14valentines Day 3: Health
Today we have a story and a rant. Or plea. Or something. I'm going to post a little about my feelings on this story in a separate post, along with some other stuff about the Super Bowl and... it's all connected, I swear. But that's for later.
Today's 14valentines theme is Health. Check out the link for an essay on the subject and to read others' contributions. Continue for my fic and a little rant/plea about women's healthcare in America.
I know that 14valentines is about women, but this is really about women and their dads. Specifically, Teyla and her father, who we can assume prepared her for the trials in her life and me and my father, who, despite twenty-two years of screw ups, still thinks I can be anything I want to be. (He also introduced me to Paul Simon when I was two years old, and I can never thank him enough for that.)
Title: Nothing is Different (But Everything's Changed)
Fandom: SGA; Teyla-centric, with Teyla/Kanaan and impliedish John/Rodney
Rating: PG
Summary: Teyla evolves.
Notes: Title and second titles from Paul Simon's "Once Upon A Time There Was An Ocean."
once upon a time i was an ocean
Teyla mediates, meditates, listens and trains. She checks in on the planting and the projected harvest. She visits the pregnant women, those who are old and dying, and anyone else who is home when she makes her rounds. She listens to proposals for the usage of new land, and leads the half-moon meetings. She never backs down or hides from her tasks.
She's utterly bored, three-fourths of the time.
"Serving your people is not always easy work," is all Halling says when she confides in him. The problem is that it is easy. In the years since the Wraith last struck, she has settled into a rut of calming bickering farmers and keeping records of hunting parties. She wants to do something that's not easy, but instead she's stuck with this.
She wonders, often, what her father would do.
She remembers when her father was their leader. She remembers following him through the woods, weaving in and out of the dwellings in their camp, watching him attend to his duties.
"This will be your job one day, as well," he would say, and she'd grin up at him because, at five, at seven, at ten, at twelve, she couldn't imagine a job she wanted more. Father was utterly at peace, even when settling disputes or drawing up new plans to elude the Wraith, and she yearned for that serenity. She still yearns for it.
She did then, too. She tried and tried and tried to be as calm and even-tempered as her father, but things still made her angry, like when Kanaan told her she was dumb because she mixed up the properties of tarrow blooms and tarrow roots.
"You should not have struck Kanaan," Father told her later, not looming down over her like she feared, but sitting at the other end of their table with his head in his hands. He looked tired, not angry.
"He was really mean to me," she said, and she suddenly was overcome with the urge to weep. This wasn't Father overcome with anger, this was Father disappointed in her, and that felt innumerable times worse.
"People will often be mean to you, Teyla," he said. "They will yell and disagree, especially when you are leader. But you need to remain calm and collected in order to settle the arguments the way a leader should."
"But I cannot remain calm!" she wailed, eyes welling up with tears, cheeks burning with embarrassment because she was far too old to be crying to her father. "I try and I try but things burn up inside of me and I cannot keep my tongue!"
Father stood up from his chair and then kneeled down next to her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to his chest. He stroked her hair and let her sob and finally pressed his forehead to hers.
"These things will always build up inside of you, Teyla. When they do, you must think of it this way: 'Will this make me feel better? Will yelling or hitting or being angry change this?' The answer is almost always 'no.'" He pressed a kiss to her temple and sighed. "Teyla, I feel you are destined for things much greater than our small village. I cannot help but think that your path lies beyond Athos, out in the stars."
She wishes her father had been right. Because she loves Athos, she loves her Athosians, she loves her role as leader, but she still spends many long, drawn out meetings wondering if there isn't something more out there.
now i'm a mountain range
"I think it's an idiotic idea."
"Rodney..."
"I'm serious! I mean, what do we even know about these people? Our experiences in the Pegasus Galaxy haven't exactly been all flowers and candy thus far, what makes you think this will be any different?"
"He's right, Elizabeth. Teyla, what can you tell us?"
Teyla looks around the table. Major Sheppard, Dr. McKay, Dr. Weir, Sergeant Bates, Lieutenant Ford, two scientists she did not know, and two Marines she's just met are all staring back at her with looks ranging from irritated (Bates) to curious (Weir). Sheppard is smiling in that easy way he has, as if he's not at all concerned with whatever information she is about to impart. He is almost certainly not. As he explained to her earlier, "I trust you, Teyla. I'm not worried because we're gonna go by your word, regardless. You know more about this galaxy than any of us. We go where you say."
