nothing to see here... move along...
Um. terribilita made me do it. Um, snippets. If I go crazier, I might be persuaded to finish.
John's eyes narrowed as the guys with the cameras stepped out of the car.
"Rodney..." he said slowly, not bothering to turn around.
"What?" Rodney squawked. "I have no idea what's going on!"
That was when John noticed that Teyla was smiling her serene stick-fighting smile. Whatever the hell this was, if Teyla had planned it it wasn't going to end well for him.
"The last time I was on earth," she said, "I was watching the television and happened upon this miraculous show where this man--and just from watching a few moments I could tell he must be a good, caring man--goes to people's homes and, with the aid of a superior model--"
"Super model," Rodney supplied automatically.
"Yes, thank you Rodney. With the aid of a super model associate, helps the people reinvent their lives so they are happier." She paused and looked and John's all-black ensemble with disdain. "Also, he makes them dress better."
"Tim Gunn?!" Rodney shouts. "You put Sheppard on Tim Gunn's show?!"
John wasn't the only one who turned raised eyebrows on Rodney after that outburst.
"I, um... you know how I love those blondes and... Heidi Klum and all so I may have seen a few episodes of Project Runway and, well--" He crossed his arms and glared. "Anyone who doesn't love Tim Gunn is absolutely soulless, so don't look at me like that, okay? Even baby-seal clubbers love Tim Gunn."
***
And when they look in John's closet...
***
"I can't believe everything you own is black!" Veronica said, throwing black t-shirt after black t-shirt onto the floor in front of the small closet that John had taken over in the base housing he, Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, and Tagan occupied. "I just can't believe this! You're such a gorgeous guy and you just cover it up in black, black, black, black!"
"What's wrong with black?" John asked, but when Veronica and Tim both gave him A Look, he revised his statement. "Um, I mean, I have stuff that's not black but I left it back on--um, where we're normally stationed."
"I think that proves," Tim said, picking up another black t-shirt, "that you really don't care what you put on in the morning. Your friend Teyla said that you'll be here in town for nearly three months and you can't imagine any use for anything but black? John, there's a serious problem here that we need to work on."
"It's just clothes!" John insisted, barely restraining himself from screaming in agony. "It's not that big of a deal!"
"And we're here to help you see how wrong you are," Veronica said. She clasped her hands together. "Now, let's take a look at your underwear drawer."
***
And towards the end, as Tim is helping John overcome his last hurdle before living a better life...
***
"John," Tim said, putting a hand on John's shoulder as Rodney walked away, "good style isn't just something we see on the outside, it's all about feeling good, feeling proud and happy on the inside as well." John nodded, without looking up, barely cognizant of what was being said, but also hyperaware of how important it must be. God, Rodney and Teyla had totally pulled him into this Tim Gunn crap. He was already treating the man like some kind of earth-bound deity*. "Bottling up your emotions isn't a road you want to start down, and I think your final step in revitalizing your style is sitting down and talking about your feelings with Rodney. I know that's hard, but I know you're two bright, determined individuals and you can most certainly make it work."
John took a deep breath and swallowed past the lump in his throat.
"Are you ready to go and talk to our relationship counselor again?" Tim asked, still patting John's shoulder soothingly.
"I... yeah. Might as well," he muttered.
***
And later, in one of John's testimonials...
***
"::sniffle:: I just... my dad never wanted me to talk about... things... and I just kept... ::sniffle:: keeping it inside even though all I... ::sob:: all I wanted to tell him was that I was... was... ::sob:: so unhappy and all I wanted to do was... ::sniff:: fly and... I just... just repressed and repressed and now I have... ::sob:: now I have Rodney and it's so hard to break old habits, even though I want him to... ::sob:: want him to know I think he's... I think he's... really cool. ::sniffle:: This has been such a... ::sob:: hard and painful journey but I feel... I feel so good about myself now and... ::sob:: it's all thanks to Tim! ::sob::"**
***
And near the end, when John comes out in his special event outfit, ready to wow his gathered friends and family...
***
"Ladies and gentlemen," Tim said, "John has one more thing he'd like to say while you're all gathered here together." He gestured for John to step forward again. "John?"
John wrung his hands together and cleared his throat. Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a fabulous idea anymore. "So... Tim had me meet with some... people... while I was doing this whole..." He gestured towards himself wordlessly. "Thing. And... they made me realize that... even though I was raised and taught to keep everything to myself, it's not healthy and I need to learn to... you know... talk to you people." He winced. Being honest and emotionally open was tough.
He took a deep breath. He told Tim he was going to do this and, dammit, he was going to make Tim proud.
"So," he said, looking everywhere but at Rodney, "Rodney... I think I owe you... I mean. We've been... whatever... for, you know, a few years, and I thought... um." He coughed. "I think you're... really cool."
The room was dead silent.
Tim cleared his throat.
"Well," he said. "It's certainly a start."
* C'mon, you guys have to admit that Tim Gunn is not of this earth.
** Tim Gunn can make ANYONE emotional, even John Sheppard.
***
Wow. I can't believe I wrote that.
***
Um, tomorrow or later tonight, when no one will be awake to read it and everyone will be too busy to do more than skim past it in the morning, I may make that post about sex and sexuality and stuff. WE'LL SEE. The post in summary is basically, "Oh my god, men are creepy," if you're curious.
