Hold My Tongue Until You're Gone for sinuous_curve

[jae_w]

Recipient: sinuous_curve
Author: fiddleyoumust
Title: Hold My Tongue Until You’re Gone
Band: Panic! at the Disco
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Spencer’s nanny, Brendon decides to move home to be closer to his family, Spencer has to decide if he’s going to let Brendon go quietly or if he’ll finally admit to the torch he’s been carrying for Brendon for years.
Warnings: None.



Spencer gets home well after midnight. It's not unusual during tax season for work to keep him out this late, but it is unusual for him to come home to any signs of life on those nights. Spencer is surprised to find the kitchen light on and Brendon still awake, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey," Spencer says.

Brendon looks up from the book he's reading and smiles sleepily.

Brendon's smile never fails to make Spencer's heart trip in his chest. Brendon's hair is sticking up a little on one side, like he might have been lying in bed and only got up so he could greet Spencer when he got home. Spencer has to fight the urge to reach out and brush his fingers through Brendon's hair. In fact, Spencer has to fight a lot of his urges where Brendon is concerned because Spencer prides himself on being professional. It's sort of pathetic that Brendon has been Spencer's live-in nanny for over four years, and Spencer still can't stop fantasizing about his fucking smile.

"There's leftover spaghetti in a Tupperware," Brendon says.

Spencer doesn't know why he feels like he should be quiet, but there's a strange kind of calm settled over the kitchen and Spencer thinks it calls for whispering.

"You're up late," he says softly.

"Hmm," Brendon says. "I kind of needed to talk to you."

Spencer puts the leftovers in the microwave and sits down at the table. It's not very often that Brendon wants to have any kind of serious conversation -- mostly because after years of living together, Brendon and Spencer have developed a kind of shorthand way of talking to each other.

"Shoot," Spencer says.

Brendon looks down at his hands, twisting his fingers together until his knuckles turn white. Spencer reaches out on instinct and grabs one of Brendon's hands.

"Just talk," Spencer says. Brendon's nervousness is making him nervous. He really just wants Brendon to spit out whatever is wrong so they can start fixing it.

"My sister had her baby today," Brendon says.

Spencer smiles automatically.

"That's great!" he says. "Tell your sister I said congratulations."

"Thanks," Brendon says. "I will."

Spencer knows Brendon really wanted to be in Vegas for the birth. It's his youngest sisters first child, and Spencer knows the entire Urie clan has been anxiously awaiting the baby's arrival.

"I'm sorry you couldn't be there," Spencer says. "I know how much you wanted to go."

Brendon nods, but he's still looking down at his clenched hands.

"The thing is," Brendon starts. He looks up and licks his lips in what Spencer has come to recognize as a nervous gesture. Brendon pauses, then takes a deep breath and says, "The thing is, they want me to come home and help with the baby."

Spencer's mind starts jumping ahead even as he speaks. "Of course," he says. "I can find someone to watch Tyler for a few days, a week? How long are you going to need?"

Brendon shakes his head again and swallows. "No, Spence," he says. "I mean... they want me to come home for good. They want me to take care of little Addy for them, and it means I could be closer to the rest of my family, my other nieces and nephews."

Spencer can feel all the blood drain from his head. There's a strange rushing in his ears, kind of like the feeling he gets when he drives with the windows down on only one side of the car.

"Oh," Spencer says.

Brendon reaches across the table and grabs Spencer's hand. "I wouldn't leave right away," he says. "I would definitely help you find someone else to take care of Tyler before I go."

Spencer doesn't know what to say. He's never given any thought to a time when Brendon wouldn't be there to help him with Tyler. His mind races, searching for something to say, some kind of logical excuse he can use to make Brendon stay.

"Brendon," Spencer starts. He remembers how horrible it was trying to find someone the first time around and how lucky he was to stumble upon Brendon. "I can't trust just anyone. I wouldn't know them, and I --"

"You didn't know me when I started either," Brendon says. "And Tyler's in school most of the day now. I think you could find a more reasonable arrangement with someone else. Maybe something that isn't full time."

