Havemercy Fic: Crossing the Line (27/29)
Title: Crossing The Line
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,228 for this chapter
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to the wonderful Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett, although there may be one or two of my own creation :)
Summary: When he decides to search for an art tutor, little does sixteen year old Etienne know that he's about to embark on an adventurous summer of maturity, secrets and self-discovery. However, he's not the only one in the family who's been hiding things, as Castle Nevers will never be the same again.
Author's Notes: Thanks to manyfacesofme22 for betaing.
( Previous chapters)
Ethan
The day we found out about Etienne’s departure was also the day that I saw my son’s heart break. He crumpled the letter in his hand as he sobbed into my shoulder, and I tried to comfort him the best that I could. I could only guess at what was in the letter, and I hoped more than anything that Etienne was alright.
I’d been worried about him since my argument with his parents. I had suggested that, if his mother had been serious about her threats of disowning him, he would be more than welcome to stay at my home. That way, I could keep an eye on the boys and make sure they were safe. Alfie wouldn’t like it, and I would have to have stern words with him, but I would not let his prejudices hurt Jude and the boy I had grown to love as my son any more.
Etienne had looked terrified as we lingered outside his house, and I wished I could promise him safety. I didn’t understand his mother’s reaction, and I didn’t think I ever would. The thought of telling one of my boys that I wished never to see them again made me feel sick. No matter how angry I might become at one of them - and I was certainly disappointed with Alfie at the minute - I could never disown a member of my family like that. My boys meant everything to me.
I hadn’t wanted to leave Etienne there, looking so lonely and lost as he waited outside the house, but I didn’t want to make things worse for him by staying. He convinced me to go home, and promised that if he hadn’t been allowed back inside by that night, he would come to stay with us. We hadn’t seen Etienne for a few days, so I could only assume that his parents had taken him back in. I understood how hard it would be for Etienne to get away and come to see us, but this waiting was putting both Jude and I on edge. Similarly, I did not wish to go over there again uninvited, for fear of upsetting whatever delicate balance they must have found. The situation was a terrible one, and I couldn’t think of a way to improve it.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Jude smile. He’d been tense with worry for days, and the hostility between himself and Alfie wasn’t helping.
I’d had an argument with Alfie after I’d left Etienne. Alfie had walked off the moment we’d been escorted out of the house, and I’d returned home to find Jude sat at the kitchen table, fiddling with the note I’d left with worry. I explained to him what had happened, and tried my best to reassure him that Etienne would be alright, although I was wondering the same questions that he was asking myself. Jude had wanted to go over to the castle and try to explain things further, but I convinced him of the folly of that plan. We couldn’t risk fanning the flames of Etienne’s parents’ wrath anymore, and the only course of action was to wait.
Alfie, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.
I’d found him later on that day, with some of his friends on the bridge. They were throwing sticks in the water, and I asked the others to leave so that I could have a word with my son. I waited until the last of them was out of earshot before confronting him.
More than anything, I wanted to understand how he could hurt his brother like that. He might not agree with Jude’s relationship, and I could do little to change his mind, but I never thought he would react like he had that morning. I could understand such a reaction from the small minds some people nursed, but Esmeralda and I had tried our hardest to raise our boys right.
“Would you care to explain?” I kept my voice purposefully light, knowing that to show my anger would only provoke his temper. The last thing I wanted was another argument, and I did not wish to push my son away, no matter how disappointed I was in him.
“Everything’s changing,” Alfie commented. He was staring down at the water. “First with mum, then moving here, and now Jude…”
Men were stubborn creatures, adverse to change, and I was just now realising that Alfie was no exception. “He’s still your brother,” I said gently.
Alfie remained quiet.
“I love both of you equally, even though it might not have felt like that recently.” I realised the truth of it even as I said it. I’d been abandoning Alfie in all my concern over Jude, and I felt awful for it. “You are just as important to me, Alfie. Although I disagree with your behaviour recently, and I have to side with your brother over this. What you did this morning was unacceptable, and you owe both myself and Jude an apology, not to mention Etienne.”