It is good to feel useful. It is new to feel as though she's not, and she's coming to terms with that.
In all of her dreams of something greater than Athos, she never paused to think her ambitions through. Her father would have chastised her for that. On Athos, she was respected and well-regarded. She doesn't have the luxury of that, here. Atlantis is by far the most beautiful place she's ever been. Never in her most fantastic imaginings did she see herself walking through the city of the ancestors, and to do so is... there are no words, nothing at all to describe the feelings that course through her when she stands on the balcony of the control tower and looks out at the vast city that surrounds her.
It is a beautiful place, but its beauty comes with certain disadvantages that she had not considered. The people of Earth do not know her. They do not know Athos and they are suspicious of all the people of Pegasus. She cannot entirely blame them, not after their first encounters with the Wraith and their first encounters on the other side of the Ring in their own galaxy, but the strangeness and fear is off-putting. She once again finds her anger hard to control, so she tries to spend her downtime with Major Sheppard, who never treats her as anything but an equal.
It is also troubling to be regarded as the sole source of information on everything they encounter. She finds herself second-guessing her own assumptions, nervous every time they step off-world that things have changed, that they are not as she remembers and that this will be the day that her word with her new colleagues will be challenged. That this will be the day that Sergeant Bates is right and she is no longer able to be trusted.
Today, though, will not be that day, because she knows Snoakes as well as she knows Athos.
"The people of Snoakes will do us no harm," she says. "In my father's day, we were close trading partners. The Order of Thas, a religious and academic clan that stretches across many planets, has a monastery there and the people on the planet are well-regarded throughout the galaxy as good traders and good hosts."
She can't help but think back to her first visit to Snoakes, to Kanaan following her father around for days, begging, "Please, please, please, Torren, please, sir, please let me come with you! I will not do any harm, I promise! I just want to see the monastery."
Teyla knew Father would say yes from the moment Kanaan's eyes lit up at dinner and he first asked permission. She didn't know why he was waiting the standard full week to give his response, except maybe to see what else Kanaan would promise to do in return.
"It is not wise to play favorites when you are in charge, Teyla," he said to her. "It is well known that I favor Kanaan and that you do as well. I cannot treat him any differently, even if I know the answer before the week of consideration is up."
Teyla felt her cheeks heating up and muttered, "I am only kind to him because I feel badly. The others are very cruel, sometimes."
"Of course," Father said, in the tone that meant he did not believe a word of it.
Kanaan was thrilled to visit the monastery, even more thrilled when they allowed him inside their vast underground library. He read quickly through the scrolls they offered him, read at a pace that stunned even the Order.
"Such an insatiable mind for such a young age!" one monk had crowed. "Perhaps, one day, you will join the order!"
Kanaan had glanced at her then and hesitated in his response and Teyla felt her face heat up for the second time in as many weeks.
After the meeting is over, Elizabeth pulls her aside.
"I'm very pleased to have you here, Teyla," she says as everyone else files out of the room. "I know that things can't be easy for you, trying to fit into our culture like this, but without you this expedition would be loss. You are vital to our continued survival."
She thanks Elizabeth and goes back to her quarters, wondering if maybe Atlantis really is worth all she's given up.
She also wonders, distantly, distractedly, what Kanaan is doing right now.
something unstoppable set into motion
The laughter and music from the distant campfire almost drowns out the sound of the wormhole whooshing shut behind the team as they make their way towards the settlement on New Athos. Their packs are light and they carry no weapons. Even their steps seem lighter, although that could just be Teyla projecting on the rest of them. She's missed seeing her people. Even once they moved to New Athos, she tried to visit as often as possible, but with the chaos surrounding Elizabeth's disappearance (not death, she refused to believe that) and Colonel Carter's appointment to Atlantis, time has slipped away from her. The Festival of Sound was exactly what the entire team needed to unwind.
"Are they going to have those little fried duck things?" Rodney asks, anxiously peering towards the largest of the bonfires.
"I believe so, yes," Teyla says, biting back a smile. "Fia knows how much you look forward to it. I am sure she made plenty."
"Fabulous," Rodney says, walking a little faster. John, who grew slightly stiff at the mention of little lovesick FIa, shrugs a shoulder in Rodney's direction.
"I'm gonna go make sure Rodney doesn't get himself into any trouble," he says. Teyla waves him off, not bothering to hide her smile this time.
