Comments | polgarawolf: NaNo Project: The Rebirth of the New Jedi Order: Love Ignites the Galaxy, Star by Star

polgarawolf

NaNo Project: The Rebirth of the New Jedi Order: Love Ignites the Galaxy, Star by Star

Nov 10, 2008 23:30

*Title: Love Ignites the Galaxy, Star by Star (*working title only, though it may become the permanent title by default).

Chapter Three: Fragments Shored

Rating: Uhm, probably a borderline R (?), for the overall work, though I suppose that's debatable . . . PG-13ish, maybe, for this part (?)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lovely characters ( Read more... )

another galaxy another time ..., oh! not good., what was that?!, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, you're breaking my heart!

Comments 3

arkan2 November 20 2008, 04:36:09 UTC

Hi. I'm not going to try to comment on everything that crosses my mind, or my comments would be even longer than the chapter itself.

However, I do have a fairly major issue with each of the last two sections. In the second to last one, I feel like you followed the original story a bit too carefully. Since Anakin didn't die in this one, you'd expect Leia's reaction to be slightly different, and Han's as well. Han especially, since in this case he didn't interpret Leia's behavior as necessarily meaning that Anakin was dead (which should imply that Leia's behavior should somehow be different too, for him to come to a different conclusion).

The last section brings up questions of timeline and characters' reactions. I had assumed from the previous chapter that LoBS era-Tahiri gave Jaina her memories first, then Anakin, then Jacen. But if so, then why did Leia and Luke feel Anakin first instead of Jaina? But then when Luke stretches out to them, it sounds like Jaina and Jacen have already gone through the forced-memories process, so why ( ... )

polgarawolf November 29 2008, 04:38:23 UTC

Wrote long response, and computer ate it. Don't have time to recreate entirely. Gist of it is this: events on and around Coruscant logically cannot deviate from the basic structure laid out in SbS. Things aren't really changing where Luke and Leia are, aside from the fact that they eventually completely lose all sense of contact through the Force with the entire Myrkr party instead of feeling Anakin's death on Myrkr. They have no idea what's happened on Myrkr, no way of finding out what's happened, and are having to deal with the possibility that Coruscant may very well fall and that Anakin and the others may be dead or may just have been captured for real by the Vong ( ... )

arkan2 November 29 2008, 20:30:48 UTC

Ouch, yeah, I really hate it when that happens.

I agree that in general, the Battle of Coruscant should follow the same structure they did in the original timeline.

My concern is with the details. Anakin did not expressly die in this timeline, therefore, Leia should not react exactly as she did in the timeline where he did. Because of that, Han should not respond to Leia's reaction exactly the way he did in the previous timeline.

Or, conversely (since it was a bit of a logical stretch to come to that conclusion the first time) his reaction could be the same, even though Leia's should now be slightly different. However, for his reaction to be exactly the same, that should include his conclusion that Anakin is, in fact, definitely dead. In which case, you would have to include a scene or at least a snippet of dialogue later for Leia to clarify the situation for him ( ... )