[exo] in my arms (would you stay forever?)
|| jongin x yixing, implied pairings | pg | romance(?) ||
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended whatsoever.
summary: we've reached a level where there's no turning back.
a/n: follow-up to this. please read that first, thank you :)
**
in my arms (would you stay forever?)
It smells like sweat and sex, pure undisguised desire and want, undiluted blood-thirsty lust. And something so deep, an emotion so intricate and profound that neither Jongin nor Yixing can understand exactly what it is.
This feeling has always been there, living in their very souls, embedded in their very beings. For such a long time, it has been concealed under a thin flimsy blanket, a threadbare fabric, and kept away in a corner, near enough to touch but not quite. The thought of betrayal, of shredding someone’s trust into tiny little pieces, proving enough for them both to keep the wary distance from that wooden chest - that box of dark lies and heart’s desires, of back-stabbing betrayal and gut-wrenching deceit.
For years, they’ve kept themselves from reaching out. Too uncertain, too hesitant, too afraid.
Simmering simmering simmering. But never really boiling over.
Until now. (And here they are, in a hotel room thousands of miles away from Seoul - away from reality.)
There’s a slight rustle of the white linen sheets as Jongin turns to his side and gazes at the boy lying next to him, the distance between their naked bodies almost non-existent. Obsidian orbs shine and glimmer with the unmistakable look of fondness and affection as Jongin takes in every inch of Yixing’s flushed skin with his steady unwavering gaze.
A swelling of his heart - one that he has come to associate with the immense love he feels for the older boy.
“I love you so much,” he whispers and watches as Yixing’s eyelashes flutter to reveal beautifully dreamy orbs.
Beautiful, so beautiful.
“We should probably end this now.”
Yixing says softly, slow and cautious, hesitant. The balmy air is thick and heavy with palpable silence, save for their shallow quickened breaths and the rapid beats of their pounding hearts - beats that seemed to be in tune with one another. Two separate hearts, beating as one.
Two souls entangled into one.
Jongin smiles wryly - not even bothering to ask for an elaboration. He doesn’t need to.
They’re flying back to Seoul the next day.
“I love you, hyung” he repeats instead, a hand reaching out to gently caress Yixing’s face.
Yixing leans into the warmth of Jongin’s palm with a quiet smile at the edges of his lips. “I love you too, Jongin.”
“Then why do we have to end here?”
The answer is immediate. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”
“Really? Is it really the right thing to do?”
Yixing shoots him a look, a gaze filled with reproach, a weary resignation. “Please don’t do this to me, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin senses a trace of hesitation in the older boy’s voice, and he grabs onto it like a lifeline. Pressing his lips to Yixing’s collarbone, he breathes against the warm skin.
“I just want to know what you want, love. Do you really want me to disappear from your life?”
-
He feels Yixing’s heart stutter and the elder’s arms coming to wrap around him, pressing their bodies impossibly close. “No,” he says firmly, “I don’t want you to leave. You cannot leave me, I won't allow it.”
Jongin smiles a little at the note of possessiveness he detects in the older boy’s voice. He lifts his head and looks straight into brown eyes, almond-shaped dancing eyes that he has been in love with for as long as he can remember.
Closing the distance between their faces, Jongin drops a feathery-light kiss on Yixing’s lips and murmurs, “I promise you, I won’t leave.” Pulling away slightly, he continues just as softly, “But I can’t do what you what you want me to do. I can’t - no, I won’t - just stay by the sides and watch as someone else takes you in his arms. Not anymore. Don’t ask me to do the impossible, Yixing, I refuse to do it.”
Yixing frowns slightly and says simply, point-blank, “I love Sehun, Jongin-ah. You cannot expect me to just break-up with him. It’ll break him. I told you he’s fragile, didn’t I?”
The venomous snake in the pits of Jongin’s stomach awakens and hisses loudly at the mention of his best friend’s name. There’s a fire burning in his chest and he has to force down the sour taste in his mouth.
Taking in a deep breath, Jongin says slowly - voice soft and steady, pleading, vulnerable “What about me, hyung? My heart fucking bleeds every single time I see your face, because I can’t help but think about how close yet at the same time how so very far you are. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? I love you, Xing, and it kills me to see you belonging to someone who isn’t me.”
