Twist + Lack of Sleep + Journey = Hilarity
Okay, so here is proof that I shouldn't be allowed to listen to Journey after a certain time. LOLZ.
Story Summary: Everyone gets drunk at the Assassins' Guild Gala. Bad, bad things ensure. Don't stop believin', guys.
[Open scene: A darkened stage in the Assassin's Guild, obviously during some sort of Gala. The chatter of drunken revelers permeates the room. Centered on the stage is a piano. A dark-clothed figure sits down on the bench and, very deliberately, as though heavily intoxicated, plinks a few keys. Another figure, dressed neatly in a pinstripe suit, climbs on stage. RUFUS DRUMKNOTT clears his throat and nods to the pianist. HAVELOCK VETINARI waves back, obviously somewhat intoxicated.
VETINARI beings to play a song. DRUMKNOTT waits to come in, tapping his foot and swaying slightly. He is also drunk, his tie is askew and his hair is mussed.
He begins to sing.]
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight coach goin' anywhere . . .
[In the audience, LORD DOWNEY leans over to LORD RUST. Both men are intoxicated as well.]
LORD DOWNEY: [whispering] I love this song!
LORD RUST: Me too!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Just a city boy, born and raised right by the Ankh, he took the midnight coach goin' anywhere . . .
[LORD DOWNEY and LORD RUST climb on stage and take up guitars that just happen to be there. VETINARI and DRUMKNOTT are apparently oblivious to this. DOWNEY and RUST begin playing.
DOWNEY is clearly the better of the two, and begins jamming some sweet riffs.]
DRUMKNOTT: [digging this, clearly excited, still singing] A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume, for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.
Stangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion, hidin' somewhere in the night.
[In the audience COMMANDER VIMES leans over to his wife, LADY SYBIL. He looks horrified.]
COMMANDER VIMES: [whispering] What are they doing?
LADY SYBIL: [Also somewhat intoxicated, but not terribly so.] I love this song! Especially when it's sung by drunken amateurs.
[On stage, the band has seemed to hit some sort of rhythm and sounds almost good. DRUMKNOTT is really getting into it, dancing around poorly. DOWNEY and RUST are shuffling around, perhaps trying to dance, perhaps trying to maintain their balance through the alcohol. VETINARI is playing the piano like it's his job. THE AUDIENCE is clearly delighted.]
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill, payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time. Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues. Oh the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on.
[DRUMKNOTT rips off his jacket and untucks his white button-down, flailing in an insane dance of passion. DOWNEY and RUST are also starting to get some head-banging going on. VETINARI seems to be giggling, but no one can quite discern what at. In the audience, COMMANDER VIMES is horrified and LADY SYBIL is giggling delightedly.]
COMMANDER VIMES: [horrified] What is going on?
LADY SYBIL: [Feeds a small charcoal biscuit to a very small swamp dragon and holds the flaming creature up in the air, waving back and forth. Other members of THE AUDIENCE follow suit.] This is a great song!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing and flailing, er, dancing] Stangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard! Their shadows, searching in the night! Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion, hidin' somewhere in the night!
[DOWNEY and RUST take it away, jamming like they have never jammed before. DOWNEY fires off a particularly masterful guitar solo, sliding on his knees to the front of the stage. THE AUIDIENCE goes wild, swamp dragons are waving, girls are screaming, a pair of panties flys onstage and lands inside the piano. VETINARI nods appreciatively. DRUMKNOTT manages to jerk his way back into the limelight, where he, DOWNEY and RUST lean against one another, most likely for help with remaining standing.
In the audience, COMMANDER VIMES has gone into shock. LADY SYBIL is jumping up and down, waving her arms.]
LADY SYBIL: [screaming] I love you Havelock! Let's start dating again!
COMMANDER VIMES: [pale, shaking slightly] Nnnnnggghhh . . .
[Onstage, the DOWNEY, DRUMKNOTT and RUST are still leaning against one another, sort of dancing. VETINARI has extracted the panties from the piano and uses the elastic to catapault them at DRUMKNOTT. The panties land on his head, but he does not notice. The four of them begin to sing together, very poorly.]
