Vigilance and an "Open Mind"

[olamina]

Of the nearly ten friends I have polled, only two of them had an unmedicated birth and one of those had a home birth. All the others had an epidural (no judgment) and all seem to repeat the same refrain, "It's great that you want to have a natural birth, but you should keep an open mind." I find it interesting that my mind needs to "open" to what

Comments

[survivinglove]

GET A DOULA!!!

:)

[frogs_n_turtles]

THIS!

[uncrossyurheart]

Agreed.

[sirenphotos]

This!

My labors were relatively fast and complication free (8 hours active labor the first time and 3 hours active labor the second time) but without my doula I don't know that I would have ended up with a natural hospital birth - she was a god send!

[max_ambiguity]

I don't think I am going to be able to have an unmedicated birth, but I don't think you need to be "open" to pain drugs. That's just silly. You won't die from pain. You don't have to prepare yourself to accept them if you don't want them (they'll still be there anyway).

I think having your husband or even another advocate might be the most important thing in a hospital setting. From my experiences with pain and distance athletics, I've found that the most important thing is encouragement when you falter. I don't know your husband, but some might not be able to handle encouraging their wife to continue to be in so much pain. I hired a doula to help make sure my wishes are communicated.

Anyway, I wish you luck, because I'd personally prefer an unmedicated birth myself.

[survivinglove]

I second the part about spouses being overwhelmed and maybe not the best for encouragement. Good point:) My husband though awesome in foreign lands, being shot at and jumping out of airplanes..was completely out of his element and felt completely helpless during my labor/birth and so I was very happy that we chose to have a Doula who helped with the encouragement and such. My poor husband was so...not having a wonderful time and just worried the whole time...like big time. He was sort of hanging out in the background and letting all us women to our birthing stuff (doula, supportive nurses, me, etc). So yes to this!

[max_ambiguity]

I don't even have a husband, but it's hard to watch someone you love suffer. He could possibly be trained to stand firm, though, and I know some men would do just fine. It really just depends.

[sushidragon]

This was my experience as well. He went to the classes, read the books, we talked everything over, but when it came to actual labor, he was so lost and freaked out and (afterwards) I felt terrible for him! Fortunately I had an awesome midwife to get me through the pushing part but I really could have used some support before she was there, and hence why we're getting a doula this time.

[nickelshoe]

Personally, I didn't find it hard to turn down the epidural (although I did ask for IV meds). If you don't want it, just say no and make sure your husband knows to stick by you on it. I don't know if it's necessary to arm yourself with reasons to go unmedicated--if you change your mind, then you change your mind. I don't see why you should expect to have to talk yourself out of getting an epidural. Did the women you talked to plan on natural and change their minds during labor?

[acheuleanhandax]

I think I would have been a lot more successful in my goal for a natural birth if I'd had a doula. I mean, I love my partner, but he was NO HELP AT ALL. I was breathing too fast and starting to panic because I was getting lightheaded, and it's hard to manage your pain when you're frantic like that. I was a million times better when a nurse was in the room reminding me of how to breathe and telling me how great I was doing, but I wasn't her only patient who needed her. I really wish I'd had someone like her there the entire time. I don't care what it costs or how hard she is to find -- I will have a support person next time!

[___heyvanity]

I think a lot of times when someone says "keep an open mind" they aren't necessarily talking about the pain medication. I think they often are referring to the fact that us natural birthers want the "perfect" birth (*sarcasm*) and so many things can change. They believe that we are all 100% tied to our birth plans and any changes to it are absolutely awful and thus, our birthing experiences will be ruined. I'm also planning a natural birth (only 8 weeks here so I've still got awhile) but on different forums I've been told to "keep an open mind" a lot (that's one of the nicer comments tbh!)... mostly from women who claim that our birth plans are ridiculous and assume that we aren't keeping an open mind in the first place.

But regardless, I'm hiring a doula to help with labor support. I really will need someone knowledgable walking me through the feelings and emotions I'm going through. I just don't think my husband will be able to help like a doula would (as much as he wants to--he's already feeling bad that he won't be able to help a

[mi_er]

I think a lot of times when someone says "keep an open mind" they aren't necessarily talking about the pain medication. I think they often are referring to the fact that us natural birthers want the "perfect" birth (*sarcasm*) and so many things can change.

I agree with this and many things can change, especially the first time round. With my first I wanted an unmedicated homebirth and ended up with a medicated hospital birth.
With my second I had an unmedicated hospital birth (although again I did want a homebirth).

Once in labour you cannot keep complete control of everything I have found and being able to let go and keep an open mind does actually help in case you do not get the birth you wanted or hoped for.

Hypnobirthing did great things for me, I only did it with my second, and I would recommend it to anyone.

[mela_chan]

Agreeing with this. I've had 2 natural births, after having Stadol via IV during my first birth, and there is a world of difference between them not just with the medicated vs. unmedicated, but also in having birth coaches who were informed, involved, and aware. Being prepared and informed, understanding how labor and delivery happen (the physical and EMOTIONAL changes of what your body is trying to accomplish), having pain coping strategies that match how you normally cope with pain that you have PRACTICED with your partner, and have a supportive and capable partner are huge steps towards having a good birth experience. But the other things are being flexible and keeping an open mind - remembering that birth is unpredictable and somethings things happen that call for us to make last minute decisions and do things differently. When I tell someone to 'keep an open mind' regarding their birth, I mean don't get completely invested in having a specific, ideal birth. Be informed about the problems that can arise during labor, and make

[olamina]

Thanks for this reply. I am still leaning pretty strongly against a doula. I think this time could be a really special time for me to bond with my husband and I am not that stoked about paying this stranger lady to stand there. I have a friend who has offered to come and I find her to be a very soothing presence, so I feel like I'd rather have someone I know and love (and who my husband knows and really likes) there then someone who might make me feel stressed out.

Also I don't really look at my birth plan as a plan for any ideal or perfect birth. I just figured it was a good way to let my husband and the medical pros know what I'd prefer. Frankly in an ideal world I'd just wake up one morning and the baby would arrive at my doorstop via FedEx!