Comments | poncywriters: History

lydiere in poncywriters

History

Jun 17, 2005 10:10

Title: History
Topic: Mesmerised
Wordcount: 2,277
Notes: It's taken me days to get this out properly, and I'm still not 100% convinced that it should end where it does. I have no idea where the idea came from (though the Dutch side of the family is directly taken from my own family, a lot of the names included), but it bounced around in my head ( Read more... )

mesmerise, lydiere

Comments 3

liadlaith June 17 2005, 01:02:32 UTC

I see what you mean about the ending. It seems a little . . . rushed? I don't know. Like, we get a little bit of Opa Hermann's story, but nothing in his own voice - just through his daughter. Is there any way you could put it in? But then, if we heard his story more, we'd be less sympathetic towards Lena for not telling his story to the class.

Hmm. Very interesting.

lydiere June 17 2005, 01:15:17 UTC

I had a lot of trouble trying to get a grip on Opa Hermann as a character, though I really regretted not being able to get his story out there. I may keep trying (though, of course, I always say that, and it never quite happens).

siffa June 21 2005, 09:09:26 UTC

I can't believe you're posting first, again. How do you do it? I pretty much agree with Lia - it would have been nice to hear Opa Hermann's voice. I really love all Lena's wonderings on the roof - thinking about how the losing side in war isn't celebrated. It would be a great longer piece - I want to know much more about Opa Hermann.