"Of course, John. We will see you there." She watches him jog to catch up with Rodney and shakes her head.
"Think he'll ever realize that everyone thinks McKay's already spoken for?" Ronon asks, a similar grin on his face.
They've reached the settlement now and the music and laughter has nearly overtaken them. Teyla turns to Ronon to say something about John's privacy and learning to deal with emotional matters on his own, but before she can speak, she hears her name.
"Teyla."
She turns and smiles and misses Ronon's smirk because Kanaan is leaning against a nearby tree and smiling at her.
"Kanaan," she says. After staring for a moment, she remembers Ronon behind her. "Ah, Ronon, this is Kanaan. He was a close friend of mine growing up. Until very recently, he was studying under the Order of Thas on Trellia. Kanaan, this is Ronon. He is a good friend, originally of Sateda."
Ronon's smirk is back as meets his forehead with Kanaan's. "Order of Thas, huh?" he says. "I always thought that was one of those things you joined for life." He looks back and forth between them and raises his eyebrows, as though he has a pretty good feeling about what kept Kanaan from locking himself up in the Thas monastery for the rest of his life.
"It is," Kanaan says. "And I am grateful they allowed me to study with them and learn all they could offer me, but I feel their books did not fully satisfy my thirst for knowledge and their lifestyle, while, ah, commendable, was not for me."
"I'll bet," Ronon says, and then smacks Kanaan on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get some of those duck things before McKay eats them all," he says to Teyla, and then disappears into the crowd.
Teyla's father used to tease her about Kanaan, who was thoughtful and nervous and acted as though he was smarter than the other children to hide the fact that he was scared of them. Teyla was one of the few who could tolerate his presence, even call him a friend, and Father was sure they would one day marry.
"Ew!" she squealed, making a face. "Kanaan is annoying and I will never marry him! He does not even like playing Turning Ring! I will never marry someone who does not like Turning Ring!"
Father had laughed and laughed and said, "Teyla, one day things like Turning Ring will no longer matter and you will look at Kanaan and see that he has grown into a brilliant and formative man. The others dismiss him because he favors pursuits of the mind, but pursuits of the mind have their place. A good leader needs to allow her people to follow their strengths and recognize how different strengths have different uses. I would not be surprised if Kanaan's intelligence saved our people one day."
She nodded, grudgingly, and felt badly for all the time she had teased Kanaan about his fear of heights or his disdain for running races. "But I still will not marry him!" she added hastily, wrinkling her nose.
They grew closer as they grew older, though. Father's words rang through Teyla's ears whenever the other children snubbed Kanaan, and she began sticking closer to him, learning what he learned. He was always able to take the lessons from Misini a step further once their lessons were over for the day and often Misini did not know what to do with him. It was she who suggested Kanaan continue his education with the Order of Thas if he so desired.
Kanaan always valued knowledge above all else, and two summers after Father died, he left.
He is back now, though, Teyla thinks as the two of them weave in and out of the trees on the outskirts of the settlement. And maybe, as with most other things, there was something to her father's predictions. For one thing, Turning Ring was the furthest thing from her mind.
"It was wonderful work," Kanaan said. "But there were things I missed and... there was a limit to the knowledge. I have read every book, scroll, and tablet that the Thas have available in their monasteries and there are still things I need to know, things I yearn to know. It was said the Thas had access to the knowledge of the ancestors, but most of it isn't any more than censuses and religious nonsense. None of it has answers."
Teyla knows where he can get his answers, of course, and the words are out of her mouth before she has the good sense to ask her friends.
"If it is answers you seek, perhaps you should join me on Atlantis."
They are also out of her mouth before she has the good sense to realize what she must sound like,
"I mean," she says quickly, "not join me, but rather, I know that Doctor McKay would be more than happy to have you join his team. He is in charge of such things on Atlantis and as long as you have a healthy, inquisitive mind I am certain he will be able to find a place for you among the scientists there."
She is not thinking like a leader and she knows it, but her heart feels lighter when Kanaan's wide, shocked eyes give way to a beatific smile.
