Supernatural Fanfic: Twenty Questions (17/20)
Title: Twenty Questions
Author: poestheblackcat
Chapter rating: PG-13
Chapter characters/pairings: Sam, Dean
Chapter warning/spoilers: “The Kids Are Alright”
Chapter summary: Right after “The Kids Are Alright.” Um, back to depressing again.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately. Darn you, Kripke. So, like I was saying, it’s almost my birthday…Okay, wishful thinking?
Chapter 17: Unspoiled Fruit
Fifty miles from Cicero, Sam looked over at Dean and spilled the question that had been fermenting in his head for the past five hours, ever since he had seen that boy. “Dean? You ever want kids?”
The query snapped Dean out of his driving headspace. “What?” His eyebrows arched way up on his forehead. Random.
Actually, not really, since he himself had been mulling over the same thought. But there was no way Sam could have known that, unless his psychic powers were still working and he’d developed new ones of being able to read peoples’ minds, in which case he wanted Sam out of his head that very minute. He’d experienced enough poking around in his head by Missouri to know that he did not want anyone rooting around in there. Some things a man just wanted to keep to himself.
Sam shrugged. “You know, kids,” he repeated. “Children, babies, offspring, progeny, fruit of your loins…”
Dean puckered his brow. “Gross. And I know what a kid is, you moron.” He sent a killer glare over at his brother.
Sam ignored the jibe and the death ray. “So you ever want any?” he asked again.
Damn, little brother could be one persistent guy when he wanted to be. Dean tilted his head, seeming to ponder the question. “With the way we live? Naw. Not really.”
Sam looked like he didn’t believe his brother’s answer. “Yeah?” ‘I saw the way you looked at that boy, Ben.’
Dean nodded. “Yeah.” He turned the music up. AC/DC-one of his old favorites. Ben liked them too. “Highway to Hell,” he sang, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m on the Highway to Hell.”
“I think you’d be a good dad,” Sam said, interrupting Dean’s drum solo. He hated this song.
Dean stopped thumping the wheel and shot Sam an alarmed look. “What? You’re kidding, right? I’d be the most deadbeat dad ever in the history of America. On the road all the time, never home. No way.”
Childhood memories filled Sam’s mind: Dean pouring him milk, Dean making sure he had enough to eat, Dean walking him to school, Dean tucking him into bed and singing him to sleep…“You raised me.” A small smile spread across Sam’s face.
Dean saw the soft expression on his brother’s face and sighed. He knew they were bordering on chick-flick territory now. He wanted out. A wisecrack usually provided a simple exit route, so he quipped, “And look how that turned out.”
When the joke didn’t do much aside from making Sam narrow his eyes at him, Dean continued, “No Sam. Even if I did, I can’t.” He shook his head. “Not now anyway,” he finished quietly, not wanting to remind his brother of his rapidly ticking clock.
Sam remembered on his own without Dean’s help. “But if we break the deal…” he began earnestly, but was interrupted by a low growl from Dean.
“We’re not breaking the deal,” Dean said sternly and took his eyes off of the road to give his brother a long look. “Okay?” Dammit, not this argument again.
Sam pushed on, relentless. “But if there was no deal, then wouldn’t you want a kid? Someday?” He’d never noticed until he started traveling on the road with him, but Dean was great with kids. It wouldn’t be strange at all if he wanted one; in fact, it would be stranger if he didn’t, with how he relaxed and let down his walls around them.
Dean sighed. “Need to stop hunting for that to happen.” A look flashed in his eyes, gone too soon for Sam to interpret. “And I just can’t do that.” Lips, pressed tight, sealed his decision. End of story. Stop talking, Sam.
Sam sat up straighter, a little angry now. “Why not? It’s not your responsibility to save the world.” But Dean thought so, with that damn martyr complex of his. Everyone else’s happiness before his.
Dean made his rebuttal, a serious look on his face. “But I can help make it safer. Besides, I don’t know anything other than hunting. It’s too big a part of my life for me to just quit.” Once you start on this road, you can’t go back, no matter how much you want to. It’s too late; you know, and you’ve seen too much to be comfortable living in a world ignorant of the dangers lurking in the shadows.