Yixing worries his bottom lip; a deep frown etched on his face, as he averts his gave from the younger boy’s desperate one.
He loosens his arms, removes his grip on the latter and starts to move away. “I - I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what I want. I really don’t. I’m sorry,” he says brokenly.
Jongin’s stomach lurches and his heart breaks a little. He reaches out to pull Yixing back, strong arms coming round to wind securely and snugly around the lean torso. The older boy falls back into Jongin’s firm chest and stays still, completely pliant.
“Don’t, don’t do that. Don’t pull away. I’ll be good, I - I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll wait, I’ll do anything. Just don’t push me away. Please don’t. I just want to be with you,” he whispers into the back of Yixing’s neck - icy cold fear creeping up and clutching at his wasted heart.
-
Jongin hears a muffled sob escape Yixing and the words ‘your fault, all your fault’.
He draws soothing circles into Yixing’s bare arms and whispers, “What’s my fault, baby?”
“Everything.” A sniffle. “If you hadn’t fallen in love with me, none of this mess would have happened.”
Jongin frowns and nudges him, “Hey, look at me.”
When Yixing shifts in his arms and looks at him with glassy orbs, he breathes in and parts his lips. “Falling in love with you was, is, and will always be the best thing I’ve done in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for you, hyung. I love you, and if I have to wait a little while more just so you belong to me and only me, the way it should, then so be it. I’ve waited for so long, a little more won’t hurt. And I’ll wait for all eternity, if that’s what it’ll take. I love you, Yixing, always did and always will.”
“How - how are so sure I’ll come to you in the end? I know you don’t like it.. but I love Sehun, I truly do. It wouldn’t do to underestimate the feelings I have for him, Jongin.”
-
“How am I so sure?”Jongin questions with a slight quirk to his lips. “You love me. That, and the fact that you belong to me. We were made for one another. I told you that years ago, it’s high time you started to believe in it, hyung.”
A small chuckle leaves Yixing’s lips. “You once asked me how’d I feel if the world consisted of only you and I. Do you remember my answer?”
“You told me rather straightforwardly not to be silly.”
“And how did you reply?”
Jongin smiles slightly. “It doesn’t matter if I’m silly or not. What matters is that we’re two halves to a whole. I’m the right to your left, the yin to your yang.”
“You said that more than a decade ago. You..feel the same now?” Yixing questions, eyes bright and cheeks lightly flushed.
“Always and forever, my love.”
Yixing positively beams at that, and he looks so beautiful, so ethereal, Jongin is rendered speechless for a moment.
“You’re so beautiful, did anyone ever tell you?”
“Well, a certain Kim Jongin has made it his goal to tell me at least thrice a day,” Yixing grins toothily in reply, flashing his dimple and making the younger boy’s heart flip somersaults.
The grin lasts all of three seconds before sliding off.
“And what about Xiao Lu?” Yixing asks carefully. At Jongin’s confused expression, he elaborates. “Don’t you love him?”
Jongin blinks.
Hesitates.
An expression of guilt flashes past his eyes.
“I do love Luhan hyung,” he admits easily and Yixing feels unreasonably jealous.
“I love you more. So much more.”
“Does that answer your question, my dear?” he asks with a twinkle in his eyes.
Yixing grins and kisses the corner of Jongin’s mouth. “Your fault. All your fault that I’ve become such a lousy best friend.”
“You just love me too much. Stop coming up with random excuses, hyung,” Jongin responds with an impish grin of his own, fingers playfully pinching the elder’s naked side.
Yixing squirms and laughs out - loud and free. Finding Jongin’s hands and intertwining their fingers, he buries his face into the younger boy’s neck and mumbles, “Jongin-ah, whatever am I going to do with you.”
It’s a rhetorical question, one that doesn’t actually warrant an answer, but Jongin goes ahead and answers it anyway.
Drops a kiss to the top of Yixing’s lavender-scented raven strands.
“Just stay in my arms and let me love you. That’s all you have to do.”
