[fic] The Things We Can't Control - Chapter 50 ~The Truth of It~
Title: The Things We Can't Control
Author:
prettyorianna
Pairing: Akame. Others to be added later.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre: crime drama au
Beta by: my cat Gemma. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my
plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary: Two criminals with vastly different styles meet by chance one day. They immediately clash but is that all they'll ever be? How much is fate and how much choice? And how will their meeting change the world around them?
Author's Note: Here you go. Another semi-longer chapter. I'm really happy with parts of this and not quite satisfied with other parts but I think this is about as good as it's going to get.
BANNER BY DESHISORABA!! THE MOST AWESOME BANNER EVER AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES!
Warning: This gets graphic often occasionally, containing at the very least foul language, character death, nefarious crimes, rape, etc etc.
The Master Posts:
On my journal - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_ Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the je_kamenashi Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the kattun_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the jin_fics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
Chapter 50 ~The Truth of It~
Did his heart normally beat that fast?
He didn’t think so, but…
Jiro was smiling at him. Of course Jiro was smiling. He won. Kame hadn’t been able to make himself throw up the pill. He was tired of fighting the drug dealer anyway. He was tired of crying, of being so angry all the time.
He didn’t remember his shirt being so damn soft, either. Funny he never noticed, because he wore that shirt quite often.
If he could just… One minute. That’s all he wanted. Set it all down, for one minute and step away. Not worry any of it anymore. Not about the trial. Not about the twins. Not about his confusion. Drown out Akira’s words and the testimony of all those boys and just…
Oh, he wasn’t sure what he meant!
By the time Jiro finally let him go back to his own apartment, though, he was feeling strangely better. Actually, better than he had felt in a couple months, ever since Komatsu had shown up and destroyed the new life he was building for himself.
Seriously, was his shirt always that soft? And that couch, too. He could have sworn… but actually, it just felt really good. He ran his hand across the arm of it. So nice.
You know, it’d be a shame to waste the rest of the day just sitting around the little one-room apartment. Maybe he should go out, do something? He found himself suddenly with a lot more energy than he’d really expect, given everything.
Maybe it was the drug? Kame didn’t know a whole lot about drugs. He didn’t even know what he’d been given and of course he hadn’t asked. He wasn’t going to do it again; he’d been forced to this time, right?
But…
Since he couldn’t do anything about it, there wasn’t really any point in worrying about it, was there?
Where should he go? He wasn’t in the mood for the boxing gym.
Wasn’t there a club about seven blocks south or so? He wouldn’t be able to drink - not that he would - but the ID the twins made him should at least get him through the front door. He hadn’t really had any desire to go before, but anything was better than sitting around worrying about problems he couldn’t help.
Yes. Yes, that was a good idea!
Immensely more cheerful than he was an hour ago, he ran a hand through his hair to untangle it and took off.
Being at a club was an entirely new experience and it was so crowded and the music was loud and almost physical. He just sort of wandered through at first but soon found himself dancing with two girls he’d never seen before and he lost himself in the moment. Everything past that was one long, pleasant blur.
Had he really invited them to come home with him?
But they hadn’t. They’d giggled and it seemed like they were going to say yes until he told them where he was living. By the time he got home, he couldn’t even begin to guess what time it was other than that it had to have been hours and hours. He was starting to get edgy again.
Now that he was out of the club and back at the apartment, away from the flashing lights, loud music, and throngs of people, all of his problems sort of crashed back on him and not gently at that. Only now he felt kind of sick and really, really thirsty.
Nothing was better.
Everything was just as messed up. Life had given him a brief happy moment and snatched it away. Again. Like it always did.
He had too much energy to sleep but not enough drive to actually do anything. He tried to sleep, but…
And then it was the next day and he had the worst headache and he was exhausted and tense and, once again, just so angry. His mouth was so dry, even after he drank three tall glasses of tap water.
The anger just made him feel guilty, though. After everything they’d done for him…
But really, it wasn’t even so much that he was mad at the twins themselves. It was more like he was mad at life for having deceived him. For having tricked him into smiling and thinking things were okay and that he was finally among good people.
God, he couldn’t do this anymore. He just… he couldn’t…
No. He’d stay home. He wouldn’t go. He… he…
Damn it.
He grabbed his coat and took off for the bus stop and the trial.
It hadn’t quite gotten started yet for the morning; the judge was late for some reason. But the twins were there already, at the defense table.
The first thing he noticed was that the twins were arguing. The lawyers looked confused. But Aoi just kept shaking his head to everything Akira was saying and it was so different from how they’d carried themselves thus far during the trial and what he knew of them and, oh, they looked about as tired as he felt…
He had to find out what was going on. He couldn’t let it be. Something was wrong and no matter how confused and angry he was, it was Akira and Aoi and they meant something to him.