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Don't stop believin'!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Hold on to the feelin'!
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Streetlights, people!
[DRUMKNOTT continues to drag the last syllable of 'people on for quite some time. THE AUDIENCE is in a frenzy. LADY SYBIL is professing her undying attraction to VETINARI at the top of her lungs. COMMANDER VIMES is searching for someone in the room who is equally horrified. He catches the eye of ADORA BELLE DEARHEART, who is patiently ignoring MOIST VOM LIPWIG's crazed leaping about. ADORA shrugs and shoots COMMANDER VIMES a 'what-can-you-do?' sort of expression.]
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Don't stop believin'!
DRUMKNOTT: [He has since collapsed to the floor and is singing from down there, writhing around, as though in pain] Hold on!
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Streetlights, people!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing, once again dragging the last syllable out] People!
[THE BAND seems unsure as to how to bring the song to an end. DOWNEY and RUST trail off with the guitars and DRUMKNOTT stops singing. VETINARI wraps it all up very neatly with a few bars on the piano.
THE AUDIENCE is beside itself. Women are hysterical, screaming the names of assorted BAND members. Men are screaming "AWESOME!!" at one another. High-fives are exchanged. ADORA and COMMANDER VIMES share looks of disbelief.]
LADY SYBIL: [weeping, sinking back to her seat] I love you, Havelock!
LADY SELACHII: [also crying] Me too!
[THE BAND, in various stages of drunkenness, manages to get off the stage, escaping via the back stairs. VETINARI does trip over the panties - which apparently fell off Drumknott's head while he was writhing on the floor - and falls down the stairs, but THE BAND is able to make a clean escape, avoiding music-crazed women.]
LADY SYBIL: [still crying a little, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief] I've always loved that song. Especially when it's sung by amateurs.
COMMANDER VIMES: [neutral] That's very nice, dear. Let's go home and get some rest.
:D LAWLZ.
Story Summary: Everyone gets drunk at the Assassins' Guild Gala. Bad, bad things ensure. Don't stop believin', guys.
[Open scene: A darkened stage in the Assassin's Guild, obviously during some sort of Gala. The chatter of drunken revelers permeates the room. Centered on the stage is a piano. A dark-clothed figure sits down on the bench and, very deliberately, as though heavily intoxicated, plinks a few keys. Another figure, dressed neatly in a pinstripe suit, climbs on stage. RUFUS DRUMKNOTT clears his throat and nods to the pianist. HAVELOCK VETINARI waves back, obviously somewhat intoxicated.
VETINARI beings to play a song. DRUMKNOTT waits to come in, tapping his foot and swaying slightly. He is also drunk, his tie is askew and his hair is mussed.
He begins to sing.]
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight coach goin' anywhere . . .
[In the audience, LORD DOWNEY leans over to LORD RUST. Both men are intoxicated as well.]
LORD DOWNEY: [whispering] I love this song!
LORD RUST: Me too!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Just a city boy, born and raised right by the Ankh, he took the midnight coach goin' anywhere . . .
[LORD DOWNEY and LORD RUST climb on stage and take up guitars that just happen to be there. VETINARI and DRUMKNOTT are apparently oblivious to this. DOWNEY and RUST begin playing.
DOWNEY is clearly the better of the two, and begins jamming some sweet riffs.]
DRUMKNOTT: [digging this, clearly excited, still singing] A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume, for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on.
Stangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion, hidin' somewhere in the night.
[In the audience COMMANDER VIMES leans over to his wife, LADY SYBIL. He looks horrified.]
COMMANDER VIMES: [whispering] What are they doing?
LADY SYBIL: [Also somewhat intoxicated, but not terribly so.] I love this song! Especially when it's sung by drunken amateurs.
