In the Glass
Title: In the Glass
Theme: Glass
Wordcount: ~1600
Notes: Partially inspired by liadlaith's story. And probably half a dozen short stories that I've read at varying points.
( In the Glass. )
Theme: Glass
Wordcount: ~1600
Notes: Partially inspired by liadlaith's story. And probably half a dozen short stories that I've read at varying points.
( In the Glass. )
Comments 5
Hmm . . . yours seems to suffer from the same problem as mine: plotting. Slow build up and then everything happens at once at the end. I think you need to give further hints at the beginning as to just what is going on. What happened to the parental Hamblies? How does Ada control things so that people keep dying? What exactly does she get out of the deaths?
That last image is so fucking creepy.
In the evening, all is quiet, but by the time folk are up and about in the morning there's a moving truck outside and half a dozen people carrying in boxes, bundles and furniture.
Prior to this, it's just been backstory. The sudden leap to a specific moment in time is a little abrupt. I think maybe you should change this sentence so it reads "One evening, all is quiet, but by the time folk are up and about . . ." Y'see?
Who are the Hamblies? What's up with there being six children of the corn? Why do they need all that furniture?
I think this is a good story, but too many unanswered questions!
Reply
Yeah, I was aware of that, but not quite sure how to fix it. I'm going to try and sit down and write out an outline, to explain things to myself, and try and work things into it better - I had the mental images, but nothing more, so the plot is a little limited.
Prior to this, it's just been backstory. The sudden leap to a specific moment in time is a little abrupt. I think maybe you should change this sentence so it reads "One evening, all is quiet, but by the time folk are up and about . . ." Y'see?
Yes, that makes perfect sense. Good stuff!
Thank you!
Reply
Reply
Crit: I won't say there are too many questions left unanswered, because unanswered questions are one of the things that make stories like this creepy. For the conversation with mirror-Ada, though, I think you need a better idea in your head of what Ada's world is like: the nature of her relationship to her other siblings, why she's so power hungry (unless that being unknowable is the point- that's pretty scary), etc. Not that you necesarily have to outright state any of these things in the conversation. It's just easier to hint opaquely when you know what you're hinting at. And leave the reader with nothing but creeping suspicions about the awful truth.
*shivers*
But oh, so creepy.
Reply
Thank you!
Reply
Leave a comment