(no subject)
Dear Alice J. Wiggin, Queen Etain Kay/Tiera is a textbook Mary-Sue. You are not helping a writer's growth by leaving reviews like this.
TITLE: From a Black Hole to a Heart
PERPETRATOR: Neji Kitsune
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Rachel
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "dark brown hair down to her mid-back"
EYES: "brown eyes that almost looked like a dark orange"
MARKINGS: "Her face had an enchanting beauty to it."
POSSESSIONS: "Different" clothes: "a black t-shirt, that read, 'Freak'", "black, loose-fitting leather pants", "black leather trenchcoat that reached right down to the top of the heel to big, black leather boots that had buckles all over it. On her neck was a spiked collar, that had protruding metallic blue spikes. She wore black fingerless gloves." All of her favourite foods.
ORIGIN: Unipeg School of Magic in America. She is "switched" into fifth year at Hogwarts.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sorts herself into Slytherin. Draco takes notice of her, first as a freak, then he will be paired with her romantically.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "not a normal girl". Chooses her house because the hat can't decide. To honour her Hogwarts is serving "American" food, as well as offering new courses which are "American."
NOTES: Just as a PSA, I'm getting a bit tired of the IBM/ S. Meyer hating. Not all bad writing can be blamed on her, and really, this isn't a Twilight journal. Keep it to your own journal, unless I feature a Twilight crossover, of course. :)
SAMPLE:
Rachel gingerly sat on the stool, placing the hat on her head. The voice of the sorting hat sounded in her ears, "Ah, you, you are from America, well I can't put you in Ravenclaw and Slytherien...which one do you chose to go to?" Rachel thinks to herself "Slytherien sounds nice." All of a sudden the hat yelled out, "SLYTHERIEN!" The slytherien table erupted into thunderous clapping from the last table, obviously by the looks of her clothes, they thought she would be in the dark house.
She sat near Draco, just infront of him. Next to her was Millicent and Pansy. But she looked ahead at Draco. "So...um...Hi...rather nice school, aint it?" she says looking around, admiring the decorations. "Uh...sure" he responds. Then Dumbledore speaks yet again, "Now! A feast in honour of our new student." After those few words, food, not just any food by American food appears on the tables, most looking at it strangely, few asking her what everything is. She ate Ribs and baked potatoes, and finished it off with a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
After the feast they all headed towards their common rooms. Rachel ws chatting with Blaise. "So, whats on your schedule, Rachel?" she asked. "Uh...lesse...Transfiguration, COMC, DADA, Charms, Divination, History of Magic, Animagus class, Lanuages, elements, Sorcery, Home Ec, Herbology, and Foreign Cultures. I had those in America, I guess they are new to your school from this year?" she told her fellow Slytherien.
TITLE: From a Black Hole to a Heart
PERPETRATOR: Neji Kitsune
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
FULL NAME: Rachel
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "dark brown hair down to her mid-back"
EYES: "brown eyes that almost looked like a dark orange"
MARKINGS: "Her face had an enchanting beauty to it."
POSSESSIONS: "Different" clothes: "a black t-shirt, that read, 'Freak'", "black, loose-fitting leather pants", "black leather trenchcoat that reached right down to the top of the heel to big, black leather boots that had buckles all over it. On her neck was a spiked collar, that had protruding metallic blue spikes. She wore black fingerless gloves." All of her favourite foods.
ORIGIN: Unipeg School of Magic in America. She is "switched" into fifth year at Hogwarts.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Sorts herself into Slytherin. Draco takes notice of her, first as a freak, then he will be paired with her romantically.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is "not a normal girl". Chooses her house because the hat can't decide. To honour her Hogwarts is serving "American" food, as well as offering new courses which are "American."
NOTES: Just as a PSA, I'm getting a bit tired of the IBM/ S. Meyer hating. Not all bad writing can be blamed on her, and really, this isn't a Twilight journal. Keep it to your own journal, unless I feature a Twilight crossover, of course. :)
SAMPLE:
Rachel gingerly sat on the stool, placing the hat on her head. The voice of the sorting hat sounded in her ears, "Ah, you, you are from America, well I can't put you in Ravenclaw and Slytherien...which one do you chose to go to?" Rachel thinks to herself "Slytherien sounds nice." All of a sudden the hat yelled out, "SLYTHERIEN!" The slytherien table erupted into thunderous clapping from the last table, obviously by the looks of her clothes, they thought she would be in the dark house.
She sat near Draco, just infront of him. Next to her was Millicent and Pansy. But she looked ahead at Draco. "So...um...Hi...rather nice school, aint it?" she says looking around, admiring the decorations. "Uh...sure" he responds. Then Dumbledore speaks yet again, "Now! A feast in honour of our new student." After those few words, food, not just any food by American food appears on the tables, most looking at it strangely, few asking her what everything is. She ate Ribs and baked potatoes, and finished it off with a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
After the feast they all headed towards their common rooms. Rachel ws chatting with Blaise. "So, whats on your schedule, Rachel?" she asked. "Uh...lesse...Transfiguration, COMC, DADA, Charms, Divination, History of Magic, Animagus class, Lanuages, elements, Sorcery, Home Ec, Herbology, and Foreign Cultures. I had those in America, I guess they are new to your school from this year?" she told her fellow Slytherien.