0236: Love Never Expected - Fleur Delacour
Alright, since the Troll (hereafter referred to as 'Not-Bob', that being the name they gave her on fandom_wank) seems to have made herself at home in our dungeons and it might be a while until we can get Quirrel in to remove her, I think we need to start laying down some ground rules.
Rule #1 - please refrain from insulting her personally, even if she does walk right into it. This goes double for anything concerning her sex life. For all we know, she's underage.
Rule #2 - in the interests of keeping a cap on the number of comments, troll season ends at the posting of the next day's Sue. If tonight's sue is Xanthippe Xaviera Riddle and I post her at 8:15 PM, you can reply to what Not-Bob says until tomorrow night at 9:45 PM, when I get home from work and post Alabaster Snape, uber-gothy new girlfriend of Draco.
Now, on to things with a slightly greater significance in the cosmos: somebody emailed me the other night and gave me a great idea... we'll do a 'Reader Sue Week'! Send me your Potter Sues. The ones you wrote when you were a whiny 14-year-old who thought that your parents not letting you wear lipstick was just the most tragic thing ever in the whole history of the world. Requests for anonymity will be honoured, but don't expect to like the pseudonyms I'll give you. ~_^
As for this week, I hereby declare it 'Rarely Sued Canon Character Week'. Yesterday we had a Cho-Sue. Today we have a Fleur-Sue that's actually quite readable... until the author drops an anvil on us.
TITLE: Love Never Expected
PERPETRATOR: Dragonflyer
SUE-O-METER:
(okay)
FULL NAME: Fleur Delacour
SPECIES: Quarter-Veela/Witch
HAIR: 'her silvery blond hair glowing in its own radiant light', 'her long mane of silvery blond hair'
EYES: 'her dark blue eyes bright and alert'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: Is Fleur Delacour
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Betrothed to Legolas. Yup.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Nightmares about something that happened when she was little. Doubtless this will be Plotness later on.
NOTES: Y'know, I hate to say it, but I actually rather like this. It's well-written, even if the descriptions are slightly snerkworthy, and I like the bit in which Fleur's mother (the author has taken the trouble to give Mr. and Mrs. Delacour real French names) reminds her of the downside of being part Veela.
Then Fleur's father tells her she's now betrothed to Legolas, and we drop straight into WTF-O-Meter terretory.
SAMPLE:
Chapter 2: An Unwanted Engagement
Fleur Delacour awoke from her nightmare screaming. It had not been the first time she had awoken like this, but she still felt shocked after her sudden awakening, finding herself gasping for breath and drenched in sweat.
After a couple of minutes of checking her surroundings and realizing she was in her bedroom in the Delacour mansion, she began to relax, something she wasn't used to doing now that Voldemort had risen and it was a time of war, the second war with Voldemort she had lived to see, although the first war had ended when she was four years old.
Her mother and father were still in denial that Voldemort had risen, but ever since the Tri Wizard Tournament two years ago Fleur had a firm belief that the Dark Lord had risen once again.
Fleur leapt down from her bed in one graceful motion, landing on the lust rug that covered the cold, marble floor. She quickly walked to her closet and selected a dark blue silk robe to change into. After dressing and brushing her long mane of silvery blond hair, she headed to the Delacour kitchen to eat breakfast.
Since her room was in one of the many towers of the Delacour mansion, Fleur had to walk down hundreds of flights of steps to reach her destination.
In the kitchen Fleur found her mother, Celine, and her sister, Gabrielle. As soon as Gabrielle saw Fleur she yelled, "Mère! Mère! Fleur's up! Fleur's up!" and went to hug Fleur. Celine looked up from the magazine she was reading and gave Fleur a smile. "After you're finished with breakfast your father wanted to see you in his office, Fleur." "Yes, Mère." Fleur sighed. Her father had been constantly talking to her about her future career and probably wanted to talk to her again.
"Mistress. Mistress?" One of the Delacour house elves tugged at Fleur's robes. "Mistress, what shall I bring you for breakfast?" he squeaked, looking down at the floor. "Scrambled eggs, toast, and maybe some bacon." Fleur replied. "And to drink, Mistress?" the house elf squeaked once more. "Just water." Fleur replied, making her way to the dining table. Gabrielle and their mother had already seated themselves at the table.
Just as Fleur seated herself a house elf came in and served them their breakfast.
After a few minutes of silent eating Celine let out a sigh of frustration. Fleur looked up from her plate, "What's wrong, Mère?" Celine looked at Fleur. "Fleur, when are you going to get married?" Celine literally yelled out. "What do you mean 'When am I going to get married', Mère? I'm barely going to become twenty in a few of weeks." Fleur replied, shocked at her mother's question. "I mean you should get married and start a family of your own." Celine answered.
