Guest Reccer: Top Ten House M.D. Crossovers
Argh. This is what happens when I go signup-happy during finals week and pick a deadline that's the week after graduation. I completely forget that I have recs to be posting!
Mea maxima culpa! Hope the recs will help:
Top 10 House M.D. Crossovers: "Hey, You Got Your Sci-Fi Opus in My Bantery Medical Drama Again"
1) House and Family - cincoflex (House/Addams Family, slight House/Cuddy)
The hand holding it waggled the offered water a little more temptingly and House finally took it. A dry and flat “thanks” came out of him, more a reflex than genuine gratitude, but the hand cheerily gave him the ‘okay’ sign and pulled the lid of the box closed. House stared at the water. “Got any beer?” he finally asked. The hand emerged again with the speed of a jack in the box, holding out a Sam Addams Pumpkin Ale. House nodded approvingly and traded it for the water. “Okay - you, I like.”
- Ignore the House/Cuddy undertones if you so desire, because this is a hysterical, not-too-far-off crossover where Lisa Cuddy is related to none other than the Addamses. Just try and get through this story without giggling your head off at Cuddy throwing knives, Morticia's "Herbal Decay" shampoo from "Kalvin Decline", and Cleo trying to strangle House. The characters are appropriately creepy and kooky, the plot isn't mysterious or spooky (Morticia's just smoking more than usual), and things are altogether ooky . . . it's an Addams!
2) Danse du petit cygne - musesfool (House/Firefly, gen)
He wrinkles his nose at her, but she catches the bright orange scent of interest in his thoughts. "And if I help you, it pisses off this... secret government faction?" River nods vigorously. "And then you'll send me home, where I will pretend this never happened and is all the result of bad chicken curry?"
"When the music's over, the orchestra goes home," she says.
He glances at Simon, who gives an almost imperceptible shrug, and at the captain, who's too busy asking Wash to unfold the space-time continuum to notice.
- River Tam is broken, and needs help putting herself back together, so she calls upon the best diagnostician on Earth-that-Was. All of Vic's crossovers have a lovely grasp of both canons, and manage to fit them together in such a way that you just know there's a 'verse like the one she's created somewhere. Her River is delightfully loopy and beautifully broken, and House, true to form, takes a good deal of weirdness in stride . . . as long as he gets back before General Hospital. And the "you're my only hope" line coupled with River's realization that House's eyes are the blue of the Alliance men's hands is just so gorgeously ouchy.
3) Breathe, Keep Breathing - parrotfic (House/Battlestar Galactica, House/Wilson)
They were on the way to a medical conference on Leonis when the Cylons hit, Intersun Flight 2065. House was sleeping. Wilson was reading the Aerelon Journal of Medicine.
"Shit," Wilson said immediately after they heard the news. He curled his fingers around the armrest, knuckles whitening, and stared out the window into space.
"Guess this means I don't have to do clinic duty for the rest of the month," House muttered, but his voice was faint, and his heart wasn't in it.
- More fusion than crossover, it's a look at how House and Wilson deal with being part of the last humans alive in the Colonial Fleet, after the Cylons nuke the Colonies. Every little detail of this story rings so true - Wilson's shrine to Apollo, their relief in the beginning of still doing their jobs, the continuation of the running bit of House paying Wilson ten bucks (or cubits, in this 'verse) every time a dying patient thanks him, House and Wilson discussing Playa Palacios' sexuality. I think the bit with the most impact is House and Wilson's own measuring of every life they gain - no whiteboard, but keeping the count all the same. Go. Read all the sequels, too.
4) Always Get What You Want - leiascully (House/X-Files, Lisa Cuddy/Dana Scully)
"Son of a bitch is maybe the best diagnostician in the world and all people think is that I hired him because I had a college crush."
"I thought there might be a madman in your life."
"You too?"
"My partner at the FBI. Completely insane. Unfortunately brilliant."
- If I had the power to make only one crossover episode in the history of television, it would be this. Doctor Lisa Cuddy and Doctor Dana Scully, meeting at a conference and comparing notes on the unfortunately attractive madmen in their lives. I adore the girls-club feel of the story, and Cuddy's inner regretful monologuing about the infarction. Scully's dialogue is spot-on, and it was really nice to get a glimpse of the woman (and doctor) she is when Mulder isn't around. And the ending is just perfect - their worlds out of alignment but still there, and Cuddy finally getting her baby.
5) People and Things - karaokegal (House/Torchwood, Greg House/Jack Harkness)
“Amsterdam’s overrated. The sex is much better here. And it's free.”
