Always gonna be that kid...
When I was a kid, and it was time to choose sides for the playground games, I was picked last most of the time. If you've been reading long enough, this isn't news to you. And there are of course, the usual instances of teasing and bullying that one experiences as the short, nonathletic geek/nerd in school.
In many ways, I'm STILL that kid and this afternoon I wondered out loud to myself, "When do I stop being that kid?"
It was only when I said this out loud (over 20 years into my adult life) that I realized that the answer to that question is...NEVER.
This isn't a bad thing. It's just a thing.
And the reason I'm ALWAYS going to be that kid, is because I *AM* that kid. I am the fruit of that tree.
Also I lack a functioning TARDIS to go back in time, alter my DNA and/or provide the guidance that would change things. And if I did, aside from the temporal paradox it would create (and man, would that be a doozy), it would change who I am today, and whether it would change me for the better or worse, I *LIKE* who I am today for the most part.
There are things I would like to change, edges I'd like softened or roughened as the case may be, but in the end I'm me and I really wouldn't want to undo that.
What I want is to learn to better integrate this aspect of my past with my present, and while that's easier said than done, that's the real mission. What's funny is that I talk about the whole integration thing here all the time. Oops. Guess I missed my own train. :D
I'm still the kid who got picked last.
I'm always going to be the kid that got picked last.
And when that's OK, that's OK.
And when it's not OK, that's OK too.
This post is just like moi...short-ish and deep-ish and still seeking resolution. :D
Peace,
- O.
P.S. What kid are you always going to be?
In many ways, I'm STILL that kid and this afternoon I wondered out loud to myself, "When do I stop being that kid?"
It was only when I said this out loud (over 20 years into my adult life) that I realized that the answer to that question is...NEVER.
This isn't a bad thing. It's just a thing.
And the reason I'm ALWAYS going to be that kid, is because I *AM* that kid. I am the fruit of that tree.
Also I lack a functioning TARDIS to go back in time, alter my DNA and/or provide the guidance that would change things. And if I did, aside from the temporal paradox it would create (and man, would that be a doozy), it would change who I am today, and whether it would change me for the better or worse, I *LIKE* who I am today for the most part.
There are things I would like to change, edges I'd like softened or roughened as the case may be, but in the end I'm me and I really wouldn't want to undo that.
What I want is to learn to better integrate this aspect of my past with my present, and while that's easier said than done, that's the real mission. What's funny is that I talk about the whole integration thing here all the time. Oops. Guess I missed my own train. :D
I'm still the kid who got picked last.
I'm always going to be the kid that got picked last.
And when that's OK, that's OK.
And when it's not OK, that's OK too.
This post is just like moi...short-ish and deep-ish and still seeking resolution. :D
Peace,
- O.
P.S. What kid are you always going to be?