He still didn’t say anything.
“Alfie. Do you even realise what you’ve done? Your actions will have serious consequences-”
“Alright! Don’t nag.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean to upset Jude, alright? I just wanted to get one back on Will after what he did to Jude, I didn’t think it would get that bad.”
I considered his words. “Are you saying,” I started carefully, “that the reason you exposed the truth this morning was because of the petty feud you have with the boys downriver?”
He kicked at the ground. “I’m not proud of it,” he muttered.
I clasped my hands together tightly. “Alfie.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “Is he alright?”
“Who?”
He shrugged, looking out over the water. “Both of them.”
“Jude’s worried sick. We don’t know what Etienne’s family are going to do. Alfie - there’s a very real possibility that the only safe place for Etienne will be our house. This is me warning you that he could be moving in with us.”
He didn’t say anything for a few long seconds. I didn’t point out that it was his own fault that things had become so fraught; the slump of his shoulders told me that I didn’t need to.
“Okay,” he said finally. I could tell he was uncomfortable about it, but at least he was trying.
“This dispute between you and the boys downriver has to stop. It’s gone too far.”
“I know.”
We stayed for a little longer, watching the river roll by, before he came home with me. He apologised to Jude that evening. We waited up late for Etienne, and now three days later we were finally getting some answers as to what had happened.
I didn’t read the letter myself, as I didn’t wish to intrude upon the boys’ privacy. Jude had handed me another letter, though, much smaller than his own, that had also been inside the envelope. I waited until he disappeared to his room to read it.
Dear Ethan,
I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me. Your lessons were better than I’d ever dreamed, and your kindness more than I could have hoped for. I cannot put into words my gratitude for your support, and I’m afraid I will never be able to repay you.
If you receive this letter, it means that I have left for Thremedon. My father has decided that it would be for the best if I go and stay with Uncle Roy - that is, the Margrave Royston - and I agree with him. I am waiting now for Uncle Roy’s permission for me to stay, and if you are reading this it is because he has given his consent and I am already in the city.
Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. My parents would have inevitably found out; I confess I am glad that it happened sooner rather than later. My only request is that you remain in touch and keep me updated as to Jude’s wellbeing. I have no doubt he will try and be brave in his letters, but I would rather know the truth.
I am very sorry to leave so abruptly, and I do hope Jude isn’t nearly as heartbroken as I, for I would never wish to hurt him so.
My sincerest apologies, and my kindest regards,
Etienne.
I read the letter over a few times, and wished there was something more I could have done. I was glad that Etienne was in an environment that would support him, but I feared what affect the departure would have on Jude.
I had never seen my son so miserable. He curled up on his bed, barely eating or talking to anyone. After a few days with no sign of improvement, I began to worry. I recognised the behaviour as symptoms of depression, and a plan started to form in my mind. Part of me thought it foolish; a bigger part knew I would do whatever it would take to make him happy. I couldn't bear to stand by and watch him sink deeper into himself. I sent off the necessary letter, and had to wait a few days for a response.
When it came, I gripped the letter tightly in my hand. Now that it was possible, I was second-guessing my decision. It was ultimately Jude’s choice, but I knew in all his recklessness he would not think twice about it. I, on the other hand, was more circumspect. I didn’t want him to make a foolish decision and regret it later. He was young, perhaps too young for this kind of maturity.
He’s seventeen, I reminded myself. He’s seventeen, and I was about to send him to the city with nothing but a bag of clothes and what little money I could spare. But, another part reminded me - and this was my more fantastical side - I had met Esmeralda when I was sixteen, and the look Jude had when he talked of Etienne was one I recognised from my own teenage self, when I talked of his mother. Besides, he would not be completely alone, I reminded myself. We had family in the city, and I had written to my sister-in-law to explain the situation, feeling that she would be the most sympathetic to Jude’s plight. Now that I knew he had a place to stay - and I scanned the letter once more to check I had not mistaken its intentions - I felt reassured.
