Re: Vampire DiarieslionessvalentiOctober 21 2011, 21:14:16 UTC
"I have regular high school angst, but at the same time I have all this vampire angst because you're both really hot," Elena said. "And this is one really fucked up love triangle."
"We should get past our differences and have a threesome," Damon said.
Elena stared at him. "Aren't you guys brothers?"
"We're vampires. We've been dead for a hundred years. That really puts incest into perspective."
"No," Stefan said, shaking his head. "It really doesn't. Besides, I hate you."
Damon flashed him a smile. "That's the source of all our burning sexual tension."
"That does make a lot of sense," Elena said. "I think we should do it, and that's not my vampire fetish talking."
"I have a bad feeling about this, but I'm the pussy vampire, so I'll agree with anything you say," Stefan said.
"I'm on top!" Damon cheered gleefully as he removed his shirt, which is really what everyone was waiting for.
Re: Vampire Diariessecond_batgirlOctober 22 2011, 14:24:34 UTC
Elena spoke her annoying voice over again, and then stopped to turn at the camera. "Do we really need this? Just because the show is called the vampire diaries, do I really need to be obnoxious and narrate stuff?"
"No!" Caroline said. The cheerleader bounced in. "You go off with the two brothers. The boring one is about to turn evil again, and by the rule of vampire shows, he's better when he's evil."
"Okay," Elena said. "What are you going to do?"
"Be awesome. That's my whole job."
Elena nodded and went to find Stefan and Damon, who by the grand law of vampire shows were also probably having sex even though they were brothers.
Vampire Diaries (and Twilight)flameishOctober 22 2011, 20:27:18 UTC
"However do I choose?" Bella Swan whined. "On the one hand, Edward is a sparkly marble Adonis who stalks me and possibly wants to kill me! On the other, Jacob's abs are supportive and actually my age. And I can't have a threesome because they're mortal enemies! Sob! I will just sit here for four chapters and do nothing. Because my life is hard and I need a man to fill my metaphorical hole. The one in my heart. Not the sex one."
"Seriously?" Elena Gilbert said, rolling her eyes. "I have two vampire brothers to choose between, and I can't even have a threesome with them because they're brothers! Not to mention my evil doppelganger who looks exactly like me but hotter and sluttier. Or my best friends who are a witch who is dating my little brother who sees dead people, and a vampire who is dating a werepire. Or that there's another werepire who wants to kill me or use my blood to make more supernatural freaks. And every parent I ever had has died and I'm living with my history teacher who slept with my vampire bio-mom and my aunt, and
( ... )
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"We should get past our differences and have a threesome," Damon said.
Elena stared at him. "Aren't you guys brothers?"
"We're vampires. We've been dead for a hundred years. That really puts incest into perspective."
"No," Stefan said, shaking his head. "It really doesn't. Besides, I hate you."
Damon flashed him a smile. "That's the source of all our burning sexual tension."
"That does make a lot of sense," Elena said. "I think we should do it, and that's not my vampire fetish talking."
"I have a bad feeling about this, but I'm the pussy vampire, so I'll agree with anything you say," Stefan said.
"I'm on top!" Damon cheered gleefully as he removed his shirt, which is really what everyone was waiting for.
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Brothers: *totally doing it*
Random Townie 1: How is this not Twilight meets Supernatural?
Also there might be werewolves and other things.
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"No!" Caroline said. The cheerleader bounced in. "You go off with the two brothers. The boring one is about to turn evil again, and by the rule of vampire shows, he's better when he's evil."
"Okay," Elena said. "What are you going to do?"
"Be awesome. That's my whole job."
Elena nodded and went to find Stefan and Damon, who by the grand law of vampire shows were also probably having sex even though they were brothers.
They never spoke of her diary again.
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"Seriously?" Elena Gilbert said, rolling her eyes. "I have two vampire brothers to choose between, and I can't even have a threesome with them because they're brothers! Not to mention my evil doppelganger who looks exactly like me but hotter and sluttier. Or my best friends who are a witch who is dating my little brother who sees dead people, and a vampire who is dating a werepire. Or that there's another werepire who wants to kill me or use my blood to make more supernatural freaks. And every parent I ever had has died and I'm living with my history teacher who slept with my vampire bio-mom and my aunt, and ( ... )
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