fic: because unrequited love leaves the worst aftertaste (backup valentine remix)
Title: because unrequited love leaves the worst aftertaste (backup valentine remix)
Rating: PG-13. Light R to be safe, I guess?
Pairing: Yamapi/Kame, Jin/Kame
Notes: Remix of soucieux's Backup Valentine, written for the White Day Remix Challenge.
Summary: Yamapi makes it hard to hate him, but maybe Kame's just desperate.
Kame spends the month before KAT-TUN goes to New York City gathering his courage and steeling his nerves.
Inexplicably, this means working harder and getting less sleep than he usually does, to the point that even his bandmates notice.
Koki doesn’t like dirty traitors (read: Jin) much, but he likes Kame, so he brings in Yamapi whenever he can, rationalizing that Yamapi is a happy person. It’s a thin excuse, and Kame can see it for what it really is: Yamapi is closer to Jin than anyone else in Johnny’s.
It is either an extremely smart or an extremely stupid idea because both Kame and Yamapi like Jin more than they like the other and they’re not afraid to show it.
“You work too much,” Yamapi tells him conversationally, watching him and carefully noting the circles underneath his eyes that even the makeup couldn’t hide. He hesitates before adding, “Jin told me that.”
Kame stops, rubbing his temples to fight the ache that never goes away these days. “Akanishi talks too much,” he says firmly.
Yamapi drops the subject.
- - -
Yamapi takes Kame home sometimes, or really, he doesn’t give him a chance to argue anyways, loitering around Kame’s workplace expectantly, rock star sunglasses perched on his nose and hat pulled down his forehead.
“You don’t have to wait around for me,” Kame tells Yamapi, both amused and annoyed. “I can go home by myself.”
Yamapi shrugs. “It’s not like I really have anything else to do. If you didn’t feel guilty for making me wait, you’d just stay here longer, so it’s a win-win situation, the way I see it.” He smiles at Kame like a shark, all teeth and malice.
It’s the truth, so Kame doesn’t argue.
Yamapi insists on staying, and then insists on making Kame dinner. It’d probably take more effort to stop him, so Kame just hangs around the kitchen, sipping inanely from a bottle of water.
Yamapi looks at Kame as he’s drinking, until Kame feels uncomfortable and reaches out to lightly push his shoulder. “When was the last time you ate a full meal?” Yamapi asks sharply, not taking his eyes off Kame’s thinner-than-usual cheeks as he serves food.
“I don’t know. Yesterday, two days ago, something like that.” Kame shrugs, it’s not really of any importance that he hasn’t been eating properly for the past week. He bows his head slightly. “Thanks for dinner.”
They eat mostly in silence, Kame reading yesterday’s newspaper and Yamapi reading the side of Kame’s cereal box. Kame offers to clean up, and stacks the bowls in his sink, figuring that he’ll save them so he has something to do on his next day off.
Yamapi looks at him, one eye brow raised. “I thought you were totally anal about things like cleanliness,” he says, amused.
Kame shrugs again, before saying, “I bet Jin told you that too,” mouth curved into a pitch-perfect imitation of Yamapi’s shark’s smile.
“Actually,” Yamapi replies, laughing, “Ryo-chan did.”
This startles a laugh out of Kame, who quickly covers his mouth with his hand. “How would he know?” He asks, moving closer to Yamapi, hips swaying slightly.
“How would I know?” Yamapi asks, smiling the kindest smile Kame’s seen on his face yet, and leans down slightly to bring his face closer to Kame. Thankfully, Yamapi’s not stupid.
When Yamapi puts a hand on his neck, Kame doesn’t push it away, because he’s known for a while now that he wouldn’t mind. Yamapi leans in, mouth fitting to his, and Kame’s eyes flutter close.
“Is this okay?” Yamapi inquires, and he looks so much like the vulnerable Akira at this moment that Kame thinks fleetingly that this might actually be alright.
“Yeah,” he answers, stumbling over his words, “yeah, it’s fine.” However, when Yamapi leans in again, mumbling Kame’s name, Kame jerks his head back, shaking the delirium from his eyes.
“No --,” he almost shouts, and then lowers his voice, “I mean, no. Just - Yamashita. Yamapi. No. Not now.”
“You’re in love with Jin, aren’t you,” Yamapi asks softly, almost apologetically, as he rubs circles into Kame’s back.
