Original Story: Beyond the Gate
Story: Beyond the Gate
Genre: Original, Reader insert
Rating: PG13
Words: 4,329
Warnings: Angst, dark, hope
Details: I do what I have to, even when you don't want me too. But if I don't, who will save the children? Who will save you?
Also please note this story is written in first person. So it can be taken as me talking to you. Or you talking to someone else.
To say everyone had a choice would have been a lie. I didn’t have a choice and neither do you, not any more than the children who were banished to that place. Why does it matter to the likes of us? I know you’re curious and I wish I had an answer that would eliminate your fears, one that could tell you it turned out alright and everyone lived happily ever after. I won’t say we can’t live happily now that it’s over, but it took a lot to get here. I’m not sure I’ve got what I started with, and I’m not sure you’ll be the same once you realize what’s going on.
I wish I could make that my problem. I’ve made more than enough things that have nothing to do with me, my problem. And because of that I find myself in the middle of something ghastly. This is my last journey, I’m sure of it. I don’t regret my choice, but I know I can’t hold out forever. I know my body will break and my spirit will be nothing. But for now I must smile, I must smile and give everything I have. If I don’t, no one else will.
Before you get angry at me for using up everything that makes me, let me explain. No one else could do what I could and because of that it was I that had to step up. Let me start at the beginning. I traveled to the world beyond the gate. I do not know how I got there. I do know that it was just like ours in almost every aspect. There were differences, the grass was greener, the forest was thicker and the air was cleaner. It was a nice place if you couldn’t feel them, if you couldn’t see them, and if you could stop caring. You know by now, I am incapable of turning anything off and so naturally I couldn’t stop anything.
I was in that world, that dark place longer than I like to admit. Had I the notion that I would be back that soon I would have never left. Still, at that time I could not make sense of the terrified children. They had no energy; they were almost like dolls, puppets or containers. They longed for life; you could just barely see that. I don’t know how they got there, but they were, and they were miserable.
I wasn’t there for long, but the journey left an image imprinted on my mind. I wish I could say it was one that would make people turn over a new leaf. But for me it was one that sent a sinking feeling in my stomach and a shiver up my spine. I was not done with that place. Not yet. The idea of having to go back brought mixed feelings. I remember hoping that they were good only to realize most were bad.
You never forget the half starved look of a child longing for Peace. Though, I’d imagine they could have been wishing for death. A few days later I remember absently placing a sign in town square. It was an urgent sign and it had mentioned that the town meeting was being changed to a funeral. How horrible, a funeral, I remember thinking that. I don’t know why, but my heart ached. I didn’t know the child, but maybe that was why. Because it was a child.
No one would believe me, not about the gate, not about the world beyond it and most certainly not about the help they needed. I still had to try, I had to help them, but I couldn’t do it alone. I stood in the back of the crowd as people gathered, there were four of us. I knew who would help me in the end, but I still had to try.
I’m not sure why but I heard music then I heard him singing. It was an unconscious effort, I joined in. The four of us, a simple dirge for a child we didn’t even know. I fought back the tears, I wouldn’t cry, I don’t mourn but it was the collective feeling of dread that spread through the crowd that made me want to scream out in pain. He began it to get their attention. He started and I half wished he hadn’t. But what’s done is done and something we need to move passed. Because of that, I stepped forward to deliver the message that something dark was happening on the other side of that gate. The gate that very few people could see.
That gate, I had always seen it. I asked about it as a child but only got the responses that only bad children could see it. Or that only bad children would go there. I’d ask my friends, kids my age, but they’d deny it. Maybe I was the only one who could ever see it.
I’m not sure where the legend started. But I do know that eventually I stopped asking about it. It aggravated people and it made them look at me with eyes I’d rather not remember.
I took another step and opened my mouth to speak. But just as clearly as I heard it so did the entire crowd. The shriek, the terrified, blood freezing shriek of a little boy. I jumped off the stage and the young blonde who had started the singing jumped down with me. We rushed to the child.
He looked up at me with chocolate colored eyes, they were filled with hope. He looked down and then back with a terrible shiver. Fear overtook his little body. “Was the gate always this far?” he inquired. He looked frantically about, where his feet had gone, where the gate was barely visible to all through the soil and back at the forest that he had come from.