I knocked on Jude’s door, pushing it open upon hearing his voice. He was lying on the bed, eyes unfocussed as he stared at the ceiling.
“Jude.” He must have heard the difference in my voice, for he looked at me with more feeling in his eyes than I’d seen over the last several days.
“I have a proposition for you, and I want you to think about it carefully.”
He nodded.
“I have written to your aunt in Thremedon.” His eyes lit at the mention of the city. “I have explained your situation to her, and she is willing to let you stay at her home.”
He sat up, gazing at me as if I had just granted him a wish. Which, I suppose, I had.
“My proposal is this: you can leave for Thremedon, live with Matilda and continue your studies at your old school. Next year, when you’re of age, you can start at the ‘Versity if you wish. You must write to me, every week, and you must pay Matilda and her house with respect, and abide by her rules. I will send money, for your food and your clothes and your books, and such like, but you must help her in any way that you can.”
“And I can see Etienne?”
As foolish as it sounded, that was the whole point of the plan. “Of course.”
He was trying to read my expression. “You would really do this for me?”
I thought of the fact that I was about to send my son miles away, with no chance of seeing him regularly, and my throat closed up. My little boy was all grown up. Both my sons were at an age where they no longer needed me, and I would have to accept that. I found myself unable to speak, so I nodded.
“But why?”
I swallowed down my tears, and answered truthfully. “If I knew that there was a chance to be with your mother, I’d take it, no matter what.”
He lunged forward and we clasped each other. He thanked me, over and over, while I held on as tightly as I could. After all, I didn’t know when I would get to opportunity to do so again.
It took another day or two to get everything in order, and I could feel the impatience emanating off Jude. Finally, though, everything was ready, and I was waiting by the carriage that would carry my son off to his new life. Alfie and I said our goodbyes, and I held Jude close to me once more, making him promise to write the very next day.
Then, all too soon, the carriage was speeding off, and I realised I was saying goodbye not to my little boy, but to the young man he’d become.
Next
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,228 for this chapter
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to the wonderful Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett, although there may be one or two of my own creation :)
Summary: When he decides to search for an art tutor, little does sixteen year old Etienne know that he's about to embark on an adventurous summer of maturity, secrets and self-discovery. However, he's not the only one in the family who's been hiding things, as Castle Nevers will never be the same again.
Author's Notes: Thanks to manyfacesofme22 for betaing.
( Previous chapters)
Ethan
The day we found out about Etienne’s departure was also the day that I saw my son’s heart break. He crumpled the letter in his hand as he sobbed into my shoulder, and I tried to comfort him the best that I could. I could only guess at what was in the letter, and I hoped more than anything that Etienne was alright.
I’d been worried about him since my argument with his parents. I had suggested that, if his mother had been serious about her threats of disowning him, he would be more than welcome to stay at my home. That way, I could keep an eye on the boys and make sure they were safe. Alfie wouldn’t like it, and I would have to have stern words with him, but I would not let his prejudices hurt Jude and the boy I had grown to love as my son any more.
Etienne had looked terrified as we lingered outside his house, and I wished I could promise him safety. I didn’t understand his mother’s reaction, and I didn’t think I ever would. The thought of telling one of my boys that I wished never to see them again made me feel sick. No matter how angry I might become at one of them - and I was certainly disappointed with Alfie at the minute - I could never disown a member of my family like that. My boys meant everything to me.
I hadn’t wanted to leave Etienne there, looking so lonely and lost as he waited outside the house, but I didn’t want to make things worse for him by staying. He convinced me to go home, and promised that if he hadn’t been allowed back inside by that night, he would come to stay with us. We hadn’t seen Etienne for a few days, so I could only assume that his parents had taken him back in. I understood how hard it would be for Etienne to get away and come to see us, but this waiting was putting both Jude and I on edge. Similarly, I did not wish to go over there again uninvited, for fear of upsetting whatever delicate balance they must have found. The situation was a terrible one, and I couldn’t think of a way to improve it.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Jude smile. He’d been tense with worry for days, and the hostility between himself and Alfie wasn’t helping.
