White Flag (21/35)
Title: White Flag
Rating: NC-17
Couple: Sam/Brooke...Sam/F..
Summary: This is an Futurefic in which Brooke and Sam have already been
together.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I certainly wish I did. Damn Ryan
Murphy and his unrivaled genius.
A/N: Well July 27th marked the one year anniversary of my beginning this
fic and I promised myself then that I'd see it through to the end. I
fully intend to keep that promise. I'm sorry it's taken me SO long to
get this up and posted. The summer has been crazy. Thanks to all of you
that constantly left me emails and wrote little messages here asking
about this fic. It warmed me to see so many people still interested in
this story. I'm just happy everyone's been so patient. Anyway, I won't
blather on and on. I just wanted to say thank you. I also want to thank
my beta, Karen, for being patient with my crazy, inconsistent schedule
and getting the chapters back to me so quickly. I'd be so lost without
you.
Okay, enough mush...onward
Part Twenty-one
Sam tried, unsuccessfully, to start the article due the next week for about the fifteenth time. It was no use. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t forget. It haunted her every step, her every thought, her every dream. She could still feel Brooke’s lips on her. She could still feel her touch, the feel of their skin together and Brooke’s fingers inside of her. She let out a frustrated groan. Things couldn’t continue like this. She was slowly starting to go crazy, and crazy was not a good shade on her.
She needed to talk to someone. But who? Lily and Carmen would just blow things out of proportion. Mac would tell her, well she knew what Mac would tell her, and she didn’t want to hear that. She could talk to Brooke. Sam laughed humorlessly at that last one. There was no way she could talk to Brooke about this, not after spending the last two days avoiding her at all cost. She knew she couldn’t avoid the blonde forever. Cara was scheduled to go back to the clinic tonight, and she and Brooke were going to take her together. She could just let Brooke do it by herself. No, she wouldn’t do that to Cara or herself, and she knew there was no way Brooke was going to back out of going. Sam was pretty sure her ex-wife was looking forward to it.
Sam knew Brooke well enough to know she was only letting Sam get away with her avoidance game for now. Brooke was bidding her time. When the two of them did meet, Sam knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. She just wanted to be prepared for that. That meant Sam had to finally admit to herself what had happened, and then find someone to help her sort through the mess she’d just made. Then the perfect person came to mind. She picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.
“Hello Mom, what are you doing for lunch today?”
___________________________________________________________
"Mom, where’s Cara?” Sam asked the older woman as she sat down at the table.
“I left her with Mac. I figured this wasn’t the kind of conversation that you’d want her to hear,” Jane McQueen said as she looked at her menu.
“What makes you think that?” Sam asked with a nervous laugh.
“Sam, I’ve been your mother for thirty-five years. Do us both a favor and cut the act. There’s only one reason you’d call me in the middle of the day to have lunch.” Jane replied, her green eyes looking into Sam’s nervous brown ones. “So spill. What’s up, Sammy?”
“Wow, just like that, um, see the thing is ever since this whole mess with Cara happened, Kat and I haven’t been as close as we used to be…”
“Oh, hun, it’s perfectly normal for you to be having second thoughts. Planning a wedding, especially a second one can be really stressful. Then add on the fact that Cara got sick, and it’s bound to put a little strain on the relationship.”
“Well, that’s just it. I thought difficulties were supposed to strengthen a relationship. Like with you and Mike, I mean with all the stuff Brooke and I put you through, you two just kept getting stronger and stronger.”
“I know it might have seemed like that, but there were a lot of times that we wondered if we were doing the right thing.” Jane paused as they gave the waiter their orders. “Of course we couldn’t let you girls know. That would have been like handing you a match and gas can. You two were almost ruthless in your attempts to break us up. Did I have second thoughts? Absolutely, especially after that whole Kelly fiasco. I’m just lucky we didn’t let things get too bad between us.”
“But that’s just the thing, Mom.” Sam said as the waiter brought the drinks to the table. “Things have gotten bad between us.”
“What do you mean, Sam? Did you and Kat break up?”
“No, we didn’t break up, but that’s where it feels like it’s headed. She’s become this person I don’t know. She’s all jealous and possessive, and I don’t like feeling like someone wants to own me. She’s really bad when Brooke is around.”
