Dude. I have anxiety brain right now too. It's killing me. I can't focus on anything for more than 2 minutes without feeling like I'm going to freak out. I keep trying to think and write about the Spike/AR/forgiveness issue that I was thinking about yesterday (which I don't know if you saw it but... I was thinking about it. Out loud), but then I just get all buzzy and AHHHHHH and I can't deal. So instead I'm watching Veronica Mars.
And I want to think about that--because I have feelings and they're all stuck in my throat right now, trying to get out--but they can't. And I can't. AND AAAAAHHH.
But I love your Snooki thoughts. And I'm thoroughly impressed to that you managed to write all of that with anxiety brain.
because I have feelings and they're all stuck in my throat right now, trying to get out--but they can't. And I can't. AND AAAAAHHH.
THIS IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING FEELING EVER.
I think it's so hard to get started through the fog. I find that if I can latch onto a thought, I can go go go, sometimes more than I can on a day I'd call a good day (ie minimal spirals, good mood). But I have yet to find an aid, skill, or coping mechanism that will consistently let me decide to snap into focus.
SNOOKI THOUGH.
I did see your thoughts! but, um, I couldn't remember anything pertinent to say, because bzz bzz bzz.
I find that if I can latch onto a thought, I can go go go, sometimes more than I can on a day I'd call a good day.
I totally understand what you mean by this. Sometimes, if I can just hit the right switch when I'm all high strung, I can focus like a freaking space laser from outer space. But usually, I just have so many thoughts hitting so fast that I can't even form sentences--which is really frustrating, because I WANT to get all these thoughts down and tied together coherently, but I just can't. So then I just have to start powering down the systems and try and zone out completely--hence the Veronica Mars-watching.
Also, now that I'm slightly more coherent than I was last night, this part of your Snooki thoughts really got me:
It's this culture of needing to SHOW EVERYONE what an effort you're making to fit into those expectations, and I think it makes people uncomfortable not because it's in any way worse, so much as they're (unintentional, to be sure) telling the truth about the effort that goes into those performances.
( ... )
That's so interesting--because it shows just how much shame is embedded in most of us over those gender performances--like, we're SUPPOSED to be able to be the perfectly feminine woman with absolutely no effort--so the fact that we have to make an effort SHOULD BE HIDDEN.
YES. We seem to place this bizarre value on effortlessness, especially where standards of feminine beauty are concerned. It's like how guys say they hate it when women watch what they eat, but they still want a skinny girlfriend. Or how you're supposed to wear make-up so that it looks like you're not wearing make-up. Or style your hair so that it looks like you just rolled out of bed.
I LOVE seeing it. It's funny, because on that particular scale, I'm such a Liz. such a Liz. possibly that's why I root for it so much. As does Liz herself, even with all of her issues - there's a reason she and Jenna are besties.
It's a whole fascinating cultural phenomenon! I don't know if it makes the show worth watching, but the beauty of water-cooler tv is that you can be a consumer of it without paying too much attention.
It is decent for some laughs, though. Possibly unpopular to actually admit, but it's true.
I confess, I have never watched a single episode of Jersey Shore. What the fuck they're not even actually from New Jersey, fucking New York posers. Based on what little I've gleaned from the general pop culture ~zeitgeist or whatever, it sounds like it bears zero resemblance to my life as an actual Italian-American Jersey girl. Whether that's a consequence of reality TV or class/performance or just more evidence of the Grand Canyon-sized gap between north and south Jersey culture, I'm not sure. But the points you make about outsider reactions to it are very interesting. *ponders*
Then I think it's been weirdly important to my social experience, because I ended up with the thick black hair, olive skin, and hip-waist dramatics, to the extent where I get asked a lot WHAT I AM. EXISTENTIAL DILEMMA!
Heh. I've had more than one person come up to me and just start speaking Spanish because apparently I looked Hispanic to them? IDK it was weird. Most people generally assume I'm Italian. My last name is very Italian, and I have the dark hair
( ... )
it sounds like it bears zero resemblance to my life as an actual Italian-American Jersey girl. Whether that's a consequence of reality TV or class/performance or just more evidence of the Grand Canyon-sized gap between north and south Jersey culture, I'm not sure
so true right?! North Jersey is New York; South Jersey is Philly.
It's odd, though, how this has become THE ITALIAN-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE in everyone's imagination, particularly for the mid-Atlantic region. Nobody expects the Real World to be, well, real, to whatever city it's featuring. But somehow this gets taken on face value.
I've had more than one person come up to me and just start speaking Spanish because apparently I looked Hispanic to them? IDK it was weird.
That happens to me from time to time too! I've gotten Arabic once in a blue moon as well. Which is not, you know, an insult or anything, but it's always a little awkward somehow. I don't know a bit of Spanish.
It's odd, though, how this has become THE ITALIAN-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE in everyone's imagination, particularly for the mid-Atlantic region. Nobody expects the Real World to be, well, real, to whatever city it's featuring. But somehow this gets taken on face value.
It is very odd. Then again, The Real World may have certain stereotypical characters - the gay guy, the party girl, etc. - but the whole show isn't based on one culture, so it doesn't reinforce any one particular [IDENTITY]-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE.
