PuggsleyOne Thorsson is gone
PuggsleyOne Thorsson, my cat, has gone. He went very quickly -- nobody expected it -- and it was merciful, because, it turned out, he had cancer of the liver.
I took him to the vet today for a follow-up on yesterday's visit. They had found some disturbing things yesterday, and asked if they could X-ray him -- there seemed to be a large mass in his abdomen that probably involved his liver and maybe his lungs, and they wanted to see what it was. I said yes. They had to anesthetize him for that, because he would fight like a tiger otherwise. He came out of the anesthetic afterward, they said, and was wide awake and starting to talk -- and then, an instant later, he was gone. Like a flame blown out by a sudden gust of wind:
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYjY3-WJFj4)
Everyone there wept over him. The vet who had been working on him and I held each other and cried for some time. He was such a beautiful cat, so intelligent, so honorable and good. And he was gone, like a candle in the wind.
At least he didn't suffer more months with the cancer. He didn't have to put up with useless chemotherapy that would have kept him alive -- sort of -- for a while longer. As the vet said, it was as if he knew it was time to go -- and chose to do so. Hermes shut down his breathing -- the anesthetic apparently did something weird to the nerves responsible for his respiration -- and Hades and Hermes took him gently from his body, releasing from old age and pain and suffering before it got really bad.
At least I got to talk with him on the journey by bus to the vet's. I talked and talked with him, not realizing what was going to happen, told him how beautiful he was, and how much I loved him. I got to pet him and stroke his ears and rub the point of his jaw and behind his ears, which he loved. He purred and purred, even in his distress -- not the inadvertant thin, whispery purr that sounds like pigeons that is characteristic of cat's in great pain and suffering, but the full-throated purr of happiness, the true song of the cat.
Wherever he is now, please, please, all you good Gods, let him know how much I loved him -- and when I die, may I find him coming running to me, to be picked up by me once more and held closely and petted and loved by me again.
PuggsleyOne, I loved you so! At least now you aren't suffering. You did suffer these last few months and I didn't realize it, and didn't take you to the vet sooner because I was preoccupied with my finances. You deserved so much better! But you aren't suffering now. You would have been if we'd tried to keep you alive with chemotherapy, suffering through a few more months of increasing distress and then agony, unable to eat, unable to defecate very often, unable to pass urine, and finally suffering shutdown of liver and kidneys and then breathing, one slow, agonizing day at a time. This was so much better.
My arms feel so empty now without your warm weight in them; my apartment is too quiet without you talking, without hearing you purr as I hold and pet you. Remember that I love you, and always will. May the angels pet you and hold you and tell you how wonderful you are, and may your rest be full of bright, happy dreams. May the mercy and love of God surround you and keep you safe forever, and wrap you with the love I will always hold for you.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQVz6vuNq7s)
I took him to the vet today for a follow-up on yesterday's visit. They had found some disturbing things yesterday, and asked if they could X-ray him -- there seemed to be a large mass in his abdomen that probably involved his liver and maybe his lungs, and they wanted to see what it was. I said yes. They had to anesthetize him for that, because he would fight like a tiger otherwise. He came out of the anesthetic afterward, they said, and was wide awake and starting to talk -- and then, an instant later, he was gone. Like a flame blown out by a sudden gust of wind:
Click to view(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYjY3-WJFj4)
Everyone there wept over him. The vet who had been working on him and I held each other and cried for some time. He was such a beautiful cat, so intelligent, so honorable and good. And he was gone, like a candle in the wind.
At least he didn't suffer more months with the cancer. He didn't have to put up with useless chemotherapy that would have kept him alive -- sort of -- for a while longer. As the vet said, it was as if he knew it was time to go -- and chose to do so. Hermes shut down his breathing -- the anesthetic apparently did something weird to the nerves responsible for his respiration -- and Hades and Hermes took him gently from his body, releasing from old age and pain and suffering before it got really bad.
At least I got to talk with him on the journey by bus to the vet's. I talked and talked with him, not realizing what was going to happen, told him how beautiful he was, and how much I loved him. I got to pet him and stroke his ears and rub the point of his jaw and behind his ears, which he loved. He purred and purred, even in his distress -- not the inadvertant thin, whispery purr that sounds like pigeons that is characteristic of cat's in great pain and suffering, but the full-throated purr of happiness, the true song of the cat.
Wherever he is now, please, please, all you good Gods, let him know how much I loved him -- and when I die, may I find him coming running to me, to be picked up by me once more and held closely and petted and loved by me again.
PuggsleyOne, I loved you so! At least now you aren't suffering. You did suffer these last few months and I didn't realize it, and didn't take you to the vet sooner because I was preoccupied with my finances. You deserved so much better! But you aren't suffering now. You would have been if we'd tried to keep you alive with chemotherapy, suffering through a few more months of increasing distress and then agony, unable to eat, unable to defecate very often, unable to pass urine, and finally suffering shutdown of liver and kidneys and then breathing, one slow, agonizing day at a time. This was so much better.
My arms feel so empty now without your warm weight in them; my apartment is too quiet without you talking, without hearing you purr as I hold and pet you. Remember that I love you, and always will. May the angels pet you and hold you and tell you how wonderful you are, and may your rest be full of bright, happy dreams. May the mercy and love of God surround you and keep you safe forever, and wrap you with the love I will always hold for you.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQVz6vuNq7s)