I swore to myself, no the gate was never this far forward or this visible. Something dark was coming and I was not the only one who felt it. Time was running out. I should have seen this coming and I should have just cut to the point when this whole thing started. I looked back at the crowd at that moment, I didn’t have to say anything; they understood. Far more than I ever thought they would, and still, they still ran. They let panic take them and they were gone. They went off to hide, one of the four of us along with them. I stood alone with the blonde and the other man whose hair was dark. I gulped hard. I didn’t want to send them out to something that might be dangerous, but with only three of us, I had too. They knew that.
“Where do you want me to go?” the blonde asked. His voice was soothing as it always was. His blue eyes showed a sparkle of life that I had not seen in days. One that I had not let myself see in the gloom I had been feeling since I returned.
My brother, my darling twin brother, he looked at me and cracked his knuckles. “Well, we knew this was coming right?” he crossed his arms, “It’s just sooner than expected. Better just us. Then we don’t have to worry about anyone messing it up.”
I agreed with him. One hundred percent I agreed. Best that it was just us involved. He was to the point and I admired him for that, especially at a time like this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There were a handful of us, and when I say “us” I mean people like me. I wouldn’t have wished that one anyone before today, but as I thought about it, we really could use a few more people like me. And because we were limited I was unsure of what to do. But I still gave out the orders. I always did, because I had too. “Alright, we don’t have time to waste.” I looked at the blonde; I would blame myself for eternity if I never saw him again. “Take the West. See if you can find my sister. See if you can find anyone. I think,” I paused I didn’t want to show them my worries or fears, but we were beyond that. “I think we’re in trouble.”
“Don’t worry so much.” He answered, “I’ve the west. If anyone can handle all of this, it’s you.” He looked at my brother. “Be careful out there.”
A chuckle was shared between the men. I suppose it was something like ‘I’m the only one allowed to kill you’, but as I’m not a man, I wouldn’t know; and thus, I did not understand.
“Orders, Boss?” my brother spoke. I don’t remember when he took to calling me that, but I felt at ease to know he had faith in my decisions as a leader.
“Take the South. I’ve got the North and East.”
He didn’t like my decision to take two sides. I wouldn’t have had too if the person with us earlier wouldn’t have left. But what did I expect she was not helpful and she was very much different from my sister. I could rely on my sister in every situation and I knew it. I just didn’t know where she was. Still, he complied; lack of time made him more than I did.
“Fine, be careful and remember to use your energy sparingly. We don’t even know what we’re up against.”
I nodded to his words and we parted ways. The more we spent talking the worse it would have been. The world Beyond the Gate was now just as much a part of our world that I was. I raced through the forest, I didn’t even know what I was looking for; I was positive I’d know if I saw it.
I ran into a woman, the first living thing I had seen since my parting with my loved ones. She was short, old, wise, and curious. She wore a tanned robe and a mask that reminded me of the theater. I looked at her in curiosity and I knew she was returning the very same gaze. At first she sent a chill up my spine and then back down it. I felt my bones shiver. It might have been her mask. I think it was more so her aura that told me to be wary. I am not sure how, but I knew she was the leader of whatever resistance there might have been here.
“You shouldn’t be running around out here.” Her voice was much kinder than I thought it would have been. It was soft yet stern and I felt warmth from her words. Children with powers like yours are the first target.”
I nodded as I processed her words and took them into consideration. I suppose a child would have been in trouble, but that was not something I knew at that moment. I chuckle; I’m an adult even though people mistake me for being a child. “But, I’m not really a child; so I’m okay.”
She smiled, I’m sure of it, even though I could not see her face. She gave a nod and motioned for me to follow her. I did so without question. As I think back on it, a small warning would have been nice. At least it might have helped me keep a lid on my temper.
“I’m here to help.” I said.
“I know, dear.” She replied, “It is because of your magic that I was concerned but now I see you may be our only hope.”
I don’t know how she knew I could use it, but, I imagine at one point she might have been very much like me. Light flicked from my fingertips in response it is not a completely conscious effort on my part.
I notice something out of the ordinary. A floating face it looks at me with curiosity but nothing more. I see it clearly, but the old woman does not. That face looks at me and the more it does the more I think that I should be frightened. I do not have time to feel fear though. I hear the giggles of children, and then a rush of emotion replaces it. Anxiety, panic, fear, despair - they are not foreign to me, but I am not sure where they are coming from.