"I... Teyla, that you would even offer such a position to me... there is no way that I--"
Teyla decides to continue with her series of tiny blunders and leans forward to kiss Kanaan quiet. She presses their mouths together as she leans up on tiptoe, and when Kanaan's arms finally circle around her back, she thinks she will beg Rodney if she has to, just to get this one, precious thing.
nothing is different, but everything's changed
"This is only the second baby I've ever held, you know that?" Rodney is sitting in the chair next to Teyla's bed, her newborn son cradled in his arms. He glances up at Teyla, eyes wide and clear and blue, a disbelieving smile on his face. "I took care of Jeanie, of course," he continues, "but after that... well, I suppose I assumed I was too busy for such things."
John is hovering over his back, bent over close, but with one hand firmly in Teyla's own.
"He's beautiful," John says. "He's... tiny. He has little fingernails and little fingers and little... hair." He, too, is entranced by the newborn and doesn't seem to notice how his sentence trails off.
"Yes, well, not everyone can have hair like yours, Cousin Itt."
"That's Lieutenant Colonel Itt, and I want to hold him next."
Teyla watches them bicker, but it's soft and warm and run through with the affection they have for each other as well as the affection they have for the baby that has just entered their tiny, misshapen family. Ronon is sitting at her bedside, gazing at the two of them and the baby with his usual amused smirk, the one reserved for John and Rodney's particular brand of argument.
These three men are her family now. These three are the ones who will help her baby grow.
"He'll come back," Ronon says softly, and Teyla turns, wondering if she had been speaking aloud. "Kanaan, I mean. If that's who you're thinking about. We'll find him."
Rodney glances up then and says, "Yes, yes, we'll find him. We'd better. I've been holding a job open for him for almost a year now and other people are going to want it, believe me."
"Wait, what do you mean?" John says. "You knew Teyla was dating this guy?"
"Uh, yeah," Rodney sas. "She asked me if there was space in the science department for him in one of the soft sciences. He doesn't have a PhD, of course, but Sam cleared it with the SGC. I mean, you got to keep Ronon, after all." Ronon shoots him a glare, but Rodney ignores it, as was his wont.
It is almost surreal, lying in the Atlantis infirmary surrounded by people from another galaxy who feel more like family than her own people do (not did, not yet, they're out there), some days. At six years old, she imagined herself in the biggest living area in the settlement, married and with children of her own, leading the Athosians to prosperity. Now she lives in the city of the Ancients with three men she would die for, but she would eat a keltelfish before she would marry any one of them. She has a child now, with the man she would like to make her husband, who is still lost somewhere in the vastness of the galaxy.
She feels tears in her eyes and does not know if they are tears for Kanaan, tears for her child, or tears for the absurdity of her situation.
Her son gurgles next to her and begins to fuss. Rodney looks momentarily panicked before he hands the child back to her hastily.
"There you go," he says. "Back to mama. Quickly. Please."
Teyla laughs softly and holds him close, this connection to Kanaan, to her people.
"Shush, Torren."
To her father.
She coos at him, singing softly until his fussing stops, until he curls up on her breast and falls asleep. And amid John jokingly (but not so jokingly) asking her when she'll be returning to active duty ("Is next week good for you?") and Rodney boasting about the walker he had built for the baby ("I wanted to build a simple calculator in as well, but Sheppard talked me out of it.") and Ronon asking how long until he's old enough to shoot ("I bet McKay could build him a real little gun."), Teyla closes her eyes and thinks about her father and wonders what he'd think of her now.
She can't help but think he'd be pleased. Pleased and proud.
***
So, many of you were reading this journal during my tenure at Planned Parenthood, so you may have heard this before. It bears repeating.
Planned Parenthood is an organization often referenced when discussing abortion but less often referenced when discussing women's health. This is an enormous omission, whether intentional or not, as only three percent of the services provided by Planned Parenthood are abortion related services. The other 97% include things like prenatal care, pap smears, breast exams, and regular gynecological examinations. Planned Parenthood charges its clients on a sliding scale, allowing them to pay only what they can when they can and relying heavily on local and national funding in order to remain able to provide these crucial services to the women who need them most.
There are just over 850 Planned Parenthood affiliates in the US and each one struggles to obtain funding and keep its doors open amidst protests and national debate, most of which focuses on the three percent of their services that are in the national spotlight. For every three people that these protesters keep from their abortions, ninety-seven others are kept from check-ups and breast exams. They're kept from obtaining the birth control they need to prevent the need for abortions. They've kept from having STIs diagnosed and treated. They are kept from their pre-natal care.
For every bill that anti-choice politicians pass that closes down clinics and disrupts or eliminates their funding, these ninety-seven women are left with no where to go for basic, affordable women's healthcare.