It is a feeling at once so familiar and so foreign that Kame just wants to lean into the touch, wants to feel again the familiarity of a person beside him.
“I’m not,” he says firmly when he looks up at Yamapi. “Not Akanishi, never.”
Yamapi sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re in love with him,” he repeats, a touch of exasperation in his tone. He looks away when Kame shakes his head and twists his fingers into the hem of his shirt.
When he looks back, he presses a soft kiss to Kame’s mouth. “Are you going to let him know,” he asks, and it’s hardly a question anymore.
“No,” Kame answers too quickly, shaking his head. “I won’t, he’s not mature enough to take it, he’ll just laugh at me, he’s too much of a whore-”
Yamapi frowns, and looks like he’s opening his mouth to argue, whether to convince Kame to confess or to defend his best friend’s virtue.
“- I don’t think I could handle the rejection.”
Yamapi doesn’t say anything after that, only kisses Kame. This time, he lets Yamapi press thumbs against his hipbones, lets Yamapi push one palm against his steadily beating heart.
- - -
The trip to New York is almost uneventful except for the part where Kame tells Jin (not so much in words as actions) he might be gay and in love with him and Jin rejects him.
Oh, and the part where Jin takes Kame back to his hotel room because as according to Jin’s philosophy, there is no excuse for not having sex.
Fucking Yamashita, Kame thinks almost affectionately on the plane ride home, rubbing the bruises on his arms.
- - -
In all respects, Yamapi hates Valentine’s Day with a passion and would rather choose to not acknowledge the entire holiday altogether.
He finds it kind of funny that he’s spending it with Kame instead.
“How is he?” He asks, and he doesn’t even have to specify who ‘he’ is; for both him and Kame, there has only ever been one other ‘he.’
Kame mumbles some predictable answer concerning Koki’s infamous temper and typical Jin behavior.
Kame looks tired. Yamapi doesn’t blame him. He waves down a waitress to take Kame’s order, something predictable and respectable. Yamapi orders something random from the menu just to be spiteful, even if Kame doesn’t necessarily get it.
Kame doesn’t get a lot of things, including the part where he doesn’t understand why Jin can’t act his age, or at least not like a sixteen year old, and Yamapi tries not to frown and wonder where the hell Kame’s childhood had gone.
Instead, he just tells Kame, “There’s nothing we could have done about it. He wanted to go, but it’s not like he wanted to leave KAT-TUN behind either.”
“Let’s go,” Kame says quietly, standing up, and Yamapi wonders if he had heard his last words at all. “We can go to my place,” he continues, and Yamapi knows that he just doesn’t want to acknowledge them.
“Did you talk to Jin about any of this?” Yamapi presses, eyes flicking to Kame’s face and back as he pulls on his coat.
“It’s too heavy,” Kame says, and Yamapi suppresses the urge to roll his eyes and ask Kame if he’s kidding. “We were only there for a few days, you know? That kind of talk would ruin the atmosphere. It was difficult enough without that.”
Coward, Yamapi thinks inwardly as he leads them to his car, the silence thin on the drive to Kame’s apartment.
He has Kame pressed against the door, urging his mouth open. “But I did tell him,” Kame confesses, eyes looking at Yamapi for once. “I told him. You know.”
“What did he say?” Yamapi prompts, half scared and half hopeful for the response. He’s surprised that both the fear and the hope are for Kame.
Kame threads his hands through Yamapi’s hair, if only for something to hold onto, and asks, “Does it matter to you?”
“Yes,” Yamapi shrugs, but amends his answer, “but you don’t have to tell me.” He knows Kame will, though.
“He said he was sorry,” Kame says, throat bobbing as he talks.
Bullshit, Yamapi thinks.
“That it wouldn’t work. I agreed.” A second of hesitation, and then Kame adds, “Because like, you know, it’s true,” sounding as if he’s more convincing himself rather than Yamapi.
Lies, Yamapi thinks, especially as he feels Kame sigh when he runs fingers over the bruises on his hipbones. “You had sex, though. These, right?”
“Yeah,” Kame swallows, eyes downcast again.
But it’s not Yamapi’s place to judge, and truth be told, it’s not something he’s ever going to understand, so he just gives up trying to. He smiles in what is meant to be a reassuring way when he says, “As long as you don’t lie, it’s all right.” He presses his mouth to Kame’s and tugs at his hair because he doesn’t know any better way to comfort him.