I realize what is going on and it is almost too late. Before I know what I’m doing, I am in the middle of a group of shadows. There must have been six or seven and they are glowing. A child lays lifeless in the arms of one of her friends. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I could think of. I raised my hands and banished the shadows. Light poured in from my fingertips, I remember shouting the words we had replaced with the old incantations to make it short, sweet, and simple. When the light was gone so were the shadows. The children looked up at me in a mix of shock, fear, and respect.
She was gone, that little girl, but her friends were safe. I was too late, too late but also thankful that I didn’t have enough time to think about it. The image replayed in my mind a thousand times or more. I had never seen someone lose their energy; I never wanted to see it again.
We call them specters now. That’s all we could think to name them. Adults couldn’t really see them, I found out. Some of the children told me. They said that adults didn’t know and it was because they had lost their light a long time ago. Children had their light but they dared not use it. There was no way they could take the specters.
At first I didn’t quite understand. It was when one child knelt down to regain his composure that I did. He was hiding his energy, his ability to use magic. They all were. They crowded around me, I suppose for warmth and support. Maybe for comfort but I wasn’t feeling too strong then. I thought that if I could teach them to not be afraid it would be easier.
But I realized that would take far more time and training than we had manpower or luxury of. I realized this is one reason we grow up. We know what we should be doing and when, a lot of times we don’t. And if I was the only one who could freely use this gift then I was going too. Even if it killed me. I am smart enough to realize the specters will be back and in larger numbers. They will make my life miserable for standing up to them, but I am not going down without a fight.
I knew they wouldn’t give up, so I shouldn’t either. If these kids couldn’t do anything then someone should step up and it may as well be me. I was brought here for a reason and even if I don’t know what it is, I’ll get it done. You know me well enough by now that you know how stubborn I could be. And if it was in my power to see a child to live happily, then I will. And you know this. And that is why neither of us really have a choice in this matter. This is something that needs to be done.
We should have finished this years ago, when we first found out. But the more time I waste in this thinking the less I get done and the farther I get in over my head. And if I die, I know that no one would forgive me. Not when they were fighting passed their limits. I don’t think I could forgive myself if I left this unfinished.
I didn’t hate anything. I never have but I must say that the specters make it really close to that list.
“They’re coming back….”
I heard the collected hush of the group of children. They cower together and they cling to each other for warmth and they pray. They pray that they shall keep their souls for just one more minute and that it should be with people they love. It should be with their friends because they understand and that someone should protect their parents. Because once they’re gone the specters will need to feed elsewhere.
I’m not sure what is colder: the realization that the children have faced this choice and believe they are doomed or the cold gaze and touch of the specters as they pass me to try and get to their ‘meal’. Then again, there is my temper to think about and anyone who messes with me deserves their icy grave.
In this case though, I suppose it’s not as icy as it can be called annoying. The specters hate the light, I don’t know why, but it is to my advantage. My hand sweeps across the room as though I am pushing something out of my view, and as I do so the ghastly voices of the specters scream and disappear. The children look up at me again.
They now realize I can see the specters. They know that I can do something and that I’m actually useful. They are pale but alive and for the first time they have hope that they will make it through the day. Their hope fills me with pride and energy. I have to keep doing this.
A face appears next to me. It snarls but I am not afraid. For if I let that happen I will lose and they will lose hope. I have to hold out as long as I can, but what can I do when the numbers get larger and larger. Not only are children gathering round me, specters are too. And before I really know it there is so much going on all I can tell is that there is barely any room for me to breathe.
I’ve seen it happen a few times now. But it still makes me uneasy. It is hard to see a child lose their energy it is hard to watch a specter grab them and steal their life force and the few times that I wasn’t quick enough it broke my heart. I swear if there are any pieces of it left when I’m done I may be able to love.
I wish my sister was here. I could draw energy from her. I wouldn’t be tired; she could save them if I couldn’t. I wish he was here, I wish my twin was here. I just wish I was not all alone in this hell. In this battle. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out; all I can see on the horizon are shadows. I hear children running towards me; their screams alert me more than their footsteps.
With every scream I hear I know there are at least two specters following. They know my presence well. They do everything they can to shake me up. I’m not numb, not in the least, but I do not hear them. I hear only the hope of a child’s wish to live, even if it’s only for one more minute.