Regardless of your stance on abortion, in a country with inadequate health care, these clinics are too precious a commodity to lose.
Today's 14valentines theme is Health. Check out the link for an essay on the subject and to read others' contributions. Continue for my fic and a little rant/plea about women's healthcare in America.
I know that 14valentines is about women, but this is really about women and their dads. Specifically, Teyla and her father, who we can assume prepared her for the trials in her life and me and my father, who, despite twenty-two years of screw ups, still thinks I can be anything I want to be. (He also introduced me to Paul Simon when I was two years old, and I can never thank him enough for that.)
Title: Nothing is Different (But Everything's Changed)
Fandom: SGA; Teyla-centric, with Teyla/Kanaan and impliedish John/Rodney
Rating: PG
Summary: Teyla evolves.
Notes: Title and second titles from Paul Simon's "Once Upon A Time There Was An Ocean."
once upon a time i was an ocean
Teyla mediates, meditates, listens and trains. She checks in on the planting and the projected harvest. She visits the pregnant women, those who are old and dying, and anyone else who is home when she makes her rounds. She listens to proposals for the usage of new land, and leads the half-moon meetings. She never backs down or hides from her tasks.
She's utterly bored, three-fourths of the time.
"Serving your people is not always easy work," is all Halling says when she confides in him. The problem is that it is easy. In the years since the Wraith last struck, she has settled into a rut of calming bickering farmers and keeping records of hunting parties. She wants to do something that's not easy, but instead she's stuck with this.
She wonders, often, what her father would do.
She remembers when her father was their leader. She remembers following him through the woods, weaving in and out of the dwellings in their camp, watching him attend to his duties.
"This will be your job one day, as well," he would say, and she'd grin up at him because, at five, at seven, at ten, at twelve, she couldn't imagine a job she wanted more. Father was utterly at peace, even when settling disputes or drawing up new plans to elude the Wraith, and she yearned for that serenity. She still yearns for it.
She did then, too. She tried and tried and tried to be as calm and even-tempered as her father, but things still made her angry, like when Kanaan told her she was dumb because she mixed up the properties of tarrow blooms and tarrow roots.
"You should not have struck Kanaan," Father told her later, not looming down over her like she feared, but sitting at the other end of their table with his head in his hands. He looked tired, not angry.
"He was really mean to me," she said, and she suddenly was overcome with the urge to weep. This wasn't Father overcome with anger, this was Father disappointed in her, and that felt innumerable times worse.
"People will often be mean to you, Teyla," he said. "They will yell and disagree, especially when you are leader. But you need to remain calm and collected in order to settle the arguments the way a leader should."
"But I cannot remain calm!" she wailed, eyes welling up with tears, cheeks burning with embarrassment because she was far too old to be crying to her father. "I try and I try but things burn up inside of me and I cannot keep my tongue!"
Father stood up from his chair and then kneeled down next to her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to his chest. He stroked her hair and let her sob and finally pressed his forehead to hers.
"These things will always build up inside of you, Teyla. When they do, you must think of it this way: 'Will this make me feel better? Will yelling or hitting or being angry change this?' The answer is almost always 'no.'" He pressed a kiss to her temple and sighed. "Teyla, I feel you are destined for things much greater than our small village. I cannot help but think that your path lies beyond Athos, out in the stars."
She wishes her father had been right. Because she loves Athos, she loves her Athosians, she loves her role as leader, but she still spends many long, drawn out meetings wondering if there isn't something more out there.
now i'm a mountain range
"I think it's an idiotic idea."
"Rodney..."
"I'm serious! I mean, what do we even know about these people? Our experiences in the Pegasus Galaxy haven't exactly been all flowers and candy thus far, what makes you think this will be any different?"
"He's right, Elizabeth. Teyla, what can you tell us?"
Teyla looks around the table. Major Sheppard, Dr. McKay, Dr. Weir, Sergeant Bates, Lieutenant Ford, two scientists she did not know, and two Marines she's just met are all staring back at her with looks ranging from irritated (Bates) to curious (Weir). Sheppard is smiling in that easy way he has, as if he's not at all concerned with whatever information she is about to impart. He is almost certainly not. As he explained to her earlier, "I trust you, Teyla. I'm not worried because we're gonna go by your word, regardless. You know more about this galaxy than any of us. We go where you say."
It is good to feel useful. It is new to feel as though she's not, and she's coming to terms with that.
