Fortune [APH - Chapter One]

[ponder_ponder]

Title: Fortune [Chapter One]
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Character(s) or Pairing(s): All the nations will appear at some point, some more often than others. Main pairings include US/UK, LietPol, HK/Taiwan, AusHun, PruSwiss, TurGre, Spamano, among many others.
In this chapter: Japan, England, Germany, N. Italy, Hong Kong, Australia, Wy, Sealand, New

Comments

[moogles4ever]

And I remembered still that daunting meeting [...]

I would switch still and remembered. That was the only glaring issue I really had, although I would still suggest to work on your commas and run-on sentences. Your characterization of Kiku was great, I have no complaints. Also, the ability works really well for him, or at least I think so. I want a few more answers with the Ottoman project, because I'm getting the impression Lilli is letting on a lot more than she knows.

You're setting this up fine, just work on your run ons like I said earlier.

[muffin_shota]

Oh wow. Kiku does talk...A LOT. Or thinks alot. I was able to get what he was saying at the end but a couple of things confused me starting from Lars onwards. They are not really major cases of confusion but sometimes I had to re-read it a couple of times or two.

I think I'll begin to read this on FFN so the layout won't interfere -OTL fails forever-

But this is great and I cannot wait to read whatever else you're going to write <3

ilusm <3333 //uselessreviewisuseless

[cornavey]

I realized I never reviewed on this. |D

SO. I like this so far! The only complaint I have is all my fault- the name 'Ottoman Project' makes me giggle, but damn- it'd look awesome on a hoodie.

But.. In storywise, right. I love how you've characterized Kiku here, and Lovino. <33333 I agree with Moogles on the run on thing, (gasp, lil sis's comment is actually advice! Not just smut/rambling!) but that's not a hugely major issue. C: <3

I can't wait to read chapter two. *w*