“Well, have you been giving her something to be jealous about?” Jane asked bluntly.
“No, I haven’t. It’s not like I’ve been fawning all over Brooke or anything. It’s just, why can’t she understand that the whole situation with Brooke is complicated and will always be complicated if for no other reason than we have Cara? It’s been making me wonder if maybe Brooke’s been right all along, and Kat and I had been ‘playing house’ with Cara, that Kat never had to consider Brooke’s role in all of this.”
“I’ll admit that I was worried about that very thing, especially after Brooke got that promotion at work, and she was even more busy than before. But honey, the Kat versus Brooke thing has been a long time coming. It’s certainly been brewing since last year’s Thanksgiving.”
Sam let out a frustrated sigh. “I know! I just thought I’d be better prepared to handle it all. Now everything’s a mess.”
“Oh Sammy, don’t be so hard on yourself. You and Kat have barely had an argument in the two years you’ve been dating, there was bound to be at least one,” her mother said with a gentle smile.
“I wish it were that simple.” Sam said, looking away. She felt like her world was crashing down around her as the full impact of her actions hit her.
“Sam, what is it? What aren’t you telling me?” Jane asked concerned.
Tears sprang to the younger woman’s eyes, and she wasn’t fast enough to catch one before is escaped down her cheek. She looked at her mother and with shimmering eyes whispered, “I slept with Brooke.”
Jane sat back, a look of shocked surprise gracing her delicately preserved features. “Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting that.” Jane said quietly. She sat back as the waiter set their plates in front of them. “How long has this been going on?”
“It hasn’t been going on. It happened one time, two nights ago. I was really upset about Emeny, and Cara hadn’t been sleeping very well. Brooke’s the only one that can comfort her. I went in Brooke’s room to see about Cara and…”
“You don’t owe me any explanation,” Jane said, holding up her hand. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed by your actions, but you’re an adult, and it’s really none of my business.”
“How can I go to my mother for advice if she won’t be my mother?”
“Well what do you want me to say, Sammy? You want me to tell you you shouldn’t have slept with Brooke while you’re with Kat? Do you want me to tell you that you’ve complicated things further, and now four people stand to get hurt? Do you want me to tell you it’s a huge mistake?”
“No,” Sam replied in a defeated voice. She, of course, already knew all of this.
“Was it?” Jane asked suddenly.
“Was what?” Sam asked in return.
“Was it a mistake?”
“No! Yes! I don’t know…” Sam answered, running a frustrated hand through her hair.
“What did Kat say when you told her?” Jane asked before taking a bite of food.
“I…haven’t told her…yet.” Sam replied weakly.
“Sammy…”
“You don’t have to say it. I know. I should have told her the very next day. I’ve just been so confused about it all. I was planning on telling her tomorrow when we went out.”
“Alright, and what about Brooke? What does she have to say about all of this?”
“I, uh, I…I haven’t exactly talked to her about it,” Sam stammered.
“What do you mean you haven’t exactly talked to her about it?” Jane asked incredulously.
“I mean…I haven’t spoken to her since it happened.”
“Sam!”
Sam flinched. She should have known that her mother would react this way. She’d asked for her mother to be a mother, so what had she expected? “I know. My recent cowardice has grown to new heights.”
“Well it certainly explains why Brooke was acting so weird at dinner. Mac couldn’t even get her to open up.”
“What am I supposed to do now, Mom?” Sam asked in a pleading tone.
“I think you know exactly what you have to do. I think that’s why you called me. You needed someone to listen to you sort out the mess in your head.”
Sam sighed again. “You’re right, of course. How did you get so smart?”
“It’s called being a mother. That matched with my natural genius, and I’m Super Mom. Where do you think you and Mac get it from?” Jane said with a wink, and the two turned back to their food.
_____________________________________________________________
Sam returned to her office, and for the first time in almost two days, she was able to concentrate on work. Going to lunch with her mother had turned out to be just what she needed to restore at least a small bit of equilibrium to her rapidly changing world. Already, a plan was formulating in her mind. She knew she needed to talk to Brooke, but she wouldn’t be able to until she had her talk with Kat. She’d already called the older woman to confirm their dinner plans for the next night. Now all she had to do was hold off Brooke for one more night. She knew that would be easier said than done.