I swear I’ve seen me fall into oblivion by now. I wonder when it is I lost control of my own mind. My actions have become almost mindless. “Light Wall.” I’ll half hear in my own voice or, “Shimmering Gale.” There’s my favorite, “Celestial wrath” but that takes more energy than I can submit to this task. More than I have left in my body and it should only be used as my last ditch effort. And I won’t do it until I know the last of them are here. Then me and those cursed specters will leave this world together, but I assure you, I will be the victor.
“Light wall!”
That voice was not my own. It was a collected voice. Voices I recognized. Salvation never sounded so sweet even when my sister spoke.
“Can’t do anything without me, can ya?”
I wouldn’t have admitted it under normal circumstances. And I didn’t even have to say anything to her. She just smiled and let me shrink back into the group of children. She stood next to my twin. The two took hands and before I knew what they were doing a group of specters was showering down from the sky.
We all had different names or calls for our energy. But the thing we did share was the ability to annoy the specters. I felt a warm hand on my tired, aching shoulder. His smile is warm as well.
“Get in over your head?”
He’s teasing me, I know, but I can’t help but be proud. “I’m still alive aren’t I?”
“I told you so.” He says. “But before that, we have something to do.”
My sister looks to the children we’ve collected and gives them a nod and thumbs up. I have no idea what’s going on, but the children did. They stopped hiding their energy. The second they did we were rushed by those creatures. By the shadows and the more energy the children let out the more specters showed up.
We fell into oblivion. We fell quickly, we fell hard, and all I know for sure is that this was not like anything I ever had to face before. This would make or break our world, lives and the way we ever perceived anything ever again. It was then that I let myself cry because I did not know what was happening. The uncertainty more than the specters frightened me.
“Looks like now’s as good a time as any.”
I don’t know if it was my brother or my love that said it, all I knew was it was a man’s voice.
“Can you stand?”
Before I could answer they pulled me to my feet. “I don’t really have a choice.”
“We never did.” I heard my sister say, “But you’re always saying we have to do what we have to do. So let’s just cut the crap and do it.”
I then knew what was going on. She taught the children to summon the specters. They did an amazing job. Now, as I figured the plan of my sister was to banish them all at once. We could do that one of two ways, neither of which I quite liked. Still, better me than the children. Better me than the three of them and with that thought I heard a familiar song.
I looked to him and he only smiled. I must admit, it was a wonderful way to connect our hearts and the hearts of the people we wished to save. Never once did I doubt that this would work. I never believed in anything but our success.
I didn’t even hear myself singing at the end. At the end when I knew all I had to do was say it. And I said it, I said it with every bit of hope and energy I had.
“Celestial Wrath.”
And they echoed my words, my loved ones, the children, and I imagine even those who did not have the courage to do so before. I don’t remember what happened after that other than being lifted up.
Everything after that moment is a blur. And you should know by now that I still don’t know how long it has been since then. I don’t think I ever will. But I do know that I never want to see another specter. I never want to see a child look so lifeless.
When you look at me like that it’s hard to imagine anything happened at all. When you look at me with those sad eyes. You know, I never meant for it to happen like that, you know me better than that. I wonder what you regret though; everyone did what they thought they could at that moment, right?
I don’t regret it, you know? That I can’t physically be there. Though the specters may be gone, I feel that if I don’t stay beyond the gate they could come back. And if they do that then some other fool will get dragged into this. We don’t need that. So it is with pride, and not regret, that I take up this task. The task I got us all involved in. Because I should finish what I start when I can, then you won’t get hurt. Now you may hate me, I don’t have any doubts about that. And it’s fine for now. Do what you can when you can. And promise me, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Or those I worked so hard to protect.
And even if you don’t understand, they did. So it was only three people, but it is someone and one day, just one day you’ll understand that with a little thought it was you too. It was four. It was five. It was six. You know me better than that, really, if you think I could do this on my own you’re giving me too much credit. After all, it was your idea to play there, in that land Beyond the Gate.
I still can’t quite tell if you were trying to make me understand your plight and know that I had grown up safely in a good life, or if you wanted me to help. Either way, with the roles reversed it seems much more apparent that I don’t have a problem giving up everything I have for you.
And that’s How I’ve always been. - End
I would very much like comments and critiques.
