0118: If The Slayers Were Wizards - Lina Inverse
God, it's been hot here the last month... hot and dry, which is possibly the reason we've got an infestation of grasshoppers the size of fucking lipsticks.
I found two Slayers/Harry Potter crossovers... one was absolutely horrible and one was really very good. I picked the horrible one. If anybody's interested, the good one is here.
My apologies to tears_priestess... but you guys do make funny noises when your brains break. ^_^
TITLE: If The Slayers Were Wizards
PERPETRATOR: Zarmina
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
FULL NAME: Lina Inverse
SPECIES: Human/Sorceress
HAIR: not described, but we know it's red
EYES: not described, also red
MARKINGS: none mentioned, two small moles high on her forehead
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: The Slayers are in modern-day England, are mysteriously familiar with the potterverse, and are going to Hogwarts! Why? Who cares!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: none
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Well, she's Lina Inverse... we all know what that means. Now, if she were only in character...
NOTES: This isn't really a Mary-Sue, I suppose... but man, does it suck. It's in annotated script format. Ow, ow, ow.
SAMPLE:
Zarmina: Yay! Chapter two!!! I GOT A REVIEW!!! *does a little happy sugar-crazed dance*
Tasos:...
-------------
WHEN WE LEFT...Filia was dragging Zelgadis down a street...and everyone else was eating happily.
CHAPTER TWO: Diagon Alley--part two.
Zelgadis: ow...
*TWO HOURS LATER*
Lina: Ah...I didn't know food could taste that good. HEY, THAT'S MY SUNDAE!
Gourry: *slurp* what?
*Filia drags Zelgadis back. He is laden with large packages.*
Filia: Done!
Zelgadis: Will you get these bags off me?
Filia: ...oops. Got a little carried away back there. *hurriedly pushes bags off. Zelgadis collapses.* By the way, Lina. I bought all of your stuff for you, so you owe me 26 galleons, 3 sickles and 6 knuts.
Lina: Galla-what?
Filia: Galleons. Local currency.
Lina: And how many gold pieces to a knut?
Filia: um... 0.4784 to the seventh power divided by two plus four by the square root of pi times 5.
*Xellos appears.*
Xellos: And then some.
*Xellos disappears. Filia draws her mace.*
Filia: XELLOS!!! *runs off*
Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia: ...
Lina: How 'bout we mug that kid over there for some money? *points to a certain short kid with black hair and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead*
Amelia: That would be unjust!
Zelgadis: *sighs loudly*
Lina: WOULD YOU RATHER STARVE TO DEATH OR BE UNJUST?
Amelia: ...*thinks for a while* STARVE!
Everyone else present: 0.0''''
Lina: Oh, bug off, fruitcake. I'm gonna get some money outta him. *walks over to Harry Potter and hits him on the head*
Harry: Ow!
Lina: Gimme your money, kid!
Zelgadis: ...I don't know you...*runs off to Flourish and Blotts to hide from the most likely coming fireball*
Harry: I don't have any money!
Lina: ...Well, for making me waste all this time on you...FIREBALL!!!
Boom.
*Janitor appears to sweep up the pile of ashes that was formerly Harry Potter*
Janitor: To the hospital wing!
*Janitor and ashes disappear*
Lina: I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE CHICKEN! GET BACK HERE, YOU-"
*Amelia drags her, screaming and kicking, into Flourish and Blotts. Zelgadis spots her, and runs out, trying to avoid any potential danger.*
Sylphiel: I'm not in any of this. *cries*
Lina: Let's keep it that way! *kicks Sylphiel*
Gourry: It's okay, Sylphiel. Let's go to the pet shop!
Sylphiel: WAAAAAAAHHH!!!! *runs out of the story*
Lina: That's one less idiot to deal with.
Gourry: You didn't have to kick her out...I wanted to show her the cute little humming fluffballs!
Lina: Why dontcha just BUY one?
Gourry: I did. *hugs fluffball who is humming loudly*
Lina: Well isn't that beautiful. Wait...where'd ja get the money!
Filia: *pops in* I thought it was cute and bought it for him. It's just him, isn't it?
Fluffball: Huh? Who am I? Where am I?
Lina: ...yep.
*Zelgadis walks into scene and taps Lina on shoulder*
Zelgadis: Lina, if we don't get going, we'll never get out of Diagon Alley. Then we'll never get to Hogwarts, and the authors will get angry and zap us with a thunderbolt.
*Zarmina appears in a cloud overhead, grinning and holding a large bolt of lightning*
Lina: EEK.
*Tasos appears and drags her away*
Zarmina: NEXT TIME YOU WON'T BE SO LUCKY!
Lina: ...mayyyybe we should get going.
Filia: Oh good! You're ready? Then we will go to Hogwarts now!
Xellos: *pops in* That's the dragon I know!
Filia: XELLOS!!!
----------------------
Zarmina: Next chapter will be the Hogwarts Express, and then we'll finally be in Hogwarts. Harry Potter lovers, sorry, but Tasos wanted to kill him off. He may come back later. But he wants to kill Hermione...
Tasos: *sharpens knives*
Zarmina: ...er...I'm actually typing this, so I can keep the characters alive...but they might get injured. I'M TRYING NOT TO MAKE THIS A HP BASHING FIC.
Tasos: That makes one of us.