Fleur noticed Gabrielle giggling hysterically at her mother's last statement. She wasn't sure if her mother had had the sex talk with Gabrielle yet. Her mother had given it to her when she was nine, after Fleur had asked her why all the boys kept looking and starring at her all the time. Fleur remembered how closely she had listened to her mother's explaination and wondered how Gabrielle would or had taken it.
"Mère, when the right man comes then I'll get married." Fleur said, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. "Look, Fleur, I thought the same when I was young until I realized that with veela like us men will only think of sex and nothing else. So when your father came I decided that he was the best I would get and married him." Fleur starred at her mother in disbelief.
Gabrielle had stopped giggling by now and sensing an on coming fight quietly excused herself to her room. Fleur thanked Gabrielle mentally, not wanting her sister to her any more of the defaults of being part veela.
"So you married Père just because you lost hope that there was someone out there right for you?" Fleur nearly yelled at her mother. "Even if there ever was a 'right man' how would I ever have noticed? He would have acted the same way the other men acted." Celine retorted. "How would you know? You never gave him a chance!" Fleur stood from her seat and stormed out of the room, leaving her mother shocked and speechless.
Angry and frustrated Fleur marched to to her father's private office wondering what he had in store for her.
She stopped at the door to fix her hair and robes. She gently opened the office door and peeked in. Fleur saw her father, Philippe, talking with two men. One seemingly older than the other. She gathered up her courage and entered.
She instantly felt three pairs of eyes on her. "Ah, Fleur, I'm glad you're here! Fleur this is King Thrandruil of Mirkwood," Philippe introduced, pointing to the older man, "and this is his son and heir, Prince Legolas." The younger man now turned and acknowledged Fleur.
Fleur felt a blush come across her face as she studied Legolas. He was very handsom. Almost like a mirror reflection of herself. He had long, blond hair, dark blue eyes and had a pale skin color.
"Fleur, King Thrandruil and I have been talking about Legolas' and your future. We have arranged that you and Legolas shall be married!" Philippe announced.
King Thrandruil and Philippe clapped loudly while Legolas just looked down. Fleur stood there shocked and lost beyond speech. Philippe stood up from his chair, "Why don't we leave these two alone for a while, Thrandruil? Let them get to know each other." Like Philippe Thrandruil also stood up, "I agree. I think they should get to know each other before the wedding." Thrandruil agreed, looking at his son who was still looking at the floor. Both Philippe and Thrandruil exited the office, leaving Fleur and Legolas alone.
Author Note: Well, this is my first fan fiction hope you like it!
Rule #1 - please refrain from insulting her personally, even if she does walk right into it. This goes double for anything concerning her sex life. For all we know, she's underage.
Rule #2 - in the interests of keeping a cap on the number of comments, troll season ends at the posting of the next day's Sue. If tonight's sue is Xanthippe Xaviera Riddle and I post her at 8:15 PM, you can reply to what Not-Bob says until tomorrow night at 9:45 PM, when I get home from work and post Alabaster Snape, uber-gothy new girlfriend of Draco.
Now, on to things with a slightly greater significance in the cosmos: somebody emailed me the other night and gave me a great idea... we'll do a 'Reader Sue Week'! Send me your Potter Sues. The ones you wrote when you were a whiny 14-year-old who thought that your parents not letting you wear lipstick was just the most tragic thing ever in the whole history of the world. Requests for anonymity will be honoured, but don't expect to like the pseudonyms I'll give you. ~_^
As for this week, I hereby declare it 'Rarely Sued Canon Character Week'. Yesterday we had a Cho-Sue. Today we have a Fleur-Sue that's actually quite readable... until the author drops an anvil on us.
TITLE: Love Never Expected
PERPETRATOR: Dragonflyer
SUE-O-METER:
(okay)
FULL NAME: Fleur Delacour
SPECIES: Quarter-Veela/Witch
HAIR: 'her silvery blond hair glowing in its own radiant light', 'her long mane of silvery blond hair'
EYES: 'her dark blue eyes bright and alert'
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: Is Fleur Delacour
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Betrothed to Legolas. Yup.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Nightmares about something that happened when she was little. Doubtless this will be Plotness later on.
NOTES: Y'know, I hate to say it, but I actually rather like this. It's well-written, even if the descriptions are slightly snerkworthy, and I like the bit in which Fleur's mother (the author has taken the trouble to give Mr. and Mrs. Delacour real French names) reminds her of the downside of being part Veela.
Then Fleur's father tells her she's now betrothed to Legolas, and we drop straight into WTF-O-Meter terretory.
SAMPLE:
Chapter 2: An Unwanted Engagement
Fleur Delacour awoke from her nightmare screaming. It had not been the first time she had awoken like this, but she still felt shocked after her sudden awakening, finding herself gasping for breath and drenched in sweat.
