A Potus Geeks Christmas (With Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
Tis the day before Christmas, and here at potus_geeks
Where the odor of past White House Christmases reeks,
From Washington to Lincoln to T.R. to Obama,
We spin tales of past Potus Geekery drama.
From yuletides of old, to times modern day,
And all Grover Cleveland’s trips to the Christmas buffet
potus_geeks fondly tells each historical treat
Of those who inhabit 1600 Pennsylvania Street [Avenue actually]
It’s the time when all the past Chief Execs gather near
To make merry and celebrate this time of the year.
They all get together amid White House splendor,
This year they made Ulysses Grant the bartender.
Franklin Pierce got quite drunk, and said “sorry to trouble you!”
He was beating the Bushes (George H. and George W.)
Silent Cal was no trouble, he won’t touch the booze,
Try to get him to say more than three words, and “you lose!”
Bill Clinton lured interns beneath mistletoe,
Mistaking the meaning of the cry “ho ho ho”
In the corner both Adams, with Polk in a scrum dug,
They tsk tsk’d the festivities and chorused “bah humbug!”
Hoover snubbed FDR, for he really despised him,
Millard Fillmore was sad, for no one recognized him.
James Buchanan was there, and he sat in a pout,
Until Madison told him “for God sakes, just come out.”
Then what to their wondrous ears should abound,
But a large jolly fat man, all red-cheeked and round.
He had a round belly, and how loudly he laughed!
(No it wasn’t Saint Nick, it was just big Bill Taft.)
But with great generosity, he brought presents for all,
And he handed them out as each name he did call.
"Come Jefferson, Monroe, McKinley and Wilson
And Kennedy, Reagan, and Carter and Nixon"
To George Washington, something for all his adventures,
His present was a new set of modern-day dentures!
Zac Taylor got pillowy-soft toilet paper and enough,
To replace his old stock that was ready, but rough.
New pajamas for Theodore Roosevelt, they were wooly,
When he saw them he grinned and then loudly yelled “Bully!”
For Carter, a stack of Playboy magazines,
For the Gipper an assortment of great jelly beans.
Nixon hated his present, a recording device,
But that’s what you get when you’re naughty, not nice.
When no one was looking, more presents he took,
And then told those present “I am not a crook!”
Free vasectomy surgery for John Tyler, no bluff.
Taft said "John, I think fifteen kids are enough."
For Barack, his gift would end his Christmas blues,
Twas 51% of the shares of Fox News.
Then Taft sprang up the chimney, with daring and pluck.
But just like in the bathtub, once more he got stuck
But don’t worry, Taft’s fine and soon back in the kitchen,
Van Buren unstuck him, the Little Magician!
And as all of the POTUSes partied all night,
Wishing Merry Christmas to all, may you have a good night.
May your Christmas be merry, whether white or green,
Here’s to more potus_geeks in two thousand fifteen!
Where the odor of past White House Christmases reeks,
From Washington to Lincoln to T.R. to Obama,
We spin tales of past Potus Geekery drama.
From yuletides of old, to times modern day,
And all Grover Cleveland’s trips to the Christmas buffet
potus_geeks fondly tells each historical treat
Of those who inhabit 1600 Pennsylvania Street [Avenue actually]
It’s the time when all the past Chief Execs gather near
To make merry and celebrate this time of the year.
They all get together amid White House splendor,
This year they made Ulysses Grant the bartender.
Franklin Pierce got quite drunk, and said “sorry to trouble you!”
He was beating the Bushes (George H. and George W.)
Silent Cal was no trouble, he won’t touch the booze,
Try to get him to say more than three words, and “you lose!”
Bill Clinton lured interns beneath mistletoe,
Mistaking the meaning of the cry “ho ho ho”
In the corner both Adams, with Polk in a scrum dug,
They tsk tsk’d the festivities and chorused “bah humbug!”
Hoover snubbed FDR, for he really despised him,
Millard Fillmore was sad, for no one recognized him.
James Buchanan was there, and he sat in a pout,
Until Madison told him “for God sakes, just come out.”
Then what to their wondrous ears should abound,
But a large jolly fat man, all red-cheeked and round.
He had a round belly, and how loudly he laughed!
(No it wasn’t Saint Nick, it was just big Bill Taft.)
But with great generosity, he brought presents for all,
And he handed them out as each name he did call.
"Come Jefferson, Monroe, McKinley and Wilson
And Kennedy, Reagan, and Carter and Nixon"
To George Washington, something for all his adventures,
His present was a new set of modern-day dentures!
Zac Taylor got pillowy-soft toilet paper and enough,
To replace his old stock that was ready, but rough.
New pajamas for Theodore Roosevelt, they were wooly,
When he saw them he grinned and then loudly yelled “Bully!”
For Carter, a stack of Playboy magazines,
For the Gipper an assortment of great jelly beans.
Nixon hated his present, a recording device,
But that’s what you get when you’re naughty, not nice.
When no one was looking, more presents he took,
And then told those present “I am not a crook!”
Free vasectomy surgery for John Tyler, no bluff.
Taft said "John, I think fifteen kids are enough."
For Barack, his gift would end his Christmas blues,
Twas 51% of the shares of Fox News.
Then Taft sprang up the chimney, with daring and pluck.
But just like in the bathtub, once more he got stuck
But don’t worry, Taft’s fine and soon back in the kitchen,
Van Buren unstuck him, the Little Magician!
And as all of the POTUSes partied all night,
Wishing Merry Christmas to all, may you have a good night.
May your Christmas be merry, whether white or green,
Here’s to more potus_geeks in two thousand fifteen!