_____________________________________________________________
The car ride to the clinic was a quiet one. Cara stared out of her window. She hadn’t said a word since earlier that afternoon, and Sam could understand why. The girl was still sad and worried about going back. She and Brooke had wondered if maybe it was too soon for Cara to be going back, but Dr. Tanner had insisted. Cara had done well over the time she’d been away. She ate with little or no complaint, and she toned down the exercising. She’d even started sleeping through the night again. Dr. Tanner thought that Cara would be able to come back home by the end of the month.
Brooke parked the car in the clinic parking lot and helped Cara out of the car. She took the girl’s hand and together they headed towards the door. Sam lingered behind. She watched as they walked to the building, Brooke bending every so often to whisper something in their daughter’s ear. The blonde had been unrelenting in her role as a mother through this whole ordeal, causing Sam to see her in a way she hadn’t since before Cara was born. It made the journalist long for things she had given up any hope of ever having, and Sam wasn’t sure she liked those feelings.
They waited at the nurse’s station for Sam to catch up, and Brooke signed Cara in. Nurse Amy appeared a few moments later, a bright smile on her face.
“Welcome back, Cara. Your room is all ready.” Nurse Amy said, leading the way down the hall.
Cara kept a firm hold on Brooke’s hand as they made their way to Cara’s new room. As they entered the new room, Sam was taken aback. There were banners, cards and balloons everywhere, all welcoming Cara back. She saw a look of joy pass over Cara’s usually sullen face, and Sam knew they’d made the right decision in bringing her back. Cara had a lot of support here, and Sam knew that her daughter needed to be in a place where she could focus solely on getting better.
“Wow, someone was missed,” Brooke said waggling her eyebrows.
“Mim, you’re silly,” Cara replied dropping her bag on the bed.
“So Cara, how do you like your new room?” Nurse Amy asked.
“I like it okay I guess.” Cara answered, shrugging her shoulders. She looked around the room and then back at Nurse Amy expectantly as she shifted from foot to foot.
“Well, I’ll just leave you to get unpacked. Just remember Cara, lights out is in twenty minutes.” Nurse Amy added she walked out of the room.
Brooke and Sam helped Cara unpack her bags. They lingered until the last possible moment, though the room was unusually quiet. The lights in the hall flickered, signaling the warning for lights out, and Sam sighed. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, but Cara needed her rest. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
Cara sighed before turning to look at Sam. “Yes Mom, I’m fine.”
“Okay, well I’ll be here right after dinner tomorrow.” Sam said as tears sprung to her eyes. She quickly turned and wiped them away. She walked over and embraced her daughter, never wanting to let go.
Cara pulled away, looking with uncertain hazel eyes into Brooke’s calm ones. “Remember what I told you, and you’ll be just fine,” Brooke said before giving Cara a bear hug.
“I will Mim.” The lights flickered again, and the two reluctantly parted.
After another round of ‘goodbyes,’ Sam and Brooke made their way quietly down the hall. They got in the car and Sam immediately turned to look out of the window, hoping that Brooke would think she was asleep or too upset to talk. She should have known that in wake of her recent transgressions that luck would not be on her side.
“So Cara’s looking better?” Brooke asked, filling the temporary silence.
“Yeah, much better than this time last month.” Sam replied.
“I think it’s a good thing, us taking her back to the clinic. I think Dr. Tanner was right about her being out by the end of the month.”
“Yeah definitely,” Sam said, never turning from the window.
“It’s going to be so quiet around the house without her,” Brooke tried again.
“I’m used to it. Whenever she’s over your place, it’s pretty quiet. That’s why Kat normally…”Sam began, but shut her mouth abruptly.
“We’re going to have to talk about it eventually you know?” Brooke asked quietly.
Sam sighed, sparing a quick glance at the blonde before turning back to the window. “I know, but it doesn’t have to be right now,” she responded pointedly.
“Sam…”
“Brooke, just don’t.” Sam interrupted.
It was Brooke’s turn to sigh. “Okay Sam, I’ll leave it for now, but you know there’s only so many places you can hide.”
Sam decided not to reply. Instead, she stared out of the window, not seeing anything as the world whizzed by.