Genre: Original, Reader insert
Rating: PG13
Words: 4,329
Warnings: Angst, dark, hope
Details: I do what I have to, even when you don't want me too. But if I don't, who will save the children? Who will save you?
Also please note this story is written in first person. So it can be taken as me talking to you. Or you talking to someone else.
To say everyone had a choice would have been a lie. I didn’t have a choice and neither do you, not any more than the children who were banished to that place. Why does it matter to the likes of us? I know you’re curious and I wish I had an answer that would eliminate your fears, one that could tell you it turned out alright and everyone lived happily ever after. I won’t say we can’t live happily now that it’s over, but it took a lot to get here. I’m not sure I’ve got what I started with, and I’m not sure you’ll be the same once you realize what’s going on.
I wish I could make that my problem. I’ve made more than enough things that have nothing to do with me, my problem. And because of that I find myself in the middle of something ghastly. This is my last journey, I’m sure of it. I don’t regret my choice, but I know I can’t hold out forever. I know my body will break and my spirit will be nothing. But for now I must smile, I must smile and give everything I have. If I don’t, no one else will.
Before you get angry at me for using up everything that makes me, let me explain. No one else could do what I could and because of that it was I that had to step up. Let me start at the beginning. I traveled to the world beyond the gate. I do not know how I got there. I do know that it was just like ours in almost every aspect. There were differences, the grass was greener, the forest was thicker and the air was cleaner. It was a nice place if you couldn’t feel them, if you couldn’t see them, and if you could stop caring. You know by now, I am incapable of turning anything off and so naturally I couldn’t stop anything.
I was in that world, that dark place longer than I like to admit. Had I the notion that I would be back that soon I would have never left. Still, at that time I could not make sense of the terrified children. They had no energy; they were almost like dolls, puppets or containers. They longed for life; you could just barely see that. I don’t know how they got there, but they were, and they were miserable.
I wasn’t there for long, but the journey left an image imprinted on my mind. I wish I could say it was one that would make people turn over a new leaf. But for me it was one that sent a sinking feeling in my stomach and a shiver up my spine. I was not done with that place. Not yet. The idea of having to go back brought mixed feelings. I remember hoping that they were good only to realize most were bad.
You never forget the half starved look of a child longing for Peace. Though, I’d imagine they could have been wishing for death. A few days later I remember absently placing a sign in town square. It was an urgent sign and it had mentioned that the town meeting was being changed to a funeral. How horrible, a funeral, I remember thinking that. I don’t know why, but my heart ached. I didn’t know the child, but maybe that was why. Because it was a child.
No one would believe me, not about the gate, not about the world beyond it and most certainly not about the help they needed. I still had to try, I had to help them, but I couldn’t do it alone. I stood in the back of the crowd as people gathered, there were four of us. I knew who would help me in the end, but I still had to try.
I’m not sure why but I heard music then I heard him singing. It was an unconscious effort, I joined in. The four of us, a simple dirge for a child we didn’t even know. I fought back the tears, I wouldn’t cry, I don’t mourn but it was the collective feeling of dread that spread through the crowd that made me want to scream out in pain. He began it to get their attention. He started and I half wished he hadn’t. But what’s done is done and something we need to move passed. Because of that, I stepped forward to deliver the message that something dark was happening on the other side of that gate. The gate that very few people could see.
That gate, I had always seen it. I asked about it as a child but only got the responses that only bad children could see it. Or that only bad children would go there. I’d ask my friends, kids my age, but they’d deny it. Maybe I was the only one who could ever see it.
I’m not sure where the legend started. But I do know that eventually I stopped asking about it. It aggravated people and it made them look at me with eyes I’d rather not remember.
I took another step and opened my mouth to speak. But just as clearly as I heard it so did the entire crowd. The shriek, the terrified, blood freezing shriek of a little boy. I jumped off the stage and the young blonde who had started the singing jumped down with me. We rushed to the child.
He looked up at me with chocolate colored eyes, they were filled with hope. He looked down and then back with a terrible shiver. Fear overtook his little body. “Was the gate always this far?” he inquired. He looked frantically about, where his feet had gone, where the gate was barely visible to all through the soil and back at the forest that he had come from.
