3636: Bar Elate series - Hermione Granger and company
- The link of the day is Writing effective OC/canon (part 1).
- Flashback Sue
So, this story has tie ins with yesterday's Sue.
TITLE: Bar Elate, Bar Elate 2: Victoria's Revenge
PERPETRATOR: katyedavis
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: I think it's the Forbidden Forest, but I could be wrong.
SUMMARY:”Hermione's feelings had done exactly what she instructed them to do. Disappear. Now that it had ruined her relationship with Ron, she needed to leave and find out why she couldn't just be happy. Unexpectedly, she ran into someone in Paris that she never though she would see again.”, ”Victoria is back and is out to get Hermione. There are new people, new surprises, and a love that could get torn apart by a force bigger than anyone imagined.”
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Not Hermione Granger, even though the writer wants us to believe she is.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: “Even though they had lived together for two years she couldn't stand to part with her flat that she struggled so hard to pay off.” (Why then were they not living at that flat, huh?) However, suddenly she's got a new flat, and has moved to Paris despite this.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The story starts off with major angst about how Hermione's not able to express emotion like everybody expects her to, and this is why her and Ron's argument started, even why the two are arguing. Except Hermione's not really emotionless, as she says in the conversation she says “I understand perfectly! You are happy when I act like my old self or if I fake showing the slightest bit of emotion. I can't be that girl anymore. Why can't YOU understand that?!” That, right there Suethor, is anger, and not faked. It ends with Ron walking out on her and telling her to keep the flat, but Hermione says, “no, I still own my other flat. You can stay here. I'll be the one to leave.” She packs up, and Ron burst into tears because “Ron was doing what she should be doing.” (So, now Ron's horribly OoC.) She then goes and has tea with Harry and Ginny. Suddenly Hermione pronounces that she's planned her getaway for a week. The flat she cared not to give up is forgotten, and moves to Paris. (This change of mind isn't believable either.) Who does she run into? Draco of course. She works at a place called Bare Elate. I also found myself unable to read anymore, as the characterization is awful, and the characters horribly OoC, and we've got another plot-what-plot going on by the time I got to chapter three.
ORIGIN: Hermione's remained emotionless for seven years, and tried also being in a relationship with Ron.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Hermione's running away from her problems, although this is a new way to go about it. Except, this whole “I'm an emotionless wreck” is bogus, as Hermione in the very first chapter shows anger. The fact she doesn't throw things around, and simply raises her voice - last time I checked, that's how one is supposed to deal with ones anger, but the Suethor seems to think she should instead be “throwing things around the room and crying her eyes out”. Yeah, if she was a little kid maybe. Then, she runs away just like all the other Hermione Sues do. “She was the fastest and most knowledgeable bartender in the business and she had only been there two weeks. She had become a favorite among the regulars because they found her beautiful and charming which is something that she wasn't used to. Here, she wasn't known as the brainy Hermione Granger but rather the intelligent and beautiful Hermione.”
NOTES: I wouldn't describe Hermione as emotionless, let alone pushing her feelings away like the writer wants us to believe. The set up is awful, the characterization is awful, not to mention I really wish the writer understood better what she was writing about, as emotionless Hermione is not, nor have her feelings disappeared. Actually, the characters don't act like real people either.
SAMPLE:
Sobbing, screaming, rage, fear, and loathing.
At least, that's how she expected to be.
Instead of doing those things she just sat on the end of their bed. Completely silent and completely still. They had another one of their "fights" and this time Hermione was sure she knew where this was going. In her head she was throwing things around the room and crying her eyes out but on the outside, she couldn't do it. In fact, she hadn't cried since the end of the war when she claimed that she had no tears left in her any longer.
"Are you just going to sit there quiet and resigned?" Ron argued.
"What would you like for me to do?" Hermione questioned, cutting her eyes at him so sharply that he feared an otherworldly fire setting ablaze the flat.
"Why do I always have to tell you what to do and how to feel? This is exactly what we were fighting about!" Ron shouted, throwing his hands in the air in resignation.
Hermione just shook her head and stared at the floor. Aware that this argument was going exactly where she thought it was. It's been heading in this direction for some years now and she couldn't say that she was angry or surprised. It had been seven years.
"I don't know what to tell you, Ron. I can't explain myself to you and there isn't enough magic in the universe for me to be able to materialize into something that you'll be happy with!" She yelled before actually thinking through what she said.
Her life was completely falling apart but she acted as if it was something that happened on a day to day basis. She acted as though emotions were completely discarded from her life which, most of the time, was the truth. She had taught herself not to feel and not to become any closer to anyone than she had to be. All in all, she was the reason this relationship was in ruins. It's not that she didn't love Ron, she always would, but she couldn't force herself to show emotion when she had been so resigned from it for so long.
"I'm happy with you! Why can't you understand that?!" He argued with her.
"I understand perfectly! You are happy when I act like my old self or if I fake showing the slightest bit of emotion. I can't be that girl anymore. Why can't YOU understand that?!"