“Sex is never free.”
Jack didn’t have an answer to that. For him, sex was the only thing in the universe that was free and freeing, but life had
clearly taught Dr. House a different lesson. A good soldier knows when to retreat and even Jack Harkness had to take “no” for an answer sometimes. He removed his hand, attempting no further conversation or inducement, and started walking away. As Jack approached the door, he heard House playing the piano again.
- This is from Jack's POV, so it's more Torchwood-based than House-based, but it's a lovely and achey look into a strange man with a cane who'd risk time-travel just to see the Beatles in 1961, with Pete Best. Except, as Jack finds out, it's not about the Beatles at all. KGal's Jack-voice is perfect - a blend of signature 51st century brashness and that people-reading thing that Jack does so well - and I love how House speaks through song in this, just like canon. It's only natural that someone like House would fascinate Jack, and while we're not sure what it is about Jack (besides, you know, the pretty) that draws House, the sex really is a gorgeous addition. This story is so fantastic, I almost wish it would never end, but, as House mentions, there is a Wilson waiting for him.
6) What You Need - violaswamp (House/Veronica Mars, gen)
“So if I have to go grocery shopping, I guess it means I get to use your car.”
“No. It means you get to take the lovely five-minute walk around the corner. Stay away from my car.”
“Oh, Uncle Greg,” said the kid with an affected sigh. “You’re such a hard-ass. Your stern yet caring ways will inspire me to change my behavior and become a model all-American Eagle Scout.” He got up and stomped off to his bedroom.
House gulped down a couple of Vicodin and called after him, “Caring? What the hell makes you think I care?”
- A completely brilliant premise: what if Aaron Echolls and Greg House were cousins? Set post-S1 in both canons, a supremely fucked-up Logan Echolls, fresh off the revelation that Aaron killed Lilly and attempted to off Veronica when she found out, is stuck with his second-cousin Doctor House, who of course, wants nothing to do with the little brat. The
dialogue is spot-on for both characters - especially Logan's melodramatic affectations and almost-brokenness - and Wilson
has a hysterical little cameo that's so canon it hurts.
7) Change is the Only Constant - marag (House MD/DCU, gen, slight House/Wilson)
"Dr. House, what in the world do you have against Bruce Wayne?"
He's an arrogant jerk. He fired me. He wouldn't let me do the only thing that ever mattered to me. "He's rich."
"I don't care if he's Donald Trump. He's a patient. You will treat him."
- This whole premise should be one of "DOES NOT COMPUTE", but the simple fact remains that it's brilliant - what if Greg House was Tim Drake? And what Marag says is true - you don't have to know DCU too well (because I don't), but it does help. All the little insinuations and subtextual interactions between House/Tim and Nightwing, Cassie, and finally Bruce are so full of detail that you'd miss if you didn't know at least a little of BatCanon, especially who Steph was, and what she meant to Tim. But it's still intriguing and lovely and just a little bittersweet, especially the end, where House wants to tell Wilson everything.
8) Needles and Feathers - krabapple (House/Harry Potter, Greg House/Lisa Cuddy/Remus Lupin)
"He's back now, found in the woods, looking like he's near death from a canine attack, and his kidneys are shutting down. I'm pretty sure there's something compromising his immune system, but I can't find out what because the man refuses to give any kind of a normal history. So, you know, I'm willing to give anything a whirl right now."
Cuddy tilted her head and gave him a sharp, measuring look. There was silence until she finally said, "He's a wizard."
"Is that some kind of English cult I've never heard of?"
Cuddy shifted her eyes. "Not exactly. He's . . . a wizard." She stopped, sighed, and looked House in the eye. "The short story? Magic is real."
- So. Much. Fun. Lupin's lecturing at Princeton when he collapses from exhaustion. Wilson pulls the old "he's a relative" card on House to get him to treat Lupin, except this time, he's not lying. Cuddy turns out to be a witch - along with, possibly, Wilson. And when Lupin disappears without a trace only to reappear two days after the full moon looking like he's been attacked by dogs, House is completely unsurprised about the whole werewolf thing. The interaction between House, Cuddy, and Lupin is just spot-on - all three of them are, after all, champion banterers - and the sex is disgustingly hot. All crossovers should be this mix of hot and brilliant.
9) Principles of Growth - dominus_trinus (House/His Dark Materials, Chase POV, established House/Wilson)
Maybe it’s just that they’re so assured of their power, so unused to being challenged, but they’re not rushing to silence him. He has a minute or two before the shock of interruption wears off, and if he’s going down, at least he’ll go having had the last word.