I’d had an argument with Alfie after I’d left Etienne. Alfie had walked off the moment we’d been escorted out of the house, and I’d returned home to find Jude sat at the kitchen table, fiddling with the note I’d left with worry. I explained to him what had happened, and tried my best to reassure him that Etienne would be alright, although I was wondering the same questions that he was asking myself. Jude had wanted to go over to the castle and try to explain things further, but I convinced him of the folly of that plan. We couldn’t risk fanning the flames of Etienne’s parents’ wrath anymore, and the only course of action was to wait.
Alfie, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen.
I’d found him later on that day, with some of his friends on the bridge. They were throwing sticks in the water, and I asked the others to leave so that I could have a word with my son. I waited until the last of them was out of earshot before confronting him.
More than anything, I wanted to understand how he could hurt his brother like that. He might not agree with Jude’s relationship, and I could do little to change his mind, but I never thought he would react like he had that morning. I could understand such a reaction from the small minds some people nursed, but Esmeralda and I had tried our hardest to raise our boys right.
“Would you care to explain?” I kept my voice purposefully light, knowing that to show my anger would only provoke his temper. The last thing I wanted was another argument, and I did not wish to push my son away, no matter how disappointed I was in him.
“Everything’s changing,” Alfie commented. He was staring down at the water. “First with mum, then moving here, and now Jude…”
Men were stubborn creatures, adverse to change, and I was just now realising that Alfie was no exception. “He’s still your brother,” I said gently.
Alfie remained quiet.
“I love both of you equally, even though it might not have felt like that recently.” I realised the truth of it even as I said it. I’d been abandoning Alfie in all my concern over Jude, and I felt awful for it. “You are just as important to me, Alfie. Although I disagree with your behaviour recently, and I have to side with your brother over this. What you did this morning was unacceptable, and you owe both myself and Jude an apology, not to mention Etienne.”
He still didn’t say anything.
“Alfie. Do you even realise what you’ve done? Your actions will have serious consequences-”
“Alright! Don’t nag.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean to upset Jude, alright? I just wanted to get one back on Will after what he did to Jude, I didn’t think it would get that bad.”
I considered his words. “Are you saying,” I started carefully, “that the reason you exposed the truth this morning was because of the petty feud you have with the boys downriver?”
He kicked at the ground. “I’m not proud of it,” he muttered.
I clasped my hands together tightly. “Alfie.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “Is he alright?”
“Who?”
He shrugged, looking out over the water. “Both of them.”
“Jude’s worried sick. We don’t know what Etienne’s family are going to do. Alfie - there’s a very real possibility that the only safe place for Etienne will be our house. This is me warning you that he could be moving in with us.”
He didn’t say anything for a few long seconds. I didn’t point out that it was his own fault that things had become so fraught; the slump of his shoulders told me that I didn’t need to.
“Okay,” he said finally. I could tell he was uncomfortable about it, but at least he was trying.
“This dispute between you and the boys downriver has to stop. It’s gone too far.”
“I know.”
We stayed for a little longer, watching the river roll by, before he came home with me. He apologised to Jude that evening. We waited up late for Etienne, and now three days later we were finally getting some answers as to what had happened.
I didn’t read the letter myself, as I didn’t wish to intrude upon the boys’ privacy. Jude had handed me another letter, though, much smaller than his own, that had also been inside the envelope. I waited until he disappeared to his room to read it.
Dear Ethan,
I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me. Your lessons were better than I’d ever dreamed, and your kindness more than I could have hoped for. I cannot put into words my gratitude for your support, and I’m afraid I will never be able to repay you.
If you receive this letter, it means that I have left for Thremedon. My father has decided that it would be for the best if I go and stay with Uncle Roy - that is, the Margrave Royston - and I agree with him. I am waiting now for Uncle Roy’s permission for me to stay, and if you are reading this it is because he has given his consent and I am already in the city.
