(no subject)
Title: Hesitations
Author: rolleson
Fandom: House
Rating: R
Character/Pairing: House/Cuddy
Spoilers: Season Four.
Warnings: Talk of porn.
Summery: House and Cuddy...talk.
Notes: Set after Hot And Bothered. 1157 words.
He didn't really know why he had kissed her.
Back then, he'd gone slow because Lisa was so young and so pretty, that he would've done anything she had wanted him to. Had done anything she wanted him, take her out, dance, play guitar for her. Now he wouldn't do anything for her.
In the back of his mind, the psychology of it was obvious, but he didn't want to think about that too much. That he was pathetic enough that he fought every inch of her now, because she'd finished the relationship between them. And that's what it had been too, the beginning of a relationship, they had both been aware of it, and that's why it had ended.
It had been worth it, for Lisa at least. He wasn't sure about his own life. His career, it didn't effect men it was different for men. Relationships, they barely had to effect a man's career at all. For Lisa, for Lisa it would've held her back. He would've held her back.
He resented that.
Which made him a complete jerk, but he had always been that way. He was just less of a jerk sometimes.
Then she took part of his leg away and he resented her for that too.
So he had no idea why he kissed her. It went against the fighting, the arguments, the insults. Kissing her meant something else.
Or he was horny.
It sometimes hard to tell which, but after a porn session with Wilson (which hadn't led to any sex between them, because Amber would've been pissed) and a wad of tissues later, he didn't feel much better and didn't really want a hooker. They were distracting, the sex was distracting, but paying them wasn't hard on his pocket, just hard on him. Left him feeling lonelier.
*****
"You're pissed off," he said, "I get that, I get that a lot actually." Cuddy looked up from the files on her desk and frowned at him.
"Of course I'm pissed off."
"Why?"
"Because two of my best doctors spent three hours watching porn in the OBGYN lounge. A department they're rarely, rarely connected too," she snapped, "stuff like that, pisses me off."
"I'm sure Wilson's already been into apologise."
"He has, but I'm not blaming him, you're a bad influence on him."
"We're adults, he's old enough not to bow to peer pressure, we're not kids."
"You're men, same difference," she said.
"Dr. Cuddy that's unbelievably sexist."
"Sexual harassment complaints go through HR," she said, smiling, "oh no wait, you can't go to human relations because you're not human!"
"Very good," he said, "come on Cuddy, why are you really pissed off?" he asked, "because I watched some porn, I'm pretty sure you know it's not the first time and I know I've done worse."
"Far worse," she mumbled.
"So you're pissed off because I kissed you."
"And groped me."
"That was not a grope, that was barely anything."
"That's not the point."
"Why did the kiss upset you?"
"You really want to know?" she asked, eyebrow raised. He was leaning forward on his cane, eyes glued to her face and not dipping down into her cleavage, for once.
"Yes."
"Do you care?" He hesitated. He didn't know.
"No, I'm interested."
"Is that a lie?"
"Do you care?" She cocked her head to the side.
"I wanted to fuck with you, since when was that different to any other day?" he said, "unless you wanted to sleep with me?"
"House, just, get out." He'd hit a nerve, that much was obvious, but he wasn't sure what to do about it. Cuddy wanted him. What had changed?
"Why now?" he asked.
"House, if you don't leave, I, will go to HR."
"Why now?" he repeated the words.
"I don't know," she said quietly, "just memories."
"Regrets?"
"I don't know." Her voice had dropped even lower. He could hear every word she said though but he didn't have a reply to that. Instead he turned around and left her office.
*****
"Do you really always watch porn with Wilson?" Cuddy asked, walking into his office and sitting in the chair opposite him.
"You want to talk?" he asked. His legs were up on his desk and he leaned back a little more in his chair.
"No," she said.
"Not always, a man's got to have a little alone time with his hand."
"Do you watch a lot of porn in the hospital?" she asked with a look of distaste on her face.
"I have a bookmark folder called porn, porn in my desk..."
"Do you really?"
"Yep." She shook her head, smiling. "You're not angry?"
"I," she paused, "I don't see the point."
"Glad we agree."
"Do you remember when we watched that awful film your friend made, Harry, he had a screening at his apartment?" she said, he smiled.
"I remember, film students are morons."
"It reminded me of that."
"Bad lighting, crap script, poor acting."
"You used the word sub-par back then," she cut in.
"You sitting on my lap, wriggling around because you couldn't get comfortable."
"I was bored. And horny."
"So was I."
"That's what it reminded me of." They grinned at each other.
"We should've done it that night."
"Maybe, but then..." she paused again.
"Then?"
"I would never have left."
He dropped his legs down onto the floor, wincing at the jolt that went through his thigh and out of the corner of his eye saw Cuddy wince too. He really needed to get out of this conversation.
"If you want to be my porn buddy, I can split my time between you and Wilson. Plenty of porn to go around," he said, "I can just tell Amber what Wilson and I get up to on a Wednesday night."
"Amber strikes me as the kind of woman who would probably fuck Wilson senseless to prove he doesn't need the porn and then you'd have no buddy at all," she said with a laugh, "she probably likes porn."
"You don't?"
"Not when it's in my hospital, no."
"But if it were in my apartment, or you house, that would be okay?" he asked, "you can sit on my lap?"
"I don't want to be your porn buddy House," she said getting up. They'd talked, something had happened, and now she was bailing out of this conversation. She turned to walk away and got half way across the office before he spoke again.
"I miss you calling me Greg."
She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. Couldn't find anything other than shock. He couldn't blame her, he'd just...opened up almost, told her a truth, it was rare, between him and Cuddy these days. Any truths between them were either dramatic on his part, or mostly came from her. His words were careful though, quiet and sincere. It happened. And he did miss her calling him Greg.