Rating: PG-13. Light R to be safe, I guess?
Pairing: Yamapi/Kame, Jin/Kame
Notes: Remix of soucieux's Backup Valentine, written for the White Day Remix Challenge.
Summary: Yamapi makes it hard to hate him, but maybe Kame's just desperate.
Kame spends the month before KAT-TUN goes to New York City gathering his courage and steeling his nerves.
Inexplicably, this means working harder and getting less sleep than he usually does, to the point that even his bandmates notice.
Koki doesn’t like dirty traitors (read: Jin) much, but he likes Kame, so he brings in Yamapi whenever he can, rationalizing that Yamapi is a happy person. It’s a thin excuse, and Kame can see it for what it really is: Yamapi is closer to Jin than anyone else in Johnny’s.
It is either an extremely smart or an extremely stupid idea because both Kame and Yamapi like Jin more than they like the other and they’re not afraid to show it.
“You work too much,” Yamapi tells him conversationally, watching him and carefully noting the circles underneath his eyes that even the makeup couldn’t hide. He hesitates before adding, “Jin told me that.”
Kame stops, rubbing his temples to fight the ache that never goes away these days. “Akanishi talks too much,” he says firmly.
Yamapi drops the subject.
- - -
Yamapi takes Kame home sometimes, or really, he doesn’t give him a chance to argue anyways, loitering around Kame’s workplace expectantly, rock star sunglasses perched on his nose and hat pulled down his forehead.
“You don’t have to wait around for me,” Kame tells Yamapi, both amused and annoyed. “I can go home by myself.”
Yamapi shrugs. “It’s not like I really have anything else to do. If you didn’t feel guilty for making me wait, you’d just stay here longer, so it’s a win-win situation, the way I see it.” He smiles at Kame like a shark, all teeth and malice.
It’s the truth, so Kame doesn’t argue.
Yamapi insists on staying, and then insists on making Kame dinner. It’d probably take more effort to stop him, so Kame just hangs around the kitchen, sipping inanely from a bottle of water.
Yamapi looks at Kame as he’s drinking, until Kame feels uncomfortable and reaches out to lightly push his shoulder. “When was the last time you ate a full meal?” Yamapi asks sharply, not taking his eyes off Kame’s thinner-than-usual cheeks as he serves food.
“I don’t know. Yesterday, two days ago, something like that.” Kame shrugs, it’s not really of any importance that he hasn’t been eating properly for the past week. He bows his head slightly. “Thanks for dinner.”
They eat mostly in silence, Kame reading yesterday’s newspaper and Yamapi reading the side of Kame’s cereal box. Kame offers to clean up, and stacks the bowls in his sink, figuring that he’ll save them so he has something to do on his next day off.
Yamapi looks at him, one eye brow raised. “I thought you were totally anal about things like cleanliness,” he says, amused.
Kame shrugs again, before saying, “I bet Jin told you that too,” mouth curved into a pitch-perfect imitation of Yamapi’s shark’s smile.
“Actually,” Yamapi replies, laughing, “Ryo-chan did.”
This startles a laugh out of Kame, who quickly covers his mouth with his hand. “How would he know?” He asks, moving closer to Yamapi, hips swaying slightly.
“How would I know?” Yamapi asks, smiling the kindest smile Kame’s seen on his face yet, and leans down slightly to bring his face closer to Kame. Thankfully, Yamapi’s not stupid.
When Yamapi puts a hand on his neck, Kame doesn’t push it away, because he’s known for a while now that he wouldn’t mind. Yamapi leans in, mouth fitting to his, and Kame’s eyes flutter close.
“Is this okay?” Yamapi inquires, and he looks so much like the vulnerable Akira at this moment that Kame thinks fleetingly that this might actually be alright.
“Yeah,” he answers, stumbling over his words, “yeah, it’s fine.” However, when Yamapi leans in again, mumbling Kame’s name, Kame jerks his head back, shaking the delirium from his eyes.
“No --,” he almost shouts, and then lowers his voice, “I mean, no. Just - Yamashita. Yamapi. No. Not now.”
“You’re in love with Jin, aren’t you,” Yamapi asks softly, almost apologetically, as he rubs circles into Kame’s back.