So instead of slipping into a seat at the back where they wouldn’t notice, he made for the front row, trying to walk as casually as possible to not draw attention to himself.
“…have to. You understand I have to? You can’t… they won’t let you unless…! Please, Aoi, please! Understand! It doesn’t mean I…”
But Aoi was shaking his head very vehemently and the two defense lawyers looked completely lost.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I have to…” and Kame could see tears in Akira’s eyes though he managed to hold them back. “You are released.”
Kame couldn’t see Aoi’s face but he could see his shoulders shaking and he could hear the pain in his voice as he cried out, “Akira!”
And it broke Kame’s heart. He didn’t have Akira’s luck in holding back his tears, though. And despite everything wrong, everything he felt that was conflicting him, and despite the fact that it wasn’t a good idea because his father was looking for him, he just couldn’t stop himself. He flung himself those last few steps towards the twins with a heartfelt, “Aoi! Akira!” He was crying now, so very hard.
The twins’ attention snapped immediately to him and he managed to throw his arms around them both despite the rail separating them.
“Kame-chan?” Aoi whispered. “Why…?”
Akira just said, “Oh, Kame… you shouldn’t be here…” He glanced up past Kame into the audience and then sent his gaze towards the still-empty jury box before sighing and returning the hug one-armed. “What if he finds you? God, you look so tired, Kame-chan.”
As Kame released the twins and sank down on that first bench, “I had to come, Akira. You know I had to come. I’ve been here every day. Every single day.”
But the defense lawyers finally recovered from their confusion enough that Akira’s lawyer asked, “Who is this? You know you’re not supposed to have contact with your alleged-” and the alleged part sounded very forced, “- victims.”
Angrily, Kame snapped at the man, “I’m not a victim. They’ve never hurt me; they’re not like that. They don’t hurt people! And they’ve never pimped anyone out. Not me, not those boys, nobody! They are the best people I have met in my entire life and you will respect them in front of me, do you understand, or I will kick your scrawny ass and don’t think I won’t!”
God, that felt good. Akira looked somehow pround and extremely worried at the same time. Aoi just sort of stood there with a stunned expression which was a pretty strange thing to see on him. The two defense lawyers exchanged glances, though, and then turned to Kame. “What do you know about all of this? Would you be willing to go up and tes-”
“He’s not going up on stand,” Akira insisted.
“I know that I waited tables every day and never once saw those boys in that club. Not the morning shift, not at night, not ever. I know that-”
Aoi was shaking his head again and Akira said in a very low, dangerous tone, “Kame, you need to shut up right now.”
“-that I lived with them over a year and they never once-”
“KAME! STOP!” this was from Aoi and the shock of hearing his voice did the trick, stopping Kame mid-sentence.
“You know how badly this trial is going for you! If he can…” from Akira’s lawyer.
“He can’t.” This was Akira.
“Oh, yes I can!” Kame shot back. “Just try and stop me!”
A quick glance between the twins and then Akira said, “We’ll change our plea.”
…what? “Akira?”
“We won’t let you take the stand, Kame. If that’s what it takes, then we’ll do it.”
Akira’s lawyer, “You can’t be serious! You’d stay in prison just to…”
“Yes.” The twins said it perfect unison. They didn’t even exchange glances first; they just said it.
“You… you can’t!” Kame cried. “Please!”
To the lawyers, Aoi said, “Give us a minute alone.”
“But…”
“Or you’re fired. And you know you won’t get nearly as much money off anyone as we pay you.”
Clearly exasperated, the two lawyers stepped away. There wasn’t all that far they could move, but when the twins spoke, it was very softly.
“I didn’t want you to see this,” Akira’s eyes were almost unreadable.
Aoi shook his head and said, “I told you he wouldn’t stay away.”
“It’s… true then? All of it? Well, not the lies about the club and you selling them. But the rest is true…” but Kame had to admit, he knew that. He just… he had to hear it from them.
“You know it is. Kame, we were blind. We lied to ourselves for so long, saying we weren’t really hurting them; they were already hurt and that we, at least, were kind to them. But then you showed up one day. You were so scared at first and I talked you down. I’d done that before, see, more than once, and I didn’t see a problem. But as we saw you more and more… It’s your light, Kame. We were just two more people slowly dimming that light and we weren’t sure we could live with that.