Spencer pulls his hand away and says, "But what about Tyler? How are you going to -- what am I supposed to tell him?"

Brendon's eyes get shiny along the edges and he breathes in sharply, flinching like Spencer's slapped him.

"I'm not just going to pack my shit and disappear," he says after a moment. "I'll explain it all to Tyler. I'm his nanny, not his father."

Spencer immediately feels ashamed for making Brendon feel badly about the situation. Spencer knows that, as Tyler's father, he is ultimately responsible for taking care of Tyler, but Brendon has been a present for most of Tyler's life. Spencer honestly doesn't remember ever having to be Tyler's only caregiver.

Spencer very clearly remember the moment he realized he wasn't going to be able to run a company and raise a child by himself. He remembers looking through applications and giving interviews and having long phone conversations with his mother, begging her to tell him he was doing the right thing. Then one day Brendon bounced through the front door in the ugliest Western shirt Spencer had ever seen and too-tight jeans that made Spencer's mouth water even then. Spencer never would have guessed that Brendon was the one; he was just some hyperactive guy who talked too much but had the most genuine smile Spencer had ever seen.

Spencer doesn't want to be angry with Brendon for leaving. He wants to be happy that Brendon is going to do something with his life, but he can't help feeling hurt at the realization that Brendon still thinks of himself as nothing more than Tyler's nanny. Brendon's so much more than that to both of them.

"I didn't mean to make you feel guilty," Spencer whispers. "We're just going to miss you. Tyler's going to miss you."

Brendon nods as he pushes back from the table.

"I'm going to miss you, too," he says. "Both of you." He hesitates and then says, "I'm going to go to bed now. We can talk more about the details tomorrow."

Spencer blinks as Brendon walk around to the microwave and pulls Spencer's plate out. He grabs a fork and a napkin and sets the food on the table in front of Spencer.

"Eat your dinner," he says, placing his hand gently on Spencer's shoulder for a moment before he walks out of the kitchen and down the hall toward his bedroom.

Spencer stares at his food blindly for a few minutes, his eyes stinging. Eventually he gets up and scrapes his uneaten food into the trash.

The following afternoon Ryan shows up in Spencer's office doorway.

"Let's have lunch," Ryan says.

Spencer doesn't feel particularly hungry, but he doesn't want to sit around his office feeling sorry for himself.

"Fine," he says, "but you're driving."

Spencer tells Ryan about Brendon on the way down to the garage.

Ryan nods sympathetically and makes little "hmm" noises whenever Spencer pauses to breathe.

They get into Ryan's car. The radio comes blasting on when Ryan turns the key in the ignition. Ryan reaches out and turns it off as he says, "You should just tell him that you're totally crazy about him."

Spencer glares out the car window and refuses to speak. Ryan taps his fingers on the steering wheel and takes the turn out of the garage a bit too sharply, making Spencer's shoulder collide with the passenger side door.

"I can't tell the dude who takes care of my kid that I have the hots for him and want to jump his bones," Spencer says suddenly.

"Why not?" Ryan asks. "That's how I got Jon."

Spencer sighs. Ryan is seriously annoying.

"First of all, that is not how you got Jon. Jon asked you out on a date and you said yes," Spencer says. "And secondly, Jon didn't work for you. You didn't pay Jon to hang out with you on a daily basis."

"I said yes to the date and then I asked him to take his pants off. It works more often than you might think. And you don't pay Brendon to hang out with you. You pay him to care for Tyler while you're at work. He hangs out with you because he likes your company."

"You don't -- he's leaving," Spencer says. "He's obviously not that into my company."

"Maybe he's leaving because he's been waiting for you to make a move for four years and you've been too much of a gentleman to tell him to take his pants off," Ryan says calmly.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Spencer says.

"I'm just saying --"

"Shut up," Spencer says.

"What do you have to lose?" Ryan snaps. "You already said he's leaving. He's going back to Vegas just as soon as you find someone to replace him. I just don't see how it could hurt to try."