It is a feeling at once so familiar and so foreign that Kame just wants to lean into the touch, wants to feel again the familiarity of a person beside him.
“I’m not,” he says firmly when he looks up at Yamapi. “Not Akanishi, never.”
Yamapi sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re in love with him,” he repeats, a touch of exasperation in his tone. He looks away when Kame shakes his head and twists his fingers into the hem of his shirt.
When he looks back, he presses a soft kiss to Kame’s mouth. “Are you going to let him know,” he asks, and it’s hardly a question anymore.
“No,” Kame answers too quickly, shaking his head. “I won’t, he’s not mature enough to take it, he’ll just laugh at me, he’s too much of a whore-”
Yamapi frowns, and looks like he’s opening his mouth to argue, whether to convince Kame to confess or to defend his best friend’s virtue.
“- I don’t think I could handle the rejection.”
Yamapi doesn’t say anything after that, only kisses Kame. This time, he lets Yamapi press thumbs against his hipbones, lets Yamapi push one palm against his steadily beating heart.
- - -
The trip to New York is almost uneventful except for the part where Kame tells Jin (not so much in words as actions) he might be gay and in love with him and Jin rejects him.
Oh, and the part where Jin takes Kame back to his hotel room because as according to Jin’s philosophy, there is no excuse for not having sex.
Fucking Yamashita, Kame thinks almost affectionately on the plane ride home, rubbing the bruises on his arms.
- - -
In all respects, Yamapi hates Valentine’s Day with a passion and would rather choose to not acknowledge the entire holiday altogether.
He finds it kind of funny that he’s spending it with Kame instead.
“How is he?” He asks, and he doesn’t even have to specify who ‘he’ is; for both him and Kame, there has only ever been one other ‘he.’
Kame mumbles some predictable answer concerning Koki’s infamous temper and typical Jin behavior.
Kame looks tired. Yamapi doesn’t blame him. He waves down a waitress to take Kame’s order, something predictable and respectable. Yamapi orders something random from the menu just to be spiteful, even if Kame doesn’t necessarily get it.
Kame doesn’t get a lot of things, including the part where he doesn’t understand why Jin can’t act his age, or at least not like a sixteen year old, and Yamapi tries not to frown and wonder where the hell Kame’s childhood had gone.
Instead, he just tells Kame, “There’s nothing we could have done about it. He wanted to go, but it’s not like he wanted to leave KAT-TUN behind either.”
“Let’s go,” Kame says quietly, standing up, and Yamapi wonders if he had heard his last words at all. “We can go to my place,” he continues, and Yamapi knows that he just doesn’t want to acknowledge them.
“Did you talk to Jin about any of this?” Yamapi presses, eyes flicking to Kame’s face and back as he pulls on his coat.
“It’s too heavy,” Kame says, and Yamapi suppresses the urge to roll his eyes and ask Kame if he’s kidding. “We were only there for a few days, you know? That kind of talk would ruin the atmosphere. It was difficult enough without that.”
Coward, Yamapi thinks inwardly as he leads them to his car, the silence thin on the drive to Kame’s apartment.
He has Kame pressed against the door, urging his mouth open. “But I did tell him,” Kame confesses, eyes looking at Yamapi for once. “I told him. You know.”
“What did he say?” Yamapi prompts, half scared and half hopeful for the response. He’s surprised that both the fear and the hope are for Kame.
Kame threads his hands through Yamapi’s hair, if only for something to hold onto, and asks, “Does it matter to you?”
“Yes,” Yamapi shrugs, but amends his answer, “but you don’t have to tell me.” He knows Kame will, though.
“He said he was sorry,” Kame says, throat bobbing as he talks.
Bullshit, Yamapi thinks.
“That it wouldn’t work. I agreed.” A second of hesitation, and then Kame adds, “Because like, you know, it’s true,” sounding as if he’s more convincing himself rather than Yamapi.
Lies, Yamapi thinks, especially as he feels Kame sigh when he runs fingers over the bruises on his hipbones. “You had sex, though. These, right?”
“Yeah,” Kame swallows, eyes downcast again.
But it’s not Yamapi’s place to judge, and truth be told, it’s not something he’s ever going to understand, so he just gives up trying to. He smiles in what is meant to be a reassuring way when he says, “As long as you don’t lie, it’s all right.” He presses his mouth to Kame’s and tugs at his hair because he doesn’t know any better way to comfort him.