(Untitled)

[pottersues]

Pottersues now has a Deviant Art account and I've also started a http://pottersuesii.deviantart.com/.

TITLE: Jasmine Black
PERPETRATOR: The LAzy but Creative Girl
SUE-O-METER:

Comments

[turtle_yurippe]

“The-Boy-Who-Just-Won'tDie”

Right back at you, Sue, right back at you.

Plus, it's such a coincidence how her mother's name is Whyte when her father's is Black.

[sapnish]

Well, you know what they say "It don't matter if you're Black or Whyte"

[yemi_hikari]

This nomenclature isn't always a bad thing. For example I remember something where Agent Black was a white person and Agent Whyte was a black person. However, some writers do it because it is the first thing that comes to their mind.

[beacon80]

You might be thinking of Men in Black. At one point, K introduces himself as Agent Black and J as Agent White.

I'm confused why she considers Harry as "The-Boy-Who-Just-Won't-Die". If she was one of those Death Eater wannabe Sues, I could understand it, but why this girl be annoyed that Harry has defeated Voldemort three times?

[darth_gojira]

Crossing off this member of the house of Black would actually be perfectly fair

[anonymous]

Why would anyone befriend her? She's awfully rude. But I guess the Suethor wants us to see her rudeness as snarky and edgy instead of an actual flaw.

Also, an ipod? Not only is that impossible in this time, but I'm sure there's a spell she could use to eavesdrop. If she's so darn smart, she should probably know it.

[turtle_yurippe]

But I guess the Suethor wants us to see her rudeness as snarky and edgy instead of an actual flaw.

We've had this countless times already. Suethors have NO idea how to make their characters snarky or just fierce and strong (like Ginny Weasley, unless you hate her) and instead end up creating aggressive bitches. It actually scares me a little: Is this what young girls nowadays are striving for?

[yemi_hikari]

I'm hoping it is an issue of the Suethor not having enough real world experience yet more then anything. For example, that line about "The-Boy-Who-Just-Won't-Die" may seem rather innocent in their young eyes simply because they've never dealt with anyone telling other people to just go and die. Which... if you think about it is actually a good thing.

[grendelmere]

You mean rudeness and hostility aren't cool?! Damnit, my twelve-year-old Suethor self is going to be devastated! If only I could go back and tell her...

But yeah, it seems like this is pretty common -___- Hopefully it's just a factor of her age.

[indigoneutrino]

One of the major things that bothers me is how she tackles the Dementor right alongside Lupin in chapters three and four. There's no point to it - she just does exactly the same thing he does, which he's perfectly capable of doing on his own. And how did this girl get so knowledgable about Dementors and powerful enough to defeat them when she's only thirteen? It's glory-hogging, "look at me!" Sue-ness creeping towards God-mode.

[yemi_hikari]

Well... she is smart enough to be a transfer student despite being only thirteen to fourteen years of age so the idea that she is able to do this isn't that out there. However, it just makes her even more of a Mary Sue.

[indigoneutrino]

'Transfer student' just means you've switched schools, right? 'Exchange student' means you're part of an exchange program, which you would have to be pretty smart for, but I don't think the Suethor knows the difference.

And you're right, even if it's plausible, it just increases her Sueness. The better idea would have been to have her react like the other kids, but I suppose that wouldn't have been "speshul" enough.

[yemi_hikari]

Pretty much yes. If she does know the difference she's calling the program a "transfer student" experience because she wants it to be more permanent. However, if there isn't a single school out there that does this why would a fictional school do this.

[grendelmere]

""Uh, auntie?" She began, trying to get an attention from the female in front of her who was reading a newspaper."

...the 'female' bit was kind of implied by the 'aunt' bit. This would actually sound fine if it were 'woman' (in my opinion), but 'female' just sounds so cliical and creepy. That combined with the eye twitch made me envision this as a mad scientist Sue.

[beacon80]

Yeah, the terms "male" and "female" should only be used if the subject isn't human, or the speaker/PoV is overly clinical.

[yemi_hikari]

I'm going to admit that I use "female" and "male" a lot in my fanfiction and I wondered why it always bothered someone. However, I think the times I tend to use it is when I'm referring to a minor character of no significance or using it as an adjective or adverb, like attaching one of them to the word "child".

[indigoneutrino]

I think English is the Suethor's second language, so that explains why some of the vocabulary choices in this are a bit weird.