Spencer stares out the window again and doesn't answer.

Spencer can't concentrate on any of his client folders the next day. He tries his hardest but finally gives up a little after lunch and calls it a day. He spends some time driving around aimlessly for a little bit that afternoon and eventually ends up parked outside of Tyler's kindergarten class. Spencer calls Brendon to let him know he's picking Tyler up and then circles the block again to get in the pick-up line.

Tyler grins when he sees Spencer's car. Spencer hops out of the drivers seat and walks around to open the back door.

"Hey, buddy," Spencer says.

Tyler says, "Hi daddy. Where's Brendon?"

Spencer watches Tyler climb into the backseat and into his booster, waiting while Tyler fastens his own safety belt.

"At home," Spencer says. "I just missed you, kid. I feel like I haven't seen you in days."

"Yeah," Tyler says, tapping his shoes together to let out some of his nervous energy.

Spencer smiles and leans in to kiss Tyler's cheek, and Tyler squirms, giggling when Spencer follows the kiss with a raspberry.

"Daddy!" Tyler shrieks, but he's laughing.

Spencer is laughing too, but he sobers when he realizes the teacher in charge of the pick-up line is glaring daggers at him for taking too long. Spencer clears his throat and sends her an apologetic look as he rounds the car to the driver's side.

Once they're on the road again Spencer asks, "What do you think about me cooking dinner tonight?"

"Mac-n-cheese," Tyler yells. "And hotdogs."

"That's what you want?" Spencer asks, wrinkling his nose.

"It's yummy," Tyler says sensibly. "Brendon won't like it though. No vege -- no green stuff."

"Vegetables," Spencer supplies. "How about we add some green beans to our mac-n-cheese and hotdogs? I don't think Brendon can be mad that way."

Tyler makes a face, but Spencer can see him nodding his head in the rearview mirror.

"Does that sound okay?" Spencer asks.

"Okay," Tyler says with as much enthusiasm as an almost-five-year-old can muster over green beans.

"Okay," Spencer agrees. "Let's make a stop at the grocery store."

Spencer and Tyler come home loaded down with grocery bags.

"What's all of this?" Brendon asks, coming out of his bedroom.

"Daddy's making dinner," Tyler says, tilting his head up for the kiss Brendon is already bending down to give him.

Spencer's chest tightens painfully as he watches them. He curses himself -- not for the first time -- for allowing himself to get used to this. Somewhere along the way Spencer stopped thinking about Brendon as an employee and started thinking about him as a member of the family. He knows Brendon couldn't love Tyler more if Tyler was his own son -- there's never been any question of that. If Spencer's spent too much of his time wishing that Brendon might possibly care for Spencer the way Spencer cares about him and not enough time pursuing that possibility -- well, Spencer has only himself to blame for being disappointed.

Brendon stands back up and reaches his hand out for some of Spencer's bags. Spencer looks away guiltily even though he knows there's no way Brendon could know where Spencer's mind had wandered.

"Let me help you with those," Brendon says.

Spencer hands over a couple of the bags and sets the rest of them on the counter. Brendon opens his bag and pulls out a family-size box of mac-n-cheese.

"I hope this isn't dinner," Brendon says.

Tyler climbs up on one of the kitchen chairs and says, "We got hotdogs, too!"

Brendon squints his eyes and looks between the two of them disapprovingly.

"I think we're busted, kid," Spencer says.

"Spencer," Brendon admonishes. "This is not a meal."

"He made us get green beans, too," Tyler says. "The funny kind with the little strings on the ends."

Brendon's eyes light up and he starts digging through the bag until he finds the produce sack with the fresh green beans.

"I'll snap the ends off," Brendon says.

"You vegetable sadist," Spencer says.

Brendon laughs, bumping his hip against Spencer's and says, "Go start the grill."

"Set out some water to boil," Spencer replies.

"Only if you find a bottle of wine."

Spencer stops halfway out of the kitchen and turns around.

"Are we celebrating something?" he asks.

