NaNo Project: The Rebirth of the New Jedi Order: Love Ignites the Galaxy, Star by Star

[polgarawolf]

*Title: Love Ignites the Galaxy, Star by Star (*working title only, though it may become the permanent title by default).

Chapter Four: The Beginning of the End

Rating: Uhm, probably a borderline R (?), for the overall work, though I suppose that's debatable . . . PG-13ish, maybe, for this part (?)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lovely

Comments

[arkan2]

Again, here, I feel like you're playing a little too close to the original.

In the second to last section, they only talk about Anakin, although, from the previous chapter, it sounded like Jaina and Jacen's presences have also temporarily disappeared.

Han and Leia's behavior also seem no different from when they knew Anakin was dead, including such language as "may've lost a son" (which, in context, could be read to mean that Han is sure that they have) and "before it happened."

I really feel you should work on making the differences between this version of events and the original clearer when you get around to re-drafting.