Or maybe we Italians just always get a bad rap. :-P I mean, people do the same thing with thinking real life is like The Sopranos - and they're always disappointed when I say that no, actually, my family is way more like Everybody Loves Raymond, haha.
Or maybe we Italians just always get a bad rap. :-P I mean, people do the same thing with thinking real life is like The Sopranos - and they're always disappointed when I say that no, actually, my family is way more like Everybody Loves Raymond, haha.
LOL I feel that. My family is more like the Adamas (thus Explaining Everything). WE'RE upstanding citizens! It is very important that people know this! But it's a big, close family tree, and if you go a few decades back and one branch over, it's a more ambiguous story. And there's totally this strain of...theatrical, self-indulgent pride in willingness to resort to violence and intimidation which hangs over from the gangster influence. Time and assimilation soften it, but it definitely still pops up. (And as always, I don't know how much of BSG was there on purpose, but I do think there was some sharp observation and representation on someone's part about that, because OH LORD does it set off my spidey-senses.)
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Tho I am confused by the cultural designation of "American" that's concentrated in the South East. And surprised by All The Germans.
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And I want to think about that--because I have feelings and they're all stuck in my throat right now, trying to get out--but they can't. And I can't. AND AAAAAHHH.
But I love your Snooki thoughts. And I'm thoroughly impressed to that you managed to write all of that with anxiety brain.
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THIS IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING FEELING EVER.
I think it's so hard to get started through the fog. I find that if I can latch onto a thought, I can go go go, sometimes more than I can on a day I'd call a good day (ie minimal spirals, good mood). But I have yet to find an aid, skill, or coping mechanism that will consistently let me decide to snap into focus.
SNOOKI THOUGH.
I did see your thoughts! but, um, I couldn't remember anything pertinent to say, because bzz bzz bzz.
Reply
I totally understand what you mean by this. Sometimes, if I can just hit the right switch when I'm all high strung, I can focus like a freaking space laser from outer space. But usually, I just have so many thoughts hitting so fast that I can't even form sentences--which is really frustrating, because I WANT to get all these thoughts down and tied together coherently, but I just can't. So then I just have to start powering down the systems and try and zone out completely--hence the Veronica Mars-watching.
Also, now that I'm slightly more coherent than I was last night, this part of your Snooki thoughts really got me:
It's this culture of needing to SHOW EVERYONE what an effort you're making to fit into those expectations, and I think it makes people uncomfortable not because it's in any way worse, so much as they're (unintentional, to be sure) telling the truth about the effort that goes into those performances. ( ... )
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YES. We seem to place this bizarre value on effortlessness, especially where standards of feminine beauty are concerned. It's like how guys say they hate it when women watch what they eat, but they still want a skinny girlfriend. Or how you're supposed to wear make-up so that it looks like you're not wearing make-up. Or style your hair so that it looks like you just rolled out of bed.
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I was hoping you would enjoy! because you appreciate the trivialized femininity stuff the way I do, I think.
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It is decent for some laughs, though. Possibly unpopular to actually admit, but it's true.
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Then I think it's been weirdly important to my social experience, because I ended up with the thick black hair, olive skin, and hip-waist dramatics, to the extent where I get asked a lot WHAT I AM. EXISTENTIAL DILEMMA!
Heh. I've had more than one person come up to me and just start speaking Spanish because apparently I looked Hispanic to them? IDK it was weird. Most people generally assume I'm Italian. My last name is very Italian, and I have the dark hair ( ... )
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so true right?! North Jersey is New York; South Jersey is Philly.
It's odd, though, how this has become THE ITALIAN-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE in everyone's imagination, particularly for the mid-Atlantic region. Nobody expects the Real World to be, well, real, to whatever city it's featuring. But somehow this gets taken on face value.
I've had more than one person come up to me and just start speaking Spanish because apparently I looked Hispanic to them? IDK it was weird.
That happens to me from time to time too! I've gotten Arabic once in a blue moon as well. Which is not, you know, an insult or anything, but it's always a little awkward somehow. I don't know a bit of Spanish.
Reply
It is very odd. Then again, The Real World may have certain stereotypical characters - the gay guy, the party girl, etc. - but the whole show isn't based on one culture, so it doesn't reinforce any one particular [IDENTITY]-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE.
Or maybe we Italians just always get a bad rap. :-P I mean, people do the same thing with thinking real life is like The Sopranos - and they're always disappointed when I say that no, actually, my family is way more like Everybody Loves Raymond, haha.
Reply
LOL I feel that. My family is more like the Adamas (thus Explaining Everything). WE'RE upstanding citizens! It is very important that people know this! But it's a big, close family tree, and if you go a few decades back and one branch over, it's a more ambiguous story. And there's totally this strain of...theatrical, self-indulgent pride in willingness to resort to violence and intimidation which hangs over from the gangster influence. Time and assimilation soften it, but it definitely still pops up. (And as always, I don't know how much of BSG was there on purpose, but I do think there was some sharp observation and representation on someone's part about that, because OH LORD does it set off my spidey-senses.)
Reply
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