Zarmina: You're scaring away readers! I don't want a bashing fic! And I'm typing, so what I type goes!
Tasos: *cries*
I found two Slayers/Harry Potter crossovers... one was absolutely horrible and one was really very good. I picked the horrible one. If anybody's interested, the good one is here.
My apologies to tears_priestess... but you guys do make funny noises when your brains break. ^_^
TITLE: If The Slayers Were Wizards
PERPETRATOR: Zarmina
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
FULL NAME: Lina Inverse
SPECIES: Human/Sorceress
HAIR: not described, but we know it's red
EYES: not described, also red
MARKINGS: none mentioned, two small moles high on her forehead
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: The Slayers are in modern-day England, are mysteriously familiar with the potterverse, and are going to Hogwarts! Why? Who cares!
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: none
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Well, she's Lina Inverse... we all know what that means. Now, if she were only in character...
NOTES: This isn't really a Mary-Sue, I suppose... but man, does it suck. It's in annotated script format. Ow, ow, ow.
SAMPLE:
Zarmina: Yay! Chapter two!!! I GOT A REVIEW!!! *does a little happy sugar-crazed dance*
Tasos:...
-------------
WHEN WE LEFT...Filia was dragging Zelgadis down a street...and everyone else was eating happily.
CHAPTER TWO: Diagon Alley--part two.
Zelgadis: ow...
*TWO HOURS LATER*
Lina: Ah...I didn't know food could taste that good. HEY, THAT'S MY SUNDAE!
Gourry: *slurp* what?
*Filia drags Zelgadis back. He is laden with large packages.*
Filia: Done!
Zelgadis: Will you get these bags off me?
Filia: ...oops. Got a little carried away back there. *hurriedly pushes bags off. Zelgadis collapses.* By the way, Lina. I bought all of your stuff for you, so you owe me 26 galleons, 3 sickles and 6 knuts.
Lina: Galla-what?
Filia: Galleons. Local currency.
Lina: And how many gold pieces to a knut?
Filia: um... 0.4784 to the seventh power divided by two plus four by the square root of pi times 5.
*Xellos appears.*
Xellos: And then some.
*Xellos disappears. Filia draws her mace.*
Filia: XELLOS!!! *runs off*
Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia: ...
Lina: How 'bout we mug that kid over there for some money? *points to a certain short kid with black hair and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead*
Amelia: That would be unjust!
Zelgadis: *sighs loudly*
Lina: WOULD YOU RATHER STARVE TO DEATH OR BE UNJUST?
Amelia: ...*thinks for a while* STARVE!
Everyone else present: 0.0''''
Lina: Oh, bug off, fruitcake. I'm gonna get some money outta him. *walks over to Harry Potter and hits him on the head*
Harry: Ow!
Lina: Gimme your money, kid!
Zelgadis: ...I don't know you...*runs off to Flourish and Blotts to hide from the most likely coming fireball*
Harry: I don't have any money!
Lina: ...Well, for making me waste all this time on you...FIREBALL!!!
Boom.
*Janitor appears to sweep up the pile of ashes that was formerly Harry Potter*
Janitor: To the hospital wing!
*Janitor and ashes disappear*
Lina: I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE CHICKEN! GET BACK HERE, YOU-"
*Amelia drags her, screaming and kicking, into Flourish and Blotts. Zelgadis spots her, and runs out, trying to avoid any potential danger.*
Sylphiel: I'm not in any of this. *cries*
Lina: Let's keep it that way! *kicks Sylphiel*
Gourry: It's okay, Sylphiel. Let's go to the pet shop!
Sylphiel: WAAAAAAAHHH!!!! *runs out of the story*
Lina: That's one less idiot to deal with.
Gourry: You didn't have to kick her out...I wanted to show her the cute little humming fluffballs!
Lina: Why dontcha just BUY one?
Gourry: I did. *hugs fluffball who is humming loudly*
Lina: Well isn't that beautiful. Wait...where'd ja get the money!
Filia: *pops in* I thought it was cute and bought it for him. It's just him, isn't it?
Fluffball: Huh? Who am I? Where am I?
Lina: ...yep.
*Zelgadis walks into scene and taps Lina on shoulder*
Zelgadis: Lina, if we don't get going, we'll never get out of Diagon Alley. Then we'll never get to Hogwarts, and the authors will get angry and zap us with a thunderbolt.
*Zarmina appears in a cloud overhead, grinning and holding a large bolt of lightning*
Lina: EEK.
*Tasos appears and drags her away*
Zarmina: NEXT TIME YOU WON'T BE SO LUCKY!
Lina: ...mayyyybe we should get going.
Filia: Oh good! You're ready? Then we will go to Hogwarts now!
Xellos: *pops in* That's the dragon I know!
Filia: XELLOS!!!
----------------------
Zarmina: Next chapter will be the Hogwarts Express, and then we'll finally be in Hogwarts. Harry Potter lovers, sorry, but Tasos wanted to kill him off. He may come back later. But he wants to kill Hermione...
Tasos: *sharpens knives*
Zarmina: ...er...I'm actually typing this, so I can keep the characters alive...but they might get injured. I'M TRYING NOT TO MAKE THIS A HP BASHING FIC.
Tasos: That makes one of us.
Zarmina: You're scaring away readers! I don't want a bashing fic! And I'm typing, so what I type goes!
Tasos: *cries*