0002: Lynx Potter - Lynx Potter
Yes, this is another one I previously posted on marysues, but I have two or three particularly egregious ones from that community that I want to put up here. By Wednesday or Thursday I should be back to finding fresh meat Sues.
TITLE: Lynx Potter?
PERPETRATOR: Lady Knight Nick
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: ****
SUEAGE: *****
WRONGNESS:
****
FULL NAME: Lynx Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: "She had shoulder length red-brown hair. Her bangs hung loose in her eyes to the middle of her nose. Her bangs split in a widow's peek in the middle of her forehead. She had two blonde streaks one on either side of the widow's peek."
EYES: "She had seductive green eyes that drew Draco to her."
MARKINGS: Looks just like a younger Lily Potter.
POSESSIONS: None so far, but this is only one chapter.
ORIGIN: She's Harry's twin sister, but her father appears to be either Lucius Malfoy (which, on second thought, I doubt, since she's shown interest in Draco), Severus Snape, or (Hufflepuff help us) Voldemort.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Despite her being Harry's twin, Draco seems to fall for her pretty quickly, and Snape thinks she 'has potential.' Voldemort also has a special interest in her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None so far, but keep watching this space and I'm sure some will turn up soon.
NOTES: Okay, yesterday I went easy on you guys. Today we'll see what you can really take.
First of all... since when the hell is 'Lynx' a name? One of the defining traits of the Mary-Sue is her absurd name, but this one takes some kind of a cake. Does this so-called author really believe that any parents would name their son 'Harry' (a good old-fashioned ordinary name) and their daughter 'Lynx' (some fuzzy cat with a name full of letters from the ass end of the alphabet)?
Or perhaps we will discover that Lily and James potter were not, in fact, responsible for giving Lynx her name. She makes it pretty clear that, despite being Harry's twin, Lynx is not James Potter's daughter. I think how this is supposed to work is as follows: the day our young hero was concieved, Lily in fact slept with both her husband and Snape/Lucius/Voldemort/all three/whoever the hell this girl's father was, and she'd happened to release two different eggs that month which were both fertilized, by sperm from different men. I hope I do not need to go into any detail about how extraordinarily unlikely this is. (To her credit, the author does have characters being surprised by this situation.)
Yet a third thing that makes this fic an abomination in the eyes of Hufflepuff is its utter bastardization of Lily Potter. Not only does the author imply that Lily Potter was cheating on her husband by sleeping with one (or more) of his worst enemies, but she repeatedly makes reference to Lily being in Slytherin. Now, I honestly can't remember if J. K. Rowling ever made any reference to what house Lily was in, but I know she mentioned James being a Gryffindor. What do you suppose is the likelihood of Lily Potter, former Head Girl at Hogwarts, one of the people who resisted Voldemort the longest, and who eventually died to save her baby son, being a Slytherin?
Not bloody likely. I thought so.
Oh, and while I'm here, the author is completely incapable of using more than one sentence structure. But next to the atrocities committed by the sad excuse for a plot, that's a pretty minor point.
SAMPLE:
Harry stared out the window on the train with his friends. A girl opened the door. "May I sit with you?" She asked politely.
"Sorry we're all full." Ron said.
"Sorry for the bother." She said and walked to another compartment. "There room for one more?" She asked. A blue-gray eyed white-blond haired boy looked up at her. She had shoulder length red-brown hair. Her bangs hung loose in her eyes to the middle of her nose. Her bangs split in a widow's peek in the middle of her forehead. She had two blonde streaks one on either side of the widow's peek. She had seductive green eyes that drew Draco to her.
"Yes." Draco said. He moved over and she sat down. She soon fell asleep leaning on Draco.
"Hey time to go." Draco said. She got up and followed him off of the train.
"First years follow me." Hagrid called.
"Transfer students come with me." Snape said boardly.
The girl and two boys walked up to him. Snape looked down at the new students. 'The girl looks like the only promising one in the group. One of those two slackers must be Lynx Potter.' He thought.
TITLE: Lynx Potter?
PERPETRATOR: Lady Knight Nick
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: ****
SUEAGE: *****
WRONGNESS:
****
FULL NAME: Lynx Potter
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: "She had shoulder length red-brown hair. Her bangs hung loose in her eyes to the middle of her nose. Her bangs split in a widow's peek in the middle of her forehead. She had two blonde streaks one on either side of the widow's peek."
EYES: "She had seductive green eyes that drew Draco to her."
MARKINGS: Looks just like a younger Lily Potter.
POSESSIONS: None so far, but this is only one chapter.
ORIGIN: She's Harry's twin sister, but her father appears to be either Lucius Malfoy (which, on second thought, I doubt, since she's shown interest in Draco), Severus Snape, or (Hufflepuff help us) Voldemort.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Despite her being Harry's twin, Draco seems to fall for her pretty quickly, and Snape thinks she 'has potential.' Voldemort also has a special interest in her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: None so far, but keep watching this space and I'm sure some will turn up soon.
NOTES: Okay, yesterday I went easy on you guys. Today we'll see what you can really take.
First of all... since when the hell is 'Lynx' a name? One of the defining traits of the Mary-Sue is her absurd name, but this one takes some kind of a cake. Does this so-called author really believe that any parents would name their son 'Harry' (a good old-fashioned ordinary name) and their daughter 'Lynx' (some fuzzy cat with a name full of letters from the ass end of the alphabet)?
Or perhaps we will discover that Lily and James potter were not, in fact, responsible for giving Lynx her name. She makes it pretty clear that, despite being Harry's twin, Lynx is not James Potter's daughter. I think how this is supposed to work is as follows: the day our young hero was concieved, Lily in fact slept with both her husband and Snape/Lucius/Voldemort/all three/whoever the hell this girl's father was, and she'd happened to release two different eggs that month which were both fertilized, by sperm from different men. I hope I do not need to go into any detail about how extraordinarily unlikely this is. (To her credit, the author does have characters being surprised by this situation.)
Yet a third thing that makes this fic an abomination in the eyes of Hufflepuff is its utter bastardization of Lily Potter. Not only does the author imply that Lily Potter was cheating on her husband by sleeping with one (or more) of his worst enemies, but she repeatedly makes reference to Lily being in Slytherin. Now, I honestly can't remember if J. K. Rowling ever made any reference to what house Lily was in, but I know she mentioned James being a Gryffindor. What do you suppose is the likelihood of Lily Potter, former Head Girl at Hogwarts, one of the people who resisted Voldemort the longest, and who eventually died to save her baby son, being a Slytherin?
Not bloody likely. I thought so.
Oh, and while I'm here, the author is completely incapable of using more than one sentence structure. But next to the atrocities committed by the sad excuse for a plot, that's a pretty minor point.
SAMPLE:
Harry stared out the window on the train with his friends. A girl opened the door. "May I sit with you?" She asked politely.
"Sorry we're all full." Ron said.
"Sorry for the bother." She said and walked to another compartment. "There room for one more?" She asked. A blue-gray eyed white-blond haired boy looked up at her. She had shoulder length red-brown hair. Her bangs hung loose in her eyes to the middle of her nose. Her bangs split in a widow's peek in the middle of her forehead. She had two blonde streaks one on either side of the widow's peek. She had seductive green eyes that drew Draco to her.
"Yes." Draco said. He moved over and she sat down. She soon fell asleep leaning on Draco.
"Hey time to go." Draco said. She got up and followed him off of the train.
"First years follow me." Hagrid called.
"Transfer students come with me." Snape said boardly.
The girl and two boys walked up to him. Snape looked down at the new students. 'The girl looks like the only promising one in the group. One of those two slackers must be Lynx Potter.' He thought.