***
+ hoped you enjoyed reading! o(^^)o
++ comment? :)
also! come say hello on twitter and/or ask.fm ♥ i swear i wont bite.
warning: #HowToGrammar // disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended whatsoever.
summary: we've reached a level where there's no turning back.
a/n: follow-up to this. please read that first, thank you :)
**
in my arms (would you stay forever?)
It smells like sweat and sex, pure undisguised desire and want, undiluted blood-thirsty lust. And something so deep, an emotion so intricate and profound that neither Jongin nor Yixing can understand exactly what it is.
This feeling has always been there, living in their very souls, embedded in their very beings. For such a long time, it has been concealed under a thin flimsy blanket, a threadbare fabric, and kept away in a corner, near enough to touch but not quite. The thought of betrayal, of shredding someone’s trust into tiny little pieces, proving enough for them both to keep the wary distance from that wooden chest - that box of dark lies and heart’s desires, of back-stabbing betrayal and gut-wrenching deceit.
For years, they’ve kept themselves from reaching out. Too uncertain, too hesitant, too afraid.
Simmering simmering simmering. But never really boiling over.
Until now. (And here they are, in a hotel room thousands of miles away from Seoul - away from reality.)
There’s a slight rustle of the white linen sheets as Jongin turns to his side and gazes at the boy lying next to him, the distance between their naked bodies almost non-existent. Obsidian orbs shine and glimmer with the unmistakable look of fondness and affection as Jongin takes in every inch of Yixing’s flushed skin with his steady unwavering gaze.
A swelling of his heart - one that he has come to associate with the immense love he feels for the older boy.
“I love you so much,” he whispers and watches as Yixing’s eyelashes flutter to reveal beautifully dreamy orbs.
Beautiful, so beautiful.
“We should probably end this now.”
Yixing says softly, slow and cautious, hesitant. The balmy air is thick and heavy with palpable silence, save for their shallow quickened breaths and the rapid beats of their pounding hearts - beats that seemed to be in tune with one another. Two separate hearts, beating as one.
Two souls entangled into one.
Jongin smiles wryly - not even bothering to ask for an elaboration. He doesn’t need to.
They’re flying back to Seoul the next day.
“I love you, hyung” he repeats instead, a hand reaching out to gently caress Yixing’s face.
Yixing leans into the warmth of Jongin’s palm with a quiet smile at the edges of his lips. “I love you too, Jongin.”
“Then why do we have to end here?”
The answer is immediate. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”
“Really? Is it really the right thing to do?”
Yixing shoots him a look, a gaze filled with reproach, a weary resignation. “Please don’t do this to me, Jongin-ah.”
Jongin senses a trace of hesitation in the older boy’s voice, and he grabs onto it like a lifeline. Pressing his lips to Yixing’s collarbone, he breathes against the warm skin.
“I just want to know what you want, love. Do you really want me to disappear from your life?”
-
He feels Yixing’s heart stutter and the elder’s arms coming to wrap around him, pressing their bodies impossibly close. “No,” he says firmly, “I don’t want you to leave. You cannot leave me, I won't allow it.”
Jongin smiles a little at the note of possessiveness he detects in the older boy’s voice. He lifts his head and looks straight into brown eyes, almond-shaped dancing eyes that he has been in love with for as long as he can remember.
Closing the distance between their faces, Jongin drops a feathery-light kiss on Yixing’s lips and murmurs, “I promise you, I won’t leave.” Pulling away slightly, he continues just as softly, “But I can’t do what you what you want me to do. I can’t - no, I won’t - just stay by the sides and watch as someone else takes you in his arms. Not anymore. Don’t ask me to do the impossible, Yixing, I refuse to do it.”
Yixing frowns slightly and says simply, point-blank, “I love Sehun, Jongin-ah. You cannot expect me to just break-up with him. It’ll break him. I told you he’s fragile, didn’t I?”
The venomous snake in the pits of Jongin’s stomach awakens and hisses loudly at the mention of his best friend’s name. There’s a fire burning in his chest and he has to force down the sour taste in his mouth.
Taking in a deep breath, Jongin says slowly - voice soft and steady, pleading, vulnerable “What about me, hyung? My heart fucking bleeds every single time I see your face, because I can’t help but think about how close yet at the same time how so very far you are. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? I love you, Xing, and it kills me to see you belonging to someone who isn’t me.”