Please don’t blame yourself for what happened. My parents would have inevitably found out; I confess I am glad that it happened sooner rather than later. My only request is that you remain in touch and keep me updated as to Jude’s wellbeing. I have no doubt he will try and be brave in his letters, but I would rather know the truth.
I am very sorry to leave so abruptly, and I do hope Jude isn’t nearly as heartbroken as I, for I would never wish to hurt him so.
My sincerest apologies, and my kindest regards,
Etienne.
I read the letter over a few times, and wished there was something more I could have done. I was glad that Etienne was in an environment that would support him, but I feared what affect the departure would have on Jude.
I had never seen my son so miserable. He curled up on his bed, barely eating or talking to anyone. After a few days with no sign of improvement, I began to worry. I recognised the behaviour as symptoms of depression, and a plan started to form in my mind. Part of me thought it foolish; a bigger part knew I would do whatever it would take to make him happy. I couldn't bear to stand by and watch him sink deeper into himself. I sent off the necessary letter, and had to wait a few days for a response.
When it came, I gripped the letter tightly in my hand. Now that it was possible, I was second-guessing my decision. It was ultimately Jude’s choice, but I knew in all his recklessness he would not think twice about it. I, on the other hand, was more circumspect. I didn’t want him to make a foolish decision and regret it later. He was young, perhaps too young for this kind of maturity.
He’s seventeen, I reminded myself. He’s seventeen, and I was about to send him to the city with nothing but a bag of clothes and what little money I could spare. But, another part reminded me - and this was my more fantastical side - I had met Esmeralda when I was sixteen, and the look Jude had when he talked of Etienne was one I recognised from my own teenage self, when I talked of his mother. Besides, he would not be completely alone, I reminded myself. We had family in the city, and I had written to my sister-in-law to explain the situation, feeling that she would be the most sympathetic to Jude’s plight. Now that I knew he had a place to stay - and I scanned the letter once more to check I had not mistaken its intentions - I felt reassured.
I knocked on Jude’s door, pushing it open upon hearing his voice. He was lying on the bed, eyes unfocussed as he stared at the ceiling.
“Jude.” He must have heard the difference in my voice, for he looked at me with more feeling in his eyes than I’d seen over the last several days.
“I have a proposition for you, and I want you to think about it carefully.”
He nodded.
“I have written to your aunt in Thremedon.” His eyes lit at the mention of the city. “I have explained your situation to her, and she is willing to let you stay at her home.”
He sat up, gazing at me as if I had just granted him a wish. Which, I suppose, I had.
“My proposal is this: you can leave for Thremedon, live with Matilda and continue your studies at your old school. Next year, when you’re of age, you can start at the ‘Versity if you wish. You must write to me, every week, and you must pay Matilda and her house with respect, and abide by her rules. I will send money, for your food and your clothes and your books, and such like, but you must help her in any way that you can.”
“And I can see Etienne?”
As foolish as it sounded, that was the whole point of the plan. “Of course.”
He was trying to read my expression. “You would really do this for me?”
I thought of the fact that I was about to send my son miles away, with no chance of seeing him regularly, and my throat closed up. My little boy was all grown up. Both my sons were at an age where they no longer needed me, and I would have to accept that. I found myself unable to speak, so I nodded.
“But why?”
I swallowed down my tears, and answered truthfully. “If I knew that there was a chance to be with your mother, I’d take it, no matter what.”
He lunged forward and we clasped each other. He thanked me, over and over, while I held on as tightly as I could. After all, I didn’t know when I would get to opportunity to do so again.
It took another day or two to get everything in order, and I could feel the impatience emanating off Jude. Finally, though, everything was ready, and I was waiting by the carriage that would carry my son off to his new life. Alfie and I said our goodbyes, and I held Jude close to me once more, making him promise to write the very next day.
Then, all too soon, the carriage was speeding off, and I realised I was saying goodbye not to my little boy, but to the young man he’d become.
Next