In all of her dreams of something greater than Athos, she never paused to think her ambitions through. Her father would have chastised her for that. On Athos, she was respected and well-regarded. She doesn't have the luxury of that, here. Atlantis is by far the most beautiful place she's ever been. Never in her most fantastic imaginings did she see herself walking through the city of the ancestors, and to do so is... there are no words, nothing at all to describe the feelings that course through her when she stands on the balcony of the control tower and looks out at the vast city that surrounds her.
It is a beautiful place, but its beauty comes with certain disadvantages that she had not considered. The people of Earth do not know her. They do not know Athos and they are suspicious of all the people of Pegasus. She cannot entirely blame them, not after their first encounters with the Wraith and their first encounters on the other side of the Ring in their own galaxy, but the strangeness and fear is off-putting. She once again finds her anger hard to control, so she tries to spend her downtime with Major Sheppard, who never treats her as anything but an equal.
It is also troubling to be regarded as the sole source of information on everything they encounter. She finds herself second-guessing her own assumptions, nervous every time they step off-world that things have changed, that they are not as she remembers and that this will be the day that her word with her new colleagues will be challenged. That this will be the day that Sergeant Bates is right and she is no longer able to be trusted.
Today, though, will not be that day, because she knows Snoakes as well as she knows Athos.
"The people of Snoakes will do us no harm," she says. "In my father's day, we were close trading partners. The Order of Thas, a religious and academic clan that stretches across many planets, has a monastery there and the people on the planet are well-regarded throughout the galaxy as good traders and good hosts."
She can't help but think back to her first visit to Snoakes, to Kanaan following her father around for days, begging, "Please, please, please, Torren, please, sir, please let me come with you! I will not do any harm, I promise! I just want to see the monastery."
Teyla knew Father would say yes from the moment Kanaan's eyes lit up at dinner and he first asked permission. She didn't know why he was waiting the standard full week to give his response, except maybe to see what else Kanaan would promise to do in return.
"It is not wise to play favorites when you are in charge, Teyla," he said to her. "It is well known that I favor Kanaan and that you do as well. I cannot treat him any differently, even if I know the answer before the week of consideration is up."
Teyla felt her cheeks heating up and muttered, "I am only kind to him because I feel badly. The others are very cruel, sometimes."
"Of course," Father said, in the tone that meant he did not believe a word of it.
Kanaan was thrilled to visit the monastery, even more thrilled when they allowed him inside their vast underground library. He read quickly through the scrolls they offered him, read at a pace that stunned even the Order.
"Such an insatiable mind for such a young age!" one monk had crowed. "Perhaps, one day, you will join the order!"
Kanaan had glanced at her then and hesitated in his response and Teyla felt her face heat up for the second time in as many weeks.
After the meeting is over, Elizabeth pulls her aside.
"I'm very pleased to have you here, Teyla," she says as everyone else files out of the room. "I know that things can't be easy for you, trying to fit into our culture like this, but without you this expedition would be loss. You are vital to our continued survival."
She thanks Elizabeth and goes back to her quarters, wondering if maybe Atlantis really is worth all she's given up.
She also wonders, distantly, distractedly, what Kanaan is doing right now.
something unstoppable set into motion
The laughter and music from the distant campfire almost drowns out the sound of the wormhole whooshing shut behind the team as they make their way towards the settlement on New Athos. Their packs are light and they carry no weapons. Even their steps seem lighter, although that could just be Teyla projecting on the rest of them. She's missed seeing her people. Even once they moved to New Athos, she tried to visit as often as possible, but with the chaos surrounding Elizabeth's disappearance (not death, she refused to believe that) and Colonel Carter's appointment to Atlantis, time has slipped away from her. The Festival of Sound was exactly what the entire team needed to unwind.
"Are they going to have those little fried duck things?" Rodney asks, anxiously peering towards the largest of the bonfires.
"I believe so, yes," Teyla says, biting back a smile. "Fia knows how much you look forward to it. I am sure she made plenty."
"Fabulous," Rodney says, walking a little faster. John, who grew slightly stiff at the mention of little lovesick FIa, shrugs a shoulder in Rodney's direction.
"I'm gonna go make sure Rodney doesn't get himself into any trouble," he says. Teyla waves him off, not bothering to hide her smile this time.
"Of course, John. We will see you there." She watches him jog to catch up with Rodney and shakes her head.