Rating: NC-17
Couple: Sam/Brooke...Sam/F..
Summary: This is an Futurefic in which Brooke and Sam have already been
together.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I certainly wish I did. Damn Ryan
Murphy and his unrivaled genius.
A/N: Well July 27th marked the one year anniversary of my beginning this
fic and I promised myself then that I'd see it through to the end. I
fully intend to keep that promise. I'm sorry it's taken me SO long to
get this up and posted. The summer has been crazy. Thanks to all of you
that constantly left me emails and wrote little messages here asking
about this fic. It warmed me to see so many people still interested in
this story. I'm just happy everyone's been so patient. Anyway, I won't
blather on and on. I just wanted to say thank you. I also want to thank
my beta, Karen, for being patient with my crazy, inconsistent schedule
and getting the chapters back to me so quickly. I'd be so lost without
you.
Okay, enough mush...onward
Part Twenty-one
Sam tried, unsuccessfully, to start the article due the next week for about the fifteenth time. It was no use. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t forget. It haunted her every step, her every thought, her every dream. She could still feel Brooke’s lips on her. She could still feel her touch, the feel of their skin together and Brooke’s fingers inside of her. She let out a frustrated groan. Things couldn’t continue like this. She was slowly starting to go crazy, and crazy was not a good shade on her.
She needed to talk to someone. But who? Lily and Carmen would just blow things out of proportion. Mac would tell her, well she knew what Mac would tell her, and she didn’t want to hear that. She could talk to Brooke. Sam laughed humorlessly at that last one. There was no way she could talk to Brooke about this, not after spending the last two days avoiding her at all cost. She knew she couldn’t avoid the blonde forever. Cara was scheduled to go back to the clinic tonight, and she and Brooke were going to take her together. She could just let Brooke do it by herself. No, she wouldn’t do that to Cara or herself, and she knew there was no way Brooke was going to back out of going. Sam was pretty sure her ex-wife was looking forward to it.
Sam knew Brooke well enough to know she was only letting Sam get away with her avoidance game for now. Brooke was bidding her time. When the two of them did meet, Sam knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. She just wanted to be prepared for that. That meant Sam had to finally admit to herself what had happened, and then find someone to help her sort through the mess she’d just made. Then the perfect person came to mind. She picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.
“Hello Mom, what are you doing for lunch today?”
___________________________________________________________
"Mom, where’s Cara?” Sam asked the older woman as she sat down at the table.
“I left her with Mac. I figured this wasn’t the kind of conversation that you’d want her to hear,” Jane McQueen said as she looked at her menu.
“What makes you think that?” Sam asked with a nervous laugh.
“Sam, I’ve been your mother for thirty-five years. Do us both a favor and cut the act. There’s only one reason you’d call me in the middle of the day to have lunch.” Jane replied, her green eyes looking into Sam’s nervous brown ones. “So spill. What’s up, Sammy?”
“Wow, just like that, um, see the thing is ever since this whole mess with Cara happened, Kat and I haven’t been as close as we used to be…”
“Oh, hun, it’s perfectly normal for you to be having second thoughts. Planning a wedding, especially a second one can be really stressful. Then add on the fact that Cara got sick, and it’s bound to put a little strain on the relationship.”
“Well, that’s just it. I thought difficulties were supposed to strengthen a relationship. Like with you and Mike, I mean with all the stuff Brooke and I put you through, you two just kept getting stronger and stronger.”
“I know it might have seemed like that, but there were a lot of times that we wondered if we were doing the right thing.” Jane paused as they gave the waiter their orders. “Of course we couldn’t let you girls know. That would have been like handing you a match and gas can. You two were almost ruthless in your attempts to break us up. Did I have second thoughts? Absolutely, especially after that whole Kelly fiasco. I’m just lucky we didn’t let things get too bad between us.”
“But that’s just the thing, Mom.” Sam said as the waiter brought the drinks to the table. “Things have gotten bad between us.”
“What do you mean, Sam? Did you and Kat break up?”
“No, we didn’t break up, but that’s where it feels like it’s headed. She’s become this person I don’t know. She’s all jealous and possessive, and I don’t like feeling like someone wants to own me. She’s really bad when Brooke is around.”
