Gender images

[plucky_lass]

My five year old daughter is not a fan of gender equality. At all. She loves pink, cries that I won’t buy her high heels, feels guilty for liking the Avengers (“I’m strange because I like boys things and I don’t want to be a tomboy any more mummy”) and has explained to me that she can’t be a doctor because girls aren’t doctors, girls are nurses.

Comments

[krieglust]

It may be that her desire to do 'girly' things as opposed to 'boys things' is just an expression of her exploring her own femininity, something she is possibly only just becoming aware of as she has started to interact with a lot more children of her own age at school. She will go through phases, especially as she develops her own opinions on things, and sometimes they will change by the day - keeping up with them is hard work. And I know it can be very hard to take when you see her influenced by things that scream 'wrong' at you, especially if she seems upset because of it. This may sound a bit trite, but I wouldn't be overly worried about it, especially because if and when she decides that she can like 'boys things' without compromising her femininity then you'll be right there to support her in that. And that, frankly, is what makes you and Alan good parents - not the choices your children choose to make, but the fact that you will always support them in those choices.

[plucky_lass]

It's not so much that, as I hate seeing her putting away toys she enjoys and holding back on games she loves because she is judging herself harshly based on her understanding of society's requirements of her.

[krieglust]

I do understand, believe me. I remember when my own daughter at a similar age started doing similar things, and how disappointed I felt. And, to be honest, how angry I felt at the world at large for forcing her into an image I didn't like. I remember talking to my mum about it, and her saying to me that all I could do was support her and ensure that no door was ever closed for her by me. And, having gone through similar with Ben, only at a different age, I realise how right she was.

I know that's not easy to deal with sometimes. *hugs*

[kol]

For what its worth, my daughter did the same thing at about the same age and it had no noticeable effect on her attitudes or development in the long term.

That she see's scientist as un-gendered is definitely a big plus though. :D

[alanvmoore]

Ambam did the same thing around then, last a while but while she now enjoys being 'girly' she has a broad taste in everything and simply does things because she wants to and not because it is expected of her. That said she does tell us that some of her friends complain that they don't want to be ninjas because it isn't what girls do but once again she just gets on with it and they join in so the pressure is there but I think giving C the self confidence to just do what she wants will meen she ends up pursuing those things SHE likes once she is past worrying about what she 'should' be. Flip side of that is L gets stick for enjoying painting and dressing up but in some ways his approach of just ignoring it seems to have got him past the stage more quickly. You are I think giving C the confidence to be what she wants, after that it is down to her.

[jetlagjen]

I had a girly phase. I recall being uber-girly, or at least *wanting* to be uber-girly, at about that age. I remember being most upset when my sister got a pretty ornament for Christmas, and I got a dinosaur. We did a survey thing in school about people's favourite colours. I claimed pink, because I knew it was supposed to be girly. I was the only person in the class who chose it. I was just becoming aware of gender differences and I was experimenting. I was worried that I wasn't girly enough to be a "proper" girl and I over-compensated. It seems quite likely that she's doing the same. She will need to reconcile how different parts of her life give her wildly different messages about the same things, and that takes time, role-play, acting out and experimentation.