John's eyes narrowed as the guys with the cameras stepped out of the car.
"Rodney..." he said slowly, not bothering to turn around.
"What?" Rodney squawked. "I have no idea what's going on!"
That was when John noticed that Teyla was smiling her serene stick-fighting smile. Whatever the hell this was, if Teyla had planned it it wasn't going to end well for him.
"The last time I was on earth," she said, "I was watching the television and happened upon this miraculous show where this man--and just from watching a few moments I could tell he must be a good, caring man--goes to people's homes and, with the aid of a superior model--"
"Super model," Rodney supplied automatically.
"Yes, thank you Rodney. With the aid of a super model associate, helps the people reinvent their lives so they are happier." She paused and looked and John's all-black ensemble with disdain. "Also, he makes them dress better."
"Tim Gunn?!" Rodney shouts. "You put Sheppard on Tim Gunn's show?!"
John wasn't the only one who turned raised eyebrows on Rodney after that outburst.
"I, um... you know how I love those blondes and... Heidi Klum and all so I may have seen a few episodes of Project Runway and, well--" He crossed his arms and glared. "Anyone who doesn't love Tim Gunn is absolutely soulless, so don't look at me like that, okay? Even baby-seal clubbers love Tim Gunn."
***
And when they look in John's closet...
***
"I can't believe everything you own is black!" Veronica said, throwing black t-shirt after black t-shirt onto the floor in front of the small closet that John had taken over in the base housing he, Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, and Tagan occupied. "I just can't believe this! You're such a gorgeous guy and you just cover it up in black, black, black, black!"
"What's wrong with black?" John asked, but when Veronica and Tim both gave him A Look, he revised his statement. "Um, I mean, I have stuff that's not black but I left it back on--um, where we're normally stationed."
"I think that proves," Tim said, picking up another black t-shirt, "that you really don't care what you put on in the morning. Your friend Teyla said that you'll be here in town for nearly three months and you can't imagine any use for anything but black? John, there's a serious problem here that we need to work on."
"It's just clothes!" John insisted, barely restraining himself from screaming in agony. "It's not that big of a deal!"
"And we're here to help you see how wrong you are," Veronica said. She clasped her hands together. "Now, let's take a look at your underwear drawer."
***
And towards the end, as Tim is helping John overcome his last hurdle before living a better life...
***
"John," Tim said, putting a hand on John's shoulder as Rodney walked away, "good style isn't just something we see on the outside, it's all about feeling good, feeling proud and happy on the inside as well." John nodded, without looking up, barely cognizant of what was being said, but also hyperaware of how important it must be. God, Rodney and Teyla had totally pulled him into this Tim Gunn crap. He was already treating the man like some kind of earth-bound deity*. "Bottling up your emotions isn't a road you want to start down, and I think your final step in revitalizing your style is sitting down and talking about your feelings with Rodney. I know that's hard, but I know you're two bright, determined individuals and you can most certainly make it work."
John took a deep breath and swallowed past the lump in his throat.
"Are you ready to go and talk to our relationship counselor again?" Tim asked, still patting John's shoulder soothingly.
"I... yeah. Might as well," he muttered.
***
And later, in one of John's testimonials...
***
"::sniffle:: I just... my dad never wanted me to talk about... things... and I just kept... ::sniffle:: keeping it inside even though all I... ::sob:: all I wanted to tell him was that I was... was... ::sob:: so unhappy and all I wanted to do was... ::sniff:: fly and... I just... just repressed and repressed and now I have... ::sob:: now I have Rodney and it's so hard to break old habits, even though I want him to... ::sob:: want him to know I think he's... I think he's... really cool. ::sniffle:: This has been such a... ::sob:: hard and painful journey but I feel... I feel so good about myself now and... ::sob:: it's all thanks to Tim! ::sob::"**
***
And near the end, when John comes out in his special event outfit, ready to wow his gathered friends and family...
***
"Ladies and gentlemen," Tim said, "John has one more thing he'd like to say while you're all gathered here together." He gestured for John to step forward again. "John?"
John wrung his hands together and cleared his throat. Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a fabulous idea anymore. "So... Tim had me meet with some... people... while I was doing this whole..." He gestured towards himself wordlessly. "Thing. And... they made me realize that... even though I was raised and taught to keep everything to myself, it's not healthy and I need to learn to... you know... talk to you people." He winced. Being honest and emotionally open was tough.
He took a deep breath. He told Tim he was going to do this and, dammit, he was going to make Tim proud.
"So," he said, looking everywhere but at Rodney, "Rodney... I think I owe you... I mean. We've been... whatever... for, you know, a few years, and I thought... um." He coughed. "I think you're... really cool."
The room was dead silent.
Tim cleared his throat.
"Well," he said. "It's certainly a start."
* C'mon, you guys have to admit that Tim Gunn is not of this earth.
** Tim Gunn can make ANYONE emotional, even John Sheppard.
***
Wow. I can't believe I wrote that.
***
Um, tomorrow or later tonight, when no one will be awake to read it and everyone will be too busy to do more than skim past it in the morning, I may make that post about sex and sexuality and stuff. WE'LL SEE. The post in summary is basically, "Oh my god, men are creepy," if you're curious.