Brendon doesn't turn around. He keeps happily pinching off the tips off the green beans with a satisfying snap. "Tyler and I don't get the pleasure of your company for dinner very often," he says. "That's all the reason for celebration I need."

"Hot dogs, macaroni, green beans and white wine," Spencer says. "Sounds like a winning combination."

Brendon finally turns around and looks at Spencer. His expression is unreadable. Spencer wishes he had the power to read Brendon's mind.

"Sounds pretty close to perfect to me," Brendon says softly.

Spencer's heart flip-flops in his chest, but it's a familiar feeling after years of pining over Brendon. He can hear Ryan's voice in his head saying, I just don't see how it could hurt to try.

Spencer says, "I'll be right back," and turns to get the wine.

Dinner feels natural, like something Spencer could get used to doing every single day. He likes coming home to Tyler and Brendon. He likes sharing his day with both of them.

"Do you want another glass?" Spencer asks, holding up the half empty bottle of wine. Brendon's only had one glass to Spencer's two. Spencer's feeling loose enough that he's already contemplating a third, but he doesn't want to get too far ahead.

"I'm good," Brendon says. "I should get Tyler into the bath and ready for bed."

"Or I could do it," Spencer says.

"You sort of pay me to do it, Spencer."

Spencer can tell by the way Brendon freezes that he remembers pretty quickly that Spencer won't be paying him to do it much longer.

"For now," Spencer says, because he's feeling bitter and just a little bit mean.

Brendon gives Spencer a worried look, his eyes flicking quickly between Spencer and Tyler. "Not here," Brendon says sharply.

Spencer wants to spit something back, something that will hurt Brendon the way Brendon leaving is hurting Spencer. He almost does, but Tyler is already looking between them curiously, listening. Brendon's right. It isn't the right time or place.

"I'll clean up the dishes," Spencer says.

Brendon says, "Let's get you in the bath, kiddo."

Tyler holds his arms up for Brendon to pick him up. "Carry me," he says.

Brendon lifts him out of the chair with an exaggerated grunt.

"You're getting too heavy. It must be all those green beans."

Tyler giggles and says, "No, it's the hot dogs."

Spencer listens to them chatter as they head down the hall. He waits until he hears Brendon turn on the water for Tyler's bath before he reaches for the bottle of wine again.

Spencer's not drunk. He's pleasantly buzzed. He might even be a little bit tipsy, but he's definitely not drunk. He finishes the dishes and the last of the wine, and then he heads down the hall to see if Brendon needs any help tucking Tyler in.

Brendon's sitting on the edge of Tyler's bed with a book in his lap. Spencer leans against the doorjamb and listens to Brendon read the end of Where the Wild Things are. It was one of Spencer's favorite books as a child, and he always feels a little sentimental when he remembers that Tyler likes it too.

Tyler's eyes look heavy and unfocused, but he finally notices Spencer standing in the doorway.

"Kiss, Daddy," Tyler says, his voice soft and sleepy.

Spencer's eyes sting at the corners and he takes a shaky breath. He wishes, he could have this always. Spencer wants to come home to Brendon. He wants Brendon to help him raise his son, to read Tyler bedtime stories and make sure he eats his vegetables. Spencer wants Brendon to stay.

Spencer walks into the room and leans over, his shoulder brushing against Brendon's as he presses a soft kiss to Tyler's cheek.

"Goodnight, baby," Spencer whispers.

"Not a baby," Tyler says sleepily.

Spencer rubs his nose against Tyler's and pushes his hair up off his forehead. "You'll always be my baby," he says.

Tyler's asleep before he has the chance to argue.

Spencer straightens up to watch Brendon lean over and press his own kiss to Tyler's cheek, humming a few bars of Goodnight, Sweetheart before he gets up and joins Spencer in the middle of the room. Brendon's mouth looks soft and Spencer's just a little fuzzy from the wine, and Brendon just put Spencer's son to bed. There's never been any question of how Brendon feels about Tyler.

