(no subject)
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TITLE: Victoria , Lily , the marauders , Godric
PERPETRATOR: V.Griffindor-Peverell
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Victoria Arian Lily Serena Nicholas Godric Griffindor aka Victoria Nicolas.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "magically black , short curls". I believe she changed it from red.
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: not described
POSSESSIONS: a white cloak, a broomstick that she made herself.
ORIGIN: A favourite child of her father, Godric Gryffindor. She become immortal when she accidentally created an eternal life potion. As her father became immortal as well, so she wouldn't be alone. Her brothers are somehow the Peverells. She is going to Hogwarts during the Marauder era.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Knew Helena Ravenclaw - wasn't too fond of her. She is related to James Potter, through the Peverells. Meets everyone of importance during the Marauder era on the train. She senses their deep secrets almost immediately. She is sorted into Gryffindor, and becomes fast friends with Lily. She expresses a motherly nature over the boys. In the next story she is going to be a part of the Trio.
SPECIAL ABILITIES Immortal. Harry Potter defeating Voldemort is going to "relieve her of her too long life". She "could die when her worst enemy ' s bloodline extinguished , and change ages when she wished". She is a seer, and is a lion animagus. "Her laughter was like the feel of a cool breeze on a stifling day : refreshing , relieving"
NOTES: It tries so hard to be purple prose, and it just becomes very murky, muddle prose. Writing plainly can help a story a lot more than trying to write with flourish when you haven't developed it, yet.
SAMPLE:
Breakfast was not yet served so she went to the kitchens . The elves were working in a sweet smelling , light cloud of smoke . Three ran to her jovially and asked what would please her . She smiled .
" A hot chocolate and a buttered toast with honey on top , please . " It was a tasty french recipe . After this , she was still a little hungry so a fried egg was brought to her . She talked with a few elves , joked and clapped at a little toddler who was taking his first steps . After the snowstorm was over , she went to change into a white cotton cloak that clashed with her magically black , short curls .
She ' d made the broomstick herself , and it was unusually speedy thanks to the first quality upgrades she ' d brought to it over the years . Smooth and striked with silver , it was very artistically yet simply carved and extremely comfortable . It was made of sturdy oak and strengthened with bits of willow . The front was sharpened aerodynamically and the back twigs swayed lightly , not pulling the broom back the least . They were so thin they looked like hairs but were actually filaments of a rare magical flower , latota ninum , whose stem decomposed into brown and silver filaments such as themselves , which actually had a certain lifeform inside them , and who could speed up the broom . On the sides of the branch of oak were professionally painted two female lions , in flying attack position , jaw open , limbs outstretched . They were red and gold , guess why . . .
Victoria slipped on a pair of rough brown gloves and opened what looked like a jewel box , which contained her collection of snitches . She picked up Ignotus ' favourite one and walked out of her dormitory , ressembling an angel because of her white garments , to which was now added a knitted bonnet . In the common room , she heard a whistle . It came from Sirius , who had been talking to James and Remus .
" Nice cloak - WOAH ! Where did you get that broomstick ? " Victoria peered down at it .
" Oh , it ' s called Silvia One , but it ' s unique collector edition , you won ' t find it . Wanna try ? "
" Are you kidding ? I ' d love to ! " James spoke . Victoria laughed and proposed they took turns . Together they walked outside and Victoria was about to give the broom to James when a white , cold projectile was thrown at her and a strange , maniacal noise was heard . They were both coming from Sirius . The noise was his laugh , and the projectile , a snowball .
" I asked to try it first ! " he exclaimed , pointing at the broom . Victoria wiped the snow off her face , amused . Then , all of a sudden , she bent down , scooped up a fistfull of snow and sent it at him with alarming strength . He received it in the face , sending him staggering backwards . Soon a snowball fight was on and well on .
All of a sudden Sirius seemed to give up . He put his hands on his knees and was panting .
" I give up . " He said . Victoria let go of her snowball , but regretted it as soon as another was sent at her . She glared at Sirius and , suddenly , they heard Dumbledore ' s laughter . They turned towards the castle door to see the old man in warm - looking robes , chuckling soundly . Victoria took advantage of the current inattention of Sirius and threw the largest snowball yet . Then , she retreated , jumping onto her broom and flying out of reach .
That evening , Christmas eve , they all had pancake .