I swore to myself, no the gate was never this far forward or this visible. Something dark was coming and I was not the only one who felt it. Time was running out. I should have seen this coming and I should have just cut to the point when this whole thing started. I looked back at the crowd at that moment, I didn’t have to say anything; they understood. Far more than I ever thought they would, and still, they still ran. They let panic take them and they were gone. They went off to hide, one of the four of us along with them. I stood alone with the blonde and the other man whose hair was dark. I gulped hard. I didn’t want to send them out to something that might be dangerous, but with only three of us, I had too. They knew that.
“Where do you want me to go?” the blonde asked. His voice was soothing as it always was. His blue eyes showed a sparkle of life that I had not seen in days. One that I had not let myself see in the gloom I had been feeling since I returned.
My brother, my darling twin brother, he looked at me and cracked his knuckles. “Well, we knew this was coming right?” he crossed his arms, “It’s just sooner than expected. Better just us. Then we don’t have to worry about anyone messing it up.”
I agreed with him. One hundred percent I agreed. Best that it was just us involved. He was to the point and I admired him for that, especially at a time like this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There were a handful of us, and when I say “us” I mean people like me. I wouldn’t have wished that one anyone before today, but as I thought about it, we really could use a few more people like me. And because we were limited I was unsure of what to do. But I still gave out the orders. I always did, because I had too. “Alright, we don’t have time to waste.” I looked at the blonde; I would blame myself for eternity if I never saw him again. “Take the West. See if you can find my sister. See if you can find anyone. I think,” I paused I didn’t want to show them my worries or fears, but we were beyond that. “I think we’re in trouble.”
“Don’t worry so much.” He answered, “I’ve the west. If anyone can handle all of this, it’s you.” He looked at my brother. “Be careful out there.”
A chuckle was shared between the men. I suppose it was something like ‘I’m the only one allowed to kill you’, but as I’m not a man, I wouldn’t know; and thus, I did not understand.
“Orders, Boss?” my brother spoke. I don’t remember when he took to calling me that, but I felt at ease to know he had faith in my decisions as a leader.
“Take the South. I’ve got the North and East.”
He didn’t like my decision to take two sides. I wouldn’t have had too if the person with us earlier wouldn’t have left. But what did I expect she was not helpful and she was very much different from my sister. I could rely on my sister in every situation and I knew it. I just didn’t know where she was. Still, he complied; lack of time made him more than I did.
“Fine, be careful and remember to use your energy sparingly. We don’t even know what we’re up against.”
I nodded to his words and we parted ways. The more we spent talking the worse it would have been. The world Beyond the Gate was now just as much a part of our world that I was. I raced through the forest, I didn’t even know what I was looking for; I was positive I’d know if I saw it.
I ran into a woman, the first living thing I had seen since my parting with my loved ones. She was short, old, wise, and curious. She wore a tanned robe and a mask that reminded me of the theater. I looked at her in curiosity and I knew she was returning the very same gaze. At first she sent a chill up my spine and then back down it. I felt my bones shiver. It might have been her mask. I think it was more so her aura that told me to be wary. I am not sure how, but I knew she was the leader of whatever resistance there might have been here.
“You shouldn’t be running around out here.” Her voice was much kinder than I thought it would have been. It was soft yet stern and I felt warmth from her words. Children with powers like yours are the first target.”
I nodded as I processed her words and took them into consideration. I suppose a child would have been in trouble, but that was not something I knew at that moment. I chuckle; I’m an adult even though people mistake me for being a child. “But, I’m not really a child; so I’m okay.”
She smiled, I’m sure of it, even though I could not see her face. She gave a nod and motioned for me to follow her. I did so without question. As I think back on it, a small warning would have been nice. At least it might have helped me keep a lid on my temper.
“I’m here to help.” I said.
“I know, dear.” She replied, “It is because of your magic that I was concerned but now I see you may be our only hope.”
I don’t know how she knew I could use it, but, I imagine at one point she might have been very much like me. Light flicked from my fingertips in response it is not a completely conscious effort on my part.
I notice something out of the ordinary. A floating face it looks at me with curiosity but nothing more. I see it clearly, but the old woman does not. That face looks at me and the more it does the more I think that I should be frightened. I do not have time to feel fear though. I hear the giggles of children, and then a rush of emotion replaces it. Anxiety, panic, fear, despair - they are not foreign to me, but I am not sure where they are coming from.