"Think he'll ever realize that everyone thinks McKay's already spoken for?" Ronon asks, a similar grin on his face.
They've reached the settlement now and the music and laughter has nearly overtaken them. Teyla turns to Ronon to say something about John's privacy and learning to deal with emotional matters on his own, but before she can speak, she hears her name.
"Teyla."
She turns and smiles and misses Ronon's smirk because Kanaan is leaning against a nearby tree and smiling at her.
"Kanaan," she says. After staring for a moment, she remembers Ronon behind her. "Ah, Ronon, this is Kanaan. He was a close friend of mine growing up. Until very recently, he was studying under the Order of Thas on Trellia. Kanaan, this is Ronon. He is a good friend, originally of Sateda."
Ronon's smirk is back as meets his forehead with Kanaan's. "Order of Thas, huh?" he says. "I always thought that was one of those things you joined for life." He looks back and forth between them and raises his eyebrows, as though he has a pretty good feeling about what kept Kanaan from locking himself up in the Thas monastery for the rest of his life.
"It is," Kanaan says. "And I am grateful they allowed me to study with them and learn all they could offer me, but I feel their books did not fully satisfy my thirst for knowledge and their lifestyle, while, ah, commendable, was not for me."
"I'll bet," Ronon says, and then smacks Kanaan on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get some of those duck things before McKay eats them all," he says to Teyla, and then disappears into the crowd.
Teyla's father used to tease her about Kanaan, who was thoughtful and nervous and acted as though he was smarter than the other children to hide the fact that he was scared of them. Teyla was one of the few who could tolerate his presence, even call him a friend, and Father was sure they would one day marry.
"Ew!" she squealed, making a face. "Kanaan is annoying and I will never marry him! He does not even like playing Turning Ring! I will never marry someone who does not like Turning Ring!"
Father had laughed and laughed and said, "Teyla, one day things like Turning Ring will no longer matter and you will look at Kanaan and see that he has grown into a brilliant and formative man. The others dismiss him because he favors pursuits of the mind, but pursuits of the mind have their place. A good leader needs to allow her people to follow their strengths and recognize how different strengths have different uses. I would not be surprised if Kanaan's intelligence saved our people one day."
She nodded, grudgingly, and felt badly for all the time she had teased Kanaan about his fear of heights or his disdain for running races. "But I still will not marry him!" she added hastily, wrinkling her nose.
They grew closer as they grew older, though. Father's words rang through Teyla's ears whenever the other children snubbed Kanaan, and she began sticking closer to him, learning what he learned. He was always able to take the lessons from Misini a step further once their lessons were over for the day and often Misini did not know what to do with him. It was she who suggested Kanaan continue his education with the Order of Thas if he so desired.
Kanaan always valued knowledge above all else, and two summers after Father died, he left.
He is back now, though, Teyla thinks as the two of them weave in and out of the trees on the outskirts of the settlement. And maybe, as with most other things, there was something to her father's predictions. For one thing, Turning Ring was the furthest thing from her mind.
"It was wonderful work," Kanaan said. "But there were things I missed and... there was a limit to the knowledge. I have read every book, scroll, and tablet that the Thas have available in their monasteries and there are still things I need to know, things I yearn to know. It was said the Thas had access to the knowledge of the ancestors, but most of it isn't any more than censuses and religious nonsense. None of it has answers."
Teyla knows where he can get his answers, of course, and the words are out of her mouth before she has the good sense to ask her friends.
"If it is answers you seek, perhaps you should join me on Atlantis."
They are also out of her mouth before she has the good sense to realize what she must sound like,
"I mean," she says quickly, "not join me, but rather, I know that Doctor McKay would be more than happy to have you join his team. He is in charge of such things on Atlantis and as long as you have a healthy, inquisitive mind I am certain he will be able to find a place for you among the scientists there."
She is not thinking like a leader and she knows it, but her heart feels lighter when Kanaan's wide, shocked eyes give way to a beatific smile.
"I... Teyla, that you would even offer such a position to me... there is no way that I--"
Teyla decides to continue with her series of tiny blunders and leans forward to kiss Kanaan quiet. She presses their mouths together as she leans up on tiptoe, and when Kanaan's arms finally circle around her back, she thinks she will beg Rodney if she has to, just to get this one, precious thing.
nothing is different, but everything's changed
"This is only the second baby I've ever held, you know that?" Rodney is sitting in the chair next to Teyla's bed, her newborn son cradled in his arms. He glances up at Teyla, eyes wide and clear and blue, a disbelieving smile on his face. "I took care of Jeanie, of course," he continues, "but after that... well, I suppose I assumed I was too busy for such things."