Spencer knows it's stupid. He knows he's mixing everything up -- Brendon's love for Tyler with Spencer's own stupid, idiotic crush on Brendon. But Brendon is leaving. Brendon is going away, and the thought of being in this house without Brendon makes Spencer desperate and jittery. It feels like something is trying to claw its way out of his chest.

Spencer wraps one of his hands around the back of Brendon's neck. He doesn't think about what he's doing; he just wraps one hand around Brendon's neck, stroking his thumb over the soft hair that Brendon's grows a little too long. He cups his other hand against Brendon's cheek, leans in and kisses him.

Brendon tenses immediately. His hands come up to wrap around Spencer's biceps and there's a moment where Spencer thinks Brendon's actually going to lean in and deepen the kiss. There's a moment where it feels like Brendon might want it as badly as Spencer does.

Brendon's fingers curl against Spencer's arms for that one brief second, and then he pushes Spencer away, letting out a shaky breath. His mouth is shiny and pink from Spencer's mouth. It makes Spencer want to kiss him again.

"What was that?" Brendon asks. His voice doesn't sound right. His hand goes up to his mouth and his fingers tremble against his lips for a second before he lets them fall away again.

"I don't know," Spencer says. "I... You're leaving."

Brendon goes rigid, his face flushing. He closes his eyes until they're angry slits.

"Yes, I'm leaving," he says. "I'll tell Tyler tomorrow, and then we'll figure out what to do about a replacement."

Spencer doesn't know what he did wrong. He doesn't think it was the kiss that pissed Brendon off. Brendon didn't seem mad when it was happening, but now he's practically vibrating with anger.

"Brendon," Spencer says. He reaches out to cup Brendon's face again.

"Don't," Brendon says harshly. "Don't touch me. I'm not some pathetic...just don't."

He pushes past Spencer and disappears into his own room. He doesn't slam the door, but the soft click of the lock turning is loud enough that Spencer understands he can't follow.

Spencer tosses and turns for most of the night. He finally gives up around 4am, tossing his covers back and heading for a hot shower that he hopes will ease some of the headache he feels behind his eyes. Once he's clean he dresses for the work day and heads down the hall as quietly as he can. The house is completely silent. Brendon's door is still firmly shut, and while that isn't surprising, Spencer can't help but wonder if Brendon's sleep was as fitful as his own.

Spencer goes into the office early. His stomach feels sour, unsettled enough that he lets his coffee sit on the corner of his desk until it gets cold. He ends up dumping the entire cup into the small ivy his secretary gave him last year on Boss's Day.

Spencer eventually start to annoy himself enough that he has to get out of the office. It doesn't really do anything to ease his frustration, but Spencer feels a little better when he's not staring uselessly at his own walls, beating himself up over what a complete idiot he is.

He walks down the hallway, gets into the elevator and takes it all the way up to the top floor. Then he pushes the button that takes him back down to the ground floor. He's on his fourth round trip when he realizes that this situation totally isn't his fault. Spencer never would have kissed Brendon if Ryan hadn't put the idea in his head in the first place. He stabs at the 5 button over and over even though it lit up fine on the first press. The more Spencer thinks about his and Ryan's conversation in the car earlier that week, the angrier Spencer feels. By the time he makes it to Ryan's door, he's ready to punch Ryan in the gut.

Ryan's on the phone when Spencer bursts in.

"No, I love you more," Ryan says into the receiver.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out Ryan's talking to Jon. The fact that Ryan's currently having the most disgustingly sweet conversation Spencer's ever heard with a man who loves him only enrages him further.

"This is all your fault," Spencer snarls.

Ryan raises one eyebrow and says, "Baby, I'm going to have to call you back."

He puts the phone down and gives Spencer a blank look.

"I kissed Brendon last night and now he hates me," Spencer says.

Ryan nods. "And how is that my fault?"

"You told me to!"

"I did no such thing," Ryan says. "I told you to tell him you wanted to get into his pants. I didn't tell you to jump on his face."

Spencer's anger drains away as quickly as it built up.

"What am I going to do?" he asks.

