Just a shadow
Had fun yesterday at Old Dublin, but it's seems like it's just rubbing something in my face. Until I leave for France, I'm just a shadow here.
There's nothing I can build here, everything is oh so very temporary. I'm not one to feel like things have permanence, but this is mere months. I know some people and would like to know them even better? Well, that's too bad.
It's very hard not to get the impression that I'm wasting my time with people, and to me, this is terrible. And then I panic, and I go crazy. I go and actually waste my time, going off and compulsively building up friendships with entirely new people, leading me to neglect existing friendships, since my time is so limited. I mean, those people, they're nice people and all, but really, can I afford this? I just totally lose track of priorities and wander off. What an idiot I make.
I feel like I'm already gone, but that I'm not anywhere yet. And when I get there, it'll take time to build myself back up.
To make things even better, it seems like I just feel so damned much these days. Both the good, and the bad. And when it's good, it often turns to bad when I remember I'm leaving. I remember days past, where I wouldn't feel so much, and as I've said before, I wouldn't go back to that. But, damn, this is a lot of feeling.
But I'll be fine, I know it. I just need to hang in there, and I'll be good, in the end. I'll make it good myself.
There's nothing I can build here, everything is oh so very temporary. I'm not one to feel like things have permanence, but this is mere months. I know some people and would like to know them even better? Well, that's too bad.
It's very hard not to get the impression that I'm wasting my time with people, and to me, this is terrible. And then I panic, and I go crazy. I go and actually waste my time, going off and compulsively building up friendships with entirely new people, leading me to neglect existing friendships, since my time is so limited. I mean, those people, they're nice people and all, but really, can I afford this? I just totally lose track of priorities and wander off. What an idiot I make.
I feel like I'm already gone, but that I'm not anywhere yet. And when I get there, it'll take time to build myself back up.
To make things even better, it seems like I just feel so damned much these days. Both the good, and the bad. And when it's good, it often turns to bad when I remember I'm leaving. I remember days past, where I wouldn't feel so much, and as I've said before, I wouldn't go back to that. But, damn, this is a lot of feeling.
But I'll be fine, I know it. I just need to hang in there, and I'll be good, in the end. I'll make it good myself.