"That’s the spirit", Minerva says dryly as he sets her down on the table. "Granted, our big mouth also got us into this, but I’m all for dying as we’ve lived. Hit it."
- Okay, so I'm ever-so-slightly invested in this story, but Dianne's Daemonverse is absolutely flawless in its conception. This is the second story she's written (which is why she mentions it's AU of her own AU) in a universe where the people of House MD live in the universe as detailed in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. A temptation is to boil this down to "everybody's got a daemon", and I've certainly read other stories in which that's true - but Dianne pulls it off. By the end of this story, which is self-contained and doesn't require you read the first 3-part story she wrote, House and Minerva, Wilson and Rona, and Chase and Kylie will be firmly planted in your brain. This story is a roller-coaster-ride through the aftermath of an intercision (c'mon, if anyone would piss off the Consistatorial Court enough for intercision, it'd be House), and an extremely timely revelation about Chase. This is the story that made me fall in love with Chase after 4 years of ignoring his presence entirely, and this is the story that made me curl up crying during only the prologue.
10) Conversations Between Doctors - tesla321 (House/Bones, gen)
"Is that why you were so rude to me when I called? You wanted the chance to diagnose me?"
"Well, yeah," House said. "I read your book, and caught you on one of those morning shows, when I was stuck in Baltimore last year. AS came to mind immediately. That, or extreme geek syndrome." He looked past her, through the glass walls of his office. "I didn't know that you would come with your own armed guard."
"He won't let me get a gun," Brennan said bitterly, just as the door opened behind them.
- Oh, this crossover is totally spot-on, and it's second on the "this should be canon" list. House and Brennan diagnosing each other! Booth scaring Chase! A crossover premise that makes sense! Harvey, the sub from "Love Hurts", has been found dead in D.C. and Booth's on the case. Brennan, though, is more interested in figuring out Harvey's doctor, and why Harvey's jaw was wired shut. And House is just plain intrigued by the forensic anthropologist who likes beer, jazz, and motorcycles, doesn't quite have Asperger's, and comes with her own FBI armed guard. And if you want more Bones/House goodness, check out the sequel - "Examinations" - which contains Booth calling House and Chase "squints", Bones extolling the virtues of sleeping with men who have advanced post-graduate degrees, and an Angela cameo at the end.
Mea maxima culpa! Hope the recs will help:
Top 10 House M.D. Crossovers: "Hey, You Got Your Sci-Fi Opus in My Bantery Medical Drama Again"
1) House and Family - cincoflex (House/Addams Family, slight House/Cuddy)
The hand holding it waggled the offered water a little more temptingly and House finally took it. A dry and flat “thanks” came out of him, more a reflex than genuine gratitude, but the hand cheerily gave him the ‘okay’ sign and pulled the lid of the box closed. House stared at the water. “Got any beer?” he finally asked. The hand emerged again with the speed of a jack in the box, holding out a Sam Addams Pumpkin Ale. House nodded approvingly and traded it for the water. “Okay - you, I like.”
- Ignore the House/Cuddy undertones if you so desire, because this is a hysterical, not-too-far-off crossover where Lisa Cuddy is related to none other than the Addamses. Just try and get through this story without giggling your head off at Cuddy throwing knives, Morticia's "Herbal Decay" shampoo from "Kalvin Decline", and Cleo trying to strangle House. The characters are appropriately creepy and kooky, the plot isn't mysterious or spooky (Morticia's just smoking more than usual), and things are altogether ooky . . . it's an Addams!
2) Danse du petit cygne - musesfool (House/Firefly, gen)
He wrinkles his nose at her, but she catches the bright orange scent of interest in his thoughts. "And if I help you, it pisses off this... secret government faction?" River nods vigorously. "And then you'll send me home, where I will pretend this never happened and is all the result of bad chicken curry?"
"When the music's over, the orchestra goes home," she says.
He glances at Simon, who gives an almost imperceptible shrug, and at the captain, who's too busy asking Wash to unfold the space-time continuum to notice.
- River Tam is broken, and needs help putting herself back together, so she calls upon the best diagnostician on Earth-that-Was. All of Vic's crossovers have a lovely grasp of both canons, and manage to fit them together in such a way that you just know there's a 'verse like the one she's created somewhere. Her River is delightfully loopy and beautifully broken, and House, true to form, takes a good deal of weirdness in stride . . . as long as he gets back before General Hospital. And the "you're my only hope" line coupled with River's realization that House's eyes are the blue of the Alliance men's hands is just so gorgeously ouchy.