Yixing worries his bottom lip; a deep frown etched on his face, as he averts his gave from the younger boy’s desperate one.
He loosens his arms, removes his grip on the latter and starts to move away. “I - I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what I want. I really don’t. I’m sorry,” he says brokenly.
Jongin’s stomach lurches and his heart breaks a little. He reaches out to pull Yixing back, strong arms coming round to wind securely and snugly around the lean torso. The older boy falls back into Jongin’s firm chest and stays still, completely pliant.
“Don’t, don’t do that. Don’t pull away. I’ll be good, I - I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll wait, I’ll do anything. Just don’t push me away. Please don’t. I just want to be with you,” he whispers into the back of Yixing’s neck - icy cold fear creeping up and clutching at his wasted heart.
-
Jongin hears a muffled sob escape Yixing and the words ‘your fault, all your fault’.
He draws soothing circles into Yixing’s bare arms and whispers, “What’s my fault, baby?”
“Everything.” A sniffle. “If you hadn’t fallen in love with me, none of this mess would have happened.”
Jongin frowns and nudges him, “Hey, look at me.”
When Yixing shifts in his arms and looks at him with glassy orbs, he breathes in and parts his lips. “Falling in love with you was, is, and will always be the best thing I’ve done in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for you, hyung. I love you, and if I have to wait a little while more just so you belong to me and only me, the way it should, then so be it. I’ve waited for so long, a little more won’t hurt. And I’ll wait for all eternity, if that’s what it’ll take. I love you, Yixing, always did and always will.”
“How - how are so sure I’ll come to you in the end? I know you don’t like it.. but I love Sehun, I truly do. It wouldn’t do to underestimate the feelings I have for him, Jongin.”
-
“How am I so sure?”Jongin questions with a slight quirk to his lips. “You love me. That, and the fact that you belong to me. We were made for one another. I told you that years ago, it’s high time you started to believe in it, hyung.”
A small chuckle leaves Yixing’s lips. “You once asked me how’d I feel if the world consisted of only you and I. Do you remember my answer?”
“You told me rather straightforwardly not to be silly.”
“And how did you reply?”
Jongin smiles slightly. “It doesn’t matter if I’m silly or not. What matters is that we’re two halves to a whole. I’m the right to your left, the yin to your yang.”
“You said that more than a decade ago. You..feel the same now?” Yixing questions, eyes bright and cheeks lightly flushed.
“Always and forever, my love.”
Yixing positively beams at that, and he looks so beautiful, so ethereal, Jongin is rendered speechless for a moment.
“You’re so beautiful, did anyone ever tell you?”
“Well, a certain Kim Jongin has made it his goal to tell me at least thrice a day,” Yixing grins toothily in reply, flashing his dimple and making the younger boy’s heart flip somersaults.
The grin lasts all of three seconds before sliding off.
“And what about Xiao Lu?” Yixing asks carefully. At Jongin’s confused expression, he elaborates. “Don’t you love him?”
Jongin blinks.
Hesitates.
An expression of guilt flashes past his eyes.
“I do love Luhan hyung,” he admits easily and Yixing feels unreasonably jealous.
“I love you more. So much more.”
“Does that answer your question, my dear?” he asks with a twinkle in his eyes.
Yixing grins and kisses the corner of Jongin’s mouth. “Your fault. All your fault that I’ve become such a lousy best friend.”
“You just love me too much. Stop coming up with random excuses, hyung,” Jongin responds with an impish grin of his own, fingers playfully pinching the elder’s naked side.
Yixing squirms and laughs out - loud and free. Finding Jongin’s hands and intertwining their fingers, he buries his face into the younger boy’s neck and mumbles, “Jongin-ah, whatever am I going to do with you.”
It’s a rhetorical question, one that doesn’t actually warrant an answer, but Jongin goes ahead and answers it anyway.
Drops a kiss to the top of Yixing’s lavender-scented raven strands.
“Just stay in my arms and let me love you. That’s all you have to do.”
***
+ hoped you enjoyed reading! o(^^)o
++ comment? :)
also! come say hello on twitter and/or ask.fm ♥ i swear i wont bite.