I realize what is going on and it is almost too late. Before I know what I’m doing, I am in the middle of a group of shadows. There must have been six or seven and they are glowing. A child lays lifeless in the arms of one of her friends. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I could think of. I raised my hands and banished the shadows. Light poured in from my fingertips, I remember shouting the words we had replaced with the old incantations to make it short, sweet, and simple. When the light was gone so were the shadows. The children looked up at me in a mix of shock, fear, and respect.
She was gone, that little girl, but her friends were safe. I was too late, too late but also thankful that I didn’t have enough time to think about it. The image replayed in my mind a thousand times or more. I had never seen someone lose their energy; I never wanted to see it again.
We call them specters now. That’s all we could think to name them. Adults couldn’t really see them, I found out. Some of the children told me. They said that adults didn’t know and it was because they had lost their light a long time ago. Children had their light but they dared not use it. There was no way they could take the specters.
At first I didn’t quite understand. It was when one child knelt down to regain his composure that I did. He was hiding his energy, his ability to use magic. They all were. They crowded around me, I suppose for warmth and support. Maybe for comfort but I wasn’t feeling too strong then. I thought that if I could teach them to not be afraid it would be easier.
But I realized that would take far more time and training than we had manpower or luxury of. I realized this is one reason we grow up. We know what we should be doing and when, a lot of times we don’t. And if I was the only one who could freely use this gift then I was going too. Even if it killed me. I am smart enough to realize the specters will be back and in larger numbers. They will make my life miserable for standing up to them, but I am not going down without a fight.
I knew they wouldn’t give up, so I shouldn’t either. If these kids couldn’t do anything then someone should step up and it may as well be me. I was brought here for a reason and even if I don’t know what it is, I’ll get it done. You know me well enough by now that you know how stubborn I could be. And if it was in my power to see a child to live happily, then I will. And you know this. And that is why neither of us really have a choice in this matter. This is something that needs to be done.
We should have finished this years ago, when we first found out. But the more time I waste in this thinking the less I get done and the farther I get in over my head. And if I die, I know that no one would forgive me. Not when they were fighting passed their limits. I don’t think I could forgive myself if I left this unfinished.
I didn’t hate anything. I never have but I must say that the specters make it really close to that list.
“They’re coming back….”
I heard the collected hush of the group of children. They cower together and they cling to each other for warmth and they pray. They pray that they shall keep their souls for just one more minute and that it should be with people they love. It should be with their friends because they understand and that someone should protect their parents. Because once they’re gone the specters will need to feed elsewhere.
I’m not sure what is colder: the realization that the children have faced this choice and believe they are doomed or the cold gaze and touch of the specters as they pass me to try and get to their ‘meal’. Then again, there is my temper to think about and anyone who messes with me deserves their icy grave.
In this case though, I suppose it’s not as icy as it can be called annoying. The specters hate the light, I don’t know why, but it is to my advantage. My hand sweeps across the room as though I am pushing something out of my view, and as I do so the ghastly voices of the specters scream and disappear. The children look up at me again.
They now realize I can see the specters. They know that I can do something and that I’m actually useful. They are pale but alive and for the first time they have hope that they will make it through the day. Their hope fills me with pride and energy. I have to keep doing this.
A face appears next to me. It snarls but I am not afraid. For if I let that happen I will lose and they will lose hope. I have to hold out as long as I can, but what can I do when the numbers get larger and larger. Not only are children gathering round me, specters are too. And before I really know it there is so much going on all I can tell is that there is barely any room for me to breathe.
I’ve seen it happen a few times now. But it still makes me uneasy. It is hard to see a child lose their energy it is hard to watch a specter grab them and steal their life force and the few times that I wasn’t quick enough it broke my heart. I swear if there are any pieces of it left when I’m done I may be able to love.
I wish my sister was here. I could draw energy from her. I wouldn’t be tired; she could save them if I couldn’t. I wish he was here, I wish my twin was here. I just wish I was not all alone in this hell. In this battle. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out; all I can see on the horizon are shadows. I hear children running towards me; their screams alert me more than their footsteps.
With every scream I hear I know there are at least two specters following. They know my presence well. They do everything they can to shake me up. I’m not numb, not in the least, but I do not hear them. I hear only the hope of a child’s wish to live, even if it’s only for one more minute.