"Well, you could try telling him you're in love with him."

"I'm not in love with him," Spencer says automatically. "I just -- he's good with Tyler, and he's funny and sweet and goofy and really, really hot, and I just..."

"Love him," Ryan says.

"I can't," Spencer says.

"Why not?"

"What if he doesn't love me back?" Spencer asks. He's pretty sure the look he's giving Ryan is as desperate as he feels.

Ryan looks sympathetic. He stands up, pats Spencer gently on the shoulder and says, "Well, at least you'll know."

Spencer comes home late. He knows he's just avoiding his problems, but the excuses he keeps making in his head that make perfect sense. Brendon might need time to cool off. It'll be easier to talk to Brendon if he waits until Tyler's asleep. It all seems perfectly reasonable, even though Spencer knows he's totally bullshitting himself.

Brendon is waiting at the kitchen table for him. He has two file folders in front of him and a serious expression on his face. Spencer feels nauseous just looking at him.

"Glad you finally decided to show up," Brendon says.

"I'm sorry," Spencer says. "I mean for last night."

Brendon won't look at him. He says, "I don't want to talk about that," and pushes the file folders toward Spencer. "There are fifteen applications with resumes and references in here. I figured we could go over them together and pick five to ten of them and set up interviews next week."

"Brendon," Spencer says desperately.

Brendon finally looks up. His face is drawn and angry, but his voice is full of deathly calm when he says, "This is happening, Spencer. Avoiding it isn't going to make it go away."

Spencer wants to scream. He wants to shake Brendon and make him understand. He lashes out instead and says, "I guess that means you told Tyler."

Brendon takes a deep breath. "I'm going to tell him," he says.

"When? As you're boarding your plane for Vegas?"

"Fuck you," Brendon snaps, pushing away from the table. "I was planning to wait until this weekend. I know he's going to be upset and I don't want him freaking out at school."

"Upset?" Spencer says. "He's going to be fucking devastated."

"I'm not his father," Brendon says. He crosses the kitchen to stand in front of Spencer. They're practically in each other's faces, both red-faced and angry. Brendon says, "Stop trying to make me feel guilty about this."

"If you're feeling guilty it's not my fault," Spencer says.

"Why are you doing this?" Brendon shouts.

"Because I love you!" Spencer shouts back.

There's a moment where neither one of them moves. The kitchen is filled with the sound of Brendon's harsh breathing. Spencer feels panic building up, pressing against his throat and making him feel like he can't breathe.

Spencer didn't mean to do it like this. Spencer isn't sure he meant to do it all. Spencer can't only think about himself. There's a five-year-old sleeping in a his room down the hall, and Spencer knows that he may have just made it impossible for Brendon to stay in their lives in any form. Spencer just told his employee that he's in love with him, and he has absolutely no idea how Brendon feels about him.

Later, Spencer will remember that it was Brendon that moved first. Brendon steps forward and wraps his hands around Spencer's upper arms, hauling Spencer toward him until their chests are pressed together and their mouths are about an inch apart. Spencer can feel Brendon's breath hot against his lips.

"Say it again," Brendon whispers.

Spencer closes his eyes and says, "I love you. I don't want you to leave."

And that's it. That's everything Spencer has. He's just given Brendon all the power, and he's left standing in the middle of the kitching, hoping that Brendon isn't about to smash his heart to bits.

Brendon makes a high pitched noise -- half moan and half whine -- before he leans up and kisses Spencer. It's nothing like the kiss from the night before; Brendon feels loose and relaxed in Spencer's arms now instead of being stiff and unyielding. Spencer opens his mouth and licks over Brendon's mouth, groaning as Brendon's lips part. They twine their tongues together, hot and wet and better than anything Spencer could have dreamed up in a fantasy.

Brendon pushes Spencer back until Spencer feels the kitchen counter digging into his ass. Brendon moves his mouth to Spencer's neck and kisses him there, too, open-mouthed and with a little bit of teeth.

Spencer hisses and says, "Are we doing this for the first time in the kitchen?"