3) Breathe, Keep Breathing - parrotfic (House/Battlestar Galactica, House/Wilson)
They were on the way to a medical conference on Leonis when the Cylons hit, Intersun Flight 2065. House was sleeping. Wilson was reading the Aerelon Journal of Medicine.
"Shit," Wilson said immediately after they heard the news. He curled his fingers around the armrest, knuckles whitening, and stared out the window into space.
"Guess this means I don't have to do clinic duty for the rest of the month," House muttered, but his voice was faint, and his heart wasn't in it.
- More fusion than crossover, it's a look at how House and Wilson deal with being part of the last humans alive in the Colonial Fleet, after the Cylons nuke the Colonies. Every little detail of this story rings so true - Wilson's shrine to Apollo, their relief in the beginning of still doing their jobs, the continuation of the running bit of House paying Wilson ten bucks (or cubits, in this 'verse) every time a dying patient thanks him, House and Wilson discussing Playa Palacios' sexuality. I think the bit with the most impact is House and Wilson's own measuring of every life they gain - no whiteboard, but keeping the count all the same. Go. Read all the sequels, too.
4) Always Get What You Want - leiascully (House/X-Files, Lisa Cuddy/Dana Scully)
"Son of a bitch is maybe the best diagnostician in the world and all people think is that I hired him because I had a college crush."
"I thought there might be a madman in your life."
"You too?"
"My partner at the FBI. Completely insane. Unfortunately brilliant."
- If I had the power to make only one crossover episode in the history of television, it would be this. Doctor Lisa Cuddy and Doctor Dana Scully, meeting at a conference and comparing notes on the unfortunately attractive madmen in their lives. I adore the girls-club feel of the story, and Cuddy's inner regretful monologuing about the infarction. Scully's dialogue is spot-on, and it was really nice to get a glimpse of the woman (and doctor) she is when Mulder isn't around. And the ending is just perfect - their worlds out of alignment but still there, and Cuddy finally getting her baby.
5) People and Things - karaokegal (House/Torchwood, Greg House/Jack Harkness)
“Amsterdam’s overrated. The sex is much better here. And it's free.”
“Sex is never free.”
Jack didn’t have an answer to that. For him, sex was the only thing in the universe that was free and freeing, but life had
clearly taught Dr. House a different lesson. A good soldier knows when to retreat and even Jack Harkness had to take “no” for an answer sometimes. He removed his hand, attempting no further conversation or inducement, and started walking away. As Jack approached the door, he heard House playing the piano again.
- This is from Jack's POV, so it's more Torchwood-based than House-based, but it's a lovely and achey look into a strange man with a cane who'd risk time-travel just to see the Beatles in 1961, with Pete Best. Except, as Jack finds out, it's not about the Beatles at all. KGal's Jack-voice is perfect - a blend of signature 51st century brashness and that people-reading thing that Jack does so well - and I love how House speaks through song in this, just like canon. It's only natural that someone like House would fascinate Jack, and while we're not sure what it is about Jack (besides, you know, the pretty) that draws House, the sex really is a gorgeous addition. This story is so fantastic, I almost wish it would never end, but, as House mentions, there is a Wilson waiting for him.
6) What You Need - violaswamp (House/Veronica Mars, gen)
“So if I have to go grocery shopping, I guess it means I get to use your car.”
“No. It means you get to take the lovely five-minute walk around the corner. Stay away from my car.”
“Oh, Uncle Greg,” said the kid with an affected sigh. “You’re such a hard-ass. Your stern yet caring ways will inspire me to change my behavior and become a model all-American Eagle Scout.” He got up and stomped off to his bedroom.
House gulped down a couple of Vicodin and called after him, “Caring? What the hell makes you think I care?”
- A completely brilliant premise: what if Aaron Echolls and Greg House were cousins? Set post-S1 in both canons, a supremely fucked-up Logan Echolls, fresh off the revelation that Aaron killed Lilly and attempted to off Veronica when she found out, is stuck with his second-cousin Doctor House, who of course, wants nothing to do with the little brat. The
dialogue is spot-on for both characters - especially Logan's melodramatic affectations and almost-brokenness - and Wilson
has a hysterical little cameo that's so canon it hurts.
7) Change is the Only Constant - marag (House MD/DCU, gen, slight House/Wilson)
"Dr. House, what in the world do you have against Bruce Wayne?"
He's an arrogant jerk. He fired me. He wouldn't let me do the only thing that ever mattered to me. "He's rich."