“But you do want kids.” Sam didn’t bother asking. He just stated it. He wasn’t altogether an unnoticing guy when it came to his brother. He saw things. Maybe he didn’t say anything at the time, but he saw. Dean wanted normal, just like Sam did. It was just that his idea of “normal” was a little bit different from Sam’s. Family, Dean simply wanted family.
Dean rolled his eyes in exasperation. What the hell was up with his brother? “God, Sam. What’s with the questions, huh? Why are you so stuck on me having kids?” He turned to Sam. “Do you want kids?”
Sam frowned. “Don’t turn this on me. I just wanted to know. That’s all.” He shrugged. Really. He just wanted to know for sure.
Dean blinked. “Why?” What would put that thought into Sam’s head? Was it because they’d just come off of a case with kids? Or was it because he suspected-
“Because Ben Braeden looks an awful lot like you,” Sam said with certainty. “Acts like you too,” he added, prompting Dean to tell him if Ben was indeed his newfound nephew.
Hard green eyes glared at the road, not meeting Sam’s. A muscle ticked in Dean’s jaw. That was a sure sign that Dean was hiding something. Sometimes Dean could manage to lie directly to Sam’s face, but not while he was driving. Dean was a pretty good multitasker, but not that good.
“What are you implying?” Guarded. Another sign that he was hiding something.
Sam started cautiously, cautiously because he didn’t want to push Dean away from possibly telling him the truth by seeming too eager, “I think he might be your-”
“Fruit of my loins?” Dean scoffed. “No,” he said coolly. “He’s not.”
Sam frowned and his mind worked overtime. Biology, blood testing, genetics…“How do you know? Only way to know for sure is a DNA test-”
“Which Lisa had done when Ben was a baby,” Dean interrupted Sam again. “I’m not his dad.” His voice was level, calm. Only someone who knew him very well would be able to sense the roiling emotion it tried to hide. Too bad it was Sam he was talking to. Little brother saw everything.
“So you asked.” Sam felt a little bad about the interrogation. Because, hey, Dean didn’t exactly seem to want to depart with this info, but he really did want to know. It could help him understand his brother better. Sam knew the ‘whats’ of his brother’s personality and mannerisms, but upon examination, he found that he knew very little about the deeper parts of the ‘whys’ and ‘hows.’
After a long breath, Dean answered. “Yeah.” It was more of an unsure ‘Yeah. I’m not gonna like what you’re gonna ask me next, am I?’ kind of ‘Yeah’ than the annoyed ‘Yes, I asked, okay?’ sort.
Sam asked the dreaded question anyway. “Did you want to be his dad?” He had to know. What would Dean do if he found out he did have a kid out there? Would he quit hunting and be a permanent fixture in the kid’s life? Would he touch base every now and then from the road, or would he simply stay out of the kid’s life for his safety? These were the sort of things he thought he might know about his brother but could never be sure about. Dean surprised even him sometimes.
Dean squirmed, cornered. “Sam.” He didn’t want to think of ‘what ifs,’ especially not this close to the end of his life. One year. A little less than that. Eleven months and a handful of days.
“Did you?” Sam demanded. Dean thought his little brother would have made a damn good lawyer. Too bad he didn’t continue in that line of work. “Dean?”
Long eyelashes fluttered down to cover regretful eyes. “Could never have happened anyway,” Dean said in a low voice. Then he sniffed and leaned over to turn up the music. “You hungry?” he asked, voice more upbeat and collected than it had been mere seconds ago. “I’m starving. I say we stop at the next town we pass.”
Sam gave his brother a long look. “Yeah Dean. Sure.” That question would keep for when it really happened. He’d learned some new things about Dean that he could file in his mind for later perusal. Dean felt that he couldn’t have kids. He wanted them, but since when did Dean ever get what he wanted, right? Sam couldn’t help but feel sad for his brother. Himself, too. What would he do?
He sighed. Some life this was. He’d get Dean out of the deal so he could at least have the option though. He would.
Chapter 18: Bitch Jerky