(Untitled)

[violetcharms]

Title: The Magical, Mystical, World-Changing Amulet
Author: violetcharms
Rating: G
Verse: Gameverse, Gen IV
Characters: Cynthia, Barry, Dawn, Cynthia's grandmother
Summary:

Comments

[blackjackrocket]

Hahahaha that was great. Oh Barry. I love the little things, like Barry saying he's never seen the paintings because who's got the time, or Mars and Saturn "never learning", and so on.

[violetcharms]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked Barry, he's a hard one to write... ^^ I tried to make him lovable rather than ridiculously obnoxious, so I'm happy you seemed to think it worked!

[masu_trout]

Aw, this was such a cute story! I think my favorite part of this was the friendship between Cynthia, Dawn and Barry-- even though Cynthia's much older than the two, they still manage to be good friends. I think you portrayed their interaction particularly well.

I also liked how well you incorporated the prompt into the story. It was really well woven in, and actually had an effect on the plot.

Again, this was really fun to read.

[violetcharms]

Thank you! I was really going for an easy friendship between the three, so I'm happy to see it worked! ^_^

[br33z3h]

I love your Barry in this. He isn't overly annoying but he's pretty spot-on at the same time. Your dialogue is also very natural; it's very fluid and believable.

"Oh, hi Cynthia! How've you been?" Barry asked casually, tugging on the end of his green scarf. He jumped up from the spinny chair at her desk, where he'd obviously been meddling with something. "See, I was here waiting for Dawn, she said that she was going to drop by, y'know, considering it's been a while, and I thought I'd beat her to it, but it's been so boring waiting here!" He made an exaggerated face of disgust. "But you have a lot of cool books, so I decided to read them. Like, 'The Legend Of Sinnoh's Creation'!" The boy gestured broadly, almost knocking over a lamp. After a hasty apology to the inanimate object, he continued. "You have lots of stories about myths. Why's that?"

Sorry that I quoted such a long bit, but I love thiiiis to bits. I love how ramble-like, fast-paced the speed of his speech is here.

I did catch a few small errors:

"I'm looking, I'm

[violetcharms]

Thank you so much! Barry is one of my favoritest, so I'm happy you liked him! And thank you for the two corrections - I have no idea how the colon happened. O.O I didn't even type that part on my iTouch! Again, thanks!

[chrysa]

haha, this is really cute and charming. i think that's a little mean of cynthia to say at the end though... ^^;;

the one thing i'd say is just to avoid epithets. here's a good article about it. they're a bit distracting, and actually take away from the flow of the story, usually. otherwise, well done!