Author: rolleson
Fandom: House
Rating: R
Character/Pairing: House/Cuddy
Spoilers: Season Four.
Warnings: Talk of porn.
Summery: House and Cuddy...talk.
Notes: Set after Hot And Bothered. 1157 words.
He didn't really know why he had kissed her.
Back then, he'd gone slow because Lisa was so young and so pretty, that he would've done anything she had wanted him to. Had done anything she wanted him, take her out, dance, play guitar for her. Now he wouldn't do anything for her.
In the back of his mind, the psychology of it was obvious, but he didn't want to think about that too much. That he was pathetic enough that he fought every inch of her now, because she'd finished the relationship between them. And that's what it had been too, the beginning of a relationship, they had both been aware of it, and that's why it had ended.
It had been worth it, for Lisa at least. He wasn't sure about his own life. His career, it didn't effect men it was different for men. Relationships, they barely had to effect a man's career at all. For Lisa, for Lisa it would've held her back. He would've held her back.
He resented that.
Which made him a complete jerk, but he had always been that way. He was just less of a jerk sometimes.
Then she took part of his leg away and he resented her for that too.
So he had no idea why he kissed her. It went against the fighting, the arguments, the insults. Kissing her meant something else.
Or he was horny.
It sometimes hard to tell which, but after a porn session with Wilson (which hadn't led to any sex between them, because Amber would've been pissed) and a wad of tissues later, he didn't feel much better and didn't really want a hooker. They were distracting, the sex was distracting, but paying them wasn't hard on his pocket, just hard on him. Left him feeling lonelier.
*****
"You're pissed off," he said, "I get that, I get that a lot actually." Cuddy looked up from the files on her desk and frowned at him.
"Of course I'm pissed off."
"Why?"
"Because two of my best doctors spent three hours watching porn in the OBGYN lounge. A department they're rarely, rarely connected too," she snapped, "stuff like that, pisses me off."
"I'm sure Wilson's already been into apologise."
"He has, but I'm not blaming him, you're a bad influence on him."
"We're adults, he's old enough not to bow to peer pressure, we're not kids."
"You're men, same difference," she said.
"Dr. Cuddy that's unbelievably sexist."
"Sexual harassment complaints go through HR," she said, smiling, "oh no wait, you can't go to human relations because you're not human!"
"Very good," he said, "come on Cuddy, why are you really pissed off?" he asked, "because I watched some porn, I'm pretty sure you know it's not the first time and I know I've done worse."
"Far worse," she mumbled.
"So you're pissed off because I kissed you."
"And groped me."
"That was not a grope, that was barely anything."
"That's not the point."
"Why did the kiss upset you?"
"You really want to know?" she asked, eyebrow raised. He was leaning forward on his cane, eyes glued to her face and not dipping down into her cleavage, for once.
"Yes."
"Do you care?" He hesitated. He didn't know.
"No, I'm interested."
"Is that a lie?"
"Do you care?" She cocked her head to the side.
"I wanted to fuck with you, since when was that different to any other day?" he said, "unless you wanted to sleep with me?"
"House, just, get out." He'd hit a nerve, that much was obvious, but he wasn't sure what to do about it. Cuddy wanted him. What had changed?
"Why now?" he asked.
"House, if you don't leave, I, will go to HR."
"Why now?" he repeated the words.
"I don't know," she said quietly, "just memories."
"Regrets?"
"I don't know." Her voice had dropped even lower. He could hear every word she said though but he didn't have a reply to that. Instead he turned around and left her office.
*****
"Do you really always watch porn with Wilson?" Cuddy asked, walking into his office and sitting in the chair opposite him.
"You want to talk?" he asked. His legs were up on his desk and he leaned back a little more in his chair.
"No," she said.
"Not always, a man's got to have a little alone time with his hand."
"Do you watch a lot of porn in the hospital?" she asked with a look of distaste on her face.
"I have a bookmark folder called porn, porn in my desk..."
"Do you really?"
"Yep." She shook her head, smiling. "You're not angry?"
"I," she paused, "I don't see the point."
"Glad we agree."
"Do you remember when we watched that awful film your friend made, Harry, he had a screening at his apartment?" she said, he smiled.
"I remember, film students are morons."
"It reminded me of that."
"Bad lighting, crap script, poor acting."
"You used the word sub-par back then," she cut in.
"You sitting on my lap, wriggling around because you couldn't get comfortable."
"I was bored. And horny."
"So was I."
"That's what it reminded me of." They grinned at each other.
"We should've done it that night."
"Maybe, but then..." she paused again.
"Then?"
"I would never have left."
He dropped his legs down onto the floor, wincing at the jolt that went through his thigh and out of the corner of his eye saw Cuddy wince too. He really needed to get out of this conversation.
"If you want to be my porn buddy, I can split my time between you and Wilson. Plenty of porn to go around," he said, "I can just tell Amber what Wilson and I get up to on a Wednesday night."
"Amber strikes me as the kind of woman who would probably fuck Wilson senseless to prove he doesn't need the porn and then you'd have no buddy at all," she said with a laugh, "she probably likes porn."
"You don't?"
"Not when it's in my hospital, no."
"But if it were in my apartment, or you house, that would be okay?" he asked, "you can sit on my lap?"
"I don't want to be your porn buddy House," she said getting up. They'd talked, something had happened, and now she was bailing out of this conversation. She turned to walk away and got half way across the office before he spoke again.
"I miss you calling me Greg."
She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. Couldn't find anything other than shock. He couldn't blame her, he'd just...opened up almost, told her a truth, it was rare, between him and Cuddy these days. Any truths between them were either dramatic on his part, or mostly came from her. His words were careful though, quiet and sincere. It happened. And he did miss her calling him Greg.