I swear I’ve seen me fall into oblivion by now. I wonder when it is I lost control of my own mind. My actions have become almost mindless. “Light Wall.” I’ll half hear in my own voice or, “Shimmering Gale.” There’s my favorite, “Celestial wrath” but that takes more energy than I can submit to this task. More than I have left in my body and it should only be used as my last ditch effort. And I won’t do it until I know the last of them are here. Then me and those cursed specters will leave this world together, but I assure you, I will be the victor.
“Light wall!”
That voice was not my own. It was a collected voice. Voices I recognized. Salvation never sounded so sweet even when my sister spoke.
“Can’t do anything without me, can ya?”
I wouldn’t have admitted it under normal circumstances. And I didn’t even have to say anything to her. She just smiled and let me shrink back into the group of children. She stood next to my twin. The two took hands and before I knew what they were doing a group of specters was showering down from the sky.
We all had different names or calls for our energy. But the thing we did share was the ability to annoy the specters. I felt a warm hand on my tired, aching shoulder. His smile is warm as well.
“Get in over your head?”
He’s teasing me, I know, but I can’t help but be proud. “I’m still alive aren’t I?”
“I told you so.” He says. “But before that, we have something to do.”
My sister looks to the children we’ve collected and gives them a nod and thumbs up. I have no idea what’s going on, but the children did. They stopped hiding their energy. The second they did we were rushed by those creatures. By the shadows and the more energy the children let out the more specters showed up.
We fell into oblivion. We fell quickly, we fell hard, and all I know for sure is that this was not like anything I ever had to face before. This would make or break our world, lives and the way we ever perceived anything ever again. It was then that I let myself cry because I did not know what was happening. The uncertainty more than the specters frightened me.
“Looks like now’s as good a time as any.”
I don’t know if it was my brother or my love that said it, all I knew was it was a man’s voice.
“Can you stand?”
Before I could answer they pulled me to my feet. “I don’t really have a choice.”
“We never did.” I heard my sister say, “But you’re always saying we have to do what we have to do. So let’s just cut the crap and do it.”
I then knew what was going on. She taught the children to summon the specters. They did an amazing job. Now, as I figured the plan of my sister was to banish them all at once. We could do that one of two ways, neither of which I quite liked. Still, better me than the children. Better me than the three of them and with that thought I heard a familiar song.
I looked to him and he only smiled. I must admit, it was a wonderful way to connect our hearts and the hearts of the people we wished to save. Never once did I doubt that this would work. I never believed in anything but our success.
I didn’t even hear myself singing at the end. At the end when I knew all I had to do was say it. And I said it, I said it with every bit of hope and energy I had.
“Celestial Wrath.”
And they echoed my words, my loved ones, the children, and I imagine even those who did not have the courage to do so before. I don’t remember what happened after that other than being lifted up.
Everything after that moment is a blur. And you should know by now that I still don’t know how long it has been since then. I don’t think I ever will. But I do know that I never want to see another specter. I never want to see a child look so lifeless.
When you look at me like that it’s hard to imagine anything happened at all. When you look at me with those sad eyes. You know, I never meant for it to happen like that, you know me better than that. I wonder what you regret though; everyone did what they thought they could at that moment, right?
I don’t regret it, you know? That I can’t physically be there. Though the specters may be gone, I feel that if I don’t stay beyond the gate they could come back. And if they do that then some other fool will get dragged into this. We don’t need that. So it is with pride, and not regret, that I take up this task. The task I got us all involved in. Because I should finish what I start when I can, then you won’t get hurt. Now you may hate me, I don’t have any doubts about that. And it’s fine for now. Do what you can when you can. And promise me, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Or those I worked so hard to protect.
And even if you don’t understand, they did. So it was only three people, but it is someone and one day, just one day you’ll understand that with a little thought it was you too. It was four. It was five. It was six. You know me better than that, really, if you think I could do this on my own you’re giving me too much credit. After all, it was your idea to play there, in that land Beyond the Gate.
I still can’t quite tell if you were trying to make me understand your plight and know that I had grown up safely in a good life, or if you wanted me to help. Either way, with the roles reversed it seems much more apparent that I don’t have a problem giving up everything I have for you.
And that’s How I’ve always been. - End
I would very much like comments and critiques.