TITLE: Victoria , Lily , the marauders , Godric
PERPETRATOR: V.Griffindor-Peverell
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Victoria Arian Lily Serena Nicholas Godric Griffindor aka Victoria Nicolas.
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "magically black , short curls". I believe she changed it from red.
EYES: not described
MARKINGS: not described
POSSESSIONS: a white cloak, a broomstick that she made herself.
ORIGIN: A favourite child of her father, Godric Gryffindor. She become immortal when she accidentally created an eternal life potion. As her father became immortal as well, so she wouldn't be alone. Her brothers are somehow the Peverells. She is going to Hogwarts during the Marauder era.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Knew Helena Ravenclaw - wasn't too fond of her. She is related to James Potter, through the Peverells. Meets everyone of importance during the Marauder era on the train. She senses their deep secrets almost immediately. She is sorted into Gryffindor, and becomes fast friends with Lily. She expresses a motherly nature over the boys. In the next story she is going to be a part of the Trio.
SPECIAL ABILITIES Immortal. Harry Potter defeating Voldemort is going to "relieve her of her too long life". She "could die when her worst enemy ' s bloodline extinguished , and change ages when she wished". She is a seer, and is a lion animagus. "Her laughter was like the feel of a cool breeze on a stifling day : refreshing , relieving"
NOTES: It tries so hard to be purple prose, and it just becomes very murky, muddle prose. Writing plainly can help a story a lot more than trying to write with flourish when you haven't developed it, yet.
SAMPLE:
Breakfast was not yet served so she went to the kitchens . The elves were working in a sweet smelling , light cloud of smoke . Three ran to her jovially and asked what would please her . She smiled .
" A hot chocolate and a buttered toast with honey on top , please . " It was a tasty french recipe . After this , she was still a little hungry so a fried egg was brought to her . She talked with a few elves , joked and clapped at a little toddler who was taking his first steps . After the snowstorm was over , she went to change into a white cotton cloak that clashed with her magically black , short curls .
She ' d made the broomstick herself , and it was unusually speedy thanks to the first quality upgrades she ' d brought to it over the years . Smooth and striked with silver , it was very artistically yet simply carved and extremely comfortable . It was made of sturdy oak and strengthened with bits of willow . The front was sharpened aerodynamically and the back twigs swayed lightly , not pulling the broom back the least . They were so thin they looked like hairs but were actually filaments of a rare magical flower , latota ninum , whose stem decomposed into brown and silver filaments such as themselves , which actually had a certain lifeform inside them , and who could speed up the broom . On the sides of the branch of oak were professionally painted two female lions , in flying attack position , jaw open , limbs outstretched . They were red and gold , guess why . . .
Victoria slipped on a pair of rough brown gloves and opened what looked like a jewel box , which contained her collection of snitches . She picked up Ignotus ' favourite one and walked out of her dormitory , ressembling an angel because of her white garments , to which was now added a knitted bonnet . In the common room , she heard a whistle . It came from Sirius , who had been talking to James and Remus .
" Nice cloak - WOAH ! Where did you get that broomstick ? " Victoria peered down at it .
" Oh , it ' s called Silvia One , but it ' s unique collector edition , you won ' t find it . Wanna try ? "
" Are you kidding ? I ' d love to ! " James spoke . Victoria laughed and proposed they took turns . Together they walked outside and Victoria was about to give the broom to James when a white , cold projectile was thrown at her and a strange , maniacal noise was heard . They were both coming from Sirius . The noise was his laugh , and the projectile , a snowball .
" I asked to try it first ! " he exclaimed , pointing at the broom . Victoria wiped the snow off her face , amused . Then , all of a sudden , she bent down , scooped up a fistfull of snow and sent it at him with alarming strength . He received it in the face , sending him staggering backwards . Soon a snowball fight was on and well on .
All of a sudden Sirius seemed to give up . He put his hands on his knees and was panting .
" I give up . " He said . Victoria let go of her snowball , but regretted it as soon as another was sent at her . She glared at Sirius and , suddenly , they heard Dumbledore ' s laughter . They turned towards the castle door to see the old man in warm - looking robes , chuckling soundly . Victoria took advantage of the current inattention of Sirius and threw the largest snowball yet . Then , she retreated , jumping onto her broom and flying out of reach .
That evening , Christmas eve , they all had pancake .