[On stage, the band has seemed to hit some sort of rhythm and sounds almost good. DRUMKNOTT is really getting into it, dancing around poorly. DOWNEY and RUST are shuffling around, perhaps trying to dance, perhaps trying to maintain their balance through the alcohol. VETINARI is playing the piano like it's his job. THE AUDIENCE is clearly delighted.]
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill, payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time. Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues. Oh the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on.
[DRUMKNOTT rips off his jacket and untucks his white button-down, flailing in an insane dance of passion. DOWNEY and RUST are also starting to get some head-banging going on. VETINARI seems to be giggling, but no one can quite discern what at. In the audience, COMMANDER VIMES is horrified and LADY SYBIL is giggling delightedly.]
COMMANDER VIMES: [horrified] What is going on?
LADY SYBIL: [Feeds a small charcoal biscuit to a very small swamp dragon and holds the flaming creature up in the air, waving back and forth. Other members of THE AUDIENCE follow suit.] This is a great song!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing and flailing, er, dancing] Stangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard! Their shadows, searching in the night! Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion, hidin' somewhere in the night!
[DOWNEY and RUST take it away, jamming like they have never jammed before. DOWNEY fires off a particularly masterful guitar solo, sliding on his knees to the front of the stage. THE AUIDIENCE goes wild, swamp dragons are waving, girls are screaming, a pair of panties flys onstage and lands inside the piano. VETINARI nods appreciatively. DRUMKNOTT manages to jerk his way back into the limelight, where he, DOWNEY and RUST lean against one another, most likely for help with remaining standing.
In the audience, COMMANDER VIMES has gone into shock. LADY SYBIL is jumping up and down, waving her arms.]
LADY SYBIL: [screaming] I love you Havelock! Let's start dating again!
COMMANDER VIMES: [pale, shaking slightly] Nnnnnggghhh . . .
[Onstage, the DOWNEY, DRUMKNOTT and RUST are still leaning against one another, sort of dancing. VETINARI has extracted the panties from the piano and uses the elastic to catapault them at DRUMKNOTT. The panties land on his head, but he does not notice. The four of them begin to sing together, very poorly.]
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Don't stop believin'!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing] Hold on to the feelin'!
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Streetlights, people!
[DRUMKNOTT continues to drag the last syllable of 'people on for quite some time. THE AUDIENCE is in a frenzy. LADY SYBIL is professing her undying attraction to VETINARI at the top of her lungs. COMMANDER VIMES is searching for someone in the room who is equally horrified. He catches the eye of ADORA BELLE DEARHEART, who is patiently ignoring MOIST VOM LIPWIG's crazed leaping about. ADORA shrugs and shoots COMMANDER VIMES a 'what-can-you-do?' sort of expression.]
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Don't stop believin'!
DRUMKNOTT: [He has since collapsed to the floor and is singing from down there, writhing around, as though in pain] Hold on!
DOWNEY, RUST, DRUMKNOTT and VETINARI: [singing] Streetlights, people!
DRUMKNOTT: [singing, once again dragging the last syllable out] People!
[THE BAND seems unsure as to how to bring the song to an end. DOWNEY and RUST trail off with the guitars and DRUMKNOTT stops singing. VETINARI wraps it all up very neatly with a few bars on the piano.
THE AUDIENCE is beside itself. Women are hysterical, screaming the names of assorted BAND members. Men are screaming "AWESOME!!" at one another. High-fives are exchanged. ADORA and COMMANDER VIMES share looks of disbelief.]
LADY SYBIL: [weeping, sinking back to her seat] I love you, Havelock!
LADY SELACHII: [also crying] Me too!
[THE BAND, in various stages of drunkenness, manages to get off the stage, escaping via the back stairs. VETINARI does trip over the panties - which apparently fell off Drumknott's head while he was writhing on the floor - and falls down the stairs, but THE BAND is able to make a clean escape, avoiding music-crazed women.]
LADY SYBIL: [still crying a little, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief] I've always loved that song. Especially when it's sung by amateurs.
COMMANDER VIMES: [neutral] That's very nice, dear. Let's go home and get some rest.
:D LAWLZ.