I tried to comment on your writing, but I kept getting an 'error' page when I tried to submit it. Therefore, here is my comment:
Both prologues have great potential, but the first thing I must critique is the spelling and punctuation. Even though these aren't anywhere near final drafts, I think most readers would be distracted if the spelling/punctuation is off, even in the least: 'He' instead of 'The,' 'than' instead of 'then,' and a misplaced comma here and there. Also, I don't recommend using the exact phrase "unfamilar celing." It just seems too obvious to me. Any word(s) other than familiar should be fine. But the stories are interesting. I really liked the guy living in the cemetary. Keep writing.
Re: commentporkopolis213November 9 2008, 08:20:22 UTC
yea, the spelling etc. is way off, these are just rough drafts. also, while the unfamiliar ceiling is obvious to you and a few others, its a great theme ( i think) that alot of people haven't seen before. ontop of that, this being my first atempt at large scale writing, i am going to blatently rip off tons of diffrent stuff till i develop my own style.
Comments 2
Both prologues have great potential, but the first thing I must critique is the spelling and punctuation. Even though these aren't anywhere near final drafts, I think most readers would be distracted if the spelling/punctuation is off, even in the least: 'He' instead of 'The,' 'than' instead of 'then,' and a misplaced comma here and there.
Also, I don't recommend using the exact phrase "unfamilar celing." It just seems too obvious to me. Any word(s) other than familiar should be fine.
But the stories are interesting. I really liked the guy living in the cemetary. Keep writing.
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also, while the unfamiliar ceiling is obvious to you and a few others, its a great theme ( i think) that alot of people haven't seen before. ontop of that, this being my first atempt at large scale writing, i am going to blatently rip off tons of diffrent stuff till i develop my own style.
but thanks for the tips!
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