Aoi took over. “Then you showed up on our doorstep they way you did - no, don’t say anything, not here - and we realized we could help. We could protect that light instead. We made a promise to each other that no matter what it took, we would see that light kept safe. And you were so grateful and… and…”
But it seemed Aoi was having trouble finding the words, so when Akira put his hand on Aoi’s arm, Aoi nodded and Akira continued once more, “Your life has been so unfair to you. You looked at us like we were the first truly decent thing you’d found, but the two of us, we knew the truth. We weren’t worthy of that view, Kame. We weren’t good. We were just the least bad you’d encountered and we couldn’t lie to ourselves anymore about any of it. You, them…” and he gestured towards the witness box, “None of it. We were ashamed! And in the face of how you saw us, the looks you gave us… we wanted to change. We wanted to really be what you saw when you looked at us. So we changed. We stopped… We didn’t want to hurt anyone else, not ever again, so that we wouldn’t feel so guilty when you looked at us.
“We started to make amends. But we can’t fix what we’d already broken or, well, helped keep broken. I think… we are finally being punished like we deserve, Kame. The way the jury sees us, I don’t think there’s any way we’re going to win this trial. They’ll convict us for what we didn’t do as much as what we did, but… I was okay with that, because I knew that at least you still…” and Akira’s voice cracked a bit like he was having trouble speaking, “… saw only the good. I could hold onto that comfort. But now you see what we did. You understand we hurt them. And we hurt you. You just… you were so thankful it was like you forgot and now you remember. I know that you’ll… never… view… the same…” but then his voice gave out entirely, tears silently running down his face. “We’re so sorry! We’re so, so sorry, Kame!”
Aoi reached up and wiped Akira’s tears off his cheek with one hand even though he, too, was crying. Hell, all three of them were, actually.
“If you testify for us, you may keep us out of jail, but probably not. Even if you did, though… they’d send you back to your father and he will kill your light and probably you as well. The one truly good thing we ever did or tried to do would be gone. Please, I know we don’t deserve it, but don’t take that from us. Don’t… don’t make us only what we see. Let us be a little bit of what you see. Please, Kame. We have no right asking it of you but…”
“Is… it’s really what you want?” It took a bit to get the words out and even then, Kame’s voice was shaking.
“I think…” Aoi started slowly, “… that I’m ready for it to be over. We should stop running away from what we did and accept the consequences.”
Akira nodded mutely.
“But…”
“Don’t you think we should be punished for what we did to them? What we did to you? The way you snapped at the lawyers… you’re carrying so much anger, Kame. I think you’re starting to realize we weren’t always very good to you after all.”
“Akira, Aoi… You saved me and I’ll never forget it. How… how can I… just accept this?”
“If we’ve taught you anything, I’d like to think we taught you about the power of choice and how it shapes the world.” Akira smiled softly, despite the tears. “Would you let us choose our destiny or would you demand we give that power away?”
“You won’t get to choose much of anything in prison…”
“Except to be there. And that makes all the difference.”
“Can… can I come visit you?” Kame asked hesitantly.
“You won’t stay away even if we tell you to, will you? You came here…” Akira gave a small laugh. “But… there is something. You still have your key, right? It’s… we will probably be in jail a long time. Can you home, take care of the place? Take the car, the apartment… I think I don’t want you in that drug den any longer…” The look he gave Kame was rather pointed; he was sure Akira guessed in some small part how he’d spent last night.
“Drug den? You didn’t mention…” Aoi started.
“Later, Aoi. We’re short on time.”
“Is it safe to go back? The police… and my father…?”
“Won’t be paying attention once we plead guilty. It’s fully paid for and it was supposed to pass to Yurina if we were gone, but she’s not going to be able to claim it and we need someone to keep it safe for her for now,” Akira said. “We’ve got our paper trail pretty well covered so you father shouldn’t be able to track you to there.”
If Akira thought it was safe enough, then it was safe enough. “Okay.”
“You need to go now, okay?” Aoi said.
He didn’t want to, but…
“Okay.” But before he went he just had to say, “Listen, I…”
“We know, Kame. We know.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Chapter 51 ~It Shouldn't Work~
A/N: Well, there you go. Kame can go back, get his Snoopy, and finally go home. Though it seems the twins are going to change to a guilty plea and accept their prison time.
It was so heartbreaking to write Akira releasing Aoi from his contract early. But the defense lawyers wouldn't let Aoi testify on his own behalf if he wouldn't, you know, actually talk. But it made Aoi so sad... so I nearly cried and I think it's good that I was able to hold back and only NEARLY cry because I have idea how to explain that one to the hubby LOL
I'd originally wanted a different scene for the contract release with Aoi already on the stand but I seriously couldn't wrangle a way to get him there unless he's talking. So we get this instead of the scene I'd been intending to write for weeks. But I think it works well like this.