After a couple of minutes of checking her surroundings and realizing she was in her bedroom in the Delacour mansion, she began to relax, something she wasn't used to doing now that Voldemort had risen and it was a time of war, the second war with Voldemort she had lived to see, although the first war had ended when she was four years old.
Her mother and father were still in denial that Voldemort had risen, but ever since the Tri Wizard Tournament two years ago Fleur had a firm belief that the Dark Lord had risen once again.
Fleur leapt down from her bed in one graceful motion, landing on the lust rug that covered the cold, marble floor. She quickly walked to her closet and selected a dark blue silk robe to change into. After dressing and brushing her long mane of silvery blond hair, she headed to the Delacour kitchen to eat breakfast.
Since her room was in one of the many towers of the Delacour mansion, Fleur had to walk down hundreds of flights of steps to reach her destination.
In the kitchen Fleur found her mother, Celine, and her sister, Gabrielle. As soon as Gabrielle saw Fleur she yelled, "Mère! Mère! Fleur's up! Fleur's up!" and went to hug Fleur. Celine looked up from the magazine she was reading and gave Fleur a smile. "After you're finished with breakfast your father wanted to see you in his office, Fleur." "Yes, Mère." Fleur sighed. Her father had been constantly talking to her about her future career and probably wanted to talk to her again.
"Mistress. Mistress?" One of the Delacour house elves tugged at Fleur's robes. "Mistress, what shall I bring you for breakfast?" he squeaked, looking down at the floor. "Scrambled eggs, toast, and maybe some bacon." Fleur replied. "And to drink, Mistress?" the house elf squeaked once more. "Just water." Fleur replied, making her way to the dining table. Gabrielle and their mother had already seated themselves at the table.
Just as Fleur seated herself a house elf came in and served them their breakfast.
After a few minutes of silent eating Celine let out a sigh of frustration. Fleur looked up from her plate, "What's wrong, Mère?" Celine looked at Fleur. "Fleur, when are you going to get married?" Celine literally yelled out. "What do you mean 'When am I going to get married', Mère? I'm barely going to become twenty in a few of weeks." Fleur replied, shocked at her mother's question. "I mean you should get married and start a family of your own." Celine answered.
Fleur noticed Gabrielle giggling hysterically at her mother's last statement. She wasn't sure if her mother had had the sex talk with Gabrielle yet. Her mother had given it to her when she was nine, after Fleur had asked her why all the boys kept looking and starring at her all the time. Fleur remembered how closely she had listened to her mother's explaination and wondered how Gabrielle would or had taken it.
"Mère, when the right man comes then I'll get married." Fleur said, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. "Look, Fleur, I thought the same when I was young until I realized that with veela like us men will only think of sex and nothing else. So when your father came I decided that he was the best I would get and married him." Fleur starred at her mother in disbelief.
Gabrielle had stopped giggling by now and sensing an on coming fight quietly excused herself to her room. Fleur thanked Gabrielle mentally, not wanting her sister to her any more of the defaults of being part veela.
"So you married Père just because you lost hope that there was someone out there right for you?" Fleur nearly yelled at her mother. "Even if there ever was a 'right man' how would I ever have noticed? He would have acted the same way the other men acted." Celine retorted. "How would you know? You never gave him a chance!" Fleur stood from her seat and stormed out of the room, leaving her mother shocked and speechless.
Angry and frustrated Fleur marched to to her father's private office wondering what he had in store for her.
She stopped at the door to fix her hair and robes. She gently opened the office door and peeked in. Fleur saw her father, Philippe, talking with two men. One seemingly older than the other. She gathered up her courage and entered.
She instantly felt three pairs of eyes on her. "Ah, Fleur, I'm glad you're here! Fleur this is King Thrandruil of Mirkwood," Philippe introduced, pointing to the older man, "and this is his son and heir, Prince Legolas." The younger man now turned and acknowledged Fleur.
Fleur felt a blush come across her face as she studied Legolas. He was very handsom. Almost like a mirror reflection of herself. He had long, blond hair, dark blue eyes and had a pale skin color.
"Fleur, King Thrandruil and I have been talking about Legolas' and your future. We have arranged that you and Legolas shall be married!" Philippe announced.
King Thrandruil and Philippe clapped loudly while Legolas just looked down. Fleur stood there shocked and lost beyond speech. Philippe stood up from his chair, "Why don't we leave these two alone for a while, Thrandruil? Let them get to know each other." Like Philippe Thrandruil also stood up, "I agree. I think they should get to know each other before the wedding." Thrandruil agreed, looking at his son who was still looking at the floor. Both Philippe and Thrandruil exited the office, leaving Fleur and Legolas alone.
Author Note: Well, this is my first fan fiction hope you like it!