I hope this is relevant

[pqowlaks]

I'm having a hard time dealing with my mother right now. Since I'm sure you don't remember me, I'm 24 years old and found out I am pregnant a couple weeks ago (I think I'm about 6 or 7 weeks along now.) When I told my mom I was pregnant she insisted I consider an abortion or adoption, which aren't for me. I want to have the baby and I'm happy with

Comments

[cozyjeans]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It really sucks. Here's my thought, for what it's worth. You are a mother now, even though you don't have a baby in your arms yet. Your first responsibility is the well being of your child, and you are doing everything you can to make your child's entrance into this world a safe, low stress event. She's using her own pride to upset you, and you can't let that happen. Maybe she'll come around over the next 8 months or so, I don't know, but if I were in your situation, I'd just leave her be for a while. Don't call her, and don't rise to her antagonizing ways. You are being a responsible mother, and if she can't handle that, then that's her issue, not yours.

I hope I don't sound too harsh. If I offended you, I apologize, it certainly was not my intent. *hugs* have a happy pregnancy, okay? :)

[pqowlaks]

Thank you. I really appreciate your comment. I know I need to let go of the guilt I feel for not wanting to talk to her right now. I love my mom very much and I know she loves me too, but sometimes it's too much to handle for me, so I will take your advice and just leave her alone for awhile. If she decides to apologize or come around, that's great, otherwise it will be her loss.

[happysaid]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I can relate with the "but what will people think!? nonsense too.

If you (understandably) don't want to cut her out, what about trying to change the subject & if she pushes, calmly explaining that the way she is talking is not acceptable and ending the conversation?

[pqowlaks]

I tried this several times last night. I kept saying I don't want to talk about it anymore and that the discussion was over and she wouldn't stop. She just kept saying "I'm only trying to have a discussion with you. What are you so scared of? Scared to face reality?" etc. She has very little respect for me/other people and has no sense of boundaries.

[magicpointeshoe]

Pfffft. Reality is that you are pregnant and you are the mother to this child. Reality is seeking help to stabalize your family. Reality is accepting that no child of yours will be left behind or abandoned for someone else to raise. Reality is that you are doing everything you need to, to make sure that neither you nor your baby is separated from each other.

It sounds to me like she is throwing out the very phrases that are defining her. She isn't facing the reality that this child is coming whether she wants it to or not. She's not facing the reality that you are your own person.

If you watched your good friend be berated like this, what would you feel? I'm not saying that you can't love your mom or treat her with respect. I'm just saying that you don't have to tollerate the verbal smackdowns.

[happysaid]

I have to go along with the first commenter, then. Step back for a while and enjoy your pregnancy. I wouldn't contact her for a while, but if she calls, I would talk until something inappropriate is said & end the conversation right there. Don't let her push. Hopefully she gets the point that you aren't going to stand for that kind of behavior. Of course I don't know if it's something she would do, but you certainly don't want her talking that way around or to your child. I hope she comes around for you.

[brunhildevalkyr]

Do we have the same mom?:P Seriously, my mom sounds just like yours. Sorry if this gets long, but I want you to know you're not alone having an insane mom

[amycooper]

Wow. I thought the OP's mother sounded like my mother, but yours even more so!

[summer_mommy]

This entire thing just made me want to scream, and I don't really know where to start because of it. lol

[pqowlaks]

Thank you.

And by the way -- your baby will appreciate your love far more than s/he will ever appreciate your money.

We argue about this all the time! She gets upset when I say I just don't care that much about money because to her money = happiness. We are just really different people.

[summer_mommy]

Good. Your opinion on the matter is the one that counts right now. I hope your mom comes around for your sake and the sake of her future grandbaby, but if she doesn't -- you'll be fine. You don't need the poison of her bad attitude screwing you up right now.

[purty286]

While she's the one who may be out of touch with reality, it's obvious that she loves you and is concerned for you and the baby. Maybe she is having a hard time with everything because it is not what she had planned in her mind for you. When she envisioned you being a mother, it probably was with a rich husband and the white picket fence. Give it some time and maybe take a break from your mom for awhile. If she asks why you aren't around tell her that until she can respect your choices, you don't want to talk to her.

[pqowlaks]

You're definitely right about this not being what she had planned for me. She says that a lot, but it is what it is. She can't change it by making me feel bad. Thanks for the advice. I am going to do just what you suggested.

[xfoundinabottle]

tell her exactly what you said just there.

If she asks you why you don't call/come around as often, just tell her that she makes you feel bad, and that it doesn't change anything other than how often you will speak to her.

[xfoundinabottle]

OH and by your mom's logic, the entire country of Canada, and most of Europe will turn out badly, because of the government-funded healthcare received while in utero. ;)