John is hovering over his back, bent over close, but with one hand firmly in Teyla's own.
"He's beautiful," John says. "He's... tiny. He has little fingernails and little fingers and little... hair." He, too, is entranced by the newborn and doesn't seem to notice how his sentence trails off.
"Yes, well, not everyone can have hair like yours, Cousin Itt."
"That's Lieutenant Colonel Itt, and I want to hold him next."
Teyla watches them bicker, but it's soft and warm and run through with the affection they have for each other as well as the affection they have for the baby that has just entered their tiny, misshapen family. Ronon is sitting at her bedside, gazing at the two of them and the baby with his usual amused smirk, the one reserved for John and Rodney's particular brand of argument.
These three men are her family now. These three are the ones who will help her baby grow.
"He'll come back," Ronon says softly, and Teyla turns, wondering if she had been speaking aloud. "Kanaan, I mean. If that's who you're thinking about. We'll find him."
Rodney glances up then and says, "Yes, yes, we'll find him. We'd better. I've been holding a job open for him for almost a year now and other people are going to want it, believe me."
"Wait, what do you mean?" John says. "You knew Teyla was dating this guy?"
"Uh, yeah," Rodney sas. "She asked me if there was space in the science department for him in one of the soft sciences. He doesn't have a PhD, of course, but Sam cleared it with the SGC. I mean, you got to keep Ronon, after all." Ronon shoots him a glare, but Rodney ignores it, as was his wont.
It is almost surreal, lying in the Atlantis infirmary surrounded by people from another galaxy who feel more like family than her own people do (not did, not yet, they're out there), some days. At six years old, she imagined herself in the biggest living area in the settlement, married and with children of her own, leading the Athosians to prosperity. Now she lives in the city of the Ancients with three men she would die for, but she would eat a keltelfish before she would marry any one of them. She has a child now, with the man she would like to make her husband, who is still lost somewhere in the vastness of the galaxy.
She feels tears in her eyes and does not know if they are tears for Kanaan, tears for her child, or tears for the absurdity of her situation.
Her son gurgles next to her and begins to fuss. Rodney looks momentarily panicked before he hands the child back to her hastily.
"There you go," he says. "Back to mama. Quickly. Please."
Teyla laughs softly and holds him close, this connection to Kanaan, to her people.
"Shush, Torren."
To her father.
She coos at him, singing softly until his fussing stops, until he curls up on her breast and falls asleep. And amid John jokingly (but not so jokingly) asking her when she'll be returning to active duty ("Is next week good for you?") and Rodney boasting about the walker he had built for the baby ("I wanted to build a simple calculator in as well, but Sheppard talked me out of it.") and Ronon asking how long until he's old enough to shoot ("I bet McKay could build him a real little gun."), Teyla closes her eyes and thinks about her father and wonders what he'd think of her now.
She can't help but think he'd be pleased. Pleased and proud.
***
So, many of you were reading this journal during my tenure at Planned Parenthood, so you may have heard this before. It bears repeating.
Planned Parenthood is an organization often referenced when discussing abortion but less often referenced when discussing women's health. This is an enormous omission, whether intentional or not, as only three percent of the services provided by Planned Parenthood are abortion related services. The other 97% include things like prenatal care, pap smears, breast exams, and regular gynecological examinations. Planned Parenthood charges its clients on a sliding scale, allowing them to pay only what they can when they can and relying heavily on local and national funding in order to remain able to provide these crucial services to the women who need them most.
There are just over 850 Planned Parenthood affiliates in the US and each one struggles to obtain funding and keep its doors open amidst protests and national debate, most of which focuses on the three percent of their services that are in the national spotlight. For every three people that these protesters keep from their abortions, ninety-seven others are kept from check-ups and breast exams. They're kept from obtaining the birth control they need to prevent the need for abortions. They've kept from having STIs diagnosed and treated. They are kept from their pre-natal care.
For every bill that anti-choice politicians pass that closes down clinics and disrupts or eliminates their funding, these ninety-seven women are left with no where to go for basic, affordable women's healthcare.
Regardless of your stance on abortion, in a country with inadequate health care, these clinics are too precious a commodity to lose.