Comments | poein: Beauty, Vision, Midnight, Prologue

poein

Beauty, Vision, Midnight, Prologue

Oct 07, 2008 13:28

Prologue
Los Angeles, Midsummer's Day, 2000

Alex held her small body as closely as he could, pulling her against his kneeling lap. Balancing as best he could against the weight she held in her arms, against the furl of her body around the person in whose hair her face was buried. Against the way she was rocking them both.

His hands trembling, he ( Read more... )

novel, present, bvm, original, prologue

Comments 8

penny_lane_42 October 8 2008, 02:12:09 UTC

And here it is! I'm very pleased to be able to review this beginning, since I didn't get the chance over on Spuffy Zone. First of all, I loved how you turned a cliche on its head: in a typical story, of course, Alex would be thinking of how tiny Callie seemed. But I love this idea of it turning her solid. It's so unexpected and such a nice twist.

I'm also fascinated by the names you've changed. I like them all, and if you ever have a few moments, I'd love to know how you went about making the decisions of which ones to use. You seem to me the type of person who would be very deliberate with each choice, have a reason for each one.

Keen is so unexpected, but I think I'm really going to like it. Though I don't know how yet what his real name is, and I honestly think the one name change I'm going to have the most problem with is Will. Little Spike/Keen just is Will to me now. But I'm sure you'll come up with an appropriate one that I'll quickly get used to. Also, because of that insightful explanation of the meanings of all ( ... )

poein October 11 2008, 05:57:36 UTC

Hmmm. Once again I require a macro for: I hadn't thought of it that way. Actually, I'm going to acronym it: HTITW. Faster and easier :-) . It seemed- right, that she should be solid, try to mold herself to him, make herself part of him ( ... )

penny_lane_42 October 11 2008, 18:56:46 UTC

And the romance between Callie and Keen, while a substantial part of the story, isn't its focus. And I like that about it. In real life, when people have relationships, that isn't all they spend their time thinking about (if they're healthy relationships). They still have lives, their own identities. So I've always loved stories that acknowledge that.

So I probably won't be complaining. ;)

I think I will end up liking Ransom/Ran. I love the name's meaning, and I already love the character so much that I think it'll take me just a little time to get used to and then it will work for me.

poein October 13 2008, 15:32:02 UTC

I'm so glad you see it that way, not least because it's an affirmation of my way of thinking/feeling my characters; I hope some other readers agree. There were always times, even when I still thought this was a Spuffy, that I'd get either irritated or alarmed by people asking for more romance or when they were going to get involved. I thought, Man, this is sucking- the characters and their lives just aren't interesting enough...Which isn't fair, because I find the romance very appealing; there are several extremely romantic scenes already written, all of which I'll use- and which I wrote, no doubt, because of my own desire to see these characters come together. Still, though, I always felt my desire was different. There're tons of Spuffy fics out there that would've given impatient readers all the Spuffy they liked. These two characters, though, so very different in my head from S/B even then, had no love story except for the one I wrote for them. So unlike everyone else, I had no place else to get my 'fix', I suppose ( ... )

penny_lane_42 October 8 2008, 02:13:35 UTC

Oh, and I wanted to add one more thing: I love the title/subtitle of this journal. That's one of my favorite Auden poems, and believe it or not, the main Buffy fic I'm working on at the moment is called "Were Stars to Burn." It made me smile to see you use it here!

poein October 11 2008, 06:00:13 UTC

Yet another piece of synchronicity. *chuckles and shakes her head* Really, like Keen, I should just stop being surprised, I think...

I love the poem too- but, then, I love Auden, perhaps more than any other poet. The clanging irony of his poems- especially his love poems- and riding astride it, some of the most tender, appealing words in all of poetry.

And when were you going to post your fic?

penny_lane_42 October 11 2008, 19:03:26 UTC

Yeah, I was surprised at first and then realized I probably shouldn't have been. *grin*

I adore Auden, too. Though I probably wouldn't list him as my favorite (that would probably be Donne), he would definitely be on my top ten list. Or perhaps top five. And his love poetry is so unique. I love it, too.

Oh, well. My fic? Interesting story, that. I started writing it, just plugging along, and then it got long. Ridiculously long. And I hadn't written a multi-chapter fic in probably four or five years. And back when I was younger, I tended to abandon them half-way through. And I did not want to do that this time (you know). So I'm trying to get further along into it before I start posting. I want the end to at least be in sight ( ... )

poein October 13 2008, 15:19:04 UTC

Auden caught me off-guard, I think; I'd just transitioned from mostly rhymed poetry to more specifically constructed/complex poems, and his brutal perceptiveness paired with the rare but almost caressing tenderness of his work knocked me sideways ( ... )