had someone react so strongly to my touches before, Kame. Not even close. I…” and now Jin looked somewhat unsure of himself, like he wasn’t sure he really wanted to say what he was about it but he finally continued with, “I wasn’t so sure my… self control… I mean, at first, when I told you to trust me, I was sure. But the way you reacted, it threatened to tear it all away from me. I knew I couldn’t let that happen but I swear it might have been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done…”
“I didn’t mean to make it so hard for you.”
Jin started snickering and Kame realized what, exactly, he’d just said and then he was laughing too.
“Okay, Mr. Lech. We’re going to breakfast. I’m starved!”
Jin muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “I got something you can eat,” and, just in case that really was what he said, Kame smacked him upside the head and said, “Behave, you.” But he soothed Jin’s ego with a kiss, slow but still passionate, that lasted a great deal longer than he’d originally intended.
He found he didn’t mind in the slightest.
Taking Jin’s hand in his own, he laced his fingers between Jin and the two of them walked to breakfast together. The Kizuna members they passed were all giggles and whispers but he really didn’t care. He was going to enjoy his breakfast with Jin before he worried about any of the day’s problems.
Because, well, he knew the day was going to be full of them.
Starting with the drug dealer he was confident was being questioned at that very moment.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Chapter 58 ~Problems and Favors~
A/n: Yet again Jin hijacked my scene. Bad JIn. No donut. But I think, having aired this all out, this sort of thing won't happen. Oh, they'll fight probably but it won't be the whole "I trusted him and he played me" or anything along those lines. They know where they stand.
Anyways, next update, you find out about Aoi and then after that, we'll see what information they get out of the drug dealer they kidnapped from outside the grocery store.