“Well, have you been giving her something to be jealous about?” Jane asked bluntly.
“No, I haven’t. It’s not like I’ve been fawning all over Brooke or anything. It’s just, why can’t she understand that the whole situation with Brooke is complicated and will always be complicated if for no other reason than we have Cara? It’s been making me wonder if maybe Brooke’s been right all along, and Kat and I had been ‘playing house’ with Cara, that Kat never had to consider Brooke’s role in all of this.”
“I’ll admit that I was worried about that very thing, especially after Brooke got that promotion at work, and she was even more busy than before. But honey, the Kat versus Brooke thing has been a long time coming. It’s certainly been brewing since last year’s Thanksgiving.”
Sam let out a frustrated sigh. “I know! I just thought I’d be better prepared to handle it all. Now everything’s a mess.”
“Oh Sammy, don’t be so hard on yourself. You and Kat have barely had an argument in the two years you’ve been dating, there was bound to be at least one,” her mother said with a gentle smile.
“I wish it were that simple.” Sam said, looking away. She felt like her world was crashing down around her as the full impact of her actions hit her.
“Sam, what is it? What aren’t you telling me?” Jane asked concerned.
Tears sprang to the younger woman’s eyes, and she wasn’t fast enough to catch one before is escaped down her cheek. She looked at her mother and with shimmering eyes whispered, “I slept with Brooke.”
Jane sat back, a look of shocked surprise gracing her delicately preserved features. “Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting that.” Jane said quietly. She sat back as the waiter set their plates in front of them. “How long has this been going on?”
“It hasn’t been going on. It happened one time, two nights ago. I was really upset about Emeny, and Cara hadn’t been sleeping very well. Brooke’s the only one that can comfort her. I went in Brooke’s room to see about Cara and…”
“You don’t owe me any explanation,” Jane said, holding up her hand. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed by your actions, but you’re an adult, and it’s really none of my business.”
“How can I go to my mother for advice if she won’t be my mother?”
“Well what do you want me to say, Sammy? You want me to tell you you shouldn’t have slept with Brooke while you’re with Kat? Do you want me to tell you that you’ve complicated things further, and now four people stand to get hurt? Do you want me to tell you it’s a huge mistake?”
“No,” Sam replied in a defeated voice. She, of course, already knew all of this.
“Was it?” Jane asked suddenly.
“Was what?” Sam asked in return.
“Was it a mistake?”
“No! Yes! I don’t know…” Sam answered, running a frustrated hand through her hair.
“What did Kat say when you told her?” Jane asked before taking a bite of food.
“I…haven’t told her…yet.” Sam replied weakly.
“Sammy…”
“You don’t have to say it. I know. I should have told her the very next day. I’ve just been so confused about it all. I was planning on telling her tomorrow when we went out.”
“Alright, and what about Brooke? What does she have to say about all of this?”
“I, uh, I…I haven’t exactly talked to her about it,” Sam stammered.
“What do you mean you haven’t exactly talked to her about it?” Jane asked incredulously.
“I mean…I haven’t spoken to her since it happened.”
“Sam!”
Sam flinched. She should have known that her mother would react this way. She’d asked for her mother to be a mother, so what had she expected? “I know. My recent cowardice has grown to new heights.”
“Well it certainly explains why Brooke was acting so weird at dinner. Mac couldn’t even get her to open up.”
“What am I supposed to do now, Mom?” Sam asked in a pleading tone.
“I think you know exactly what you have to do. I think that’s why you called me. You needed someone to listen to you sort out the mess in your head.”
Sam sighed again. “You’re right, of course. How did you get so smart?”
“It’s called being a mother. That matched with my natural genius, and I’m Super Mom. Where do you think you and Mac get it from?” Jane said with a wink, and the two turned back to their food.
_____________________________________________________________
Sam returned to her office, and for the first time in almost two days, she was able to concentrate on work. Going to lunch with her mother had turned out to be just what she needed to restore at least a small bit of equilibrium to her rapidly changing world. Already, a plan was formulating in her mind. She knew she needed to talk to Brooke, but she wouldn’t be able to until she had her talk with Kat. She’d already called the older woman to confirm their dinner plans for the next night. Now all she had to do was hold off Brooke for one more night. She knew that would be easier said than done.