- Flashback Sue
So, this story has tie ins with yesterday's Sue.
TITLE: Bar Elate, Bar Elate 2: Victoria's Revenge
PERPETRATOR: katyedavis
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: I think it's the Forbidden Forest, but I could be wrong.
SUMMARY:”Hermione's feelings had done exactly what she instructed them to do. Disappear. Now that it had ruined her relationship with Ron, she needed to leave and find out why she couldn't just be happy. Unexpectedly, she ran into someone in Paris that she never though she would see again.”, ”Victoria is back and is out to get Hermione. There are new people, new surprises, and a love that could get torn apart by a force bigger than anyone imagined.”
FULL NAME: Hermione Granger
SPECIES: Not Hermione Granger, even though the writer wants us to believe she is.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: “Even though they had lived together for two years she couldn't stand to part with her flat that she struggled so hard to pay off.” (Why then were they not living at that flat, huh?) However, suddenly she's got a new flat, and has moved to Paris despite this.
CONNECTION TO CANON: The story starts off with major angst about how Hermione's not able to express emotion like everybody expects her to, and this is why her and Ron's argument started, even why the two are arguing. Except Hermione's not really emotionless, as she says in the conversation she says “I understand perfectly! You are happy when I act like my old self or if I fake showing the slightest bit of emotion. I can't be that girl anymore. Why can't YOU understand that?!” That, right there Suethor, is anger, and not faked. It ends with Ron walking out on her and telling her to keep the flat, but Hermione says, “no, I still own my other flat. You can stay here. I'll be the one to leave.” She packs up, and Ron burst into tears because “Ron was doing what she should be doing.” (So, now Ron's horribly OoC.) She then goes and has tea with Harry and Ginny. Suddenly Hermione pronounces that she's planned her getaway for a week. The flat she cared not to give up is forgotten, and moves to Paris. (This change of mind isn't believable either.) Who does she run into? Draco of course. She works at a place called Bare Elate. I also found myself unable to read anymore, as the characterization is awful, and the characters horribly OoC, and we've got another plot-what-plot going on by the time I got to chapter three.
ORIGIN: Hermione's remained emotionless for seven years, and tried also being in a relationship with Ron.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Hermione's running away from her problems, although this is a new way to go about it. Except, this whole “I'm an emotionless wreck” is bogus, as Hermione in the very first chapter shows anger. The fact she doesn't throw things around, and simply raises her voice - last time I checked, that's how one is supposed to deal with ones anger, but the Suethor seems to think she should instead be “throwing things around the room and crying her eyes out”. Yeah, if she was a little kid maybe. Then, she runs away just like all the other Hermione Sues do. “She was the fastest and most knowledgeable bartender in the business and she had only been there two weeks. She had become a favorite among the regulars because they found her beautiful and charming which is something that she wasn't used to. Here, she wasn't known as the brainy Hermione Granger but rather the intelligent and beautiful Hermione.”
NOTES: I wouldn't describe Hermione as emotionless, let alone pushing her feelings away like the writer wants us to believe. The set up is awful, the characterization is awful, not to mention I really wish the writer understood better what she was writing about, as emotionless Hermione is not, nor have her feelings disappeared. Actually, the characters don't act like real people either.
SAMPLE:
Sobbing, screaming, rage, fear, and loathing.
At least, that's how she expected to be.
Instead of doing those things she just sat on the end of their bed. Completely silent and completely still. They had another one of their "fights" and this time Hermione was sure she knew where this was going. In her head she was throwing things around the room and crying her eyes out but on the outside, she couldn't do it. In fact, she hadn't cried since the end of the war when she claimed that she had no tears left in her any longer.
"Are you just going to sit there quiet and resigned?" Ron argued.
"What would you like for me to do?" Hermione questioned, cutting her eyes at him so sharply that he feared an otherworldly fire setting ablaze the flat.
"Why do I always have to tell you what to do and how to feel? This is exactly what we were fighting about!" Ron shouted, throwing his hands in the air in resignation.
Hermione just shook her head and stared at the floor. Aware that this argument was going exactly where she thought it was. It's been heading in this direction for some years now and she couldn't say that she was angry or surprised. It had been seven years.
"I don't know what to tell you, Ron. I can't explain myself to you and there isn't enough magic in the universe for me to be able to materialize into something that you'll be happy with!" She yelled before actually thinking through what she said.
Her life was completely falling apart but she acted as if it was something that happened on a day to day basis. She acted as though emotions were completely discarded from her life which, most of the time, was the truth. She had taught herself not to feel and not to become any closer to anyone than she had to be. All in all, she was the reason this relationship was in ruins. It's not that she didn't love Ron, she always would, but she couldn't force herself to show emotion when she had been so resigned from it for so long.
"I'm happy with you! Why can't you understand that?!" He argued with her.
"I understand perfectly! You are happy when I act like my old self or if I fake showing the slightest bit of emotion. I can't be that girl anymore. Why can't YOU understand that?!"