"It would seem so," Brendon says, reaching down for Spencer's belt buckle.

Spencer wraps his hands around Brendon's wrists and says, "Wait."

Brendon blinks up at him, an amused tilt to his lips. "I should have guessed you'd be a romantic about this."

Spencer knows he's being mocked, but he stops caring when Brendon grabs his hand and drags Spencer down the hall into his bedroom.

"I think I can count on my fingers the number of times I've been in here," Spencer says conversationally.

"You're respectful of boundaries," Brendon says. "It's one of the many things I love about you."

Spencer grabs Brendon's wrist and says, "I think we're both idiots. How long have you --"

"Been in love with you?" Brendon asks, pulling his shirt over his head.

Spencer's tongue feels too sticky and dry to allow him to do more than nod. Brendon's skin is a sort of golden color, tanner than Spencer always imagined when he let his mind wander in that direction.

"You're beautiful," Spencer says stupidly.

Brendon walks toward Spencer and kisses him once, sweetly. "I always thought you were hot," he says. "But then -- I think it was a few months after I got here, when Tyler came down with that fever, the one that kept him up all night."

Spencer remembers, but he still can't figure out how to form words as he watches Brendon take off more of his clothes. Brendon kicks his jeans across the room and steps forward to start working on Spencer's tie.

"You were so sweet with him," Brendon says softly. "So worried and scared, and I had no idea what I was doing or how to help you. That was it for me. That was the moment."

Brendon pulls Spencer's tie away from around his neck and starts working on his shirt buttons. He asks, "What about you?"

"Would it be cheesy if I said it was the moment I first saw you?" Spencer asks.

Brendon laughs against his neck and says, "Yes. Yes it would."

Spencer pushes Brendon back toward the bed. "Well," he says. "It was the moment I first saw you."

Brendon hums happily against Spencer's mouth. "That's a long time to wait," Brendon says. He sits on the edge of the bed and scoots backward, laying himself out so that Spencer can look at him.

"You're worth it," Spencer says, crawling over Brendon and kissing up his chest.

"I guess we're about to find out," Brendon says.

Spencer kisses him, biting gently into Brendon's bottom lip.

"I guess we are," Spencer says.

Spencer wakes up to an empty bed and the smell of coffee and pancakes. He takes a second to bury his face in Brendon's pillow, breathing deeply before he rolls out of bed and slides into his dirty slacks from the night before.

In the kitchen, Brendon is flipping pancakes and humming happily to himself. He's only wearing a faded pair of boxers, and Spencer doesn't think he's ever seen anything hotter in his whole life. It's pretty sad how much he wants Brendon. Spencer doesn't know how this moment could be more perfect, Brendon standing in their kitchen making pancakes.

"Good morning," Spencer says, pressing his chest up against Brendon's back and wrapping a tentative arm around his middle. Spencer breathes a little more easily when Brendon leans back against him and turns his face up for a kiss.

Brendon tastes like coffee and syrup. Spencer smile against his mouth.

"I see you've already tried the pancakes," Spencer says.

"I have," Brendon says. "Go get some coffee and I'll make you a plate, too."

Spencer presses another kiss to Brendon's neck before letting him go. He's adding sugar to his cup when Tyler comes stumbling into the kitchen.

"Pancakes," Tyler says. "I want chocolate chips!"

"Why don't you help your dad set the table and I'll make you some," Brendon says.

"There are papers everywhere," Tyler says.

Spencer turns from the coffee pot and notices the folders full of applications Brendon had set out the night before. He looks at Brendon and raises an eyebrow in question.

Brendon says, "I think we can throw those away, Tyler. We aren't going to be needing them after all."

"Hey, Tyler?" Spencer says. "I'm going to kiss Brendon now, so if you think that's gross you might want to look somewhere else."

Brendon ends up meeting him in the middle of the kitchen, pulling Spencer down until their mouths come together.

"Eww, Daddy," Tyler shrieks. "Gross!"

Brendon laughs against Spencer's mouth as the pancakes burn.