_____________________________________________________________
The car ride to the clinic was a quiet one. Cara stared out of her window. She hadn’t said a word since earlier that afternoon, and Sam could understand why. The girl was still sad and worried about going back. She and Brooke had wondered if maybe it was too soon for Cara to be going back, but Dr. Tanner had insisted. Cara had done well over the time she’d been away. She ate with little or no complaint, and she toned down the exercising. She’d even started sleeping through the night again. Dr. Tanner thought that Cara would be able to come back home by the end of the month.
Brooke parked the car in the clinic parking lot and helped Cara out of the car. She took the girl’s hand and together they headed towards the door. Sam lingered behind. She watched as they walked to the building, Brooke bending every so often to whisper something in their daughter’s ear. The blonde had been unrelenting in her role as a mother through this whole ordeal, causing Sam to see her in a way she hadn’t since before Cara was born. It made the journalist long for things she had given up any hope of ever having, and Sam wasn’t sure she liked those feelings.
They waited at the nurse’s station for Sam to catch up, and Brooke signed Cara in. Nurse Amy appeared a few moments later, a bright smile on her face.
“Welcome back, Cara. Your room is all ready.” Nurse Amy said, leading the way down the hall.
Cara kept a firm hold on Brooke’s hand as they made their way to Cara’s new room. As they entered the new room, Sam was taken aback. There were banners, cards and balloons everywhere, all welcoming Cara back. She saw a look of joy pass over Cara’s usually sullen face, and Sam knew they’d made the right decision in bringing her back. Cara had a lot of support here, and Sam knew that her daughter needed to be in a place where she could focus solely on getting better.
“Wow, someone was missed,” Brooke said waggling her eyebrows.
“Mim, you’re silly,” Cara replied dropping her bag on the bed.
“So Cara, how do you like your new room?” Nurse Amy asked.
“I like it okay I guess.” Cara answered, shrugging her shoulders. She looked around the room and then back at Nurse Amy expectantly as she shifted from foot to foot.
“Well, I’ll just leave you to get unpacked. Just remember Cara, lights out is in twenty minutes.” Nurse Amy added she walked out of the room.
Brooke and Sam helped Cara unpack her bags. They lingered until the last possible moment, though the room was unusually quiet. The lights in the hall flickered, signaling the warning for lights out, and Sam sighed. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet, but Cara needed her rest. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
Cara sighed before turning to look at Sam. “Yes Mom, I’m fine.”
“Okay, well I’ll be here right after dinner tomorrow.” Sam said as tears sprung to her eyes. She quickly turned and wiped them away. She walked over and embraced her daughter, never wanting to let go.
Cara pulled away, looking with uncertain hazel eyes into Brooke’s calm ones. “Remember what I told you, and you’ll be just fine,” Brooke said before giving Cara a bear hug.
“I will Mim.” The lights flickered again, and the two reluctantly parted.
After another round of ‘goodbyes,’ Sam and Brooke made their way quietly down the hall. They got in the car and Sam immediately turned to look out of the window, hoping that Brooke would think she was asleep or too upset to talk. She should have known that in wake of her recent transgressions that luck would not be on her side.
“So Cara’s looking better?” Brooke asked, filling the temporary silence.
“Yeah, much better than this time last month.” Sam replied.
“I think it’s a good thing, us taking her back to the clinic. I think Dr. Tanner was right about her being out by the end of the month.”
“Yeah definitely,” Sam said, never turning from the window.
“It’s going to be so quiet around the house without her,” Brooke tried again.
“I’m used to it. Whenever she’s over your place, it’s pretty quiet. That’s why Kat normally…”Sam began, but shut her mouth abruptly.
“We’re going to have to talk about it eventually you know?” Brooke asked quietly.
Sam sighed, sparing a quick glance at the blonde before turning back to the window. “I know, but it doesn’t have to be right now,” she responded pointedly.
“Sam…”
“Brooke, just don’t.” Sam interrupted.
It was Brooke’s turn to sigh. “Okay Sam, I’ll leave it for now, but you know there’s only so many places you can hide.”
Sam decided not to reply. Instead, she stared out of the window, not seeing anything as the world whizzed by.