"I don't care if he's Donald Trump. He's a patient. You will treat him."
- This whole premise should be one of "DOES NOT COMPUTE", but the simple fact remains that it's brilliant - what if Greg House was Tim Drake? And what Marag says is true - you don't have to know DCU too well (because I don't), but it does help. All the little insinuations and subtextual interactions between House/Tim and Nightwing, Cassie, and finally Bruce are so full of detail that you'd miss if you didn't know at least a little of BatCanon, especially who Steph was, and what she meant to Tim. But it's still intriguing and lovely and just a little bittersweet, especially the end, where House wants to tell Wilson everything.
8) Needles and Feathers - krabapple (House/Harry Potter, Greg House/Lisa Cuddy/Remus Lupin)
"He's back now, found in the woods, looking like he's near death from a canine attack, and his kidneys are shutting down. I'm pretty sure there's something compromising his immune system, but I can't find out what because the man refuses to give any kind of a normal history. So, you know, I'm willing to give anything a whirl right now."
Cuddy tilted her head and gave him a sharp, measuring look. There was silence until she finally said, "He's a wizard."
"Is that some kind of English cult I've never heard of?"
Cuddy shifted her eyes. "Not exactly. He's . . . a wizard." She stopped, sighed, and looked House in the eye. "The short story? Magic is real."
- So. Much. Fun. Lupin's lecturing at Princeton when he collapses from exhaustion. Wilson pulls the old "he's a relative" card on House to get him to treat Lupin, except this time, he's not lying. Cuddy turns out to be a witch - along with, possibly, Wilson. And when Lupin disappears without a trace only to reappear two days after the full moon looking like he's been attacked by dogs, House is completely unsurprised about the whole werewolf thing. The interaction between House, Cuddy, and Lupin is just spot-on - all three of them are, after all, champion banterers - and the sex is disgustingly hot. All crossovers should be this mix of hot and brilliant.
9) Principles of Growth - dominus_trinus (House/His Dark Materials, Chase POV, established House/Wilson)
Maybe it’s just that they’re so assured of their power, so unused to being challenged, but they’re not rushing to silence him. He has a minute or two before the shock of interruption wears off, and if he’s going down, at least he’ll go having had the last word.
"That’s the spirit", Minerva says dryly as he sets her down on the table. "Granted, our big mouth also got us into this, but I’m all for dying as we’ve lived. Hit it."
- Okay, so I'm ever-so-slightly invested in this story, but Dianne's Daemonverse is absolutely flawless in its conception. This is the second story she's written (which is why she mentions it's AU of her own AU) in a universe where the people of House MD live in the universe as detailed in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. A temptation is to boil this down to "everybody's got a daemon", and I've certainly read other stories in which that's true - but Dianne pulls it off. By the end of this story, which is self-contained and doesn't require you read the first 3-part story she wrote, House and Minerva, Wilson and Rona, and Chase and Kylie will be firmly planted in your brain. This story is a roller-coaster-ride through the aftermath of an intercision (c'mon, if anyone would piss off the Consistatorial Court enough for intercision, it'd be House), and an extremely timely revelation about Chase. This is the story that made me fall in love with Chase after 4 years of ignoring his presence entirely, and this is the story that made me curl up crying during only the prologue.
10) Conversations Between Doctors - tesla321 (House/Bones, gen)
"Is that why you were so rude to me when I called? You wanted the chance to diagnose me?"
"Well, yeah," House said. "I read your book, and caught you on one of those morning shows, when I was stuck in Baltimore last year. AS came to mind immediately. That, or extreme geek syndrome." He looked past her, through the glass walls of his office. "I didn't know that you would come with your own armed guard."
"He won't let me get a gun," Brennan said bitterly, just as the door opened behind them.
- Oh, this crossover is totally spot-on, and it's second on the "this should be canon" list. House and Brennan diagnosing each other! Booth scaring Chase! A crossover premise that makes sense! Harvey, the sub from "Love Hurts", has been found dead in D.C. and Booth's on the case. Brennan, though, is more interested in figuring out Harvey's doctor, and why Harvey's jaw was wired shut. And House is just plain intrigued by the forensic anthropologist who likes beer, jazz, and motorcycles, doesn't quite have Asperger's, and comes with her own FBI armed guard. And if you want more Bones/House goodness, check out the sequel - "Examinations" - which contains Booth calling House and Chase "squints", Bones extolling the virtues of sleeping with men who have advanced post-graduate degrees, and an Angela cameo at the end.